CHAPTER 29

EMERY

She turned off the lights.

She never did that—not once in all the times we’d been together.

When darkness cloaked the room, I didn’t ask her why because I already knew. Our connection was too deep, and seeing it reflected in my eyes would be too much for her. Too emotional. Too painful.

Fine. If she didn’t want to see it, I’d just make sure she felt it instead.

I took my time with her.

Slow.

Gentle.

Sweet.

Every time she tried to take control, I snatched it back.

Letting out a tortured moan, she clawed at my ass, the dig of her fingernails begging me to go faster. I didn’t.

I grabbed her hands and pinned them above her head before continuing the painfully slow rhythm of my hips.

“Emery, Emery, Emery,” she chanted my name like a prayer.

A quick glance at the clock on the nightstand told me we’d been going at it like this for forty-five minutes. Sweat slicked our bodies. We were both panting and shaking with the need for release.

But I didn’t want it to end yet. I was drawing it out on purpose, wanting to savor every second with her.

Outside in the parking lot, someone started up their car and the headlights hit the window, throwing light into the room. In the dim glow, I saw wetness on Estelle’s eyelashes, but I wasn’t sure if it was sweat or tears.

“I love you.” I kissed her nose. “I love you.” Her forehead. “I love you.”

A tear slipped down her temple. Fuck.

She’d been right to turn the lights off. Because the eye contact was too much, and seeing her fall apart wrecked me.

Gazing down at her unfocused eyes, I kissed her lips so softly I almost didn’t feel it.

She bit me.

I definitely felt that. It wasn’t hard enough to draw blood, but the slight pain sent a jolt straight to my cock.

I let out a growl and kissed her harder, finally giving in as I pounded hard.

Deep.

Fast.

“Come inside me,” she gasped. “Please. I want to feel it.”

That was a line we hadn’t crossed yet. Although we hadn’t bothered with condoms since our literal slipup the other day, I always pulled out.

I had never come inside of a woman bare before. I’d never been in love with anyone.

Estelle was the owner of so many of my firsts. And I wanted her to have every other first I had left to give.

I circled her clit, determined to get her off before I did. She was so close that it didn’t take much. Her snug walls gripped my dick as she let out a moan.

My balls tightened and I buried myself as deep inside her as I could, my cum shooting in hot spurts. I fought the urge to close my eyes because I wanted to watch the ecstasy on Estelle’s face as I filled her up.

“I can feel it,” she breathed out. “So good.”

Groaning, I rested my forehead against hers as I tried to slow my racing heart.

I stayed inside Estelle for a minute while I kissed her and wiped her tears away with my thumbs.

After I pulled out, I rolled onto my back and wrapped my arms around my girl. Enjoying the feel of her in my arms. Soaking up the time we had left. Wishing tomorrow would never come.

We’d been lying there for so long, I thought she’d fallen asleep.

“I love you, too,” Estelle whispered into the darkness, her fingers curling into my chest.

God, I needed to hear that. Needed it like I needed air. But hearing it only amplified the emotions I already felt. Could she feel my heart thundering under her palm?

“We can make it work,” I told her confidently.

She didn’t say anything for a long time. “I don’t want to lie to you.”

“So don’t.”

“If I say I think we can make it work, I’d be lying.”

Ouch. “Think about it?”

I felt her nod. “Falling in love with each other was never part of the plan.”

“I know.”

“I blame you entirely.”

“That’s fine.”

“All I wanted was to get help finding homes for the cats. You’ve ruined everything,” she said petulantly, but I felt her lips tilt up against my skin.

“I could say I was sorry, but I don’t want to lie to you either.”

She lifted her head. “Why do you have to be so good? Why couldn’t you have been a douche like I originally thought?”

I didn’t think she expected me to answer those questions, so instead I asked one of my own. “Is it because you don’t trust me? Because I’d never mess around on you. I’m not like that.”

“No.” Estelle propped herself up on her elbows. “That’s not it at all. I do trust you, Emery.”

“Well, what is it then?”

“I’m just so tired of being alone,” she quietly spoke one of her fears.

The weight of her confession hung in the air like a heavy cloud. Because even if we continued our relationship, she’d be alone most of the time. I wouldn’t be able to give her the physical presence she wanted.

Still, the thought of letting her go so she could be with someone else made me feel sick.

“Will you think about it? We can decide at Thanksgiving. See what it’s like to live apart for a few weeks. Please,” I begged, not even trying to hide the desperation.

I needed her to give us a chance.

I remembered what my dad said to me at our visit earlier—that I was his greatest something.

Well, Estelle was mine. She was it for me and I needed her to know it.

“You’re my greatest something,” I told her, my voice thick with emotion.

“What?”

As I idly toyed with her fingers, I told her about my dad and how that was his thing. How he always wanted to know the best parts of my life. How I wanted to say that to my kids someday on their first day of kindergarten, their last day of high school, and all their most important moments.

“So it doesn’t matter how far apart we are,” I said, squeezing her hand. “Wherever I am, you’ll still be my greatest something.”

“Emery,” she whispered shakily. I suspected she was crying again and that wasn’t what I wanted.

“Shh, baby. It’s gonna be okay.”

“We can try it,” she said, placing her head on my shoulder. “Just for these next few weeks. Let’s see how it goes. It’ll be like we’re on pause.”

“No, not on pause. Never on pause, okay?”

“It’s just…” Estelle absentmindedly drew circles on my pecs. “Give me some space for a few days to think.”

“You mean, you don’t want me to call or anything?” I asked, and I felt her nod. My heart clenched beneath her hand, but I had to respect her wishes. “Okay. If that’s what you want.”

“Right now, there’s something else I want.” Her tone was a little playful as her fingers slowly drifted down my stomach.

Now that was something I could give her.