~ Five ~
DAYS AFTER SARA AND GODWIN’S ugly encounter over the divorce, Godwin was called away on estate business.
He and Heather had met at their cottage and he had promised he would only be away for a day.
“Dearest, I have arranged a meeting with my estate manager at my Parliamentary friend’s Grange, some hours away. Because of the distance, I shall not return until late into the day. I must attend to the arrangements my friend, the one I mentioned, is conducting on my behalf. He wields a great deal of power in Parliament, but he needs me to sign some of the documents he will be presenting to the court. You see, he is making all the arrangements for an annulment should Sara refuse to sign the divorce papers.”
“Oh, I do feel so badly about this. Godwin, my love, I would be happy to stay here in our cottage as your mistress…and not do this to Sara.”
“No! I will not allow you to suffer over this. I took advantage of you, Heather. You were an innocent, and now you are mine. I will not treat you thusly. I will not shame you,” he said vehemently.
“Yes, but, Godwin, a second wife under such circumstances will be not much better than a mistress’s role in society, and honestly, I am content to go on as we are. I shall live here in this cottage that I adore…”
“And our child? Will you condemn our child to such a life?”
Heather had frowned, and he had promised that in the end all would be well. She watched him leave and sighed.
Heather adored him, but she honestly did not want to put Sara into such a predicament. She was content with her life the way it was and the way it would be as Godwin’s mistress. She had his love, she had no need of his name.
As she strolled home to her uncle’s modest but well-ordered household, worried about the future, torn because of the child she carried, she made up her mind to try and talk Godwin out of his present course. She would tell him that he must think of Roderick.
Her red hair trailed freely unhampered as she hadn’t bothered to don the hood of her cloak. Over her arm a basket was slung full with wildflowers. In her throat one of her favorite tunes. Godwin loved her voice and was forever asking her to sing for him. Godwin, she thought and sighed heavily. Why had the fated brought them together? It was up to her to keep him from denouncing his wife and the boy he had called son all these years.
She loved the cottage. She loved watching him come through the door. Theirs was a private world when they were there together. She had no need to be Lady Ravensbury. She only needed him and a quiet life, but a nagging voice told her she wasn’t being realistic. Life would intrude and hurt their child in the future…but how she loved Godwin, and if only he had never crossed paths with Sara. He had a habit of peering at her with those brilliant eyes of his that made her knees weak. Oh, he had been so full of joy, so wildly thrilled that he had picked her up and swung her around when she told him she was with child!
He had glowed with happiness, so much that he could not contain himself as he began voicing the plans for the baby’s nursery, and then he stopped talking and took her into his arms to hold her, just to hold her. She clung to him.
She wished he hadn’t gone off on business. She missed him so very much. Still, she would see him soon.
Heather couldn’t keep the smile from her face when she entered the kitchen. A fire was burning low in the hearth and she rubbed her hands before she removed her cloak and hung it on a nearby hook.
Cook eyed her and said, “Sit…sit with me a moment, child.”
“My goodness, whatever is wrong, Mabe? I can see that something is very wrong, for you never look so dour,” Heather exclaimed, and gave the woman’s full round shoulders a hug before she sat beside her at the table.
“Mrs. Abernathy came to see yer uncle, she did, and she made no secret of it, ‘twas Lady Ravensbury who sent her. I know, coz m’boy listened at the door—I told him to, ye see, cuz I was worrit about ye.”
“But what does this mean?” Heather had a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach. This was alarming. Her uncle barely tolerated her as it was. He had only taken her in because if he hadn’t, people would have thought him coldhearted, which, in fact, he was. Her aunt had very little to say in their household, and Heather knew she would find no help in that quarter.
“Mrs. Abernathy made him know the worst of ‘ee and himself. She come to end it, this illicit love affair ye be having with his lordship—her words, not mine,” Mabe said with some disgust. She reached for Heather’s hand and patted it. “It be wrong, ye know, I know…ye and his lordship carrying on, but bless ye child, I understand the heart and life…but I think if ye promise to give him up…perhaps all will be well.”
Heather jumped to her feet. “Mabe? End it? I could no more end it than end my life.”
“Ye’ll get nowhere speaking sech to the vicar, m’darling girl,” Mabe said, and sighed as she shook her head. “Lord bless ye, I’ve a fondness for ye, but still…himself be another woman’s lawful man. Think on that if nothing else.”
“But, Mabe…I have. It isn’t what you think…” Heather started to object and then cut herself off. At the kitchen door stood a small but hearty lad.
Mabe’s son was thirteen, round-faced and round-eyed. He walked over to Heather and took her hand worshipfully. “Miss Heather, master saw ye coming down the walk. He says to have ye go to him in the study at once, but if ye don’t want to…if ye want to run away…I’ll gladly go with ye and protect ye, I will.”
Mabe reached over and touched her son’s shoulder. “Whist with ye now putting such notions in Miss Heather’s head. Go on, young’un…off with ye now.”
He lowered his head and shuffled out, but it was clear when he turned and gave Heather a long look that he was concerned and ready to help her.
Heather bolstered herself as she made ready to face her uncle. Before she left, Mabe hurried to turn her and throw her arms around her. “Never ye mind, love…matters of the heart have a habit of working out in the end. He will berate ye, ye tell him ye regret what ye’ve done…tell him ye were an innocent and taken advantage of…tell…”
“No, how can I do that, Mabe? It would be a lie,” Heather said, and left the cook at her back. Every instinct told her that she was in peril.
She walked slowly down the long narrow hall, up the two steps to the main hall, down its length and across its width to the study door where she stopped. She took a moment to compose herself as she smoothed her modest, blue day gown, lifted her chin and knocked.
She knew her uncle despised her. It was the only ‘feeling’ he had ever displayed in her regard. She knew why. She knew she was so like her mother in appearance that he couldn’t bear to be in the same room with her. He had never forgiven her mother for refusing his suit and marrying his brother, and now here she was…accused of being immoral, and it was not a lie.
His voice was harsh. “Come in and close the door tightly at your back, girl!”
Heather obeyed meekly. What else could she do? She had sunk their household into shame. How this Abernathy woman found out she could not tell, but somehow she had.
He eyed her, his expression accusing, his lips forming a sneer. “Is it true?”
That was all he asked. He knew that she knew what he was asking. She could lie. She perhaps should lie.
She wondered why he bothered to ask, for he obviously believed what he had been told. She put up her chin and said, “Yes, it is.” She was surprised at the calm she felt.
He sat back. “Faith preserve me,” he breathed on a hushed note. “I have nurtured a creature of Satan!”
“No, you have not nurtured a creature of Satan, for you have not nurtured anyone,” Heather snapped back. “You have scarcely spoken more than a word now and then to me since I arrived.”
“Quiet!” he snapped, and his fist pounded his desk, making her jump. “You stand before me, boldly admitting the foulest behavior without blushing, without shading your eyes from mine?”
“No, Uncle, I do not admit to behavior most foul,” she answered gravely. She had no idea where she found the strength to face him down.
“Of your own free will you have just confessed…”
She cut him off, “You asked me if it were true. I assumed you meant is it true that I, Heather Martin, love Godwin of Ravensbury. Yes, that is true and I cannot admit it to be foul!”
“You play with words? You stand here feeling no shame and…” He appeared, in that moment, to be overcome as he pounded the table again with his fist. “You have participated in clandestine meetings with his lordship, and yet claim you have done nothing evil? Your actions are only surpassed in wickedness by your attitude.”
“I am not playing with words or trying to win an argument, sir. You asked me how it was I did not blush, did not hide my eyes by looking at you directly when I answered. You call my lack of shame wickedness…but I cannot call it wicked that I love Godwin. Nay, I am proud of it.”
How could she make him understand what Godwin had gone through since he discovered Sara had married him on a pretext? She could not without giving away a confidence, and besides, her uncle still would not understand. Her uncle obviously thought Godwin a libertine and she a wicked woman.
“You find nothing shameful in engaging in unlawful fornication with a man who is wedded to another? It is adultery!” He frowned after a pause, and added, “I can see his lordship has taken advantage of you…and still, your upbringing should have…”
She cut him off, furious that he should criticize her beloved. “Nay…he took no unfair advantage.”
“Ah, you are blinded,” he said grimly.
She did not answer. What was the use?
He added, “Aha, finally, I have succeeded in making you see!”
“No, I don’t see at all,” she said, and not cowered, she put up her chin. “We will never agree on this point.”
Her retort, her unwavering attitude burned through him. “By my faith!” he shouted. “Ravensbury is a married man. Does that not mean anything to you?”
“Yes, had she been a good woman and he happily married I would cut out my heart before I would allow myself to come between them. That is not the case. You speak from your pulpit of evil. Why would God have put me in Godwin’s path if he had not meant for us to meet, to love?” Did she believe those words? She wasn’t sure.
“To test you…as God tests us all the time, and you have failed,” he snapped.
“God is good and you are wrong!” she shouted.
“You are mad and I have heard enough!” He stood, and she thought for a moment he was going to slap her. He fisted his hands at his sides. “I had hoped to bring you to your senses before sending you away. I see that it is impossible, which only strengthens my resolve that I am right in my decision.”
His words struck her a blow and she chided herself. What did she think he would do? Why hadn’t she foreseen this would be his solution? He had never wanted her at the vicarage and this gave him good cause to get rid of her.
She thought he would try and extract a promise from her to stop seeing Godwin. She had been ready for that, even meant to give it, knowing that soon she and Godwin would be together.
She gasped. “You cannot mean it?”
“Indeed, you leave me no choice. I am told that it is Lady Ravensbury’s wish that I send you elsewhere, and without her patronage, there would be no vicarage,” he said, and sat down heavily in his chair.
“But…Uncle?” she said.
“Uncle? Do not call me that. You shame me. I have had your aunt pack your bags, and have put a pouch of bills in your purse. It should be enough to see you back to your Devon residence and keep you until you can apply to receive your competence there. If you are frugal, the money should last until you find work. I had sent for you believing I was doing my duty, believing you were but a maid in need of protection. I looked to the proprieties, but you are an ingrate. I can have no scruples regarding your future. I have no niece. You are to me less than a stranger.”
He was sending her home. Thank goodness there had been just enough inheritance to maintain her small home while she was gone. She had thought he might send her off under guard somewhere, someplace where she would have difficulty escaping. Such was his nature. His decision to send her back to Devon made her sigh with relief.
So he and her aunt would no longer be a part of her life. What was in that? They had never been a part of her life. She would have no family, but she would have her child and Godwin. It was all she needed.
Also, her uncle obviously didn’t know about the cottage Godwin maintained in the woods—she would go there, and not to Devon!
She would take her bags and what coins her aunt had packed away for her and leave immediately on foot. It would take her less than twenty minutes to walk back there.
“You are what you are,” she told her uncle. “Society is what it is. I am not governed by such things. I know what is truly right and wrong. Happiness was a thing denied to his lordship because of Sara. Happiness was denied to you because my mother did not choose you over your brother…” She saw the shock and anger on his face.
“Yes, Uncle, I know. You wanted my mother and hate me because I look so much like her. There is a reason she chose your brother, and we both know what it was. Heart. He had heart and you do not. You treat your wife like a servant and you treat your servants like slaves. You say you are a man of God, but I believe God knows better. What you are is a bitter old man, and you will never know true happiness.”
She turned and slowly, shoulders straight, started to walk out of the room. She turned when she opened the door and inclined her head. “Goodbye, Uncle.”
He watched her leave. The door closed at her back. Her words had struck a nerve. For a moment, he thought back to his youth. Had he ever known happiness? Yes, as a young man…the first time he had spent an afternoon with Heather’s mother. How her smile had lit him up and made him believe he could do anything…be anything. But then his brother had entered the picture and she had eyes for no other.
Damn the girl!
And even he knew not which girl he spoke of. Perhaps both.