“Christmas at home?” I stared at Nadia, dumbfounded.

She nodded. “They’ll be coming back from Scotland soon, so that means we need to get you on your feet.”

As much as I wanted to see everyone—especially Ace and Aiden after everything that happened—I wanted to see Nova more. I promised her I’d be back. She had to have thought I’d just told her that so leaving her would be easier.

“Nadia, I don’t want to go to Alabama,” I said, bracing myself for an argument.

She helped me up from my bed. Once I was on my feet with her arm around me, she said, “I thought you’d be happy to go home for Christmas.”

I would have been, had it not been for the fact I’d left my heart in Alaska. It took all of my strength to stay upright and put one foot in front of the other. I had no idea how long it would take for me to be back at full strength, let alone to be able to walk again without assistance.

“Her grandmother passed,” Nadia said, causing me to stumble.

I felt sick. “When?”

“Right after we came back from Mongolia,” Nadia answered, halting as I put my hand out and caught the wall.

“I need to go to Alaska,” I said.

Anger burned through me. I’d left her when she’d needed me the most. I wasn’t going to wait any longer than I had to. Nova had to be going through hell. Whether she wanted me there or not, I was still going.

“The facility isn’t ready yet,” Nadia said as I pushed off the wall and wavered until I regained my balance.

“I still have a house there… or at least Nova does,” I answered.

“It was sold,” Nadia said.

“What?” I jerked away from her and landed hard against the wall. My hand shot out in front of me. My meaning clear—don’t touch me. “What do you mean the house was sold? What about Nova? She lived there. Are you telling me that it was sold right out from underneath her?”

Nadia sighed. “You should know better than to ask that.”

I snorted. “I should know better than a lot of things, but that doesn’t mean I do. What happened with Nova? Where is she?”

“She’s safe, Eli. And she’s finally got her life back. She’s doing what she wants to do,” Nadia answered.

I gave her the sternest look I could muster. “That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Why?” she asked, scrutinizing me.

“What do you mean, why?” Was she set on confusing me?

“Why do you want to know where she is?” she asked, crossing her arms as she waited.

“Uh, I don’t know, maybe because I’m worried about her. She’s my friend, and I promised I’d go back to Alaska when the Siberia mission was over. Only the Siberia mission ended up getting me killed.” I paused, sucking in a sharp breath. “Did you tell her? Does she think I’m dead?”

I clenched my fist against my stomach and fought to stay upright as I waited for her to answer.

She uncrossed her arms. Moving to the other side of the hallway, she leaned against the wall with a soft sigh. “They all think your dead, Eli, because we weren’t positive you could be brought back.”

I slid down the wall, head hanging as I tried to catch my breath and will my erratic heart to slow. Words were impossible at the moment.

“We didn’t do it to hurt anyone. We did it so that if it didn’t work, we weren’t hurting them all over again,” Nadia explained.

Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes, and I let them fall. I let her see what her admission did to me.

“That’s why they’re coming back here before all of you head out to Alabama. They need to know you’re alive,” Nadia said, pulling her knees up and hooking her arms around them.

“And Nova?” I asked.

“Nova will be coming with them,” she said, smiling at me.

“She’s with them? But you said—”

“No, I didn’t say. You only heard what you wanted to hear. Yes, I kept the information from you, but only so I could find out how you really feel about her. You love her, don’t you?” Nadia asked.

I dashed the tears away and wished I had the strength to crawl over to where she was so I could wring her neck for putting me through all the unnecessary bullshit in order to get to the bottom of how I felt. “How can I want to throttle you and still care about you at the same time?” I blew out a long breath. “Yes, I love her. Satisfied?”

Nadia popped up from the floor and came to stand in front of me. She put her hands out. Once I was on my feet, she said, “I’ve never been so scared in my life. Never take a bullet for me again.”

I put my arm around her waist and gave her a light squeeze that felt more like a spasm. “Deal. As long as you don’t tell everyone I’m dead and then bring me back again. Being a zombie once over is enough to deal with.”

Nadia laughed. “I think I can agree to that. Can you agree to something for me in return?”

“How about you ask and then I’ll decide if I can agree with it?” I countered, heaving a sigh seeing how close we were to my room.

“It’ll get easier. Each day, you’ll get stronger. Now, let’s get you into bed. After, I’ll tell you what I’d like to ask of you,” she said.

Once my pillows were fluffed up behind me, Nadia sat on the edge of the bed. “What happened to you… Cole bringing you back? That’s, shall we say, uncommon.”

I snorted. “That’s putting it mildly.”

She nodded. “Which means that it would be really hard to explain as well. For the interest of not raising too many questions, I’d like to tell everyone that you were in critical condition and your survival rate was so low that Cole didn’t want to give anyone false hope.”

“You don’t want anyone to know what he did?” It wasn’t a question really, but it had come out sounding like one.

“I think for the sake of keeping what happened a top-secret procedure, it’s best that part remain between us.”

“Who else knows?” I asked.

She shrugged. “Top secret, remember? Do you think you can hold to that agreement? I only ask because something like that isn’t guaranteed to work all the time. The conditions were right for you, but it won’t always be that way. And really, Cole would like for what happened to be kept under the strictest of confidences. Too many things could go wrong if the information were to be leaked.”

I nodded. “I understand. I don’t like lying to them, but I know you wouldn’t ask me if it wasn’t important.”

She smiled, and moved to stand. I grabbed her hand. “For what it’s worth, thanks for coming to my rescue.”

She snorted. “Some rescue, huh?”

“Well, thank you. Regardless of what happened, I’m alive now because of you.”

“Eli, I’ve always thought of you as one of my own. You might not be my flesh and blood, but you’re my son in every other sense of the word. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you… for any of you. Including going into a mission blind. Mothers can be crazy that way,” she said, placing her other hand on top of mine. “Get some rest so we can get you back on your feet before they return.”

When she left, I closed my eyes and tried my hardest to settle my thoughts. There was so much to process. So I focused on each thing Nadia told me. Noni had passed away. Sadness washed over me. The world had lost such a special lady. Nova had to be devastated. She had Stanley at least, but even knowing that didn’t take away the anguish I felt for letting her down. And Stanley had to have been heartbroken. He’d loved Noni, and he’d never been able to tell her.

I couldn’t dwell on it, though. Once I saw Nova again, I’d apologize and hope she’d forgive me for not following through on my promise.

I could understand why the others were sent to Scotland. With all that happened and my own recovery, I’d need the time to wrap my own mind around the details and make peace with them before seeing my friends again. It was one thing to tell a white lie, but the lie I was expected to tell was more than a small one. Having a few days to make sense of it all while it was quiet would help. Because once they made it here, if I didn’t have it all under wraps, I could easily break my word to Nadia without meaning to. One slip up and that would be that.

It was hard enough coming to terms with the fact I’d been dead and Cole had done some voodoo science to bring me back. It was enough to give me the creeping willies if I thought about it too much. I poked at my chest, still tender but healing. I’d carry the scar for the rest of my reborn-again life.

They were going to freak out when they saw me. I knew I would if I’d thought one of them had died and they walked up on me in the hallway. How would Nadia do it? Would they be angry? Or too overwhelmed with happiness to care that they were lied to? What would I be? A little of both, I supposed. I’d find out how they took it soon enough. And then, once the dust was settled, we’d be heading home. Christmas in Alabama would be just the balm to our battered souls.