Angelic

There was something to be said about familiarity. That was where I found myself. Surrounded by something familiar. Sights, sounds and even smells. I knew it was him before he said a word.

“Hey, Ang.” That sultry voice that used to wet my panties. Nothing today. Nope. Seems there was only one man that could reduce me to a pile of mush with nothing more than saying my name. And this man wasn’t it.

“Hey, Liam.” I didn’t make eye contact.

“Anne said you were sitting here alone. She said you look like shit. Like you’re off your meds.” I knew he wasn’t judging. I also knew he wouldn’t be here unless Anne was concerned.

It made sense she would call him. Liam considered the owners of this bar family. I spent many a nights getting drunk in this bar with Liam.

I looked him in the face, “So, is Anne right, do I look like shit?”

“You alway look beautiful to me, Ang, you know that.” Why couldn’t I be in love with this man? This man who has done so much for me over the years? This man, who could be spending his night with any one of the hot babes in the bar, but was sitting here. Telling me how beautiful I look when I knew Anne was right, I looked like shit.

He stared at the five shots sitting in front of me. “Off your meds, drinking, what’s up, Ang?”

I passed him one of the drinks, he threw it back and made a sour face. “What the fuck is this?”

“Virgin shooters,” I reply. “One of Anne’s specialties.” I giggled.

“Fuck, Ang, did you just giggle? He looked disgusted with me. “You never giggle. You’re not drinking and you look like you lost your best friend. Now, I know that’s not true because your best friend is sitting on a bar stool beside you.”

He stood up and took my hand, “let’s dance. You still like to slow dance, don’t you?”

I took his hand and let him lead the way.

He linked one hand into mine and placed the other on the small of my back. I leaned into him. He was warm and comfortable. I laid my head on his chest. Still no butterflies. I liked being here like this with him. I liked being with my friend.

We swayed to the music. I felt better.

Calm.

Familiar.

After a few minutes of comfortable silenced, he ask. “How bad is it, Ang?”

I knew he would figure it out. That’s why I loved him.

“Really bad. I think I really fucked up this time.” I fought the tears threatening to fall.

“If he loves you, he won’t let you fuck it up.” He kissed the top of my head. “I guess this is one of those times when a fuck buddy wouldn’t help matters.”

“No, a fuck buddy would not be a very good solution this time.” I giggled.

“You’re giggling again,“ he teases.

“He makes me want to giggle. Makes me want to be vulnerable.” I knew I could always be honest with Liam. We were more than friends, more than fuck buddies. We loved each other.

Just not in the same way I was in love with Jackson.

Laim's tone suddenly turned dark, “He didn’t make you beg, did he? I swear to God, Ang, if he ask you to beg I will make him disappear.” He brought his hand to my head and stroked my hair.

Still, nothing.

Not flaming passion.

No wet underwear.

Nothing.

“No.” If I was honest with myself, I was the one who threw that accusation at him. “He did something he thought was right and I overreacted. Beside, you can’t make him disappear, too high profile.”

It was his turn to laugh. “No one is too high profile for us,” he mocked. I knew he was right. If the Steele brothers need someone to disappear, they disappeared. They built their living on it.

“It’s not like you to overact, Ang.” I could hear the concern in his voice. I knew it was not going to be a secret for much longer. Maybe letting the cat out of the bag would help me accept the situation better.

“It’s probably on account of the hormones. You know, from being pregnant.”

His posture stiffened.

“I’ll marry you if that’s what you need.” I wished it were that easy and that he wasn’t actually serious about his offer.

“He wants to be a family. Take care of me and the baby. He wants the same of me,” I told Liam. Why did it scare me when I first heard Jackson say those words? They weren't that bad. I kind of liked the way they sounded.

A family, taking care of each other. That was all he was trying to do. Panic set in. What the hell did I do? Jackson was never going to want an unstable crazy woman raising his child.

As if sensing my fear, Liam held on to me.

“Ang, when you said high profile, are we talking, say, maybe Jackson Naile high profile?”

I could hear the concern in his voice as his body stiffened.

He turned me around.

Staring at Liam like he was ready to rip his head off was Jackson. Alongside him was Richard and Aleksander.

I should have known Jackson would call his old buddies to drown his sorrows with. There aren’t that many bars in this small town. Of course he would end up at this one. At least he didn’t end up in the VIP room at The Swan.

I remembered the conversations the women had at the bridal shower. It seemed both Richard and Aleksander had made their fare share of mistakes with the women in their lives. Here they were today, happily married. Maybe Jackson was seeking advice.

Either way, I needed to get out of here.

Before I could make my escape, that voice. The one that turned me to mush. The one that set my panties on fire and gave me butterflies in the pit of my belly, and lower.

“I think they're playing our song,” he stared at Liam, daring him to dispute it.

“Yeah, I believe they are,” I answered.

It was the same ballad that played at the wedding reception. One of few ballads the rock band Get Bent had produced.

“May I have this dance,” he asked.

I hesitated.

“I’ll beg if you like. I’m not afraid to beg for you, Angel.” He sounded so lost and hurt.

“You don’t have to beg. I would never ask you to beg.” How could I expect him to never ask me, if I was not willing to reciprocate? I took his hand and watched as Liam left us alone on the dance floor.

He took my hands and placed them on his shoulders and wrapped his around my waist.

“I’m sorry.” We announced our apologies at the exact same moment.

Silence fell between us.

“So, that’s Liam?” he said gruffly.

“Yeah, Anne,” I point to the owner, “she was worried, called Liam, told him I look like shit, like I was off my meds.”

“And he came running,” the hint of sarcasm was deliberate. “I don’t want to go all caveman on you right now, Angel, but shit, I wanted to hit him for having his hands on you.”

“We were only dancing and talking.” I ran my hands through his hair. It felt nice to touch him intimately like this.

“You still love him?” His piercing blue eyes were boring into me with all the hope in the world that I was not going to break his heart.

“Yes, I will always love him.” I placed my hand over his heart. “ But I’m in love with you.”

He lowered his mouth on mine. It began slow and soft. Not holding back, we deepened the kiss with raw passion.

Finally pulling apart, my fear returned. “Jackson, how are we going to make this work? I'm in my first trimester. The hormones have barely kicked in and I'm already a basket case.”

“So that hormone thing, it gets worse,” he teased.

“How are you going to be able to put up with me?” Fresh tears pooled my eyes as I stared up at him.

“I'm not going to put up with you.” I bowed my head in defeat.

He raised my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. “You deserve better than someone who’s just willing to put up with you. You deserve someone who is going to love you. Someone who is going to go through this with you. I want to be that someone. Please, for the love of God tell me you want me to be that someone.”

He wiped the stray tear with his thumbs and palm the back of my head and brought me to his chest.

“I know this fight or flight security blanket of yours is not going to disappear overnight. Know this, Angel, every time we fight, I’m fighting for you. Every time you run I’ll wait. I’ll wait until you come back or until you ask me to come to get you.”

My chest heaved in tiny sobs, barely audible. Holding me close, we continued to sway to the music.

“Do you want someone to take you home and stay with you or do you need to be alone to process all of this?” He was trying to give me space. Space to come the conclusion he had already made.

We were meant to be together.

“No I don't want to be alone. I want you to take me home. I want you to always fight for me and I want you to always come for me.”

He scooped me into his strong muscular arms and carried me out the door to whistles and cheers from the bar.

“Angel, I will always come for you.” He kissed me behind the ear and whispered, “But not until I make you come for me first.”

As we left the bar, I saw Liam talking with Richard and Aleksander.

I mouthed a thank you.

He gave me a slight nod of the head, his acknowledgement that everything was going to be ok.

In that moment, I knew, he was right.

Everything was going to be ok.