“Good work today.” Deryl said as he gave Xanathen a hearty slap on the back.

“Work? I didn’t really do anything,” Xanathen sighed.

“What are you talking about? You did plenty!”

“It wasn’t enough.”

“Don’t tell me you’re already feeling bored.”

“Maybe a little. All the things I do, I’m starting to think they’re nothing compared to what I could be doing.”

“So then let’s do those things!”

Xanathen thought about it for a moment. His mind wandered briefly to the idea of shedding his human facade and revealing his true draconic beauty for all the world to see. He wanted to extend his wings and fly into the sky, attempting to cloak the world in shadow with his wingspan.

Xanathen thought of Barry’s heart-broken frowns and pained looks of broken promises. No matter how wide he could spread his wings, Xanathen knew that would be the reaction that waited for him. The very thought of it put a damper on his spirits.

“…I can’t.” Xanathen grumbled quietly, turning his head to face the setting sun.

“Kinda stupid to bring these things up and not do them.” Deryl replied. “Why can’t you do it? You can tell me. We can make it work.”

“Deryl, no. We wouldn’t be able to make it work. There’s nothing you can do about it.”

“You won’t know if you don’t try.”

“Just believe me. There’s nothing you can do about it,” he shook his head. “I’ll see you later.”

Deryl gave him a swift high five and bid him goodnight as the two went their separate ways.

The baseball field was practically empty except for the wind that rattled the chain link fence. The sand crunched beneath Xanathen’s heavy footsteps. The sky began to turn to a bright shade of scarlet and the winds blew harder.

The field no longer held the same level of excitement it once did. He had longed to finally see this place but it had now become just another location to him. While it was the place where Xanathen was making a success of himself, it no longer felt like the place that fueled his dreams. Instead, the baseball diamond haunted him with dreams of what could be, instead of what he felt his life should actually be. Without Barry to cheer him on, and with the endless amount of people just cheering what he now saw as a facade, the emptiness of it all sank in.

The sound of a brash horn woke him from his stupor, followed by a muffled musical accompaniment. He woke from his trance and looked up to see an old station wagon in the parking lot. As he tilted his head he could see a familiar face behind the steering wheel.

“Hey! Xanathen!” Guy announced pleasantly as he cranked down the passenger window. “It’s me: Guy. Barry sent me out to pick you up. Hop in.”

Xanathen scowled at the sight of Guy. His friendly smile only made him feel all the more bitter. Something about him brought out his territorial side. He felt like swerving to avoid the car and just walking home. It certainly wasn’t impossible. Still, if Barry asked for it, he rolled his eyes and slammed the door behind him as he climbed inside.

“Nice to see you again.” Guy greeted as he turned down the radio and put the car into drive. “We’re gonna get take-out on the way. That cool with you?”

Xanathen said nothing, he simply sat there coldly, in silence, while staring out the window.

It feels like I see you too often as it is, Xanathen thought to himself.

Whenever he and Barry finally had time alone, Guy managed to slide into the conversation. Whether it was some funny picture Guy had sent or some fascinating tidbit Barry learned from him, it felt like Guy was living with them without paying rent.

“Ha. I know, I know. You probably barely remember me. I’m Guy, Barry’s friend.” Guy chuckled as he pulled into the road. “But you didn’t say anything about the take-out. Menus on the dash. I’m sure you’ll get hungry when you read it.”

Xanathen remained silent, clutching the menu tightly while he glanced over at Guy with trepidation. He seemed so cool and casual as he kept his eyes on the road, bobbing his head in time to the music. He felt uncomfortable with someone who seemed to know so much, yet remained so blasé about it. It felt like dealing with someone who was skilled with a blade but felt more content to keep it hidden. You always knew the sword was there and you knew what he was potentially capable of doing with it, but you were always on edge, thinking that he’d somehow use it on you.

Fluffy-headed cretin, Xanathen thought sourly.

“Hey, buddy, I’ll have you know I work very hard to keep my hair like this,” Guy scolded playfully.

Xanathen’s eyes widened with shock.

Guy turned off the radio as he turned his attention to Xanathen. “I don’t like this song anyways. Am I reading your mind? Bingo, buddy. Now that we’ve established that fact this conversation should go a little smoother.”

The car remained silent, except for the quiet purr of the traffic around them and the coughing of the station wagon engine. Xanathen sat, nearly crushing the menu into a small crumpled up piece of paper in his big hands. He frantically tried to empty his mind but no sooner had he got rid of one thought than another would immediately take its place. Every thought swirling round inside his head gave him a paranoid feeling that he was being examined and he silently begged to have his mind to himself again.

“Here I thought you’d be a bit more talkative. Never meet your heroes, am I right?” Guy chuckled as he stopped at a red light. “I guess I’ll start then. I know you’re a dragon. How do I know this? I’m a dragon, too. Small world right?”

The car lurched forward as the light turned green. Xanathen remained silent while trying desperately to keep his mind empty. It was hard for him to do. His mind was his own sanctuary, the place where he kept his thoughts to himself but that wasn’t the case anymore. His muscles tensed instinctively in preparation. Still, he remained silent as the menu crumpled to nothing and fell to the floor.

“Still nothing? Ugh. Most people want a mind-reader, and then the moment you’re actually a mind-reader it’s all secrets and closed lips,” Guy shook his head. “Alright. I’m game. Hmm. I’m guessing you want proof. Well, I’m very impressed you took down an elder dragon. Especially since you’re only a young whelp. That’s impressive. I’m not just trying to blow smoke up your ass either. Most elders can’t beat other elders. I can only imagine how strong you’re gonna get in the next hundred years or so.”

Xanathen’s muscles eased slightly as his curiosity increased with each sentence Guy spoke. Even if he was a mind-reader it still gave rise to all sorts of questions while only answering a few. He had never had anyone put his accomplishments into context like that. The only other person who knew was Barry, and he only knew what he saw and from what little Xanathen had told him. Xanathen’s interest was piqued.

“I mean, that is if you’re allowed to actually practice your craft,” Guy continued.

“What do you mean?” Xanathen finally spoke up.

“Ah. There we are. A response,” Guy smirked. “Well, let’s be real here. It’s hard to be a dragon among men, yeah? Always keeping it a secret, on the downlow…that’s kinda depressing, isn’t it? It’s forcing you to be someone, something you’re not. Keep that up and what are you? At best: a wingless dragon with meaty fingers. Not much of a dragon, if you want my honest opinion.”

“Hey, wait. What about you?” Xanathen’s gold eyes flickered. “You’re disguised too!”

“You’re right. But I admit, I’m not strong like you,” Guy said. “Potential isn’t wasted by me being here, living among the humans.”

Xanathen felt an odd connection for a moment. It had been centuries since his heritage wasn’t brought into question. Even if he was annoyed just being around Guy, Xanathen felt a sense of relief just having his true nature understood without explanation.

He looked down at his hands at the mention of power and let a soft pink light ebb from his fingertips. The display glowed softly and twisted around itself while Xanathen examined it absentmindedly. He knew it was a natural gift but he felt it was nothing in comparison to his brute strength. The strength of his physical body allowed him to toss things and run with a skill the world never saw. Xanathen’s illusions didn’t move trees or deflect blunt objects. He was a master at fooling people into seeing things that weren’t there and to him that was not real strength.

The light was extinguished as he closed his hands.

“Potential?” Xanathen said. “I mean, sure, I’m strong. But if you’re talking about my magic, it’s just illusions. It doesn’t really do anything.”

“I know. That’s the power of your clan,” Guy said. “Every clan’s got something they’re good at. Fun thing about illusions? If you’re good enough they start becoming real. I’m sure you’ve noticed that, right?”

Xanathen paused as he stared down at the menu, his eyes focusing on the beef ramen bowl. Some of his illusions became, for a moment, completely solid. The menu, no longer a crumpled mess on the floor, now sat untouched in his hands. He often wondered what would happen if he continued to train without hesitation. He contemplated the amount of potential his magic had.

“I’m nothing special,” Guy continued. “But you? You could be off perfecting your craft instead of, you know…doing piddly magic shows? You could be doing something really big. Changing the world even. You can’t change the world with some dinky prestidigitations.

Besides. Wouldn’t it be great to be among your own kind for a change? From what I hear, you’re the last of your clan.”

“Who told you that?” Xanathen snapped.

“You did, silly. Your mind’s just bubbling away in your head. You’re basically tossing your thoughts at me.”

Xanathen simmered for a moment. “I am the last of my clan, yes.”

“Sorry about that. Terrible shame. But…wouldn’t you like to be around other dragons for a change? Sure, they’re not your clan, but they could be—”

“Wait, what are you talking about?” Xanathen’s asked.

They drove on as the sun set, throwing the world into darkness. The reflections of the streetlights danced on the hood of the car, the light strobing gently on their faces. The car seemed to go faster than it was going before, pressing Xanathen back into his seat while Guy continued to drive.

“Oh there I go again. I got excited and jumped ahead.” Guy ran his hand through his hair with a sheepish laugh. “It happens, y’know? Oh, did you decide on what you want? I usually go for the pork, but—”

“Who can be my clan?” Xanathen asked.

“Right, right,” his smile faded a little. “Xanathen, I wanted to make you an offer. And before you answer, hear me out.”

His left hand held the steering wheel as his right hand snapped out to Xanathen like a hostile spider. His long fingers clamped around Xanathen’s forehead tightly. Xanathen groaned a little and began to pull himself away, waving his arms violently until they went limp. He knew he was supposed to be in the car but his eyes were filled with visions of the sky.

He felt himself soaring through the air with his wings extended. He spiraled through the wisps of clouds above the endless blue sea as land began to draw nearer. Rolling green mountains and hills filled his vision and their natural beauty enticed him to land. The wind whistled past his face while he gracefully danced in the air and made his way to the ground.

The cramps in his wings, so used to being folded up within him, were gone. All of the knots in his body were a thing of the past. Xanathen felt as agile and powerful as he had once felt. It took being in disguise for so long for him to realize how freedom really felt. He wanted to hug himself and never let the feeling go. He swore he would never take the feeling for granted again.

“So across the sea is a clan of dragons. My clan, to be specific,” Guy’s voice delicately weaved its way through the world and into Xanathen’s head, comfortably talking to him in his thoughts.

When he slunk along the ground he swung his tail as wildly and as openly as he could. He caught a glimpse of faded brass beginning to emerge. Fellow dragons lifted their heads from the shadows on long, craning necks and looked at him with round eyes filled with admiration.

He trotted forward, faster now that he was among fellow dragons, their circle opened wide to receive him warmly. He felt his heart grow giddy as the fellow dragons around him grew close and roared out in welcome, some even inviting him nonverbally to spar. His entire being swelled with pride as the elder dragons in the distance looked down at him with a regal stare and smiled with acceptance.

He bound across the land with the long, elegant creatures, joining in their swift gallop as they playfully nipped at each other. The air around him filled with the sound of grunts and roars erupting from every dragon.

“They’ve been waiting for me for quite some time. I’m a bit of a hero to them. But I’m no hero. I admit, I gave up my lust for home a long time ago.” Guy said. “That’s where you come in. You can live with them. Be with fellow dragons. Live the life you’re supposed to.”

Xanathen could feel the grass pressed under his scaly back as he tossed himself backwards and let the sun warm his soft underbelly. The other dragons circled him and continuously welcomed him. The air smelled sweet, like an intoxicating elixir. He felt numb to everything else that existed in the world.

“It’s simple, really. I can easily show you how to get there,” Guy said. “You, with your illusory talents, can just go in my place. It’s not ideal, but stay with them for a while and I know they’ll accept you as one of their own. My clan aren’t fighters. Prove your worth and you’ll be forgiven for the initial charade. That’ll be an easy job for you.”

Xanathen continued to wriggle on the soft grass until a sudden thought sent him shooting forward in his seat and jettisoned him out of the beguiling thoughts. He was back in Guy’s car. Guy’s hand still held tight to Xanathen’s forehead and moved with him.

“I can’t do that,” Xanathen said. “What about Barry?”

Xanathen felt his eyes roll back into his head and the vision faded to a foggy white. He felt like he was hanging in complete nothingness, floating in the ether. His vision flooded with images of he and Barry together, flooding past him rapidly. It began at the beginning, on the tropical isle he once called home.

“I know you love Barry. I’ll never doubt that,” Guy said. “But look at all of this and maybe you’ll notice it too.”

On the white shores of the beach Xanathen and Barry were all alone and seemed happy. Time appeared to streak by. They lay in each other’s arms for hours. They laughed and embraced each other with wild abandon. Of course Xanathen noticed that they were happier when they were together on the island, away from society. But the visions grew more rapid and he gasped quietly as he noticed one other little thing. The faster the visions flew by, the more he noticed the small wistful sighs as Barry looked out over the sea. He noticed the forlorn looks as he thought about his home.

He remembered how he tried so hard with his magic, sloppily trying to recreate the world Barry knew, trying to make him feel more comfortable. His body ached when he thought of the amount of magic he had controlled just to bring a smile to Barry’s lips, knowing in the end it wasn’t enough. He almost gagged as he thought of Barry choosing to sail the ocean alone, trying to get home.

“Take it from someone who’s been there,” Guy said. “You can love something or someone that’s not right for you.”

The fight with the elder dragon flashed by but Xanathen paid it no heed. The heavy realization was weighing on his mind, holding him down. He had attempted to keep Barry prisoner. Barry wasn’t meant for a life among dragons.

His mind flipped to thoughts of life in the city among the humans, flooded with memories of the loving embraces and playful banter. All of the sweet kisses couldn’t block out the empty feeling of being stuck home alone for so long, in a world that wouldn’t understand him. Despite wanting to understand it he knew he never would, and the world would never understand him. All of the love they had for each other couldn’t get rid of the tainted memories that continued to assault him.

“Both of you are from different worlds. You both want different things in life. And that’s okay,” Guy said. “You can’t give yourself to someone if you’re not a whole person. You can take your experiences and move on. Learn. Grow. But don’t stay somewhere that’s not right for you.’

All the frustrations, the fights, the aggravation came to a head. All Xanathen could see was the anger both himself and Barry had felt. He remembered how stupidly he had acted, his own pride causing so much grief. No matter what he or Barry did, the other would ultimately suffer, one way or another. He looked at the visions with tear-stricken eyes, but no matter how tightly he closed them the memories continued to fly past. He felt himself tremble and gave a loud shout, clawing at his own eyes.

Suddenly he was back in the car again. The images had stopped. There was just the parking lot of a take-out Thai restaurant, the murky beachside, and Guy. Guy’s smile had faded a little but seemed more genuine than before. He had a knowing look as he patted Xanathen on the shoulder. Xanathen’s chest heaved as he stared down at his feet where the crumpled menu was. He grabbed it and looked it over.

The world felt still, just for a moment. There was a bit of clarity, as cruel as it was. Xanathen closed his eyes tight, held back his tears and gathered himself together.

“Hey. Know what you want?” Guy asked.

“…Yeah,” he replied as he pointed to the menu.

It had been a long day on the base for Barry. It was filled with seemingly endless drills and tests, making sure he was in peak physical condition and that his know-how of flying was still at its top. When he wasn’t actually doing his job it seemed like his job was just being tested for how well he would do off base. No matter how well he proved he could do it he would be asked to show how good he was until the day he failed, it seemed.

His body ached a little when he swung open the apartment door. His mind raced to think of all the things he’d need to take care of, like what to make for dinner, doing the laundry and so on. They were all incredibly mundane things that made him groan.

He was sure he would be bombarded with tales of what happened with Deryl, and all the escapades of the baseball field. Maybe he managed to make a fire as big as the field this time and all the people online were yammering about how real it seemed. Barry braced himself for it, though he honestly did look forward to Xanathen’s enthusiasm. At the end of the day he knew he felt Xanathen’s unbridled passion was endearing and he wished he had that kind of energy.

The apartment was completely silent. He scanned the dark room and flicked on the lights. So much for Xanathen’s stories. He must still have been out and about. Barry was a little disappointed but he dropped his things on the table and made himself comfortable.

He had grown used to the emptiness of the apartment at some point. Some nights Xanathen wouldn’t come home till late and then he’d be dying to share his day. Roaring with laughter, he would gently shake Barry awake to tell him all the incredible things he’d done. Barry felt a creeping sickness in his stomach. He wasn’t a superstitious guy but for some reason something felt off. This didn’t feel like a regular quiet home alone evening, though he couldn’t put his finger on what exactly was wrong.

Barry waited patiently for something, anything, and watched TV to keep himself occupied. He didn’t know what he was expecting and he had no reason to be on the watch for anything specific, except there was that nauseous feeling in the pit of his stomach that hinted something was wrong. He wasn’t going to listen to it. It was just another typical night. He decided to let Xanathen have his fun.

Hours rolled by until it was very late and Barry felt himself growing weary. He shook off the uncomfortable paranoia still sitting in his guts and filed the evening away as just a bad end to the day. He made his way to the bedroom to get ready for bed.

He turned on the lights and his eyebrows rose as he found a pile of crumpled papers surrounding the bed. One sheet of paper lay neatly in the center. Barry approached the bed, his stomach sinking like a ton of lead and the earlier feeling of dread returned with a vengeance.

He investigated the crumpled mass of discarded papers first. They were all covered in scrawled, mad scribbles of ink. He could make out some of the letters but not enough to piece together a coherent sentence. He felt himself tense up as he sat down on the edge of the bed and read the only legible note.

Dear Barry,

I’m sorry.

You’re a man. I’m a dragon. We have different needs in life.

If I waited for you to get home, you would have talked me into staying. We’d be good for a while and then we’d just get upset again. You need someone who can agree with your way of living. I’ve made you miserable for a long time. You deserve better.

Despite everything, I will always have the fondest memories of you and hold you close to my heart. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for introducing me to this wild new world. I just know I’m not meant to be a part of it.

I will love you forever.

Goodbye.

Xanathen

The note trembled in Barry’s hands as he held it. The letters began to smudge and became illegible as his tears splattered onto the paper. He felt drained, completely empty as he crumpled the paper tightly in his hands.

Barry felt he should have seen this coming. He was surprised it didn’t happen sooner, but it still threw him off guard. He had hoped it would never happen.

He melted into the blankets and cradled the nearest pillow, burying his face in it. For hours he sobbed into the sheets, starting at the slightest noise outside, but the doors never swung open. He didn’t hear anything from anyone except the echo of that silent goodbye.