A DISTINCTIVE CLANG danced on the wind as a swift breeze moved the metal tubes of a wind chime hanging from the corner of the patio. Tori loved the deep, soothing sound.
Laying her head on the high back of a wicker rocker, she swayed forward and back and enjoyed the quiet early morning—her favorite time of the day. The natural rhythm of life at the Villa started daily at the crack of dawn and went full bore until late afternoon when everyone scattered, and the siesta took over.
But here in the soft morning air of another beautiful summer day in Arizona, she found the Zen her heart and soul craved.
Snuggled with his head on her shoulder and his chubby body curled on her chest was her beautiful, beautiful child. The occasional sound of binky sucking was all she heard, as she bent her head and breathed him in. Could anything compare to the smell of a baby? She doubted it.
Kissing Daniel’s forehead, Tori sighed. Her son was a gift, an enchantment she never saw coming. Until he was born and lying safely in her arms, she wasn’t aware of the fierce, protective instinct lurking inside her.
“I’m so blessed,” she whispered into her son’s curls.
The rocker slowly swayed. Daniel snoozed; his adorable baby hands folded together in front of him as though he prayed. The corners of her mouth lifted in a smile. Holy crap balls, she was a mom! A year and a half ago, she was a freefalling, emotional mess. Her life was in the shitter, and until a geeky veteran with an impressive and exclusive security agency rescued her by way of a personal favor to her mother, Tori hadn’t a clue what to do with herself.
Alex Marquez, nerd kind extraordinaire, became not just her boss, but in every way it mattered, he was also something of a surrogate for the father she’d lost as a young girl. She’d walk through a hail of gunfire for the man and not only because he saved her in so many ways it was impossible to count. The man was, simply put, one of the most honorable, decent, and loyal human beings she’d ever known. He was a lot like her dad.
And if it hadn’t been for Big Daddy—she snickered at the reminder of one of Alex’s many nicknames—she would never have met a certain notorious playboy with the romance novel name and fallen ass over stilettos for the guy.
Draegyn St. John. Jeez. Just thinking about him and saying his name made a tingling thrill shoot up her spine.
And then the thrill vanished—poof—in the blink of an eye like a bubble floating in the heat of the sun. Tori became instantly agitated when a knot of anxiety invaded her calm.
Draegyn.
She didn’t know what was going on with him, and her persistent apprehension about their confusing situation was taking a toll.
Daniel was six months old, and according to the new Hollywood post-pregnancy scale, she had not only lost all the baby weight, but she’d also kept going and had become dangerously thin.
It wasn’t by design, though. She hadn’t set out to prove anything to anybody. She’d been through a wretched pregnancy and a scary birth. Honestly, she was just grateful to be in one piece.
Shifting the baby’s weight, she settled more comfortably in her rocker. Pretending it didn’t bother her that she’d lost her appetite and barely ate enough to sustain a bird was stupid. But acknowledging something and doing anything about it was not the same thing.
The crazy mood swings and strange status of her relationship with her husband were at the center of her issues, and she hardly knew what to do.
Loving Draegyn as she did, it confused and scared her that throughout the difficult days of her pregnancy and after Daniel’s birth, things had changed between them. Oh, he still loved her. She didn’t doubt that. Not really. In public, he was as he’d always been with her. Attentive. Loving. Respectful. Not only that, but he was also fully engaged as a father and bent over backward to see to her comfort.
All great. Not a complaint in the bunch. But loving, attentive, and respectful wasn’t who she married. At least, not when they were behind closed doors. The man she fell for was arrogant, impetuous, and double-oh-badass. That man swept into the room, picked her up, and slammed her against the wall so he could take her with the savage ferocity she craved.
Nowadays, their sexy times were fine, she guessed. After a bumpy start post-pregnancy, they fell into a kind of ho-hum intimacy. Oh sure, he still loved her into a coma and saw to her every need, but she also knew he was holding back. The loving was great, so where the hell was her complaint?
Simple. She wanted her double-oh-badass back. Wanted to be hunted and consumed by his voracious sexual appetite, not loved attentively with an extra helping of respect. Was she crazy for wanting him to smack her ass, yank her hair, and fuck the sense from her? Damn. She couldn’t remember the last time he’d thrown her on the floor where she stood, pushed her head down, and pulled her ass up for a delicious pounding that ended in grunts and screams. Not the controlled growls and mewling whimpers of late.
Talk about confused and confusing. Tori simply didn’t get it. What changed? Sure, they had a kid now but what the hell. Didn’t matter what she did either. They used to shower together. Call it whatever you want—saving water, shower time fun—but even that changed. The last time she surprised her sexy hubs in the shower, he’d been more than eager to get frisky. Right up until the second he freaked the fuck out because taking a shower and having a condom at the ready weren’t compatible.
Tori’s heart did a little fluttery thing, and her stomach knotted painfully. Draegyn’s dogged insistence they practice painstaking birth control was a sign of something troubling. She was sure of it. But a sign of what?
Damn. It sure would help if Irish were around. Meghan had a way about her that cut through the extraneous bullshit like a hot knife slicing butter. Tori missed her friend. The newlyweds had been gone way too fucking long—a bitchy thought she instantly regretted. The happy groom and his radiant bride had more than earned an extended stay in Spain at the rustic finca Alex’s parents gave them for a wedding present. After all, being Big Daddy and Lady Mama to the motley crew making up Family Justice was a full-time job and then some. Getting away from Arizona for a time wasn’t a bad thing. Not at all.
Daniel began to stir in her arms. His morning catnap was running out of steam. Soon, her mother would be at the door full of smiles and a joyous enthusiasm for life. She could talk to her, she supposed.
It took her less than a second to nix that idea. Her mom was in deep, deep happy land at the moment, and Tori didn’t want to do anything to rock the boat. It was a rare pleasure for an adult child to watch while their widowed parent, who raised her alone and whom she loved like crazy, got swept off her feet and fell in love. Calder Dane somehow managed to turn her powerhouse mom into a giggling, blushing schoolgirl. Seeing the lovebirds together was pure pleasure. Her mom deserved to be happy, and Tori wasn’t going to do anything to encroach on that.
So where did that leave her? Meghan was on the other side of the world. Her mom was knee-deep in love. There was Lacey, of course. Lacey would always be her first sister. They were both new moms and shared practically everything. But whining to her about Draegyn’s birth control bullying felt wrong.
The sound of Daniel working his binky like a champ signaled he was waking from his short snooze. She rubbed her hand up and down his little back and breathed him in again. When his head popped up like a jack-in-the-box, she had to chuckle. His sleepy eyes and goofy grin with the camo-themed binky hanging from his mouth was the cherry on top of the whipped cream of her day. When he yawned and a shiver rippled through his body, she hugged him tight.
Her son’s warm brown hair with the honey-dipped highlights curled around his face drawing her fingers to the soft waves. “Well, hey there, sleepyhead,” she cooed. “How’s Mama’s big boy?”
Gray-blue eyes that sometimes looked silver crinkled at the corners when he grinned like only a baby could. Slapping a hand on her chest, he quickly bent and rubbed his face on her shirt. He stayed there a few seconds while Tori snuggled him tight. She hoped they were always like this as the years went by.
And then his head popped up again; she saw the devil twinkling in his eyes, and just like that, the catnap was over. Big D was up and would soon be raring to go.
A warm, dry breeze blew through and got the wind chime clanging. Daniel’s head swung to check out the noise. I want another baby, she thought. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon. Tori trembled slightly—shocked by her drifting thoughts. Coming out of nowhere, the yearning for another child hit her hard, quickly followed by concerns about her husband’s unsettling behavior.
Did Draegyn want more kids? Sheesh—it wasn’t as if they had ever talked about it. Hell, communication skills weren’t exactly their forte. No, not them. From the second she and the notorious womanizer first set eyes on one another, they snarled and threw fire bolts at each other. Tori thought him an arrogant butthead despite his swoon-worthy good looks. And him? Well, he caught her red-handed hiding behind a dowdy nerd-girl performance that enraged the holy hell out of him.
After that, it was off-the-charts sex—whenever and wherever—which inevitably led to them waking up one morning in Vegas after an alcohol-fueled night of fun to discover they were married. Being Mrs. St. John came in second for shock value after she learned their antics resulted in a pregnancy.
And him? Jesus lord. Draegyn was almost the death of her. The man could fuck up a well-rehearsed scene like nobody’s business. Where women were concerned, all his instincts were just wrong. Getting some sanity back into her life had seemed like such a grand plan back then.
Tori wiggled in the rocker when she remembered how awful it was to leave him. But she had to. He had behaved like a dick—publically—and she simply refused to live life forever looking over her shoulder for whichever horny female had him in her sights.
The knot in her stomach tightened. Women flocked to her husband like bees to flowers. His badass swagger and that double-oh-trouble thing he had going on meant heads turned wherever he went. And not just with the ladies. Tori wasn’t completely ignorant of the guys who made no secret of their feelings either.
The man also wasn’t going to be less attractive as he got older. On the contrary—he was on the climb to forty, and if the drooling behavior of some of the female recruits at the agency was any indication, age didn’t matter when it came to Draegyn.
She wanted to spend her life with this man. Flaws and all. But between the whirlwind way they got together, her bailing, him moving heaven and earth to get her back, a grueling pregnancy, and a less-than-simple birth, plus the ups and downs of life on a daily basis, they’d never once discussed the future. She had no idea if he wanted more kids.
Daniel was working the binky, pulling it out of his mouth with his chubby fingers and trying to put it back. His aim wasn’t always the best, though. He was sitting up on her lap now—mimicking the chair’s movement by rocking his bottom. “Ma,” he gurgled happily. “Ma-ma.”
Her heart exploded with love. Finding the whole ‘mama’ thing irresistible, she’d adopted her mother’s endearing Southern twang, which seemed to be rubbing off on her son. How damn funny was that?
“Ma-ma,” he babbled over and over. Eventually, the binky went sailing through the air, landing in the dirt at the foot of the patio steps. Her boy had quite the pitching arm.
Not even sitting in the shade was enough to keep the intense summer heat at bay. Having almost twenty pounds of baby plastered to her wasn’t helping either. Time for them to move inside and start getting ready for the day. Their morning respite was over.
Shifting Daniel’s body, she slung him on her hip as she stood and walked toward the doors. “Mom Mom’s coming,” she exclaimed brightly. “Let’s get you dressed, big guy, and sunscreen slimed.” Her son laughed and smiled. Above all, she and Draegyn created a magnificent child. Daniel Alexander St. John was going to change the world someday. She was sure of it.
All of a sudden, Raven came bounding around the side of the house and scrambled up the patio. Stupid dog. The second Daniel fell asleep, she’d snuck away—not that Tori had to wonder where she went. If the baby was awake, the golden Labrador was on duty nearby. Heaven help the poor fool who didn’t pass muster because the overprotective canine was a force to be reckoned with.
But when Daniel was offline, asleep, or out of the house, the ornery mutt pretty much stalked the front driveway waiting for Daddy to come home. Like every other damn female on the planet, even their dog was enamored and made stupid by the St. John charm.
Tori opened the door and kicked it wider as the dog swept by. It reminded her of the guys when they were on assignment. How they checked for safety and security first. Raven scooted about the first floor, and when she satisfied that no threats lurked, she joined Tori in the kitchen as she sat the baby in his seat and set about washing his face and hands.
Reaching down, she stroked the dog’s head. “Good girl.”
And then, fuck. Two simple words were enough to send her into a downward spiraling funk. Good girl. Draegyn used to say that to her. His husky growl invaded her mind. “That’s my good girl. Just a little bit more.”
What the hell was up with her husband? Why was their lovemaking so restrained? Was he bored? Unsatisfied? Unhappy?
None of that seemed likely. He’d proven himself a wonderful father. He was present, engaged, and involved. Shit, sometimes she had to push him to go to work instead of spending his days immersed in daddy duty.
Outwardly, his commitment to her and their family hadn’t changed. He was loving and concerned about her all the damn time.
But the man in her bed wasn’t the man she yearned for. She was sick and tired of the paint-by-number sex and the way he kept himself in check. Enough was fucking enough. She had to find out what the hell was going on before the worry and doubt ate her alive.