Present Day

“I’m Ashtyn Valor. Thank you for watching. Have a good night, Chicago.”

I gave a slight nod as I smiled warmly and drew a heart on the paper next to me as though I had something important to write while I waited for the signal that we were no longer broadcasting.

“And we’re clear.” People started to move as the live broadcast ended.

My news studio was a little different from your standard local news station. Typically, newsrooms had the same anchors report the five, six and ten o’clock news, but we only had a five o’clock and a ten o’clock broadcast, and each time slot had a different anchor.

After I received my master’s degree in journalism, I’d worked my way up until I was the one who reported the news each night. Ideally, I wanted to report the evening news and have the five o’clock slot, but for the last two years I’d worked the nightly news at ten. It gave me enough time to get housework and errands done before I had to report in at four in the afternoons, and it also worked well with my boyfriend’s schedule. Corey was an Air Traffic Controller at O’Hare and worked the night shift, though I worked Monday through Friday and his schedule changed all the time. It didn’t matter. We made it work.

“See you tomorrow,” I said to Mitch, my fellow co-anchor, as I removed my mic.

“Have a good night,” Mitch replied. I stood and started to leave the room.

“Your weekly flowers arrived.” Abby, the closest friend I had at the station, grinned as we passed each other. We were the complete opposite in the looks department but had the same personality. I had blonde hair, she was a brunette. I had green eyes, she had brown. I was also four inches taller than she was.

“If only they were from my actual boyfriend,” I muttered and continued to walk toward my desk. I’d been getting these flowers from a secret admirer for at least a year now. I loved getting them because it brightened up my workspace. I just wished they were from my boyfriend of ten months.

The red roses came into view as I got closer to my desk. Each time they had a note with them from a secret admirer. The first one had read:

The notes had slowly progressed:

And the one last week was borderline creepy:

I pulled out the small card that was sticking out of tonight’s bouquet.

I assumed SA stood for secret admirer. Made sense to me. I took this week’s card, threw it in the trash, and then grabbed my purse and left to go home.

A few days later, Corey was finally going to meet my best friend, Jaime.

Jaime and I had been friends since high school, and given our crazy lives, we’d rarely seen each other since I started dating Corey. It was hard to get together because I worked late nights and spent my weekends with Corey when he wasn’t working. But tonight, we were finally having a double date.

The weather was starting to get a little chilly at night, so I dressed in jeans, a black and pink floral halter blouse, and heels. My long blonde hair was pulled up into a high ponytail, and I put on dangly silver earrings and a necklace set.

I stepped out of my room, ready to go, and saw Corey sitting on my couch watching TV. “Ready?”

He sighed and grabbed the remote, turning off the television. “I guess.”

I stopped walking toward the door. “You don’t want to go?”

“I just don’t see why we need to have dinner with your friends.”

I balked, staring into his hazel eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I’m happy with it just being us.”

“I haven’t seen my friend in months.”

“That’s why I agreed to go in the first place.” He smoothed back his blond hair and grabbed his black jacket, shrugging it on.

“What’s wrong with my friends?” Every time I suggested we do something with my friends, he conveniently had to work.

“Nothing is wrong with them. I just don’t understand why you want to hang out with them.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Why would I be kidding?” He yanked the door open. “I’d just rather stay home and watch the game.”

During baseball season, it was hard to get Corey away from the TV because the Cubs weren’t all that bad nowadays. I thought that would end when the season was over, but then hockey started. Hockey seemed to be a whole new level of addiction for him. Granted, we lived in Chicago and hockey was huge in this town, but Corey never missed a game.

I didn’t have a problem with sports. In fact, I had to know the basics for work. What I had a problem with was that it was Corey’s priority and I wasn’t. On Saturdays when the Cubs had day games, Corey would take me out to dinner. Those were the times I longed for. Now he was being a jerk about meeting my friends for dinner.

“Fine. Forget it.” I turned on my heel and started to walk back to my bedroom to change. I was a few steps away when he spoke.

“No, wait. I’m sorry. I’ll go. Are you wearing that though?”

What. The. Hell? I slowly turned around to face him. “Yes.”

“Don’t you think it shows too much skin?”

My brows furrowed. “I’m wearing jeans.”

“I mean your shoulders.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“I just don’t want people staring at what’s mine.”

I laughed sarcastically. “They’re shoulders!”

Corey’s face started to redden, and then he took a deep breath. “Fine, but grab a jacket.”

“Whatever,” I hissed as I grabbed my leather jacket. I was already planning on it anyway since the weather was crisp.

We didn’t speak as he drove us to the restaurant. I’d never heard of someone not wanting to get to know their significant other’s friends. Maybe after they’d met them and didn’t get along, but not beforehand. However, when we strolled into the restaurant, I put a smile on my face. As soon as I saw Jaime, we rushed to each other and hugged.

“How are you?” I pulled back and looked at her slim body. “You look amazing!”

“Thank you.” Jaime beamed, her hazel eyes glistening from the white decorative lights that hung around the trim of the room. She brushed her blonde hair behind her shoulder. “You too.”

I turned to her husband. He had short, black hair and crystal blue eyes that looked almost exotic. Jaime did good scoring him. I gave him a hug. “It’s good to see you, Chase.”

“You too, Ashtyn,” he said.

“Corey, this is my best friend, Jaime, and her husband, Chase. Guys, this is Corey.”

All three shook hands with each other. We waited a few more minutes to be sat at a table. Corey and Chase talked about sports while Jaime and I caught up about anything and everything. The food was delicious and everything was going okay until the bill came.

“Since it was Ashtyn’s idea to have a date night, it’s only fitting she pays, right?” Corey laughed.

I glared at him, but then quickly smiled and agreed so I didn’t cause a stink. Chase tried to offer to pay, but I waved him off. Corey was right. It was my idea, and I was okay with paying because I made enough to not have to depend on a man.

“I’m Ashtyn Valor. Thank you for watching. Have a good night, Chicago.”

Another week was in the books at work, and another flower delivery arrived on Monday.

When I arrived home that Friday, I was surprised to find Corey there. We didn’t live together, and tonight I thought he had to work, so I wasn’t expecting him for a few more hours.

“Hey,” I greeted, throwing my keys in the dish on the table by the front door.

“Hey,” he replied back, not moving from where he sat on the couch.

“I thought you had to work tonight?” I asked, kicking off my heels.

He rubbed the back of his neck and sat up. “We need to talk.”

My stomach dropped. The dreaded four words that should never form a sentence. I didn’t move as I stared at him waiting for him to continue.

“Fuck,” he sighed. “This is hard, and I don’t want you to freak out.”

I still didn’t move. I couldn’t move. My heart had started to beat uncontrollably, and I was thinking the worst. Did he get fired? Did he want to break-up? Did he cheat on me? Was he sick? The questions swarmed around, but I couldn’t get them out of my mouth as my feet stayed planted across the room from him.

“Sit down.” Corey patted the cushion next to him.

I shook my head. “Just tell me.”

He took another deep breath and turned his head away from me, looking out the fifteenth-story window of my condo. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. It’s time.”

“Time for what?” I wasn’t sure why I asked the question. My gut was telling me the answer already.

“Can you sit down, please?”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “Can you just spit it out?”

Corey groaned. “I saw your Pinterest board. You left it open the other day.”

I blinked, not understanding why Pinterest had anything to do with this. “And?”

“We want different things.” He shrugged.

“Different things? Like I want to make homemade biscuits with almond flour, and you want to make them with all-purpose flour?” I asked sarcastically.

He blinked. “What?”

“I don’t understand how my recipe board or my do-it-yourself Board have anything to do with wanting different things in life.”

“That’s not what I saw.”

“What did you see then?”

“You had a folder or whatever about our imaginary wedding.”

My heart stopped. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Every single woman who wanted to get married had a wedding board. Granted mine was a secret, and I wasn’t engaged, but I had pinned stuff here and there. I wasn’t necessarily planning my wedding with Corey. I was just pinning ideas for when the time came. I never expected Corey to see it.

“I’m confused,” I finally admitted.

“Are you going to make me spell it out?”

“Why is having a wedding board an issue?” We never spoke about getting married. I’d just assumed we were headed down that path since we’d been together for almost eleven months.

“It’s an issue because I don’t want to get married.”

My chest clenched. “To me?”

“Ever,” he stated matter-of-factly.

“So you want to break up?” I whispered.

Corey stood and took a step toward me. I stepped back, and he sighed. “Ash, I don’t want to hurt you, but I think that’s best. We’ve had a good thing going for a few months, but we want different things with our futures.”

“I thought you loved me.” A tear slid down my cheek.

“It was nice while it lasted.” He took another step, not confirming he once told me he did.

I took another step back. “While it lasted?”

He grinned. “You think you’re the only one I’m seeing?”

“What?” I shrieked.

“There are others, Ashtyn.”

“You told me you loved me.”

“I told you what you wanted to hear.”

More tears spilled from my eyes. “This isn’t a game.”

“Isn’t it though?”

“You’re thirty-seven. Wasn’t fucking around what your twenties were for?”

“We can go round and round about this. I’m sorry, but I’m moving on.”

“Get out!” I yelled and went to the door. I swung it open. “Get. Out!”

He grinned at me as he walked to the door. “I’ll call you tomorrow so I can come get my things.”

“You’ll be lucky if I don’t burn them,” I hissed.

“Not your style, baby.”

“Who are you right now?” This wasn’t the guy I’d been dating for the past several months. It was as though I’d been dating a psychopath.

He stopped and turned back around as I stood in the door frame of my condo. “Don’t you get it? I faked everything with you because you’re hot.”

And then he left.

I watched as the door clicked and then I crumpled to the wood floor, more tears sliding down my face as my heart broke in my chest. How was this happening? Why was this happening? A part of me felt as though it was my fault. I’d waited so long to try and settle down. My twenties were for me and my career, and I’d hoped my thirties were for me to start a family.

I was wrong.

Given that it was close to midnight, I crawled in the shower and cried some more. My tears mixed with the soap and water as they all went down the drain and out of my life.

Just like Corey.

After my self-loathing, I threw on my pajamas and cried myself to sleep.

When I woke the next morning, my green eyes were puffy, red, and swollen from all the salty tears and heartache I’d endured the night before. I still couldn’t believe that Corey had broken up with me, or that he’d told me he was just using me because I was good looking.

I fucking hated him.

While my coffee dripped into my mug, I went to the front door and grabbed the morning paper. Even though today was Saturday and I wasn’t working, I still had to keep up with everything going on in the world. I had to live and breathe news. As I glanced at the front page, a part of me expected to see a headline that read:

Breaking News: Ashtyn Valor and Corey Pritchett have called it quits.

But, of course, breakups didn’t make the morning news unless you were famous and I wasn’t. Except in Chicago, I guess, but I was just a local news anchor. In fact, I never spoke much about my dating life in public. I even went to last year’s Chicago/Midwest Emmy Awards alone because he had to work. Or at least that was what he’d told me. Now after everything he said to me, he was probably with another woman.

After my second cup of coffee, my phone buzzed with a text from Corey:

Corey: I was called in to cover for someone this morning. I’ll come over around eight to get my things.

I didn’t text him back.

Instead, I changed into workout clothes, went down to the gym in my building, and ran for thirty minutes straight trying to run my anger out.

At 7:48 that evening, I was showered, dressed in my nicest pair of jeans that Corey always said my ass looked great in, and a black sweater that hung off my shoulder. I wanted him to think I was okay when, in reality, I wasn’t sure if I ever would be. I loved Corey …

Or at least I thought I had.

Could I fall out of love that quickly? It was easier to think so given how angry I was, but at the same time, my heart still hurt.

At 7:55, I went in search of wine. I thought that maybe Corey had drunk the rest at some point, but sitting on my counter was half a bottle. I took out a glass and poured myself a full glass of the burgundy liquid.

At 7:58, I finished the glass and poured myself the remaining wine, this time sipping it as I browsed the internet, staying current with the world news.

At 8:09, there was a knock at my door. Corey still had a key, and I expected him to come in on his own like he always had. I needed to remember to get it from him.

I walked to the door, the wine making me dizzy for a split second, and opened the door to see his handsome face. I mean, his douche of a face. I needed to keep telling myself that he was an asshole. God, I loved his face though. I loved the way his short beard would tickle me between my legs. How I would tug on his blonde hair, moaning as I came. And how his hazel eyes would sparkle in the morning light when he smiled his dimpled smile every Saturday morning.

No! You stop that right now, Ashtyn! I scolded myself inwardly.

“Hi,” he greeted as though nothing had happened the night before.

“Hi?” I narrowed my eyes. “You think I’m happy to see you?”

“I texted you.”

“I don’t give a fuck.”

“Let me get my things, and I’ll be on my way.”

“Give me my key first.”

He dug into his pocket and pulled his keys out. After he took one off the ring, he handed it to me. I tested it in the lock to make sure it was the correct key, and then I reached down and picked up the box I had packed for him. I shoved it into his chest. “Here you go. Goodbye.”

I started to shut the door, but he stopped me. “One last fuck for the road?”

A snort escaped my chest. “Yeah, I’ll give you one last fuck.” I swung my leg back and then forward, hitting him square in the balls. “Fuck you!”

His eyes widened before he dropped the box of his belongings. Some of the contents fell out, so I shoved them out of the way and finally slammed the door. I don’t know how long he groaned outside my door, but at 8:34 I left to go to the liquor store for more wine.

The air seeped into the denim of my jeans. I definitely needed more wine. Enough to numb the pain and the cold. It was late October and at least in the low fifties. And as luck would have it, it was raining. I had no idea the sky had mimicked my crying heart as if it too were heartbroken. It was only fitting that I had left my umbrella in my condo. I was too upset and hurt to care, so I started to walk down the city street in search of the closest liquor store. I walked along the buildings trying to stay under the eaves and out of the rain until I came upon a bar that was a few blocks away from my condo. Since the bar was closer than the liquor store, I changed my mind and decided to go there instead.

What I didn’t know was that decision was going to change my life.