A double rainbow is beckoning on the horizon. Two perfect arcs, parallel to each other, touching the earth on both ends.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

I turn around and face Arc. He’s smiling widely as he turns his gaze away from the rainbow and looks straight at me.

“Welcome ta my safe place.”

“Where are we?” I ask, looking down at ourselves. Arc is wearing a grey kilt and a white shirt, but besides that, he’s barefoot. We’re standing on bright green grass, far too colourful to be real. It’s soft under my naked feet and I curl my toes into the warm earth. I’m wearing a simple blue dress, one I’ve never seen before. Even though I don’t usually like dresses, this one is surprisingly comfortable.

“In my mind. This is where I come when I need some peace and quiet.”

“You let me into your mind?”

He shrugs. “Ye already have my heart, why not my mind? Ye needed a place ta recover, ta escape while Crispin does his healing. This seemed as good a space as any.”

I remember now. The pain, the fire, the sparklies.

“What happened exactly?”

He grimaces. “I’m not quite sure, but it looked like ye set yerself on fire. Yer shirt caught fire as well, and yer hair… I’m sorry.”

“What about my hair?”

He looks uncomfortable. “Ehm, there wasn’t much left on one side.”

I gingerly touch my head, but my hair feels as it always does, falling just below my shoulders on both sides.

"This isn't real," Arc explains. "Ye're seeing yerself like ye want to, not like ye look right now in reality."

"So when I wake up, I'll be bald?" I ask, not quite sure what to think of that. My mind is still processing it all.

"Only on one side, I think." He gives me a little grin. "Ye could turn it into a mohawk, shock the Court a wee bit."

I smile at the thought of Algonquin or Theodore seeing me like that. Maybe a punk style would be a clear sign for them all to leave me alone. Ignoring them or giving them glares didn't work.

"Finally!" Arc explains, looking at me joyfully.

"What?"

"Ye smiled. That's the first time in eight days that ye've smiled."

Immediately, I put my mask back into place, erasing that traitorous smile.

Arc's expression darkens. "Ye're allowed ta smile, Princess. Please dinnae lock yerself away again."

I shake my head, trying to ignore his sad look. "I can't. How can I smile when my mother is dead, her body dismembered somewhere? How can I smile when I don't know where my father is, if he's alive, even?"

Arc puts his hands on my shoulders and even though I can barely stand the touch, I stay where I am, looking down at the ground, willing my tears to disappear.

"Neither of them would want ye to be all cold like that," Arc says softly. "Just because that's how Queen Beira rules, doesn't mean that ye should be the same. Come back to us, Wyn. Dinnae stay in that darkness. Let us in."

If I was my normal self, I'd hug him and tell him that everything was going to be alright. But I'm not. The Wyn he knows is locked away inside of me and I have no intention of letting her out. She's not strong enough for this new world. I have to be cold and unfeeling to survive. I can't break down, I need to keep going. Why can't they understand that? Why do they try and make me let down my barriers?

No, I can't.

I shrug off his hands and step back, before slamming up my walls. The rainbows disappear, then everything else goes black and I'm thrown back into my body.

Bye, Arc. I'm sorry.

Pain welcomes me with open arms. I don't fight it. I deserve it.

I let myself enjoy the warmth of the Guardian holding me for just a moment before opening my eyes. Crispin is bent over my body, his hands running close over my skin without actually touching me. He's not noticed yet that I'm awake.

The pain is almost more than when I was burning. Whatever he's doing isn't gentle. But that's good. I let my parents down, I brought the demon into their house. My mum is dead because of me. This pain isn't punishment enough.

"Wyn," Arc groans, holding his head. He's sitting on the floor next to me, his back against the wall. His face is pale beneath his red hair.

"What happened?" Storm asks worriedly and kneels beside his fellow Guardian.

"She pushed me away," Arc sighs, pointing at me.

Crispin looks up from his work and his eyes widen when he sees that I'm awake.

"Shit, you weren't supposed to be conscious while I'm doing this. That's it. You're going to sleep."

"No," I whisper, my voice rough from pain and smoke.

"You had your chance," Storm growls angrily. "Crisp, put her to sleep. Then once you've healed her, we're going home. No more sparklies."

"But I need them..."

Sleep rushes at me and I'm gone before I can fight it.

"What are we going to do now?" Frost whispers. His voice is almost too far to hear but he's in the same room.

"From now on, one of us stays with her at all times." That's Storm, not my lover Storm, but the leader, the serious one. “When she tries to go to Blaze, stop her. Not that the unicorn will give her any more, he's learned his lesson. I don't think he expected her to get addicted as quickly as she did."

"He should be grateful I healed him," Crispin growls. "He'd be dead if Frost hadn't been shadowing them."

"What if she tries ta leave? We cannae stop her, she's the Princess."

"We've sworn to protect her," Storm says gravely. "Even if that means protecting her from herself. I'm sure Her Majesty agrees, but if she doesn't, I'll take it on me to deal with the consequences."

"She pushed me away," Arc mutters, his voice full of sadness. "She's never done that before."

Storm sighs. "She's not herself at the moment. She's grieving, she's in an unfamiliar place and she wants revenge. It's not a good place for anyone to be in. She needs time, but I'm not sure how much we can give her. The war is coming and we need to be prepared."

I don't need time. I'm ready for war. Ready to crush the Morrigan. I've secured my heart, protecting it from further injuries. I don't know if my father is still alive. If he isn't... I can't crash. I need to continue fighting. I can't let feelings hold me back. That was the old Wyn, but she was weak. To defeat the Goddess of Death, I will need my mind, not my heart.

"I'm worried we're losing her," Arc whispers. "I've never seen her barriers so strong. She's keeping us oot, what if she never lets us in again?"

He sounds so forlorn, so sad that I want to give him a hug - no, that's the old Wyn. Stop it. Hugging doesn't help anyone. It's just a waste of time and energy.

"Remember, we're bound to her," Crispin says soothingly, but even he sounds a little unsure. "Eventually, she won't be able to fight the bond any longer. She needs us just as much as we need her."

I can't take it any longer and move my arms and legs, stretching as if I'm only just waking up.

"Good morning, Princess."

A smiling Frost is the first I see when I open my eyes.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine. What time is it?"

His smiles wavers a little. "Almost noon. The healing took a lot of your own energy so we let you sleep..."

I jump out of bed, not letting him finish. So much time wasted. I need to consult with my mother, then a quick trip to Blaze, then there's likely a Council meeting, then...

Wait, Blaze.

"Is he alright?"

"Who? The unicorn?" Storm sneers in disapproval.

"Yes, who else," I reply impatiently. "Did he get hurt?"

"He's fine," Frost says, walking around me until he's standing in my way. His eyes are soft and warm, but there's a question in there, a plea for me to respond to him. Not to his words, to his feelings.

I turn my head, unable to look at the want in his eyes. I can't give him what he needs.

"Crispin healed him after he was done with you," Frost explains, hurt swinging in his voice. "But he's left for a little while, until-"

I swirl around and grab Frost by the shoulders, almost shaking him.

"Why would he leave? Where did he go?"

Frost looks down, evading my eyes.

"He had something to do..."

I squeeze his arms tighter.

"But I need him." My voice isn't as strong as I'd like it to be, in fact, it's almost a whimper. No more sparklies. I need them. I can't go on without them. Blaze is the only one who can make me forget, who takes the edge off the pain. Without him, I'll have to live in the cold and the dark, the way the world has been feeling ever since the day the box arrived. My mother's...

No, don't think of that. Don't let it get close to you. They were your adoptive parents, not your real ones. Her death isn't as bad as it seems. Beira is your real mother. She's still alive, she needs you.

"I need them..." This time, it really is a whimper.

My breathing is getting faster but I can't control it; it's my body who's taken over. My legs shake and I slowly sink to the floor, clinging to whatever's closest.

I can't do this.

I'm not strong enough. I can't shield my emotions well enough. Sometimes they need to be let out, and I can only do that with Blaze. He doesn't judge, he doesn't tell anyone. With him I can be happy for a few moments every day, before the darkness takes over once more.

"Shush, Wyn, it'll be alright."

A hand rubs my back soothingly and it's grating against my barriers.

No, I can't.

I wiggle free from their touch and stumble to my feet. Everything is spinning and I'm vaguely aware that my breathing is far too fast, but I need to get away from them. They're too nice, too kind. I can't give them what they want.

Surprisingly, I reach the bathroom before any of them can stop me. I turn the key in the lock and then sink down to the ground again, leaning against the cool wooden door.

Blaze has abandoned me, just when I needed him most. I thought I could trust the unicorn.

I hug my knees to my chest. My heart is close to breaking free but I can't let that happen. I need to keep it in its icy prison, even if it hurts. I need to keep functioning. But why is it all so difficult?

It's the men. They're making it harder. Without them, all I'd have to worry about was myself. But even now I can feel my connection to them, the bond pulling us towards each other. If I gave in, I'd open the door and throw myself into their arms.

The bond is getting more demanding with every day I don't touch my Guardians. I never noticed before how often I touched them. A slight brush against each other on a corridor, a quick kiss on the way to a meeting, cuddling in bed before falling asleep in their arms. Even if it wasn't always all of them together, there was usually one of them around. And now that I'm keeping them at a distance, the bond is making me suffer for it.

Damn those Guardians for making me go through with that ritual. Maybe the connection we had before, the one created by them syphoning some of my magic, wouldn't have been strong enough to keep us together. Maybe I could have made them leave. But with the other bond, that's impossible.

A knock on the door sends tiny vibrations through my spine.

"Wyn, are you alright?"

I ignore Storm and draw my legs closer. Not that it makes me feel any better.

He knocks again, harder this time. The entire door shakes and with a sigh, I get up, looking for a better place to sit.

That's when I see myself in the mirror. I shriek before I can stifle the scream with my hands.

It isn't me.

It can't be.

The Wyn in the mirror is staring back at me, wide-eyed, her singed eyebrows giving her a strangely confused look.

With a crash, the door flies open.

"What's-?"

Storm doesn't finish his question. He knows exactly what's wrong.

Half of my hair is gone. My scalp is an ugly red, the skin puckered where the hair used to be. My hair is normal on the left side, but then as soon as it reaches the parting, it turns into a strange lightning bolt shape, leaving a few tufts at the front with a giant bald batch just behind.

I gingerly touch the back of my head. Again, there's no hair left on the right side.

"I healed you, but I couldn't regrow your hair," Crispin says softly. I didn't even notice him entering the room. "Maybe your mother can. Or we can get you a wig, or a pretty headscarf, or..."

"Get out!" I scream and blast them with a burst of wind, shooting out of me before I can stop it. Crispin is flung against the wall with a crack, while the door slams against Storm. Both of them cry out in pain and I freeze, watching as Crispin slumps to the floor, blood staining the wall where his head crashed against it.

The door opens again and in comes a furious Storm, holding his bleeding nose.

"What the fuck are you playing at?" he shouts, stalking towards me. Frost and Arc are behind him, staring at me with grim faces.

"Crispin!" Frost has seen Crispin on the floor and hurries to kneel by his friend's side. "Crisp, can you hear me?"

He checks for a pulse while I wring my hands, ice flooding my veins. What have I done?

I begin to shiver, then my body starts to shake ever so slightly. The ice is reaching my heart, already cold, but it's a different kind of ice now. The current layer is one I put there myself. The new ice is one out of my control.

It scares me. Everything scares me.

Crispin groans and Frost sighs in relief. Arc is kneeling on Crispin's other side, but I didn't even notice him move. The world around me has turned into a dream that I'm watching, but not taking part in.

"Wyn?" Storm asks from far away, coming closer. The blood flowing from his nose has stopped, leaving brown traces behind. "Wynter?"

He never uses my full name. Why is he now?

Something is building up in me, a pressure that is starting somewhere near my heart. An icy energy is running through me and my shakes are getting stronger.

"Wyn, your eyes are glowing."

Are they? How strange.

Fog is clouding my mind and it's hard to stay focussed.

Something tickles my hand and I look down. Tiny sparks of lightning are sizzling around my fingers, so beautiful and pretty. I raise my hand to take a closer look, watching as the sparks are turning into larger bolts.

"Wyn, stop it!"

But why would I stop such a pretty thing? It's like Blaze's sparkly cave, only brighter and more powerful.

"Frost, get Crisp out of here. Everybody out, she's going to flare again!"

Storm is looking at me strangely, like he's afraid.

Is there something dangerous with us in the room? I look around, but there's nothing behind me. No monsters, no enemies.

"Wyn, you need to control your magic," Storm says, urgency lacing each of his words. "Without Crispin, we won't be able to contain it."

The intensity of his voice makes me stop and think, but I'm not sure how to use my magic anymore. It's too slippery, too powerful.

"Get out," I whisper with difficulty. Forming words is difficult. Holding on to reality is hard. I just want to let go, but Storm needs to get away from me first.

I expect him to refuse, but he gives me a quick nod and leaves the room.

"I'm going to get your mother!" he calls as he runs away.

Finally, I can let go.

Lightning burst from my body, crashing into my mind, making everything go blank.