Sophie locked the door behind Jake, leaning against it, hearing his footsteps retreat on the walkway outside.

Despair rose like swamp water, welling up inside her. “Hello, depression. My old friend.”

But she couldn’t give in to that familiar deadening dark. Much as Sophie wanted to just lie down on the floor and wallow in self-pity, she couldn’t. She had another life to care for now, and she’d just fainted—probably because she hadn’t eaten for most of the day.

From here on out, self-neglect had to end. Her baby needed food, even if that was the last thing she was interested in right now.

Ginger whined, looking anxiously back and forth between the door and Sophie. “No. Tank is with Jake. I’ll fix you some dinner,” Sophie told the Lab. Her dog needed her, too.

Being needed helped her keep going.

The insight burst across her brain. From now on, she’d always be needed by someone very close to her. Was she up to the task? Could she be a better mother than hers had been? Surely, she could. She was no Pim Wat, filled with selfish, hidden agendas, using her depression as a smokescreen.

The smell of brown rice cooking penetrated Sophie’s nostrils as she opened the bag of dog kibble she’d brought from the motel. She breathed through her mouth to avoid the weird combination of the smell of cooking rice and dog food. Smells were definitely more intense.

She poured a pile of kibble onto one of the paper plates Jake had brought.

Ginger fed, Sophie proceeded to chop the vegetables for the stir-fry she had meant to cook for both her and Jake for dinner—the first time she’d fixed a meal for Jake in her living space. She had been planning to surprise him by actually doing something for him; Jake more than deserved it.

Tears stung Sophie’s eyes as she tossed the vegetables and beef into the hot oil of the big Teflon pan he’d bought her.

What would she do without Jake’s unstinting support, his help, his hugs?

She swallowed the lump in her throat. Selfish to wish he would just understand how the situation had happened, selfish to wish he’d meant what he said about supporting her. She’d always known he struggled with jealousy, with wounds inflicted by his faithless father. This had to be hurting him deeply.

And what about Alika? What should she do about finding out if he might be her child’s father? “What a can of worms,” Marcella’s voice said in her head.

Sophie’s appointment with Dr. Wilson was still days away, but she could talk to Marcella. Marcella would know what to do.

Sophie put in her Bluetooth and called her friend as she finished up the stir-fry.

“Hey girl! This is so weird. I was just getting ready to call you. Friend ESP or something.” Marcella’s cheerful voice made the lump in Sophie’s throat thicken.

She turned off the flame under the pan and cleared her throat. “Marcella. I’m in deep kimchee, as Lei would say.”

“Oh, no, what now?” No matter how many dangerous situations Sophie got into, Marcella’s response was always immediate, heartfelt compassion.

The tears filling Sophie’s eyes overflowed. “I’m pregnant.”

Dead silence.

“Marcella? Are you there?”

“I’m here. Sorry. It’s just…wow! Oh my God!”

“I know.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Give birth to the baby.” Heat flushed Sophie’s body and her spine stiffened with resolution. She set down the bamboo spatula and walked back and forth, sorting her thoughts. Ginger’s brown eyes tracked her anxiously, and she trailed a hand over the dog’s head in reassurance. “I know it’s a terrible idea, in practical terms. A baby will interfere with my work. I will have to make a whole lot of changes. It will be challenging to get through all of this as a single mother. But this is my child. I’ve always loved kids, and never thought I could have any. This is a secret longing of mine. A dream I never imagined would come true.”

“Good.” Marcella’s voice firmed. “Good, Sophie. Because I can only imagine what would happen with your depression if you…got rid of it. You’d hate yourself. For all the reasons you just told me you want to keep it. I know you well enough to know that.”

“Yes.” Sophie’s stomach rumbled, and she returned to the kitchen. “Do you mind if I eat while we talk? I fainted after I told Jake. I’ve gone too long without eating.”

“You fainted? You told Jake? Oh man! What did he say?” Marcella’s voice had gone high-pitched and her rapid-fire questions made Sophie dizzy again.

“Jake said he needed some space. And he left.” Sophie carried her bowl of rice and stir-fry across the room. “He was upset that he might not be the father.”

“Oh crap, Sophie! You must have told him about that time with Alika. I knew that was going to blow up… I need some wine.” Sophie could hear her friend padding across the wooden floor of the little cottage outside of Honolulu that she shared with her fiancé, Marcus Kamuela. Being able to picture their pretty, tidy little home almost made Sophie smile.

Sophie carried her food outside and sat cross-legged on the textured floor of the deck. Ocean-scented air off of Hilo Bay wafted up to cool her hot face. She took several bites of the stir-fry with rice. She enjoyed the tastes and textures of the food, the way her stomach immediately settled.

Savoring little things, when big things were too much, was something she could always return to.

“I’ve got my wine and I’m on the back porch. Ready to really dig into this deep kimchee,” Marcella said. Sophie heard the creak of her friend’s chair.

“And I’m on the deck of my new apartment. Eating. It’s a nice place to be. Thank you for being someone I can always call, no matter what.”

“You got it, girlfriend. Now, back up the bus and start at the beginning. When did you first suspect you might be pregnant?”

Sophie told her friend about the session with Dr. Wilson and the series of events leading to the current situation. “I think Jake would be happy if he knew the baby was his. But he’s having a tough time with the fact that I was with Alika even once, though Jake and I weren’t officially together then.”

“Yeah. I saw that coming,” Marcella said ruefully. “Jake’s one of those old-fashioned alpha males. Territorial. Did he smash anything?”

“No. He seemed sad. Like he was trying really hard not to say the wrong thing, even though he couldn’t say what I wanted to hear.” Sophie blinked stinging eyes. “I hate to hurt him, and I don’t want to go through this without him.”

“Sounds like you might have fallen in love with him somewhere along the way. That wouldn’t be a bad thing.”

“I don’t know. Maybe I have. I just know I can’t stand the thought of him hurting, and I miss him when he’s not here.” Sophie had finished her bowl of food, and she set it aside. She shut her eyes. “I need to find out who the father is, but I’m scared to know.”

“Of course you are. Ugh, Sophie, I’m so sorry about this. What a can of worms.”

Sophie smiled. “That’s so funny. Earlier when I was thinking about this I heard your voice in my head say just that, about the can of worms. But don’t be sorry. I’m actually happy about the baby, even if the circumstances aren’t ideal.” Sophie’s hands had come to rest naturally against her abdomen; the tiny life beneath her touch seemed to flicker within like a star’s faraway light. “There’s a noninvasive blood test that can be done to determine paternity. The tricky thing is, everyone involved needs to submit blood. And that means I have to talk to Alika. Tell him I might be pregnant. Ask him to take the test.” Her stomach gave a sudden lurch and she swallowed. “And I have been avoiding him. Haven’t seen or spoken to him since the bomb.”

“I know. And I know it’s been eating you up.”

“That’s exactly the feeling. The guilt just seems to gnaw at me.” Sophie rubbed her eyes. “I was planning to write Alika a letter. Dr. Wilson’s idea. But then this week got so crazy that I never found the time. Do you think I should just go to Kaua`i and see him?”

“Yes, I do. Get everything out on the table in person.”

“And I need to tell Connor, too.”

“Why?” Marcella’s voice had gone hostile. She was the only person besides Sophie who knew Connor, the Ghost, was also Sheldon Hamilton. Marcella had tried to bring him down through the FBI and failed to make anything stick.

“I owe Connor so much…”

“You don’t owe him shit. He’s your boss. You work for him, that’s all. And you’re an independent contractor; you can leave anytime.”

Sophie sighed. “You know that’s not all there is to it.”

“You don’t still have feelings for him, do you?” Marcella sounded horrified. “Never forget what he put you through. That funeral! I was there. I saw what he did. What he is.”

“I don’t forget. But I do forgive. It’s complicated. He’s my friend. He understands me like no one else does. I don’t have any secrets from him.”

Marcella snorted. “You didn’t sleep with Connor, too, did you?”

“Ha. No. Not since his fake funeral. I’m over him that way. But he is not over me. He told me so clearly.” Sophie listened to the shrill song of the coqui frogs and the gentle shush of the water against the seawall below the building. “I am working closely with Connor on a confidential project. He will have to know eventually, and I’d rather it was sooner than later, in case it causes problems.”

“Brace yourself for more fireworks,” Marcella said darkly.

“Ugh! I’m tired from all of this drama. I’ll keep you posted on any new developments.”

“You’d better. Are you telling everyone your baby news? Or am I sworn to secrecy?”

“I’d prefer you kept this news quiet until…things settle a bit. It is early—perhaps something will go wrong with the pregnancy, and I want to get the paternity question answered and out of the way. Then I can talk more openly about it. Tell my father.” Sophie shook her head. “I don’t know what he will say.”

“Frank will just be worried about you, Sophie. And he’ll want to be involved.”

“Fussing like a mother hen. I can hear him now. He will want to know everything.”

“Exactly.” Marcella yawned. “Let’s both get some sleep. See what life brings in the morning.”

Sophie said goodbye. She rinsed her dishes, brushed her teeth, turned off the lights, and snuggled into her new bed.

She couldn’t help remembering the sight of Jake assembling the bed for her, his absorption in the project. His thoughtfulness was so endearing.

Fresh tears filled her eyes. There was no way out of this situation that didn’t hurt someone.

Lying on her side, the glass slider open with just a screen, she looked out at the moon on the ocean. She listened to the frog chorus, and the wind in the banyan, and the sound of the ocean. She stroked her abdomen with her fingers, tracing the tattoos in Thai that encircled her navel: love, joy, bliss.

Perhaps those things were coming to her in a surprising new way.

Ginger hopped up onto the bed stealthily. Sophie pretended not to notice as the dog curled once and pressed her warm bulk up against Sophie’s back.

She still missed Jake, but Ginger was warm, too. Sophie fell asleep, one hand resting on her belly.