Reese
I needed to get out of the house.
That thought had been on repeat ever since I’d walked in the door after school.
Through every cigarette, every beer, and every timeless minute that ticked by, I had that thought in the back of my mind.
But I still had her in the front.
Between the snow days and my slow burn of longing for Charlie, the last thing I needed to be doing was sitting by myself, alone with my thoughts, a twelve-pack, and two packs of cigarettes. I’d been destroying my body for almost two weeks now, ever since she walked out my front door. Blake was the only one who’d thought to check on me, and I’d ignored the call, opting for misery, instead.
I played cold around Charlie.
It was the only way I knew how to guard what was left of my heart. I’d always worn that fucker like a peeling patch on my sleeve, had always been more in touch with my feelings than any other man I’d ever known or called a friend. I wished, in a way, that I had the gene that made me shut down and close off.
But I didn’t.
I could fake it around her, could pretend like I didn’t die a little every time I saw her, every time she looked at me and asked me to be her friend, but it was all a lie.
The truth was that she went home to Cameron every night, and that would never change.
I needed to get out of the house.
Snuffing the end of my cigarette in the ashtray on the box by my feet, I finally stood sometime around eight o’clock. I sucked down the rest of my beer, and though I probably shouldn’t have even considered driving, I swiped my keys off the kitchen counter, anyway. I didn’t know where to go to get my mind off her, off him, but I knew I had to get out of the place that I’d last touched her in.
My eyes caught on the fort still set up in my living room as I shrugged on my coat. I’d fixed the edges of it torn down in her haste to leave that night, and when I really wanted to torture myself, I’d lay in there with a beer and look up at the same sloping sheets we’d watched together.
I’d close my eyes and remember the feel of her under my hands, the softness of her lips against mine, the sweetness of her voice as she whispered my name.
Fucking masochist. That’s what I was.
I ran a hand over my face, shaking off the memory as I opened my front door. But as soon as I did, I was face to face with the ghost that had haunted me for weeks.
And for the first full minute, I thought she wasn’t real.
It had to be the beer. It had to be my imagination playing tricks on me, casting Charlie in a soft glow there on my front porch. She was wrapped in a light pink pea coat and a white scarf, her hair in a messy bun, her eyes wide like she was just as shocked as I was that she was on my porch.
I pushed through the screen door still between us, my fingers numb on the cold metal, and when we were standing toe to toe, when the steam from her breath touched my neck — that’s when I knew she was real.
She stood there with her eyes on mine, gaze as steady and sure as a river, though she looked like she might float away in the current of it. In those eyes, I saw the girl who used to read late at night in my kitchen, the girl who used to cry when fictional characters broke each others’ hearts. I saw the woman she’d become in my absence, the woman who wore her scars like a dainty necklace beneath her blouse, the woman who cared for every child as if they were her own.
On that porch, in that moment, I saw all of her.
Every aching piece.
I took one, small step toward her, opening my mouth to ask her why she was there, but Charlie flew into my arms in the next second.
And then, she kissed me, and every other thought was carried away on the next breeze.
Charlie wrapped her arms around my neck, hands tugging at my hair as I backed us into my house and blindly shut the doors behind us. My hands were back on her in an instant, pulling her into me, a sweet euphoria bleeding from her lips into mine with every kiss.
It wasn’t like the night we shared before. There was no hesitation, no trembling, no second guessing — no, there was only her, and me, and what we had always been destined to be.
Charlie started to cry, shaking her head as she kissed me harder, as if she needed to bruise my lips in order to truly taste them. I framed her cheeks in my hands, wiping the tears away just as quickly as they fell, returning the pressure of her kisses with all the fervor she gave me.
“I drove around for hours,” she croaked out, breaking our kiss long enough to get the words out before her lips were on mine again. “I tried not to come. I tried to stay away. But you’re right, I do love you. I love you, Reese.” She choked on a sob, squeezing her eyes shut as she fisted her hands in my coat. “I always have.”
My fingers were already unfastening her coat and sliding it off her shoulders as I kissed down her neck. I let her coat fall in a puddle on the floor, tugging the hair tie from her soft curls next, and then I ran my hands through the silky strands and pulled her mouth to mine.
“I would have waited forever,” I said on a breath. “But my God, I’m so glad you came tonight.”
Something between a laugh and a cry bubbled out of her as I took her in my arms, lifting her completely. She wrapped her legs around my waist and fused her lips with mine. Her hands shifting grip from my shoulders, to my hair, to my arms, and back again. It was as if she’d been dying from pain for years, and I was her morphine.
She needed me like she needed air in her lungs, like she needed books in her hands, like she needed to feel whole again.
I was her escape.
And I’d gladly take her anywhere.
I slammed her back against the wall harder than I meant to, but she didn’t seem to mind. Charlie sucked my bottom lip between her teeth and let it go with a pop, kissing me again in the instant that lip was free from her grasp. Something about that kiss, about that bite, about her hands in my hair set me on fire — and not one that started with a spark or a flash or a slow, flickering flame. No, every ounce of control I’d ever possessed when it came to Charlie went up in a loud and blazing inferno in an instant, leaving us searching for oxygen in its wake only to find it in each other.
Pinning her hips against the wall with my own, I shrugged my jacket off, tossing it to the side as Charlie ripped at my sweater next. She tugged at the back collar, pulling it over my head, and I crossed my arms to catch the bottom of it and strip the rest away. Once my head was free again, she crushed her mouth on mine, and I palmed her breasts, hard and needy.
She cried out, letting her head drop to the wall behind her, and I took advantage of the new access to her neck. She wore the same mustard yellow blouse she’d worn at school all day, and my deft fingers fumbled with the petite buttons. I’d only made it to the bottom of her bra when Charlie slid her hands between the two sections of fabric and ripped.
Buttons scattered on my hardwood floor, and I let out a hungry growl, sucking the exposed swell of her breast. She raked her nails down my bare back, awakening a beast I’d tamed for far too long, one I wasn’t sure I could restrain for much longer.
Once I’d made quick work of her bra, I dropped her feet to the ground long enough for us to both strip out of our shoes and pants. I beat her to it, which granted me the remarkable view of watching her hook her thumbs into the sides of her nude, lace panties before she slid them slowly down over her thighs, her knees, letting them fall from her calves to the floor.
Charlie Reid was completely naked, standing less than three inches away from me.
And no, I didn’t give a fuck that I’d used the wrong last name.
Her breath caught when she glanced down at my shaft, hard as marble and angling toward her with a desire that had existed before either of us even dared to admit it. She hopped into my arms again, and this time when she wrapped her legs around my backside, I slid against the wetness of her core, and we both moaned in unison.
“Oh God, I need you. Now, Reese,” she cried, digging her heels into my backside.
My crown slipped between her lips only to dive out again, and I gripped her ass hard in my hands, biting the tendon of her shoulder with a satisfying gasp leaving her dainty mouth. I couldn’t think of anything else as I reached between us, positioning myself at her entrance, and in one smooth, hard thrust, I was inside her.
We both saw stars.
Not the soft, sweet, majestic kind that sparkle in the distance on a dark night. No, we saw the black holes — we became them — two blazing suns burning up in each other’s atmosphere. That feeling, that moment when I was finally inside her after years of both of us wanting it, there was nothing comparable to that pleasure — to that pure, unabashed bliss.
That wedding ring on her finger didn’t mean a goddamn thing.
She was mine.
I pumped my hips once, filling her to the brim as my fingers sank into the soft skin of her hips. I swore she tore through the flesh of my back with her nails when I pumped again, but she only cried more, and I was all to eager to deliver.
“Fuck,” I groaned into her ear, sucking the lobe between my teeth as I flexed again. It was all too much — the feel of her, the years of waiting, the forbidden warnings hanging around us like electric wires cut loose from our storm. They sparked and buzzed just inches from our skin, ready to sting if only we gave them the chance, but we carefully maneuvered them like we were in a perfectly orchestrated dance.
And that’s when my self control came back in a whoosh.
I’d waited for so long to have her, and the truth was — I didn’t know how long she’d be mine. She was here now, she was in my arms, she was kissing my lips, but I didn’t have any promise that I’d get to keep her.
If this was all I got, if tonight was my only chance, I sure as hell wasn’t going to waste it.
I slowed my thrusts, pressing my forehead to hers until I slipped all the way out. We both visibly ached at the loss, and she pulled at my hair, the heels of her feet digging into my backside with fervor.
“Don’t stop,” she moaned. “Please. More. I need this. I need you.”
“Fuck,” I repeated, dragging the word out as I tried to remember why I’d stopped at all. “Just… wait.”
But I forced a breath, running the pad of my thumb over her lip before I kissed it gently. I waited until her rich coffee eyes connected with mine, needing to know she heard the next words I said.
“I’ve waited so long to touch you, Charlie,” I breathed, nose flaring. “Too long. And I want to take my time. I don’t want to miss a single inch of your body or a single second of whatever time I get to have you for my own.”
Her eyes searched mine, her tongue darting out to wet her lips.
“I don’t know if this is the only night I get to see you like this, to touch you, to have my hands on your body. But if it is,” I said, forcing a swallow as my fingers brushed the sensitive peak of her nipple. “Then I’m going to spend all night long worshiping it.”
I shifted until she was cradled in my arms, her legs hanging over one forearm while my other supported her back. She looped her arms around my neck and watched me like she didn’t believe I truly existed as I carried her across my living room.
I could have taken her to my bed, but it didn’t feel right — not when the fort we’d built was still waiting for us to finish what we’d started.
Lowering us carefully under the front sheet, I sat with her in my lap, slowing everything down with one long breath. My fingertips slipped over her pale skin like paintbrushes, purposeful and sure, and I kissed her lips in tandem as she wove her own hands into my hair. When my fingers skated the lines of her stretch marks, Charlie’s face broke a little, and her eyes found mine.
“Is this okay?” I asked, feeling the scarred skin under my fingers.
She nodded, moving until she was straddling me, and time seemed to stop altogether under the protection of those sheets.
“I’ve waited a long time, too,” she breathed, kissing along the line of my jaw. “And it’s already more than I ever imagined.”
I smirked, capturing her lips with mine as she went to move to the other side of my jaw.
“I’m only getting started.”
Pinning her arms at her sides, I laid back into the pile of sleeping bags and blankets, and then I guided her up my body until her hips straddled my face. It was ridiculous how good she smelled, how fresh and wet she was with her thighs on either side of my head. I released her arms, running my hands down the front of her perfect body before running them behind to grip her ass firmly. One hand slid lower, between her cheeks and lower still until I grazed her wet center. I slipped one finger inside with my eyes locked on hers, and she moaned, reaching forward for something to hold onto.
I snapped up to grab her wrists again.
“Don’t you fucking tear down these sheets,” I warned, and she whimpered, hands flying to her breasts, instead.
I smacked them away again.
“And these are mine.”
Licking my lips, I held her gaze as I met her clit with my tongue, dragging it up and over before my entire mouth suctioned on. Charlie bucked her hips against my mouth as I resumed the position I’d held her in before, one hand still holding her chest while the other slipped over her ass and down below. I slid one finger deep inside her tight, wet pussy in one fluid motion, and she arched her back with an insatiable moan.
She still didn’t know where to put her hands, so she covered mine at her chest first before they ran up through her hair. She gripped tight, hips rocking against my tongue, eyes falling up to the big top ceiling the sheets made above us.
This, I thought. This was worth the wait.
I took my time teasing her, working her clit with my tongue like it was a candy mint in my mouth. I’d suck and lick, swirling my tongue over the skin before I’d pull back and softly blow. She hated that the most — when I’d pull my fingers out, blow on her clit and leave her writhing above me — but I knew the payoff would be worth it.
“Such a tease,” she breathed, squeezing her eyes shut and grinding into me when I finally resumed my slow torture. She leaned back, and before I realized her intention, she wrapped her hand firmly around my shaft and pumped me in time with my fingers inside her.
“Jesus Christ,” I cursed between her thighs, and she smiled down at me, leaning back a bit farther for more leverage.
Every pump had me closer to release, every squeeze of her small fingers over my shaft had me aching to come in her hands.
I shot up, holding her waist steady as I slid her thighs down over my biceps, my forearms, until she was in my lap again.
Charlie kissed me breathlessly, tasting me on her lips like it was the sweet nectar of life.
“Is this what you want?” I asked, gripping myself hard and pressing the tip of me between her soaked lips.
She moaned, rolling her body into me, coating me in her wetness. I’d never felt so wanted in my life, and for a split second, I wondered why she was here. I wondered why she’d shown up at my house on a Friday night, why she’d suddenly decided she couldn’t stand to be without me.
But I pushed those thoughts aside, and without wasting another second, I slipped my crown inside her, lowering her down slowly, inch by blissful inch.
Her breaths picked up speed as she slid over me, and once I was all the way in, I wrapped my arms around her, holding her to my chest as she adjusted to me. I kissed her lips, her nose, her forehead, running my fingers through her hair and over her lips. Once her eyes opened and found mine again, I gripped her waist in my hands, lifting her up to the tip of me before lowering her back down.
“Yes,” she exhaled, the word a plea for more just as much as it was a cry of disbelief.
She steadied herself with her hands on my shoulders, taking control as she moved against me. Every time I flexed my hips up into her, brushing her clit and hitting her with a new depth, she would whimper and shake and pick up speed.
“You’re close.”
“Yes,” she cried again.
I pulled her flush against me, one hand at the small of her back while the other cupped her ass. I moved her faster, using that hand to grind her clit against me with every thrust.
“Come,” I commanded, sucking her lobe between my teeth again. I held it there as her moans intensified, and when she held her breath a moment before completely losing it, I moved to kiss and bite down her neck, still rocking her hard against me. She was so wet, slipping and sliding over me as she came undone, and I reveled in the feel of her finding ecstasy with my name rolling off her lips.
When she was spent, she collapsed a little, folding into me like a rag doll as I kissed her shoulder. I rolled us gently until she was on her back, and when I slipped inside her again in one of the oldest positions of time, I realized why missionary was a tried and true favorite.
The fucking view.
Her bright pink lips, swollen and parted as her breath picked up again with the flex of my hips. Her wild hair, tangled from my hands and surrounding her face like a halo. Her perfect, supple breasts, creamy white with two hard nipples bouncing with every thrust. My eyes flicked from one to the other, over and over again in a torturous circle of aesthetic magic.
When her nails dug into my back, I pumped harder, faster, watching her breasts bounce wildly, and her begging me to come for her was the last conscious thought I had before I unloaded inside her. I kept thrusting as long as I could before the sensation overcame me and I stilled, releasing inside her with the pent-up energy of fourteen years of desire.
My arms gave out when the rush seceded, and Charlie caught me in her arms, kissing my hair and smoothing her hands over my back as our breaths evened out. I kissed her breasts in return, wrapping my arms under the small of her back and pulling her into me like I couldn’t get close enough.
Words didn’t exist in that moment — none that mattered, anyway. I listened to the thump of Charlie’s heart under her ribs, counting the beats and trying to match mine with hers as the moment settled.
It seemed as though the sheets floating around us prevented true reality from invading the night, like we existed in a different universe altogether. There was no Cameron, no marriage, no age difference that had once seemed like such a barrier. In that fort, under the thin, sloping sheets, we were Reese and Charlie. We were together. We were happy.
I only hoped we could stay that way.
Charlie
I didn’t realize I’d fallen asleep until I woke to the soft, beautiful sound of Reese playing the piano.
My eyes fluttered open slowly, the dimly lit sheets coming into view first. It was still dark, the only light coming from a candle lit on the table outside the fort. I traced the slope of the sheets with heavy eyes, watching the candlelight flicker as I stretched my arms up over my head and pointed my toes.
Every muscle ached in the best way, in a way they hadn’t ached in so long I’d nearly forgotten what it felt like. I could still feel his hands on me as I laid there listening to him play.
I should have felt guilty.
That thought assaulted me out of nowhere, and I did a pulse check, trying to find that guilt that I’d felt so easily the first night we had kissed. I pressed a hand to my chest, but there was no weight there. I closed my eyes again, searching for that sinking gut feeling, for the dread of what I’d done — but it was nonexistent.
It was like I’d been swimming upstream for years and years, exhausting myself, and finally I’d let go and floated where the river wanted to take me. I didn’t feel guilty or sad or angry with myself.
I felt relieved.
Happiness surrounded me in that little fort of sheets, so similar to ones I’d built in my youth. Maybe that was part of it. I couldn’t be sure. All I did know is that the small ounce of guilt I did feel was only there because I didn’t feel guilty over what I’d done. It was a forced feeling, one that was born out of obligation rather than actual, organic existence.
Still, guilt-ridden or not, I’d made a choice that would change everything about my life.
And I knew, in the back of my mind, that I’d hurt Cameron. That killed me more than I could admit to myself in that moment — that sated moment in the house of another man. Maybe I wasn’t in love with Cameron any longer, but that didn’t mean I didn’t love him, and it didn’t mean I ever wanted to hurt him.
Somewhere along the way, we’d been broken down. I’d thought for years that we’d come back from it, that our love was strong enough to survive, but it wasn’t. And I didn’t want to live an unhappy life any longer trying to make something work that wouldn’t.
I picked up the quilt Reese had placed over me and tucked it around my shoulders, padding my way into the room where his baby grand piano was. He wore only a loose pair of sweat pants that hugged his hips, and I watched the muscles in his back ebb and flow with every sweep of his fingers over the ebony and ivory keys. The melody was one I’d never heard before, a sweet and passionate one with just a hint of sadness. He finished a dramatic crescendo as I entered the room, and he slowed the keys again at the sight of me, picking up the sweet, light and airy notes from before.
The lid was already down, which I knew had probably been done on purpose just in case I joined him. I used the bench to climb up on top, sitting with my legs crossed and blanket wrapped all the way around me as I watched him play. His eyes were on his hands mostly, but every now and then they’d trail their way up my bare leg that was exposed by the blanket, lock on my eyes, and hold my gaze before they’d find their way back down to the piano.
Time slipped away like a silk thread through the eye of a needle as Reese played, one song drifting easily into another. I watched his arms, his fingers, sometimes letting myself focus on the crease between his brows. Every note seemed to pain him in a way, like he had to peel away a layer of skin each time he discovered a new string of chords that fit perfectly together. I loved how he gave himself to his music, how he felt it from the inside out.
He was beautiful.
After a while, his fingers stilled, and an overwhelming silence fell over us. Reese eyed me for a moment before he reached up for my hips, sliding me over until I was dead center in front of him. With his arms around me, he bent forward, his head to my chest, and I held him there.
So many questions existed between us in that moment, but he only asked one.
“Why did you come tonight?”
I blew out a long, pensive breath, debating how to answer that question. There was more than one answer, or rather, one long, tangled web of answers that somehow made one full picture. It hadn’t just been one reason, and the pieces on their own wouldn’t have made sense.
“Jeremiah’s house burned down this week.”
Reese stilled in my arms, and he pulled back enough to lift his eyes to mine. “Oh, Charlie. I’m so sorry. Is he okay?”
Already, my heart ached at how he reacted to the news. It was such a contrast to Cameron.
“He’s hurting,” I said honestly, lacing my arms around Reese’s neck. “So is his family. And I didn’t take the news well. Jeremiah was just so sad all day, you know? He wasn’t himself. And then when his mom told me what happened, I just felt helpless. He might not be able to come back to Westchester.”
Reese’s brows bent together, but he simply rubbed my lower back, encouraging me to keep talking. He was listening intently, hanging on my ever word.
“I just… I freaked out, Reese. I called Cameron and begged him to come home.” Reese’s jaw ticked a little at that. “He was already there, thank God, and I just ran to him. I needed him. And I know that’s hard for you to hear, but he’s been my partner for ten years. I needed him in that moment.”
“No, it’s okay. I understand.”
“But the thing is,” I said quickly, catching his eyes with mine. “Cameron was there. Physically. But he wasn’t there in the way that counted most. He said I was acting crazy, and he kept reminding me that Jeremiah wasn’t our son, and that it wasn’t my job to fix any of it.”
Reese’s expression hardened. “It doesn’t matter if he’s your son, he’s important to you. And you care about him. And you treat all your kids in your class as if they were your own. It’s who you are, it’s how your heart works.”
I sniffed, my eyes blurring a little.
He gets it.
Just hearing those words out of his mouth assured me that I’d made the right choice coming to him, that it wasn’t some fantasy all in my head. Reese Walker understood me — maybe more than I understood myself. And he loved me.
How long had I yearned to be loved and understood?
“Cameron said he knew how to fix it all,” I said after a moment. “And his solution? To buy me another bird.”
“No…”
I nodded.
“Edward just died,” he pointed out. “And anyway, what does a new bird have to do with Jeremiah? Yes, it might have been a distraction, but it’s not a solution to what’s hurting you.”
“I know. It’s how he shows his love,” I tried, defending Cameron. “Or at least, how he tries to. He doesn’t understand, you know? He doesn’t get where my hurt is coming from. So he just thinks about what he can control, what he can do. And he can buy me a bird.”
Reese just shook his head. “I’m sorry.”
“It seems silly, now that I think about it, that this was my breaking point. But I was just sitting there in his arms, not feeling comforted at all, only feeling crazy and like I couldn’t be myself with him anymore. And when he suggested buying a new bird, I just… Reese, I snapped. Maybe I was a little crazy in that moment.”
I paused, a chill sweeping through me.
“Everything has just been compiling, you know? For so long. And I’ve tried to convince myself I was fine, tried to tell myself that I was happy and okay. Every couple has their problems, right?” A soft, sad laugh left my lips as I dropped my gaze to Reese’s chest. “It’s hard to admit you’ve failed, especially at a marriage. But I have. And so has he. We have.” My eyes found his again. “But I didn’t come to you because he failed me.”
Reese searched my eyes, and his next words were barely a whisper. “Then why?”
“It’s hard to explain…”
“Try.”
I brought one thumb to my mouth, slipping the nail between my teeth as I combed through my mind for the right words.
“I didn’t come to you because it made sense, or because it was the right thing to do. I didn’t come because it was easy. That’s just it — me being here, us being together, it’s going to be everything but easy. It will be messy and hard, and it will hurt,” I admitted. “But, the simple truth is that I can’t not be with you anymore. I came to you because you made me forget I have a choice. I came to you because it’s always been you, Reese. Even when you were gone, even when there was Cameron. When you came back, I felt it. And I know you did, too.” I shrugged, eyes watering again. “If I am a river, you are the ocean. It all comes back to you in the end.”
Reese offered a crooked smile, shaking his head as if he didn’t believe me — or maybe as if he’d believed the words long before I’d spoken them. He wrapped his arms around me again, his head buried in my chest, and I folded over him under a wave of emotion.
It was one of those moments, one of those life-defining snapshots of time I’d never forget.
“What do we do now?” I asked, voice barely a whisper.
“We don’t have to figure that all out tonight.”
“I have to go home,” I said, breaking a little with the words. “At least, to grab some things. But, I could come back… if you want me to.”
Reese pulled back again, sweeping my hair behind my ear. “You want to come back?”
“If you’ll have me.”
He smiled then. “You’re kidding, right?” But the smile fell just as fast as it had come. “What about Cameron?”
Hearing his name come from Reese’s lips pained me, a sick ache hitting me square in the chest. Maybe guilt was still out to get me, yet.
“He’ll be in the office tomorrow, or should I say, today.” I smiled a little, knowing it was well past midnight now. “I just want to go home in the morning to grab some of my things, then I’ll come back. At least for the weekend. Monday night is the spring concert,” I reminded him. “After that, I’ll go home. I’ll go home to talk to Cameron.” I swallowed. “At least that gives us a few days to figure things out.”
Reese nodded, hands sliding down my arms until his fingers found mine. He intertwined them, kissing my knuckles with his eyes still on me.
“Are you sure? Is this… Am I what you want?”
I squeezed his hands, never more sure of anything in my entire life.
“Yes.”
He let out a breath, possibly a laugh of disbelief, possibly a sigh of relief, most likely a combination of the two. Then, he kissed my hands again before letting them go. His grip moved to my hips, and he slid his hands down the crease between my legs, gently pushing my knees apart.
I sat on the piano in front of him, legs wide and trembling, blanket gathering at my hips. My toes banged out a clumsy note on the keys, but I couldn’t find it in me to laugh — not with Reese looking at me the way he was.
Reese kept my gaze as he bent to kiss my left knee first, and then the right. His lips moved upward still, caressing my inner thighs, and when he swept his tongue over my still swollen clit, I arched into the touch with a raspy moan.
There were still so many questions, so many things to figure out, but we shared an unspoken vow not to think about any of it that night. Until the sun came up, Reese and I only spoke through our fingertips, through our lips and our sighs and our trembling legs. He told me he loved me, and I echoed my love for him. I told him I was sorry, and he apologized just the same.
He asked me to stay, to make a promise in the candlelight, and I answered his request with a silent vow.
But if I was a river, and he was the ocean, then Cameron was the storm that raged over the point where we met.
And lightning was about to strike.