Jarrett
Jarrett stared up at the ceiling as he laid back on his bed. He could faintly hear Cory berating his brother and felt a little bad for him. After all, it seemed like the omega had just been trying to help. Even if it was all just a bit mortifying.
God, what if Avery told someone? Jarrett didn’t need to be coddled. He was handling the hollow feeling in his chest just fine on his own. Really, he was. JJ had enough on his mind without dealing with his little brother’s issues, and he wasn’t going to burden Jack either.
Though he didn’t think Avery would say anything. The omega was strange. Stranger than even Riley had been. Hugo said he didn’t even talk to anyone really. He just watched. Eyes flickering at every movement, as if he didn’t quite know what to do with it all.
Now all Jarrett could think of was the way he had to hold in a shudder when Avery had first touched him. The shiver that had run down his spine. He told himself that it was because he’d been caught off guard. It had nothing to do with the way those grayish blue eyes had stared up at him, unblinking. The way the light brown wolf had had no problem just walking right up to him and laying his head on Jarrett’s lap, as if they’d known each other for years instead of a few weeks.
He used to think that Riley had been cut off from the world. He was wrong. Riley had had his grandmother for the better part of his life; Avery, on the other hand, only had his brother, and by the sound of it, only for little chunks at a time. Jarrett had no doubt that Cory had done his best, but it sounded like his time was divided between getting his brother supplies, and running with other packs, leaving his brother alone for most of his life.
As a result, Avery was quiet, twitchy, and seemed to have no concept of acceptable social behavior. The corner of Jarrett’s lip tugged upward. He’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t find it even just a little endearing. Like a pup, making his way through a world he didn’t quite understand. It didn’t help that the omega had the largest pair of eyes he’d ever seen. Round and always moving.
He shook the thoughts from his head. Now was so not the time to be thinking about this kind of stuff. Maybe at one time, Jarrett would have been chasing tail, but the mere thought left him feeling tired. The ghost of a smile slid away and he was once again left with the ache in his chest. Rubbing at his eyes, Jarrett pulled himself to his feet. Tomorrow, he could look forward to hunting to take his mind off of things, but there was still a good bit of daylight left. He hated feeling like this. He either felt too wound up, where his skin was too tight and it felt like every muscle in his body was twitching, or he felt drained and lethargic, unable to even pull himself out of bed.
He knew that the pack worried for him. He could see the way everyone looked at him, like he was fragile and he hated it. Almost as much as the hole in his chest. This weakness that he couldn’t seem to hide. He didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for him, but it was getting harder each day to put on a smile and go about his duties. He didn’t even know why he was trying so hard to pretend things were normal. He’d never been a good liar and he knew not a single person in the pack bought his act.
Not for the first time, he wished his dad was here. He could almost hear John’s voice, telling him to buck up and keep going. He remembered the way his dad died, with a look of satisfaction. He’d died in battle, an alpha defending his pack. There were few better ways to go for a man like John.
Jarrett just had to hang onto that.
Wandering down to the kitchen (his kitchen; this was his house now) he pulled a bottle of wine out of the fridge and poured himself a glass. The house was quiet. Far too quiet. It hadn't felt like that long ago when it was the four of them. Four alpha wolves bickering and arguing, throwing things and trading insults. He’d wished at the time that everyone would just calm down and get along. He was even relieved when his brothers moved out, enjoying his newfound privacy.
Now the silence was suffocating. The nights were long and uncomfortable. Jarrett had never truly been on his own before, and it wasn’t suiting him very well at all. He’d give anything to have those days back. Just another thing he couldn’t possibly talk to his brothers about. They were both mated and raising their families. There was no way he was going to put that kind of burden on them, even if he wanted nothing more than to have everything back the way it was. Since their dad died, he’d caught the looks of sympathy and pity thrown his way. He noticed how Jack and JJ seemed to tip-toe around him like he was made of glass. It made him want to put his fist through the wall.
Sitting down on the couch, Jarrett sipped the wine. He hadn’t been to the pub in a while. Maybe that would be good for him. He could get nice and buzzed, and maybe let some steam off with a nice little brawl. He hadn’t shifted in a while and his wolf was itching to get out. Yeah. A good scrap would be just what he needed.
“It’s a bit early, wouldn’t you say?” Freddy raised an eyebrow.
Jarrett shrugged, taking a large swig of his beer. “Eh. It’s not like I had anything else to do.” He was already feeling a bit better.
Freddy didn’t didn’t say anything else. He just poured Jarrett another glass. Freddy and Howard were the only wolves in the pack that didn’t make Jarrett want to put a fist through the wall. There was no pity on Freddy’s face. Just a raised eyebrow and a disapproving shake of his head. “Marie was wondering if you’d like to come for tea tomorrow.”
Maybe it was the alcohol already burning through his system, but Jarrett’s first instinct was to snap that he was fine. That he didn’t need to be coddled. Thankfully, he was able to bite the retort back. Freddy was good people, and Jarrett didn’t need to end his night slinking home with his tail between his legs. “Sure,” he said quietly. “That’d be nice.”
God, he sounded pathetic. Downing the rest of his drink, he reached for another. “So how’s JJ doing?”
“Good,” Freddy replied. “He’s gonna go visit Foxhold pretty soon, to trade tips with their pack alpha. Then he has to go work out a trade deal in Morra for generator fuel. Kane’s going with him for that one. Poor boy needs all the help he can get.”
Even though Freddy didn’t mean it like that, Jarrett heard the accusation loud and clear. Here his brothers were, working hard to raise their families and keep the pack going, and he was too busy wallowing in his own self-pity to lift a finger. And yet there were days when he could barely bring himself to get out of bed. If he tried to help, he had a feeling he’d just be more of a hindrance.
“How are you doing?” Freddy asked. “Managing okay?”
“Managing,” Jarrett replied easily. “It’s been a bit boring, actually.”
“That why you’re here?” Freddy had a knowing look. This time he did sigh. “Just don’t break any of my tables this time.”
Jarrett gave him a grin. Freddy knew him well. “Course not.”
As it turned out, it was more than easy to get what he wanted. Slowly, pack members who had finished their work started filtering in. Jarrett sat silently, smiling like an idiot as he finished yet another beer, watching as voices got louder, and faces started to flush. Ivan, Aidan, Gavi and Brighton were huddled in a corner, no doubt working on their plan of escape. Now that the Blackhounds were taken care of, they were preparing to take off into parts unknown to seek out mates.
They were braver than Jarrett. He couldn’t ever imagine leaving Summerwood. The farthest he’d been was to a couple human villages along the southern border. To just take off into parts unknown was something he couldn’t imagine.
His eyes slid over to Gerald and Maddie. That would be pretty easy. He and Gerald had been doing this dance for a long time. He could slide in, crash their date, and before anyone knew what was happening, he and Gerry would be locked in combat. Afterward, there would be no hard feelings between them. Maddie, of course, wouldn’t speak to him for a week, or even better, get even. Last time they’d done this, she’d managed to sneak into his house and slip a bee into his bed, leaving him with a rather nasty welt dangerously close to his crotch. She refused to tell him how she’d managed to hide her scent.
But tonight they really looked like they were enjoying themselves. Maddie’s eyes were sparkling as Gerald whispered something in her ear. Something in Jarrett’s chest tightened and he turned away. He found he didn’t want to interrupt their night.
Harold was an option. The older wolf tended to be a bit of a brawler himself, much to Olivia’s annoyance. But Jarrett didn’t quite feel like getting his face smashed in tonight. Harold had a rather difficult time restraining himself, especially with a few drinks in his system. Jarrett was sure Freddy had better things to do than scrape him off the floor. With a small huff, he turned his attention back to his beer. This was his fourth? Maybe fifth, now?
“Don’t see anything you like?” Freddy asked.
Jarrett just gave a half shrug. “Don’t think I’m in the mood.” He had been an hour ago. But suddenly the idea was sour to him.
Someone slid into the seat beside him, and he didn’t have to look to know it was JJ. “Sup?”
“Not much,” Jarrett said with a crooked smile. “You?”
“Too much,” JJ groaned. “Johnny never sleeps, and Todd screams if you put him down.”
“Fun times.”
JJ rubbed his eyes. “So much fun. I’d be there now, but Milo kicked me out. Said I needed to take a break.”
“Damn right you do,” Freddy said. “You’ve been running yourself into the ground.”
The pack alpha chuckled. “I don’t know how Dad did it. Three kids and a pack to run? I can’t remember the last time I was able to just sit for a minute.” He turned to Jarrett. “How are you doing? I’m sorry I haven’t checked in in a while.”
Jarrett just shrugged. “Same old.” He bit his lip. “If you need any help with anything, let me know.”
“Well,” JJ said thoughtfully, “I was thinking, maybe in a couple days we could go through Dad’s things.”
A muscle twitched in Jarrett’s eye. He hadn’t even entered Dad’s room since… And now JJ wanted to go through his stuff like it was no big deal? The thought of going through their father’s possessions, to box them away, to make him disappear… “It’s a bit soon, don’t you think?” Jarrett said quietly.
He could see the exact moment when JJ’s guard went down. His eyes softened and Jarrett could see the sympathy swimming in them. He wanted to punch him.
“It’s been almost a month,” JJ said gently. “We really should think about-”
“No.”
“Jarrett…”
“I said no.”
JJ sighed. “It needs to be done. Jack and I’ll come after the hunt tomorrow.”
Jarrett bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted copper. “Not gonna happen,” he said, keeping his voice even. He could feel a headache starting to bloom behind his right eye. When he came here looking for a fight, this wasn’t exactly what he had in mind.
“You’re being stubborn,” JJ growled. “Jack and I have a right to that house too.”
“No you don’t,” Jarrett replied smoothly. “You have your own houses. This one’s mine, and everything in it.”
He’d later like to blame it on the alcohol. He knew he was being unreasonable. Cruel, even. JJ was right. They had just as much right to John’s things as he did, but he was the one who had to spend his nights surrounded by reminders.
“You’re being a real asshole, you know that?” JJ said coldly.
Jarrett rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m sorry if you feel that way.” He could feel eyes burning into the back of his neck and realized that the pub had gone silent. He grabbed what would be his last beer for the night and downed it in one gulp. “See you later.”
Before JJ could say another word, he stormed out of the pub. He didn’t get very far before his brother’s hand gripped his arm tightly. “Don’t walk away from me!” JJ snapped. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
Jarrett jerked his arm away. “Fuck off, JJ,” he said tiredly. “Just leave me alone.”
Of course, JJ didn’t listen. He kept up with Jarrett’s pace easily. “Talk to me, man. What’s going on with you?”
Letting out a hollow laugh, Jarrett gave him an incredulous look. “What’s wrong with me? I should be asking you that. In case you haven’t noticed, Dad’s dead!”
“You think I don’t know that?” JJ asked quietly, but his eyes were hard. “You think this is any easier for me?”
“Uh, yeah. That’s exactly what I think,” Jarrett spat. Then he sighed, rubbing his forehead wearily. “Just…go home. Go back to your mate and kids. Just leave me alone.”
JJ opened his mouth, but closed it again. The anger was gone from his face, and he looked more tired than Jarrett had ever seen him. “Alright. Fine. Have a good night.”
As Jarrett watched his brother’s retreating form, he bit down hard on his knuckles in an effort not to fly apart. Yeah. When he had come to the pub, looking for a fight, this really wasn’t what he had in mind at all.
As he turned to head home, he caught a pair of glowing blue eyes peeking out from the darkness. His own eyes narrowed. “Seriously? Go stalk someone else.” Without a glance back, he walked home at a pace that made his head pound, but he didn’t stop until he had crawled under the covers of his bed. He didn’t fall asleep for a long time. A small part of him wished for that same comforting touch from that morning.