Voices from downstairs wake me from my slumber. I pull on my silky robe over my nightgown and rub the sleep from my eyes, checking my watch. It’s still early. Diana shouldn’t be home so soon, yet I hear her voice amongst others. I hurry to see what the commotion is about. As soon as I make it to Diana’s office, I walk into a scene I wish I could walk right back out of. Anton, my father, several of Vlad’s men, my sister, and Vlad himself are speaking rapidly and all at once. But what has my heart sinking is Diana and Vlad and their proximity. She’s gorgeous as ever in a black evening gown, but over her gown, she wears Vlad’s suit jacket as though she belongs to him. My stomach hollows out. The world expands around me, and I almost feel like I’m floating.
I want to ask what’s happened, but nobody sees or notices me anyway. Apparently, they were attacked at the restaurant. Diana shot someone, and Vlad protected her.
This is happening.
Breathe.
I catch light of the glistening yellow stone on her finger and an ache like I’ve never known opens up in my chest and acid pours in.
Breathe.
They’re engaged.
This is really happening.
My emotions are irrational, and betrayal cuts deep like a hot knife in butter. I knew it was coming. Diana warned me. But so soon? And seeing it in the flesh is something else entirely. My chest squeezes and I blink back angry, painful tears. He was never mine. I need to remember that.
I move inside the room and along the wall, staying to the shadows. My eyes are on him—the one who will wed my sister, crushing my soul with every vow spoken. He’ll soon be my brother-in-law. Before long, Diana will trade in her guns and business meetings for a rounded belly and planning for a baby.
Breathe.
As much as I’d love to have a niece or nephew, I didn’t expect it to be like this. This hurts so bad. I want it to stop—to wake up in my bed and realize this is all a dream.
Vlad steps away from my sister’s side to stalk over to the bar in the corner of her office. He pours two fingers worth of vodka into a tumbler and downs it. As soon as it’s gone, he pours more. Desperate to see his face, I slink over toward him. My steps go unheard due to all the loud talking over the events that transpired tonight.
As I approach him, his scent fuses with my own, and I allow myself a second for it to wash over me. To bask in it. His body stiffens, as if sensing the company beside him.
“Interesting night,” I murmur as I boldly reach past him and take the vodka bottle.
He doesn’t show any signs of hearing me. In fact, I think he may be ignoring me. It stings. I need this, though—to just be invisible. Eventually, maybe I’ll fade into nothing. I pour more than I should into a tumbler. Before I can fill it to the brim, hot strong fingers curl around mine and the bottle is forcibly plucked from my grip.
“Enough, little Irina.”
Little. He said my name.
I jerk my head up to stare at his brutally handsome face. The normally fierce and put-together Vlad Vasiliev is rattled. His amber eyes are the main tell as they blaze with an emotion he’s unable to keep hidden behind his normally cool exterior. Typically, not a hair is out of place, but this evening, a lock of dark brown hair hangs over his brow. It gives him a wild, boyish quality that makes my core clench with appreciation. My fingers itch to push it from his face. Instead, I down the entire glass without flinching or tearing my gaze from his.
Some vodka dribbles past my lip and runs onto my chin. It’s about to drip from my jaw when he reaches forward with a hooked finger and collects it. His touch electrifies me. He brings the wet finger to his full lips and his pink tongue darts out to lick it from his skin. The room spins and heat floods through me. My panties are soaked and I am horrified wondering if he can smell my blatant arousal for him.
My sister’s fiancé.
His gaze darkens as he slides his eyes from my mouth to my throat to my breasts. They’re barely concealed in the sheer robe and gown. My nipples harden in response.
“Go to your room,” he seethes, a furious edge to his voice. “Go to your room, little Irina. This is unacceptable to wear around men.”
Emboldened by the vodka, I glower at him. “You’re not my keeper.”
He steps closer to me, the heat from his body threatening to ignite my nightgown in flames. “Your sister wears my ring. Everything she cares about, I care about too. Diana will be a Vasiliev, and I’ll be goddamned if I let her sister get caught prancing around in her see-through gown with a room full of hungry men.” He grits his teeth and narrows his tawny eyes at me. “Now, run back upstairs before you get eaten up by tempting the wrong man.”
My anger melts away as I consider his words.
The wrong man?
As in him?
Hope, a stupid feeling, clutches me by the throat. I can’t form words. Instead, I drink in his dashing appearance. His tie is loosened imperceptibly so, and his crisp white shirtsleeves splattered with blood have been rolled to his elbows. He scrubs at his jaw with his palm and his veiny forearm flexes. I’m caught staring at the intricate tattoos I never knew existed along his arms.
“Irina,” he growls.
His voice reverberates to my core, and I let out a pained whimper. “Mmm?”
He grips my hips, his fingers biting into my flesh, and turns me around. “People are looking at you. Go to your room.”
A laugh bubbles from my lips. “No one looks at me Vlad. I’m a shadow.”
He snorts, and it’s so unlike him, I turn to make sure it is, in fact, Vlad still behind me.
The intensity in his eyes causes my legs to weaken. “When you’re staring at the sun, you can’t see a shadow.” His voice is low and husky.
I tilt my head to study the movements of his lips. What does that even mean?
“Now run, solntce moyo. Go.” My sun. I can’t breathe. He urges me to move with a nod of his head. I turn and stumble forward. When I glance back at him, he’s already stalking over to the conversation. Diana gives him a soft smile before she speaks to our father again.
He’s hers now.
What I felt just now was real. It wasn’t a game or a move or anything these men in our world are known for playing. Vlad notices me. Too bad his duty will always prevail, which is why he’s right back where he wants to be with his arm around my sister and a stoic expression on his face.
A king never falters.
And Vlad Vasiliev is the most regal man I know.
I’m just a distraction.
Solntce moyo.
My sun.
Not a shadow.
Feeling as though it may be my last chance to express myself, I smile at him. Our eyes lock, but he shows no signs of his small slip a few seconds ago. Hard. Edgy. Fierce. All walls are back in place.
My smile falls, and I slink back into the shadows where I belong.
I’m no sun.
But it felt good to shine like one, even if only for a moment.
The voices eventually dull and the house falls silent. I always keep my bedroom door open—an old childhood fear of being trapped alone with the man from an old dream that didn’t seem to go away once I hit adulthood. That’s how I heard the commotion earlier, but tonight, it’s closed. I didn’t want Diana or our parents to hear me crying my sorrows into my pillow.
How does one grieve over something they never had?
I’m not sure, but I’m most certainly grieving. My heart physically aches. Our mother married our father, but there was never love. Not like the storybooks we would sneak and read. Diana would let me curl up beside her in her bed as she’d read adventurous stories about princesses who were brave and still got the handsome prince in the end. Deep down, I always thought Diana and I could be strong and find love. Why couldn’t we have both?
Our world is no storybook, though.
Villains prowl the night—it’s most certainly more nightmare than fairytale.
We’re teased with someone we could love, and then it’s taken away. We’re forced to follow rules that leech the happiness straight from our marrow.
I must accept there are no happy endings for Volkov girls.
There’s a slight tap on the door, pulling me from my inner thoughts, and my sister calls through the wood separating us. “Irina, are you awake?”
I stay quiet and still, hoping she’ll go away.
No such luck.
The door handle twists, and she pushes it open, taking a step inside my room.
“Shadow?”
I hold my breath and hear her sigh before she leaves, closing the door behind her. I inhale to fill my starved lungs, then lean over to flick the lamp on. I let out a startled squeak when I see Diana sitting in the chair in the corner of the room staring back at me. It’s odd to see her in the corner, but she doesn’t look like a shadow. She commands the space. My sister owns it.
Just like she owns my future.
I swallow down the pain and meet her sad stare.
“I’ve known you your whole life, Irina,” she says heavily, her dark brows furrowed. It reminds me of when we were kids and she’d worry over me. So motherly and loving. “I know when you’re sleeping and when you’re not.”
Nerves dance in my gut like there’s a parade happening inside me. “I’m tired, Diana,” I croak, feelings of betrayal rattling my voice. “What do you want?”
She stands, and I scoot into a sitting position, dipping my eyes so I don’t have to look directly at her.
“I know you don’t approve of my choices.”
I huff out a disheartened laugh. “It’s not your choice. That’s the point.”
“Father wouldn’t force me into this, Irina, so it is a choice, and I’ve made the right one for us both.” Her voice is firm and unyielding. It infuriates me that she’s behaving like them. Like our mother. Rolling over and letting the men in our world control our future.
My head snaps up to meet her blue eyes. “What does that mean?”
Sitting on the bed in front of me, she takes my hands and smiles. “You will move with me to the Vasiliev’s estate. No marital arrangements for you will be made. You will make your own choices when you’re ready for those things.” She’s smiling at me like I’m a prisoner and she’s just offered me my freedom. But she’s wrong. I have no plans to bend to the will of our father, or any man who thinks my inheritance and last name would be good business for him. I can’t move to the Vasiliev home with her. To be around Vlad constantly, be around his things, his scent. Watch them bond and fall in love? See him touch her in ways I want him to touch me? Yeah, right. That’s torture. Cruel torture. I wish I’d had the courage to tell her how I felt about Vlad when we were younger so this wouldn’t be happening now. She wouldn’t hurt me like this if she knew she was doing it.
“Do you love him?” I find myself asking, even though I know she doesn’t. Not yet anyway.
The corner of her lips pull up and she lifts a shoulder in a shrug. “I will learn to.” She reaches forward and begins to tickle me, causing me to thrash and screech in surrender. She hasn’t been this playful since we were little, and it’s refreshing. It reminds me that our sisterhood is everything.
Maybe if she can learn, I can learn too.
I’ll learn how not love him.
“If he keeps kissing me like he did tonight, it may be sooner rather than later,” she admits with a giggle, tugging me back on the bed and collapsing next to me on my pillow. We both stare up at the ceiling, breathing a little heavy from the exertion. Her words play around in my mind.
He kissed her.
They kissed.
My heart rate quickens just imagining what his lips would feel like pressed against mine. Silky. Wet. Dominating.
“What was it like?” I ask. Not wanting to know, but desperate to.
The amusement evaporates and silence falls. I swear I can hear my own heartbeat thundering in my chest.
“Soft, but strong,” she murmurs, placing the pads of her fingertips over her lips. “Passionate and intense.” She sits up and leans over me. “Like this.” She bends and places her lips to mine, pushing hard, and all I can think is they do taste of Vlad.
She pulls back and grins. “But with tongue,” she jests, flicking her tongue out to lick the tip of my nose. I screech, and she begins to attack my face, licking my cheek and forehead.
This is the sister I’ve loved and missed.
Lately, she’s been one of them, but right now…right now, she’s just Diana.
“Stop it! Stop it!” I cry out, laughing.
She pins my arms so I can’t stop her, and when she eventually ceases her attack, she looks down at me, her brows tugging down and eyes focused and serious. “I’ll always be your big sister,” she vows. “I’ll always do right by you. I promise, this marriage doesn’t change us.”
I want her words to be true so deeply, but my own heart is wilting, and she doesn’t see that I’m dying inside. Being around him will be brutal.
But being around my sister?
Definitely worth the pain.
“Okay, I’ll come with you,” I whisper.
She beams her megawatt smile at me and jumps up from the bed. “Get some sleep, little shadow. We have a big task ahead of us.”
Yes, we do.