I remember when I was nine years old and my parents first told me that we were moving from our suburb outside of Edmonton down to a tiny town in the mountains of British Columbia.

They told me over dinner and like usual, I didn’t react. The most I would do was nod my head and silently agree, no matter what it was. At that time, my father wasn’t sexually abusing me. That started when I was about twelve. But I was still frightened to death of him, probably egged on by the fact that my mother was too.

He would often pull me aside when my mother wasn’t looking or listening and tell me wonderful things only to knock me down at the end. He would do this repeatedly and I would believe it because I didn’t know any better. He was my father. He was my protector and provider, my ruler, my world. What he said was gold. It was the last word and the only word.

The day he told me we were moving, that he’d gotten a new important position at the RCMP station in North Ridge, was the day I first felt hope.

I thought, maybe, maybe if we went to North Ridge, that life would get better. I thought maybe he would love his job and be happy and if he was happy, he would be nicer to me. I thought maybe my mother would smile more. I thought a lot of things.

The drive down to North Ridge took two days and a lot of driving and I knew better than to ask for any restroom breaks or to take pictures of the elk on the side of the road and we kept going and all I could think about was pulling into town (at the moment I think I had a picture of a Swiss alpine village in my head) and having my life really begin again. New friends, new school, new parents, a new life.

North Ridge was my second chance.

And I remember it still felt like that, even as we moved into our new house. It even had a white picket fence, just like the movies, and the house itself was painted a brilliant blue with red trim.

That day I truly believed that everything was going to be better.

My parents were all smiles.

They even looked in love.

That night I went to bed and my father came in.

He normally didn’t tuck me in at night and I guess I should have thought it was odd but I thought maybe this was the new dad, the one that cares.

“Rachel,” he said to me, sitting on the edge of the bed.

I nodded because I still wasn’t brave enough to speak.

“I hope you like your new town. I think we might fit in here just fine. You’ll have new friends and new teachers and it will be like starting fresh, don’t you think?” I kept on nodding, smiling even a little. He cleared his throat and his piercing eyes swung to me. “Just remember one thing. It’s a fresh start but it’s our only fresh start. I’m in charge of this town now and people will respect me. They will. You’ll see. I’ll have all the power and the privilege a little place like this will give me. So don’t you dare screw anything up for me.”

I blinked at him, scared at the tone of his voice.

“If you’re going to be my daughter, you have to do as you’re told. You have to work hard and keep your head down. You don’t need friends, you don’t need distractions, you don’t need anyone but your mother and your father. You need to stay out of my way. You need to not exist, you understand what I’m saying?”

My father didn’t want me as a distraction.

But I became a distraction anyway.

I tried so hard to not exist.

And I failed.

Until I met Shane.

When I sat next to him in class, my world changed.

Slowly, very slowly, day by day, Shane pulled me out of my shell. He was the only person in the world I could truly be myself with, even when I didn’t know who I was. He helped me discover everything I could be.

He taught me how to exist.

I owe him the world.

I owe him my life.

And now I’m sitting in the North Ridge hospital waiting room and waiting for the news about him and about my mother.

The fire burned the worker’s cottage to the ground.

Even a whole team of firefighters and a spattering of rain did nothing to stop it from happening. The only thing they were able to save was the stable, though the ponderosa pines are just charred skeletons.

I knew that when Shane ran back into the house, that I might not ever see him again.

I can’t describe the terror that gripped me, a dark, malevolent fist gripping me from the inside out. The fact that I might lose both of them.

They were both rushed to the hospital. At first it seemed like Shane was doing okay. While Hank was crying over my mother, pleading for her not to leave him, Shane was looking up at me. Fox had revived him.

But then his eyes rolled back in his head and he was gone.

Just like that.

One team was trying to revive my mother, the other was trying to revive him.

And if Dick wasn’t holding onto me, I’m sure I would have had to be revived as well.

Now, I’m waiting.

Waiting for good news, any news.

My mind wants to run away on me, it wants to focus on the dark, and I have to fight it tooth and nail to keep it out of the shadows. I can’t think about those horrors, so I do my best to stay calm, to keep everything at the surface.

I’m not alone. Everyone else is here: Hank, Dick, Fox, Maverick, Delilah, even her mother Jeanine. We’re all waiting in this damn room, our breath held in our throats, trying so hard to not fall apart.

Finally, a doctor appears with a nurse beside him. He looks grim.

It’s at that moment I realize that everything is lost.

One of them is gone.

Maybe both.

We all get to our feet, though I’m hanging onto Hank as I do so and he’s hanging onto me.

The doctor clears his throat and looks at the two of us. “Hank Nelson. Rachel Waters.”

I make a breathless sound, like all life is draining out of me.

“I have good news.”

I stare at him. Still, I can’t breathe.

“What?” Hank whispers.

“Good news?” Dick says loudly. “If you have good news then why on God’s green earth do you look so grim?”

The doctor looks at Dick and I didn’t think it was possible for his frown to get any deeper but it does. “Come again?”

Obviously this is just his face. You’d think they’d get a doctor with a better one.

“What’s the good news?” Fox asks impatiently.

“They’re both on the mend,” he says and everyone exhales one collected breath. “It was touch and go with Vernalee for a while. Her surgery and reduced lung capacity made the smoke inhalation that much worse. But they were able to revive her on the way over here.”

“And Shane?” I ask. “How is he?”

“He’s going to be okay. He’s got a lot of second degree and some third degree burns, mainly on his shoulders and legs. He’s going to be in a lot of pain for some time but he’ll have medicine to manage it.”

“Can we see them?” Hank asks.

“You can see Shane in a few hours. Vernalee needs a little more time but don’t worry, you’ll see her soon enough.”

So we go back to waiting again, though this time the atmosphere in the room has completely changed. Finally, after hours and hours, another nurse comes out, the one they call nosy Beth, and I’m shown toward his room.

I look back over my shoulder at Hank and everyone else. “Hank, Fox, aren’t you coming?”

“Take your time,” Fox says. “We’ll be right behind you.”

I give them a grateful look, knowing how many things are bubbling up inside my heart, wanting to come out. There was so much I wanted to tell Shane even before he went inside that burning house and this just made me realize the longer I keep it in, the more damage it will do. He has to know how I feel, he has to know everything.

But when the nurse opens the door to his room and I see him lying there in the hospital bed, I don’t even think I have any words at all.

Shane. My beautiful Shane.

He’s attached to an IV, his arms and legs sticking out of his hospital gown, rigid. His shoulder is red and blackened in some spots, his legs pink and white. The burns look painful and there’s a strange, unsettling smell in the air.

But he’s looking at me, head back, unable to lift it. And he smiles.

God, that smile. It’s everything good and pure and true in this world.

That smile is love.

“Shane,” I whisper, inching closer to him.

He licks his lips. “I don’t bite.” His voice is raspy, like his throat and lungs are singed.

“How are you feeling?” I ask him even though I’m sure it’s a stupid question.

“I feel fine now that you’re here.” He raises his hand and I slip mine inside. His arms aren’t too badly burned but even so, I don’t want him moving much.

“What have the doctors told you?” I ask him.

“That I’ll live,” he says, so soft that I have to lean in to hear him. His smile is crooked as he stares at me. “They said I’m lucky. Real lucky. Only my shoulder is pretty bad. Might have to get a skin graft on it. Might not. My legs will heal up. I’ll have scars but all the best cowboys have scars.”

I shake my head, biting down my grin. “Even after all this, you’re still optimistic.”

“Because you’re here.” He pauses. “I heard your mother is going to be fine.”

“Only because of you.”

“You tried to do the same. I couldn’t let that happen. I would have lost you both.”

I exhale steadily. “I wasn’t thinking, obviously.”

“You were beyond brave, Rachel.”

“She would have done the same for me. I know that now. I didn’t know that before, but I know that now.”

I give his hand a gentle squeeze, aware of the nurse lingering out in the hallway, talking to the rest of the group. “Listen,” I tell him. “I won’t keep you too long—”

“You don’t mean that,” he says, wheezing. “Please, keep me long. Keep me forever.”

God, I’m melting. How is he still able to bring me to my knees, time and time again?

“Shane,” I tell him. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here in North Ridge. With you.”

“These pain meds are sure fucking good,” he says. “I could have sworn you said you were staying in North Ridge.”

“You might be high but I mean every word I say. I’m not leaving you.”

He frowns, looking at me with apprehension. “Don’t stay out of pity…”

“It’s not pity, Shane. It’s love. I love you. I never stopped. I only stopped believing that I deserved love, your love. I want to spend my days with you, I want to live my life here. I want to start over, fresh, from scratch, and get things right. I know now what really matters and that fear…well, fuck fear. I’ll use it, I won’t cower from it.”

He swallows hard, his gorgeous eyes growing misty. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“Say nothing. You’ve said so much and I’ve been nothing but lucky to hear it. It’s my turn now to give. I love you Shane Nelson and I love you wild. You’re my heart and my home and my whole damn life. I promise.”

I bend over and kiss his forehead, his nose, his lips. Softly, sweetly, but trying to tell him all that he is to me, all that he will be.

“I love you,” he whispers back.

“Are you two done having your heart-to-heart?” Dick’s voice booms from behind us. “You don’t want to get him too excited, Rachel, though I guess this is the hospital and if he has a heart attack he’s in pretty good hands.”

Shane and I smirk at each other before I turn around.

Dick is at the door with Hank and everyone else.

“He’s all yours,” I tell them, stepping back and making a flourishing gesture.

“And it sounds like you’re all ours too,” Hank says, giving my shoulder a squeeze. “I’m glad you decided to stay.”

I grin at him, my heart feeling so impossibly full at all of this, all of them.

My family.

Turns out you can go home again.