WILLA

We rest up for a day, taking naps and sitting around camp getting to know everyone. It seems that there are three mini-tribes amongst the island aliens, each with its own characteristics and not-so-silent rivalry. Clan Shadowed Cat (those of the extra body hair) don’t like that Gren is living with Strong Arm, because they feel he should be one of them. Clan Tall Horn (those of the biggest headgear) feel that because Strong Arm “acquired” Lauren, Gail and Vaza, and J’shel resonated to a human, that they should get Gren because they have the best sleeping quarters—a network of caves along the base of one of the cliffs, and if we do not join them, then the two red twins should, so their numbers will be “even.” This sets off another round of good-natured bickering in which they divvy up people without even asking them. The two red guys say they will only go if Angie joins as well, and Angie declares she is not joining anyone, and then Raahosh has to step in and tell everyone to calm the fuck down.

Which is pretty much how it goes every day on the beach lately, or so I’m told. No one’s used to living together and the three clans are used to competing with each other, which means there’s a lot of competition back and forth.

I actually think it’s kind of cute, because they are all enamored with the idea of Gren joining their micro-tribe. Because of that, he’s the most popular man on the beach. They love his strength and his ferocity and his history of fighting in the gladiator arenas. So they woo him with gifts and invitations to come sit at their fires while they cook. I have to admit it’s kind of nice to see the islanders around, because they definitely look different for all that they’re native as well, and they’re as equally lost in all this cold snow as we are.

The next morning, Vaza (one of the new blue sa-khui aliens from the village) approaches J’shel and Gren. “There is a herd of dvisti in one of the nearby valleys. It will be a good opportunity for you both to do some hunting.” He unslings a bow from his shoulder and holds it out to my mate. “You need to learn to catch food to fill your female’s belly.”

Gren takes the bow, and it’s impossible for me not to see the eagerness on his face. He hesitates, then hands it back to Vaza. “I will not leave Willa’s side.”

I feel like a jerk suddenly. How much is my attitude toward the others influencing him? It’s like Brooke said—he trusts me to lead him around the others, and I worry I’m going to make him think they’re all monsters when it’s obvious they’re trying really hard to make us feel included. “You should go,” I tell him, reaching out to catch his swinging tail. “Hunting’s important.”

Gren turns to me, his expression grave. “Nothing is more important than protecting my mate.”

“Oh, sugar,” I murmur, getting to my feet. I want him to go and hang with the guys, because it’s clear that he’s craving these friendships. I smile at him and tilt my face up for a kiss. “I’ll be perfectly safe here. I’m going to sit by the fire and rest up.” A baby cries in the distance and it gives me inspiration. “In fact, I might go hang out with Gail and see if she needs help with that little one.”

“She does,” Vaza says immediately. “It is a very unhappy kit.”

“See?” I tell Gren, who doesn’t look entirely convinced. “Go,” I reassure him and lean in. “If we don’t stay, it’ll be good to get some hunting pointers.”

That convinces him. He gives me one of our unique kisses with a lot of tongue and tooth, and a look that makes me melt. Then, my Gren turns toward Vaza and J’shel, as eager as a boy. “So we hunt?”

“You will need heavy boots and a cloak,” Vaza says. “The snow in the valley is deep.”

“I am not cold,” Gren tells him, smoothing a hand down the bow covetously. I make a mental note to ask about where I can get him a bow, because it’s clear he wants one.

Vaza snorts. “The cloak is to hide your coloring. Get a white one. Raahosh has extra if you do not. J’shel, you can change colors, yes?”

“Of course,” the younger alien says with a toss of his long braid. He glances back at the main fire, his expression distracted. “Shall I do so now?”

“Save it for the dvisti. I must go kiss my Shail before we go, so she knows she is first in my heart.” He nods at the two, and then turns, heading off.

I can’t decide if Vaza is sweet or just weird. Maybe both. I get to my feet. “Come on, Gren, sugar, let’s find you some boots.”

A short time later, Gren, J’shel and Vaza head off into one of the twisty canyons that lead toward the cliffs, and I’m left by the fire with N’dek. His mood seems to be pissy, and when I try to talk to him, he gives me curt, unpleasant answers, and I eventually get the hint. I guess seeing the others leave to go hunting hurt his feelings and he wants to be left alone. I watch until Gren’s big form disappears from sight, and ignore the needy pang of distress going off in my head. He can leave my side. We’re not completely co-dependent.

Well…not completely.

I’m being a real idiot, I decide. He’s gonna have fun hanging out with the boys, and he’ll bring home meat and learn something in the process. If we leave again, we’ll be better equipped. This is necessary.

I already miss him, though. My cootie’s utterly silent with his absence, and I rub my too-still chest and wish it’d give just one little hum. Just one, and it’d tell me that Gren is coming back to spend the day hanging out with me around the fire, doing nothing.

But it remains quiet. I sigh to myself, get to my feet, and decide to go find Gail after all.

It’s daylight, and a lot of the time people scatter while the suns are up to do most of the scavenging-type chores. I’m not surprised to see the main fire—the hub of activity for the Icehome camp—is nearly empty except for Angie and Gail. Angie sits near the fire pit on a stone, and I see she’s got a stuffed furry pillow under her butt. Even so, she shifts back and forth as if she can’t get comfortable. Across from her is a lean, tiny black woman with shortish natural curls peppered with gray. She holds a baby in her arms, and it’s clear the baby is not happy in the slightest. He screams in her face, four fists waving, and his color flares back and forth as if trying to show how mad he is. No one else is around.

“Hi guys,” I say, feeling a little shy. “Can I hang out?”

“If you don’t mind a bit of screaming,” Gail says over the baby’s crying, doing her best to jiggle him. She shakes something that looks like a bone rattle, but he just bellows in her face again.

Angie looks miserable. She rubs her back and stares at the fire.

I want to thank her for her help in our escape, but I can’t bring it up with Gail here. I settle for beaming a smile in Angie’s direction and hope she knows how much I appreciate her. “Where is everyone?” I ask. “Normally there’s a few more people sitting by the fire.”

“Liz and Harlow decided that since their babies are here and you two came back, and the islanders have joined us, we should have a big party. A feast-slash-luau,” Gail says. “So she has every single pair of hands possible out gathering seeds and greens for side dishes.”

“Except for Veronica,” Angie adds, with a chuckle. “Veronica’s sleeping. Possibly with Ashtar.”

Heh. “We do tend to drag her around quite a bit, but those healing powers are handy.”

“Yep. I’m ready for her to wake up.” Angie inhales sharply and rubs one side of her lower belly.

I sit down next to her, worried. “Can I get you anything, Ang? Drink? Something to eat? Another pillow? You helped me back in the day. Let me help you.”

The pregnant woman gives me a weak smile. “How about a chocolate bar, a cup of coffee, and a jacuzzi tub?”

“I can make some weak-ass needle tea,” I offer instead.

“Sure.” She keeps smiling, but her uneasy expression is on Gail and the fussy child in her arms.

“We haven’t really had a chance to talk,” I tell Gail as I put the tea pouch over the coals. “I’m Willa.”

“Oh, I know who you are, honey.” She grimaces as the baby grabs a fistful of her hair and yanks. “We’ve all heard you.”

“Heard of?” I ask.

“No, heard. The valleys around here carry sound.” She winks at me and then hisses in pain when the four-armed baby tugs hard. She carefully detangles his grasping fingers from her hair. “Z’hren, baby, you’ve got to leave some hair on Gail’s head.”

He responds by screaming outrage in her face.

Even I wince at that. “Um, you want me to take him for a second?”

“No, it’s all right. We’re just getting used to each other, him and I,” she says, and even though the child is screeching at the top of his lungs in her arms, she gives him a look of such love that I can’t help but smile. “We’ll figure it out. It’s been a few years since I’ve had a baby, but I know sometimes there’s nothing to do but let ’em fuss it out.”

“But he’s an alien baby,” Angie pipes in as I find the small basket of needle-like leaves that’s always near the fire and add a few to the pouch. “What if he doesn’t act like regular babies?”

I glance back at her to see her touching her stomach, worry on her round face.

“Babies are babies,” Gail says confidently. “They’re simple enough once you figure out what sets ’em off. They want food, a clean diaper, and love. Everything else is secondary.”

“Mmm.” Angie doesn’t look convinced.

“Speaking of babies, I guess congratulations are in order,” Gail says, and it takes me a moment to realize she means me.

I blush. “It’s early yet, but thank you. We’re still figuring out a lot right now.”

“Like whether or not you’re gonna stay?” Gail asks, and when the baby reaches for her hair again, she gives a small sigh and lets him grab a fistful, wincing. “I heard you weren’t a big fan of the people here.”

“Everyone’s really nice, actually. I just didn’t like our…welcome, for lack of a better way to put it. Gren was tied up and treated like an animal.”

“Yeah, some of these men, bless their hearts, don’t really know how to handle humans. Did they tell you how I got here? Some fool bought a bunch of human slaves because he wanted us to be their mates.” She rolls her eyes. “Elly had to explain slavery to him real distinct-like because it wasn’t going through that thick skull of his.”

I blink at her, surprised. “So you weren’t brought here with the others?”

“Oh no,” Gail continues. “Bek”—and she rolls her eyes—“decided that he was lonely and needed a woman, so he told Mardok’s old crew to buy him some. Long story short, here we are. But it’s turned out all right. I met Vaza and this little man.”

I decide I like Gail. I sit down next to Angie while the tea steeps and put my hands on my knees. “And you don’t resent them? For what they did?”

“Bek was real sorry once he figured out what he did,” Gail says, her gaze focused on Z’hren as he squirms in her arms. “And I prefer this place compared to the place I was before.” Her mouth firms and she shoots me a wary look. “I didn’t come straight here from Earth, if you catch my drift.”

I don’t, but it must be bad. “I see. And you…trust these people?” The question comes out of me almost as if pried out, I’m so reluctant to speak it, but I need to know. “After what happened to bring you here?”

“There are all kinds of people in this universe, Willa,” Gail says, and bounces Z’hren on her lap. She’s constantly adjusting the baby, trying to find the right way to hold him to make him stop squirming, but she doesn’t seem to mind. “You meet some good and some bad, and you judge people by their hearts. Some of these people aren’t good with human stuff, but they have real good hearts, and that’s what’s important. You have to look deeper, sometimes, to see intent. And at some point, you have to trust that not everyone is going to hurt you.”

That’s the part I keep sticking on. I keep worrying that I’m going to mistake smiles and pretty faces for rotten cores, like Mama. How she’d be so very sweet and loving, and then turn around and make me go sit on Uncle Dick’s lap because he wanted to “hold me” even though I was twelve. How every time I desperately wanted to believe her, to love her, she’d disappoint me all over again. I look at Lauren, and Gail, and Liz and their alien mates and I wonder if I can trust them. “How do you get past it?”

“You have to believe in the good in people again or you’ll die miserable and alone. I’ve been miserable and alone. This is much better.”

“You sound like you’re speaking from experience.”

Gail just smiles.

Angie shifts on her pillow, and when I glance over, her face is contorted in a pained grimace as she rubs her back again. “How about you?” I ask. “You have just as little reason to trust as I do.”

The pregnant woman’s expression grows sweet, dreamy. “I believe in love,” she says softly. “And I see a lot of it here on this planet. Even if the cootie’s picking, the results are the same, you know? Everyone’s in love and happy. Maybe I can have that someday.” She rubs her belly and looks thoughtful. “Maybe someone will love me and whatever comes out of my body.” For a moment she looks so sad that my heart breaks for her, and then she smiles, the moment gone. “But most of all, waking up like this—with this belly, on this planet—makes me realize I can’t do this on my own. This isn’t Earth. The rules are different and maybe that’s not a bad thing. Maybe this is the universe telling me that it’s okay to start over completely. Does that make sense?”

I find myself smiling. “Actually, yeah. That makes a lot of damn sense.”

Maybe me and Gren can start over, too.