Sophie rubbed one of her abraded wrists absentmindedly as she sat in Dr. Wilson’s waiting room late the next day. She felt good, considering all that had gone down the day before. She hadn’t needed more than a sturdy bandage for the wound on her back, administered by the EMTs at the van. Her other assorted punctures and scrapes from yesterday’s ordeal were already healing.

So far, today had been spent wrapping up the case with the Weathersbys and attending a team meeting with the detectives where she turned over all the information she’d gathered on the body dump sites Chang had told her about, and what she’d put together on the missing persons using DAVID. Freitan and Wong had enough to verify the way the “side hustle” had gone down, even with both Changs heavily lawyered up. Hope was high at the station that they’d even be able to unravel the intricacies of the Chang crime operation if they could keep Holly Rayme alive and the Chang cousins would talk. Those were big “ifs,” but a good start.

Dr. Wilson opened her inner door and stuck her head out. “Sophie! So good to see you. I was worried yesterday until I got your text.” Sophie stood and turned to face the psychologist, and Dr. Wilson widened her eyes. “You look a little worse for wear, my girl.”

“I got off lightly, considering the situation that occurred yesterday. Is it all right if this is my official post-incident trauma debrief per Security Solutions protocol?”

“Wow, it must have been a doozy of a day. Whatever you need. Do you want to do some EMDR?”

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing we the best practices recommendation for post trauma work. Sophie was quite familiar with the technique, a combination of structured question and memory recall accompanied by eye movement guided by a light bar.

“Maybe, but I would just like to sort through everything first. A lot has happened since I saw you day before yesterday.”

“Well, let’s get to it.” Dr. Wilson held the door wide, and Sophie walked in.

Sophie took a seat on the familiar couch, and picked up a fidget toy off of the coffee table. “Do many of your clients play with this while they talk?”

“They do. I find that males, particularly, need something to do with their hands while they talk.”

Sophie spun the gadget. “I’m not sure where to begin.” All that had happened, including her confusion on a number of subjects, jostled together to stifle her tongue.

Dr. Wilson smiled from her comfortable lounger, a clipboard and pen on her lap. Today she wore a simple scoop-necked dress in a vibrant peacock shade that enhanced her striking blue eyes.

“Why don’t you begin where we left off? Tell me what you were able to find out about your mother’s secret spy organization.”

“I finally had some time to research it online just before I was kidnapped,” Sophie said.

Dr. Wilson snorted. “Maybe that’s not the right place to start. Why don’t you start with the biggest thing that has happened since I saw you last.”

“I am trying to remember what had happened before I met with you last. I don’t think we had found Julie Weathersby or Chernobiac’s body yet.”

Dr. Wilson shook her head. “Good Lord. Okay, begin wherever!”

Sophie proceeded to fill Dr. Wilson in on the events of the last few days.

At some point, Dr. Wilson got up and fetched Sophie a bottle of water from her little fridge. She needed it by then, her throat scratchy from talking. “To conclude, the investigation is wrapping up, at least our part of it. Freitan and Wong have what they need for solving many of these missing persons cases. If Holly Rayme will testify and Akane Chang will cut a deal for his confession, they might even have enough to chisel a hole in the Changs’ crime operation here on the Big Island.”

“That’s remarkable. And what about you? Were you able to find anything out about your mother and her organization?” Dr. Wilson had circled back around to the original question.

“Like I said, I finally had time to research the Yām Khûmkạn yesterday at the police station before Chang snatched me at the park. Mother was telling the truth. There is such a clandestine organization, and it does a good enough job concealing its presence that it actually doesn’t have much of an online footprint. Even data mining the dark net didn’t yield the kind of information I’m used to getting. But while spending time learning about it, I began to be concerned about how to tell my father that Mother is a spy.” Sophie laced her fingers tightly together and squeezed. “I have to tell him, and I know it will be devastating. It will also cause a possible national security breach. I will be detained. Questioned. Everything I’ve done, sensitive information I had access to through my work with the FBI . . . everything could come under scrutiny.”

“I’m sorry, Sophie. It’s not fair. This was none of your doing.”

“That’s why I hate this so much. Not only has my mother no love for me and only a desire to use me and my father, she has . . . corrupted my life with this attempt to recruit me. I am in a bind because of it.” Sophie gazed into Dr. Wilson’s compassionate eyes. “I have worked so hard to be free. To be able to chart my own destiny. That was what this trip to the Big Island was supposed to be. What my trip to Kaua’i was supposed to be. Instead, I keep finding . . . pilikia. Trouble.”

“I’m not sure if this is what you want to hear, Sophie, but I have to ask. Is it possible that some part of you wants to find these bodies, solve these crimes, even more than you want to be free? Whether they are missing people, lost boys, cyber vigilantes, you name it—you put yourself into a crime-solving life by joining the FBI, and now, though you are out, you still keep stumbling into hot cases.”

“I know. It’s so strange.” Sophie rubbed the scar over her artificial cheekbone in agitation.

“You say you want to be free. What does that even mean to you? Let’s make sure we are on the same page with the concept.”

Sophie looked down at her hands. Her short nails were ragged, and the zip ties Chang had put on her wrists had left angry red lines. “I don’t know exactly what freedom means. I just know that sometimes I have these feelings. Expansive feelings, like I am flying, like I have found my place in the world, and I do not have to answer to anyone or anything. I am . . . happy. Very happy.” She sighed. “These moments pass too quickly. I only get the feelings sometimes, usually when I’m alone with my dog, out in nature. But those feelings are the opposite of the depression. They are the antidote to it.”

“But you have told me in the past that you had those same feelings of freedom, of flying, when you were in the cyber world, online. Could it be that what you are doing is already bringing you freedom? Could it be that this feeling of freedom is what some others call fulfillment?”

Sophie glanced up to meet Dr. Wilson’s wise gaze. “English has been my second language, though it’s quickly becoming my primary one. Maybe the words are more related in my mother tongue, or in Chinese. I do speak five languages, and sometimes concepts get mixed up. But what I know is that I want more of those feelings. I don’t want to be depressed anymore.”

“Have you been taking your medication?”

“Not regularly enough.” The little white pills she’d begun a few months ago were hard to remember to take when so much was going on.

“Please try to make that a priority.” Dr. Wilson sat forward, capturing Sophie’s gaze. “I would propose that you can have those exultant kinds of feelings within whatever you are doing as a job. What you are describing is flow, a phenomenon that occurs with the right mix of endorphins and the attainment of a difficult goal. There’s a book about it called Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a Hungarian psychologist. You can look it up. People chase after the feeling, but it cannot be bottled—except perhaps as a recreational drug.” Dr. Wilson smiled. “And of course, you would be too smart to want that kind of pale substitute.”

“This is . . . so good, Dr. Wilson. I want to understand everything that you are saying.” Sophie glanced at the clock. “But I don’t have much time, and I don’t even know what to do next. I don’t know what to do about my mother and her proposal. I am considering calling my father’s Secret Service protection agent, Ellie Smith, and throwing myself upon her mercy to guide me. Perhaps I will become a double agent, and spy on Mother’s organization.”

“Dear God. What a can of worms!” Dr. Wilson rubbed her temples.

“It’s true. And simple next steps: should I stay here on the Big Island, or go back to Oahu and resume work with Security Solutions? I need to make a living somehow. It’s not urgent at this moment. I have savings, and I will be paid for my work on the Weathersby case. But I also need to figure out my love life. Jake told me he wouldn’t have sex with me anymore unless I become his girl. In other words, acknowledge that we are an exclusive couple.”

“I know what that means,” Dr. Wilson said. “And how do you feel about that? About him?”

“Not ready to make such a commitment. I still have feelings for Alika, too, and I don’t have room for Jake in my life with all that’s going on and how much he would want to be a part of it. There’s so much I couldn’t tell him, and he hates secrets. To complicate things further, Connor has been tracking me. He called Jake and provided my location via satellite when I was kidnapped, which was how Jake was able to find me before I . . .” Her voice trailed off. “The most troubling thing is not that the Ghost is watching me and monitoring me . . . I am not surprised by that. He told me he was. What I am surprised by is something else.”

Such a long moment went by that Dr. Wilson prompted, “And what is that, Sophie?”

Sophie reached out and picked up the fidget toy and spun it. “I’m surprised by how easy it was for me to intimidate Chang into telling me the locations of the bodies he’d disposed of, and how very tempted I was to kill him and dump his body. I’m changing, Dr. Wilson, and I don’t know who I am becoming.”

“Even though hurting another human being is getting easier for you, it’s understandable with the violence you have suffered and the exposure to vigilantism that you are dealing with. In spite of those powerful drives, I am encouraged that you’re continuing to grapple with these moral and ethical issues. Sometimes justice isn’t simple, not just an eye for an eye. If that were the case, then yes, Akane Chang would have deserved to be dead ten times over. But if leaving Chang alive leads to the downfall of a crime organization that has its tentacles all through the state of Hawaii, then perhaps justice is exactly what you were meting out in handing Chang over to the authorities. They might cut a deal with him, and he might never be punished to the extent we would wish. And still, that might be a greater justice.”

Sophie smiled. “I see why Lei always said you were the best therapist. You aren’t afraid to be with me as I look my own evil in the eye.”

“We are all shades of gray,” Dr. Wilson said. “And that’s why justice is never simple and seldom easy.”

Sophie felt the weight of Dr. Wilson’s contemplation, and finally the psychologist spoke. “Well, can you come see me again tomorrow? Our business is not yet finished. I would like to see you resume the trip you came to the Big Island for, hiking and exploring this beautiful place—and coming to talk to me about what you discover, both on the inside, and on the outside.”

Sophie nodded. “That feels right to me, too. Thank you. I will decide that much, today.”