Chapter Five – Mindy

She hadn’t drunk enough wine the previous night to give herself a headache, but her brain throbbed when she woke up the next morning. Mindy pressed a hand to her head, not opening her eyes yet. They felt crusty and dry. Probably due to the fact that she had cried herself to sleep. That was probably why she had a headache, too.

Ginny giggled nearby, and Mindy made herself turn over to find her. She was in the midst of a pillow nest on the opposite side of the bed, with a blanket tucked around her feet. Mindy propped herself up on her elbow to look down at her and got a giant smile in return.

“Well, at least he knows to put pillows around you, so you don’t roll off the bed.” Mindy swallowed hard, thinking about what she remembered from last night.

After her behavior, what must he think of her? She hadn’t drunk that much wine . . . but she shouldn’t have been drinking anything. Her eyes burned with tears once more, but she brushed them away and got to her feet. She still felt unsteady, making her wonder if maybe she had drunk more than she thought until she remembered that she hadn’t eaten anything except for a cup of ramen with a hot dog chopped into it the whole day. Low blood sugar. Her empty stomach probably also meant that the wine she had drunk affected her worse than it normally would have.

Would Rex decide that her display last night made her an unfit mother? Would he decide to take Ginny away from her?

He let us stay last night. Hopefully, he understands that it’s not my usual behavior.

She just needed some help, a roof over her head while she got a new job and figured out her next move. With everything that was happening, she just needed one foot on the ground. Something to hold onto. That was all.

Part of her wondered if she ought to have called her mother, but she dismissed it quickly. She and her mom didn’t get along on the best of days, and if she called asking for help? The best she could hope for was a grudging loan attached to a lecture about how she was reckless and unfit to be a mother. That she should have given Ginny up for adoption. That this was a mess of her own making and that it wasn’t too late to give Ginny a ‘proper’ chance at life.

And in the end, Mindy would just feel like she always did with her mother—that she was causing her mother nothing but trouble. That her mother regretted keeping her and her siblings, that she would have rather never given birth to them at all.

There was a knock on the door, and Mindy quickly wiped her eyes and retrieved the baby before answering it. Rex stood on the other side. He peered at her worriedly before mumbling that he made a pot of coffee.

“That sounds amazing.” She sighed in disappointment as Ginny started rooting around, making sucking motions with her mouth. “I can’t drink coffee while I’m breastfeeding, though.”

Rex eyed her for a moment. “You were drinking wine last night.”

“I pumped first so I’d have breast milk for Ginny. And that was last night. I’m fine this morning. By now there won’t be any alcohol in my system anymore. But I can’t drink coffee and then try to feed her.” Mindy grabbed the nursing cover from the diaper bag and sat down, adjusting Ginny into a comfortable position before she put on the cover and pulled her breast out. She glanced at Rex, who didn’t look at her and had a pink flush on his cheeks. “Last night wasn’t . . . it wasn’t me. I haven’t drunk anything since I found out I was pregnant.”

“Well, I hope you drank water.”

The joke made her start in surprise. He looked back at her, and a smile started to tug at the corners of his mouth. Some tension she hadn’t realized she had been carrying eased out of her shoulders. He wasn’t going to berate her for the previous night.

“I did some reading last night.” Rex poured them two cups of coffee and brought her one. “Everything I found indicated that it is perfectly fine to have a cup of coffee while breastfeeding.”

Heat rose to Mindy’s cheeks. “I don’t want to take the chance.”

“Well, if you don’t want it . . . I’ll have it when I’m done with mine.” He shrugged and set the cup down. “So . . . I called into work. I have taken a few days off. So that we can work this out.” He waved his hand in a circle. “It’s a lot to take in.”

“I know.”

Ginny wasn’t latched on properly, so Mindy ducked her head under the nursing cover to adjust her. She plumped her nipple between her fingers to encourage Ginny to drink, but the little girl kept turning her head toward the sound of Rex’s voice every few seconds. Mindy squirted a little milk onto her finger and stuck it in Ginny’s mouth. The taste got her attention, and she turned back, finally focusing on drinking.

Mindy leaned back and gave Rex a small smile. “So . . . if you’re taking time off work, does that mean that we can stay for a little while? I’ll be good with sleeping on the couch.”

“Uh, yeah.” Rex chuckled. Sweat started to bead his forehead, and he wiped it off with his hand. “Yeah, you can stay. I think I’d like to know how you found me, though. And I’d like to know what’s going on that you need to break into my apartment so you’re not sleeping in your car.”

“Well . . .” Where to start? “I found you because I hired a private investigator. He found you, and I moved here. I wanted to tell you, but I kept chickening out. I got a job and a place to rent, but then I lost my job, and the motel manager was a creep, so I ran away from there . . .”

Ginny left the nipple again. Mindy switched her to the other breast, hoping that maybe she’d have more luck with that one. Unfortunately, she just didn’t seem to be producing much milk. Stress, most likely. It was why she had started buying formula, even though Ginny was only three months old.

Having reasons didn’t make Mindy feel any less of a failure as a mother, though.

“And is that it?” Rex pressed.

It took Mindy’s brain a moment to catch back up with the conversation. She considered telling him about Calvin Meyer but dismissed it at once. She could take care of Meyer herself, just as soon as she had another job and a more stable living situation. Rex didn’t need to be dragged into that whole mess. Thinking about Meyer was like a sucker punch, though. After a year of holding onto that diamond ring, she went and gave it away the very day that she reunited with Rex.

The ring didn’t mean anything to me, she tried to tell herself, but she knew that wasn’t true.

“Thank you for last night, by the way,” she said hesitantly. “The way you took care of Ginny . . . you seem like a real natural at it.”

More natural than me.

“I had practice.” Rex gave her a brief smile before he hunched over his coffee and stared into the depths of his mug. “I helped my little sister with her daughter when she was a newborn a lot. She had postpartum really bad, and I . . . I tried my best to help her out.”

Mindy opened her mouth to ask him about his sister, only to remember what he had told her a year ago. His sister and parents had died in an accident. She flinched.

“Is your niece with her father now?” Please say yes. She wasn’t certain if she could handle the news of a lost baby today.

Rex chugged down his whole mug of coffee in one go. He set it down and reached for the mug he’d brought for her. “Yeah. He took her. He wasn’t a part of her life before Angela died, but then she died, and Tamara was taken away from me and given to him. When he hadn’t . . . He was there at the hospital when Angela gave birth. He helped financially. But he wasn’t . . . But he got her.”

Tears pricked her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Rex shrugged. “It was for the best. He’s a great father to her, I can say that much. He and his new wife are both great parents. They’re utterly devoted, and Tamara’s got a little brother now. I can’t be too angry when I know she’s loved and happy and safe.”

His expression was gut-wrenching. Mindy ducked her head, fighting off the ridiculous tears that seemed determined to see her drained dry. Ever since the baby was born, it seemed like she would cry at the drop of a hat. It was so stupid.

“I want you in Ginny’s life,” she mumbled.

To her surprise, Rex flinched. “You really should wait and get to know me before you make decisions like that. I’m not father material, Mindy. My niece . . . I’m not allowed to see her. It’s a court order.”

Mindy’s eyes widened. Her mind flitted around a dozen possibilities as she slowly asked, “Why?”

Rex flinched again. “It was my fault. I had Tamara, I left her alone for a couple hours. I was stupid and reckless and dumb. Nothing happened, but it could have, and I was such an idiot not to see that.” He stood and began to pace. There was such anger in his eyes that Mindy almost expected him to start hitting himself. “And when her father confronted me about my behavior, I just made it worse. Acted like I did nothing wrong. I even punched him in the face. He cut me out then. And he said that I had to get help if I was going to be in Tamara’s life, but I just spent five years bitching about him and acting like it was unfair that he wanted me to take responsibility for my own damn life!”

His voice rose, and Ginny popped off from Mindy’s breast with a startled cry. Mindy brought her out of the nursing cover and put her on her shoulder to burp her. Rex ran a hand through his hair and shook his head.

“Sorry.”

“Just . . . try not to start shouting, okay?”

Rex sat back down. “I started seeing a psychiatrist a year ago. He’s been helping me work through my issues, but I’m not there yet apparently. Yesterday, when I came home . . . I had just come from a meeting with the lawyers. Jarvis doesn’t think I’m ready to be in Tamara’s life yet. Apparently, I need to work on my personal life. I’m trying so hard . . .”

Mindy studied him for a moment. There was clear distress there, and she could see he was genuine. “But you didn’t hurt your niece, did you?”

Rex’s eyes widened. “No! Never. I’d never have hurt her . . . Not on purpose, at least. But I left her and then that whole business with Cynthia . . .”

“I don’t really know what that is and right now I don’t care. I want you in Ginny’s life. She deserves to know her father. Unless you turn out to be a creep, but I don’t think you will.”

She considered him for another long moment before an alarm went off on her phone. She turned it off absently as she glanced at the screen. Then she tensed and leapt to her feet, startling Ginny as she did so. A sense of hopeless frustration washed through her as the baby started to cry. She soothed her, but all the while her eyes were on her phone, and her brain felt like it was going to explode.

“Hey, hey.” Rex moved over to her and gently took Ginny from her before putting an arm around her shoulders. His clean, manly scent and the strength of his embrace made Mindy lean into his warmth, trying to draw strength from him. “What’s wrong?”

“I have a job interview. It’s in two hours and I . . . I forgot all about it.” Mindy took a deep breath. “Food, shower, dressed, makeup. No problem. Two hours is plenty of time.”

Rex glanced at Ginny and then back at her, the question clear in his eyes.

“I was just going to bring her with me. But if you wanted to watch her . . .” Mindy held her breath. Rex didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would kidnap Ginny, right? No. He had issues, but they all did. He was working through them, which was the important part.

Maybe she should ask him to get his psychiatrist to take her on as a patient. God knew she could use it.

But even as she thought about asking, her mother’s voice came screeching into her mind. Saying that she was lazy. Saying that she was just too caught up in herself. Talking about psychiatrists as though they made up things just to take people’s money and put kids on drugs. She should just be able to handle things on her own, and it was only more proof she was a lousy mother if she couldn’t.

“I . . . Are you sure?” Rex looked anxiously at the baby in his arms. “I mean, it’s been five years. I’m out of practice caring for a newborn.”

“You made a bottle like a pro last night. You’re holding her right. You’ll be fine . . .” Mindy reached to stroke Ginny’s hair while butterflies and doubts swarmed her stomach. Was she doing the right thing, leaving her? Rex was right—she didn’t know him. But he opened up to me, far more than he had to. “I’ll only be gone for like an hour, anyway.”

Rex glanced between her and the baby and smiled nervously. “I can handle an hour. She won’t be out of my sight for a second.”

Mindy knew that feeling. The first week after Ginny had been born, she was afraid to sleep, in case something happened and she wouldn’t be awake to stop it. Some of her nerves faded and she nodded, more to herself than to Rex. “Okay. That’s that, then. Now . . . What do you have for breakfast that doesn’t come in a cup?”