Since Alice, Gabs, and Mavis had now got to know one another so much better, further official meetings seemed unnecessary. However, they had promised one another that they would keep them up for a year, and so an October get-together was to be arranged.
“What are you all doing this time?” Finn asked Alice. “Is it your turn to sort it?”
“I’ve lost count. But I don’t mind doing it.”
“Can I come?”
“No.”
“Why not? I like them. Especially Gabs.” Finn grinned.
“That’s one of the reasons why not. Besides, you wouldn’t want me tagging along when you’re out with your friends, would you?”
“You wouldn’t want to come.”
“True.”
“Well then.”
“The answer’s still no.”
“Okay. But what are you going to do?”
“Well, I think it would be nice to include Maudie.”
“Is she allowed out?”
“She’s not a prisoner. Of course she’s allowed out.”
This idea had in fact only just occurred to Alice, but as she was an honorary member of the group, it seemed somehow mean to leave Maudie out. She phoned Mavis and put the idea to her.
“I don’t know.” Mavis sounded doubtful. “She’s awfully confused. And heavy. She’s put on a lot more weight.”
“She’s been awfully confused for ages. It might do her good. As for being heavy, with three of us we ought to be able to manage.”
“But she hasn’t been out at all yet.”
“Then perhaps it’s time she did. Are you all right, Mavis? You sound a bit low.”
“I’ve just buried the cat.”
“Oh, I am sorry.”
“Thank you. Everyone else seems to think I should be pleased to be rid of him, but I’m not.”
“Of course you’re not. He might have been a bugger, but he was part of your family. And at least he had a personality. He wasn’t one of those bland, boring lap cats.”
“That’s true.” Mavis laughed. “Someone once tried to pick him up and put him on her lap. I thought he was going to kill her.”
“Quite right, too.” Alice hesitated. “Was Clifford nice about it?”
“No. Not at all.”
“I’m sorry.” Alice privately thought that Clifford sounded quite awful, but was wise enough not to say so. “All the more reason for an outing, then. For you and for Maudie. Where do you think she’d like to go? Where would she choose if she could?”
“The zoo. She loved going to the zoo. She said seeing all those animals was like travelling, but without the bother. But I don’t think there’s a zoo near enough.”
“There’s that big country house. It’s got a safari park. Even better than a zoo if you want to travel.”
“Don’t the monkeys climb all over the cars? I’ve heard they do awful damage.”
“That’s part of the fun. Finn used to love it when he was little. We can take my car. It’s so old it won’t mind the monkeys, and I don’t think we’d all fit into that pink thing of Gabs’.”
Alice needed cheering up, and the idea of taking Maudie to a safari park would certainly help. When she phoned Gabs, it sounded very much as though Gabs could do with cheering up, too.
“What’s the matter?” Alice asked.
“Don’t ask,” Gabs said. “Long story.”
“Long stories can be shortened.”
“Not this one. And not over the phone.”
“Okay. Well, we’re thinking of taking Maudie to the safari park.”
Gabs thought this was a great idea.
“I’m just a bit concerned about the lifting,” Alice said. “She’ll need heaving in and out of the car, and she’s awfully heavy. In the home they have a hoist thing.”
“That’s because of fucking health and safety. Nurses are wimps these days. They’re not allowed to lift a cup of tea without getting help. Leave it to me. We’ll manage. I haven’t yet found anyone I can’t lift.”
“Are you allowed to? Lift people at work, I mean?” Alice asked.
“What do you think?”
“Okay. Silly question.”
“We can bring a picnic, and have it in the car.”
“No dope, though.” The thought of drug-induced euphoria in a smallish car surrounded by wild animals was not an attractive (or safe) one.
“Absolutely no dope.”
October can be one of the loveliest of months, and so it was on the day of the outing: a golden day of warm sunshine and gently falling leaves, spiced up with the lightest of breezes. The three women collected Maudie from her home, where Gabs’ offers of help were dismissed as she was winched into the car by a terrifying machine and several care assistants (“What a load of bollocks,” muttered Gabs), and they were off.
At first, Maudie was subdued and appeared bewildered by the sudden change of scene after her lengthy incarceration, but after a while she became chatty and cheerful, and while no one could understand what she was saying, it was good to see her looking more like her old self. She was wearing some rather peculiar clothes, which Mavis said were not her own (clothes in the home appeared to be interchangeable among the residents), but she added that since Maudie didn’t mind what she wore, there was no point in making a fuss.
They had chosen a weekday, so the safari park wasn’t crowded, and after they’d bought their tickets and a bag of animal food, they were able to drive straight in.
At the sight of the first animal (a hippo), Maudie was completely carried away.
“Bad!” she cried. “Oh, bad!” She waved and laughed and tapped on the car window. “Bad!”
“They’re not bad, Maudie,” Alice said. “They’re nice hippos. Can you say hippos?”
“I wouldn’t worry,” Mavis told her. “These days, everything’s bad. It doesn’t mean anything.”
Giraffes and deer stuck their heads through the car window, and Maudie fed them from her bag of food, dropping bits all over the floor of the car and even popping one or two into her own mouth. By the time she’d finished, her hand and clothes were covered with animal slobber, and she appeared to be in seventh heaven.
“Bad. Slumpish!” she cried, trying to pat the nose of a strange stripy creature with a runny nose. “Slumpish!”
“Well, this was certainly a good idea,” Alice said. “She’s having a wonderful time.”
When they reached the monkey enclosure, they closed the car windows, as instructed, and drove slowly through, oohing and aahing over the babies and laughing at their antics as they slithered over the roof of the car and tried to dismantle a wing mirror. No one noticed Maudie opening the window, possibly because everyone assumed she was incapable, and it may have been open for several minutes before disaster struck.
It is amazing how quickly cute and cuddly can turn into ferocious and terrified, but that’s what happened when a large and very obviously male monkey managed to get into the car.
“Bad!” yelled Maudie as it landed on her lap. “Bad, bad, bad!”
Bad indeed. The monkey, which had been confident and very much at home outside the car, became a reluctant and very angry passenger inside it. Immediately there was pandemonium, while the monkey flew round the interior of the car like a whirlwind, ricocheting off laps and shoulders and windows, shrieking and chattering, biting and scratching.
“Bloody hell! What do we do?” cried Gabs as she tried to detach two small and very sharp hands from her hair.
“Food! Give it some food!” cried Mavis.
“I think it’s beyond food.” Gabs gave their guest’s shiny red bottom a slap. “Get out, you fucking animal! Get out!”
“Let’s open all the windows,” Mavis said.
“No. Because then they’ll all try to get in. Ouch!” The monkey tore at Alice’s shirt. “Get off, you little shit!”
More monkeys, attracted by the noise, were gathering on the bonnet of the car. Their friend, desperate to join them, thumped and scratched at the windscreen, screaming monkey obscenities. Maudie was beside herself with what appeared to be a mixture of fear and delight, and Alice was having one of those moments where you know everything will probably be all right in the end and that you will dine out on this story for years, but in the meantime your mind has entered a state of paralysis.
Fortunately, just when it seemed that the situation could only get worse, the monkey finally realised how it had got in, and made a swift and noisy exit, peeing on Maudie’s lap as it went and leaving the occupants of the car frightened and exhausted.
“For God’s sake, close that window, somebody!” Gabs was the first to recover. “And to think I used to think monkeys were rather sweet!”
Alice leaned across Maudie and wound up the window.
“Fucking animal,” said Maudie, loudly and clearly. “Fucking, fucking, fucking!”
“Mother!” said Mavis.
“Never mind that. Blame me, if you like,” Gabs said. “Besides, she spoke! She actually said something that meant something.”
“And she’s right. It was a fucking animal.” Alice brushed herself down. “Is everyone okay?”
Considering the malevolent mood of the monkey and the sharpness of its claws, they had got away lightly. Everyone had acquired a few superficial scratches, and Gabs had a rip in her T-shirt, but otherwise there was little harm done.
“I think,” said Alice, starting the engine, “that I’ve had enough of monkeys for one day. Bears, anyone?”
Back in the carpark, they mopped Maudie up as best they could, but she was sticky from animal saliva, very dishevelled, and thanks to the monkey’s parting gift, she smelt terrible.
“Oh dear,” said Mavis, scrubbing at Maudie’s skirt with a tissue. “What will they think back at the home?”
“They’ll think she had one hell of a good time, and that’s what matters,” Gabs said, laying out a rug on the grass beside the car. “Mavis, they’re paid to clean her up, so let them do it. Chill out, will you?” She produced a bottle of wine and some glasses. “Wine, anyone?”
“Should we?” Mavis asked, sitting down and getting out several neat Tupperware containers. (Gabs might have known that Mavis was a Tupperware person. She herself favoured plastic bags.)
“Yes,” said Gabs. “We certainly should. Heaven knows, we’ve earned it. Besides, we always have wine.”
“Bad?” Maudie held out her hand. “Oh, bad!”
“Of course you can have some, Maudie.” Gabs poured her half a glass. “There you go.”
Gabs was in a quandary. She was longing to tell the others about her disastrous meeting with Father Augustine, but was pretty sure they would disapprove. On the other hand, who else could she talk to? Steph was still barely speaking to her, and there wasn’t anyone else.
“I need to talk,” she said. “Please.”
“Fire away,” said Alice. “After all, that’s what we’re here for, isn’t it?”
“You’re not going to like this,” Gabs said. “Either of you.”
“Oh,” said Alice, putting down her glass.
“Yes. Oh.”
“You haven’t!”
Gabs nodded. “I’m afraid I have.”
“How?” Mavis asked after a moment. “How on earth did you manage it?”
So Gabs told them. She spared them some of the details, but otherwise she gave them a pretty accurate picture of what had happened.
“So there it is. I’ve told you. And please don’t be furious, because Steph has been giving me a hard time ever since it happened, and I know I’m in the wrong, I know what I did was awful, and no one can be angrier with me than I am with myself. But I can’t turn the clock back.”
“Would you?” Alice asked. “If you could?”
“Oh yes. A hundred times, yes. I never thought I’d be saying this, but it was the worst, most selfish, stupid, thoughtless thing I’ve ever done in my life.”
“Goodness,” Alice said. “This isn’t like you, Gabs.”
“You mean I’m incapable of remorse? That I plough my way through people’s lives making them miserable and not giving a damn?”
“Of course not —”
“Because you’d be right. On this occasion, anyway.”
“So what now?” Mavis asked. “How is — Father Augustine?”
“He’s gone.”
“Gone where?”
“I’ve no idea. I suppose he must have told the powers that be what happened, and he’s probably been despatched to a monastery on a remote Scottish island to live on bread and water and beat himself with twigs.”
“Really?” Mavis asked.
“No, of course not. But they’ll have sent him somewhere to teach him to mend his ways; and they weren’t his ways, they were mine. The fault was all mine.” Gabs grabbed a handful of tissues from her bag and wiped her eyes. “And the worst thing of all is that that he wrote me a letter and apologised! He insisted that it was his fault, and he actually apologised. To me.” She buried her face in her hands and wept openly. “I loved him, you know. I loved him so much!”
“Gosh, you really did, didn’t you?” Alice moved closer and put her arm round Gabs’ shoulders.
Gabs nodded. “Yes, I did. I’m not sure that I really loved him… before. I lusted after him to such an extent that I think I interpreted it as love. But now…” She stifled a sob. “After the way he’s behaved, the way he was with me… I don’t think I’ve ever met such a good person. I mean really, truly good.” She blew her nose. “And of course I shall never see him again. Or probably anyone like him.” She started to sob again. “Oh, what shall I do? Whatever am I going to do?”
“You might,” Alice said after a moment. “Meet someone like him, I mean. You’re still so young, Gabs. You’ve got time.” Her voice sounded wistful.
“Have I? Have I really? I don’t think so. I’ve been round the block so many times, Alice. I’ve met so many men. Okay, so most of them were just out for what they could get, but I have met one or two good ones as well. But never anyone like him. There — there just isn’t anyone like him.”
“Would you want to — to be with anyone like that? Anyone — well, that good?” Mavis asked.
“You mean, I could never be good enough for him.”
“No, that’s not what I meant.”
“Well, you’d have a point. I’m not good enough. Not nearly good enough. But I could change. I would change. I’ve never wanted to change before — never really seen the need — but he’s shown me what I might be. He’s made me realise that I could be a — well, a better person. And I’d like to be a better person, for him. I’d do anything — anything — for him. To make him happy. But of course, now I’ll never have the chance.” She plucked at the grass and then wiped her hand on her jeans. “And I’m worried about him. How he is. How he’s coping. I’ve put him in this — this terrible situation, and I can’t do anything to help him out of it.”
“He’ll be all right,” Alice said. “He’s got his God, and I’m sure there’ll be good support for him. This kind of thing must happen quite often.” She squeezed Gabs’ shoulder. “And you’ll be all right too, one day. Not yet, maybe. But one day.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Gabs wiped away tears. “But I’ll never be the same again.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“Probably not. But I would have liked to change for him. There isn’t anyone else to change for. I know that sounds silly, but no one else really cares how I am. My friends think my lifestyle’s a bit of a laugh, and of course Steph disapproves. But no one really cares.”
“We care, don’t we, Mavis? Not in a judging kind of way, but because it would be good if you could be really happy. And I can’t believe that your lifestyle, as you put it, makes you happy.”
“Ah, but the money does,” said Gabs, with the glimmer of a smile.
“Gabs, you’re incorrigible!”
“Yeah. That’s my trouble, isn’t it?”
“Bad,” Maudie said through a mouthful of doughnut. “Bad!”
“Oh, Maudie, if you only knew.” Gabs got up and rescued half a sandwich that had become stranded on its journey down Maudie’s substantial bosom. “If you only knew. Anyway, enough about me. How are you, Alice?”
“Pretty bloody,” Alice said. “Jay and I had this weekend together, and I practically ruined it. If Jay hadn’t been so understanding, it would have been completely wasted. Bugger, I think that’s my mobile.” She got up and retrieved her bag from the back seat of the car.
The others waited as Alice spoke on the phone. Evidently the news wasn’t good.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, beginning to gather up her things. “I have to go. Finn’s had an accident.”
“What kind of accident?” Mavis asked.
“He’s in A & E. They think he’s broken his arm.”
“Heavens! Is he okay?” Gabs asked.
“They say he is, but they’ve been trying to get me for the last hour, and I didn’t hear my phone. Apparently Trot’s with him.”
“Well, that’s something,” Mavis said.
“You don’t know Trot. He’s no use at all in an emergency.” Alice paused. “I’m afraid that means you’ll all have to come with me, because of the car. But at least it’s on the way back to Maudie’s place. Is that okay?”
“Of course,” said Gabs, who had an appointment with Gerald later on and had not been looking forward to it (things had moved way beyond Best in Show at Crufts, and she would be glad of an excuse to cancel him).
“Let’s go, then.”
They arrived at the hospital half an hour later, and after some discussion, Alice went on ahead while Gabs and Mavis commandeered a wheelchair for Maudie, who appeared to be sound asleep. This could take some time, and they could hardly leave her in the car.
When they caught up with Alice, she and Finn were waiting for Finn’s arm to be plastered. Trot had apparently gone in search of tea.
“How’s it going?” Gabs asked.
“Painful,” said Finn, nursing his arm. “Fractured radius.”
“How did you do it?”
“I fell off a radiator.”
“How on earth…?”
“Don’t ask,” said Alice, who was obviously not in the best of moods.
Finn pulled a face at Gabs, who winked at him.
“Bad,” remarked Maudie, who had woken up.
“Too right,” said Finn.
“Slumpish.”
“I’ll say.”
Trot appeared with two polystyrene cups of tea. He too brightened when he saw Gabs.
“Well, hi,” he said. Then he turned to Alice. “You took your time,” he said.
“I didn’t hear my mobile.”
“Good job I had mine, then.”
“There’s no need to look so smug, Trot. I think this must be the first time you’ve ever actually had to be on medical standby, and I’m sure you did an excellent job.”
“Fucking animal,” said Maudie, yawning.
“What?” Trot handed tea to Finn.
“Don’t mind Mother,” Mavis said. “She doesn’t mean it.”
“Oh yes, she does. We had an — incident with a monkey,” Alice said. “It got into the car in the safari park.”
“I wish I’d been there!” Finn said.
“No, you don’t,” Alice told him. “Believe me, no one needs a monkey in the car.”
“I have to make a phone call,” Gabs said. “I’ll be back.”
She went out into the carpark and dialled Gerald’s number. He would be cross and disappointed, but it couldn’t be helped. She rarely let her clients down — it was bad for business — but this was unavoidable.
Gerald’s phone was switched off, which was a relief, so she left him a message. The Gerald thing was getting out of hand, and it was really time to call it a day, but the money was good and she knew he’d be terribly upset if she were to discontinue their meetings. Last week, he had actually proposed to her, and for a brief moment, Gabs had had a nightmarish image of herself walking down the aisle in her wedding dress, with Gerald padding along beside her wearing his diamond-studded collar and lead, all panting tongue and dangling balls. Of course, it wouldn’t really have been like that. When he wasn’t with Gabs, Gerald was a chartered accountant who played golf on Saturdays and lived a perfectly respectable life. Most of them did. But even if she wanted to marry him — even if he gave up his dog act altogether — she would never be able to see him as anything else.
As she walked back towards the hospital, Gabs wondered why it was that she had never received a proposal from a normal man. It wasn’t as though she never met any. But such proposals as she had had included one from a divorced brain surgeon with a predilection for sheepskin rugs and high heels (he wore the heels), and a wannabe dairy farmer, who pretended to milk Gabs’ substantial breasts into a galvanised iron bucket. Hardly husband material, even for someone as unconventional as Gabs.
She took a small mirror out of her bag and inspected her face. She looked a mess — all puffy eyes and streaks of mascara — but for once, she couldn’t have cared less. She looked at her watch and decided she probably had time for a quick fag.
Mavis was having a most unsettling afternoon. She had been genuinely terrified by the monkey incident (unlike the others, she didn’t find monkeys particularly cute, and she was quite sure they were riddled with fleas); she was upset at the state of Maudie, and the fact that she would be returning her to the home too late for tea; and she was also disappointed that she hadn’t had the chance to discuss the Clifford situation. But she told herself that no doubt another meeting could be arranged, and in any case, Finn was more important.
Looking at Finn and Alice, and their easy, bantering relationship, Mavis found herself wishing that she too had a son. Not a daughter. She wouldn’t have wanted a daughter. But a son — someone who would depend on her but upon whom later on she could depend; someone who would make her laugh (for Mavis could see that Finn had a good sense of humour); someone who was family. Maudie’s illness had brought home to her the fact that without her mother (and if she didn’t count a distant cousin in New Zealand), she was without any kind of family. She imagined a future of solitary Christmases and holidays with single-room supplements, and an eventual old age without anyone who would care enough to make sure that she was well looked after. No one really loves me, she thought, except Mother. No one at all.
Of course, Clifford loved her in his way, but she could never come first in his life, and he certainly wouldn’t be able to take care of her if she were unable to care for herself. She wasn’t sure that Clifford was capable of taking care of anyone; he had become too self-centred. She tried to imagine him looking after Dorothy if she ever needed it — Clifford hefting Dorothy into those giant knickers; Clifford buttoning blouses and doing zips-ups — and she couldn’t see it happening. Once, when she had broken her wrist, Clifford had tried to help her to dress after their lovemaking, and she had wondered that a man who had on many occasions managed to undo a bra with one hand couldn’t manage to do it up again with two.
“You all right, Mave?” Trot asked her. “You look a bit thoughtful.”
“It’s been that kind of afternoon.” Mavis smiled at Trot. He had a kind face, even if he was a bit scruffy and called her Mave. She thought that Alice could do a lot worse than marry him, especially since they had a ready-made family in Finn.
“Read War and Peace yet, have you?” he asked her.
“Don’t worry,” Alice said. “Trot knows the score. He just likes teasing people.”
“As a matter of fact, I have,” Mavis told him.
“Good, is it?”
“Long.”
“Ah. I thought as much.”
At this point, Finn rejoined them, his arm plastered in a fetching shade of red.
“They let you choose the colour,” he told them. He seemed to have cheered up.
“At least it’s your left arm,” Alice said. “You’ll still be able to do your homework.”
Finn scowled at her.
“Give the poor guy a break,” Trot said.
“Just for tonight, then.” Alice patted Finn’s shoulder. “Right. Home everyone. We’ll take Maudie first.”
“Can I help?” Trot asked.
“You could take Finn, and give him something to eat.”
“Sorry. Got a date.”
“Then why offer?” Alice asked him.
“It’s what you do, isn’t it?”
“Only if you mean it. So I suggest you cancel your date and look after your son. We won’t be long.”
Trot grumbled and complained, but he took Finn with him, and the others piled back into Alice’s car. Mavis marvelled at the ease with which Gabs managed to manhandle Maudie into the front seat, barely waking her in the process (Maudie, exhausted by what had been a long and eventful day, had gone back to sleep), before settling herself beside Mavis in the back.
By the time they reached Maudie’s institution, it was after nine o’clock, and there was much unlocking and unbolting of doors before a nurse eventually came to meet them.
“Maudie’s in the car,” Alice told her. “Could we have a wheelchair, please?”
“You’ll need the hoist.”
“We can manage without the hoist,” Gabs said. “You get the chair and leave it to me.”
“But we have to use it. Because of health and safety.”
“Bugger health and safety. And I don’t have to do anything. I’m nothing to do with this place.”
“Well, there’s no need to talk to me like that!”
“We’re all tired,” said Mavis, who could see things getting out of hand. “It’s been a long day.”
The chair was fetched, and the sleeping Maudie was moved into it with amazing ease, considering Gabs’ diminutive size. Even the nurse seemed impressed.
She wasn’t quite so impressed when she had had a proper look at Maudie.
“Oh dear,” she said. “What have we been doing?”
“We,” said Alice, “have entertained a monkey in the car, had a very sticky picnic, and spent three hours in A & E.”
“Oh dear. What’s happened to her clothes?”
“Monkey pee,” Alice told her.
The nurse looked at her suspiciously. “Has she had anything to eat?”
“Since lunch? Two bags of crisps and a bar of chocolate.”
“Oh dear.”
“There wasn’t anything else. And perhaps you could stop saying ‘oh dear’ and help us get her to her room.”
While Mavis admired the way Alice spoke to the night nurse (she herself would never have dared to be so bold), she felt that she should be the one to take charge. After all, she was Maudie’s daughter.
“I’m sorry she’s in such a state,” she said. “I did phone to say we’d be late.”
The nurse’s expression softened. “Yes, I got the message. Well, you’d better come along.”
“What, all of us?” Mavis asked.
“Well, I haven’t got time to put her to bed; I’ve got the hot drinks and the medicines to do.”
“And I have a wounded son to get home to,” Alice said.
“That’s not my problem.”
“But Maudie is?” Alice told her.
“It’s all right,” said Mavis hastily. “I’ll get her ready for bed and get a taxi home. You two go. I’ll be fine.”
“I’ll stay,” Gabs said. “It’ll be quicker with two of us. And,” she added, as the nurse was still hovering, “we shan’t be needing any hoist.”
In Maudie’s room, Gabs whipped off Maudie’s clothes and gave her a quick wash while Mavis looked out a clean nightie (someone else’s, naturally, but that seemed to be par for the course).
“There,” Gabs said. “Good as new.” She cleaned Maudie’s dentures and put them on her bedside table, then levered her into bed and tucked her in. “Time to go.” She kissed Maudie’s cheek. “Bye, Maudie.”
Maudie opened one eye. “Fucking animal,” she said.
In the back of their shared taxi, Mavis had an overwhelming desire to weep. She was exhausted, she was worried about Maudie, and she couldn’t see any end to an existence that seemed to be fraught with difficulties.
“You okay?” Gabs asked her.
“Not really.”
“Poor Mavis.” Gabs put an arm round her. “Things aren’t easy for you at the moment, are they?”
“I shouldn’t bother you with my problems. You’ve got enough of your own.”
“We’ve done my problems,” said Gabs. “It’s your turn now.”
“Well, it’s just that there doesn’t seem to be anything to look forward to. I know that sounds ridiculous. I’m not a child. I should be able to live without — treats and nice things happening.”
“We all need treats,” Gabs said. “Even tiny ones. Little pegs to hang our lives on, give them a lift.” She passed Mavis a tissue. “What about Clifford? He being any use?”
“Not a lot. He’s too preoccupied with his own problems.”
“But he’s okay now, isn’t he?”
“Yes. Yes, he is. But d’you know, I think he’d almost rather that he wasn’t. He likes to be the centre of attention, and now that his operation’s over, the attention’s died down a bit. I think he misses it.”
“He sounds to me like a selfish bastard,” Gabs said. “He seems to walk all over you.”
“Sometimes it does feel a bit like that.” For a brief moment, Mavis wondered why she hadn’t leapt to Clifford’s defence. “But he never used to be like this. He’s changed since he retired. He can still be very kind, very sweet.”
“But not at the moment.”
“No. Not at the moment.”
“Which is when you need him, isn’t it?” Gabs got out a packet of chewing gum and put a piece in her mouth. “Stops me thinking about the ciggies,” she explained. “Want some?”
“No, thanks.”
“Mavis, why do you stay with him?”
“I keep asking myself that,” Mavis said. “And I don’t really know.”
“Is it because there isn’t anyone else?”
“I suppose that’s part of it. And we go back a long way.”
“He’s a habit, then.”
“In a way. And I do love — well, I’m very fond of him. Most of the time.”
“Who are you trying to convince?”
“Myself, I suppose. And then there’s — there’s the sex.”
“Good, is it?”
“Well, it was. But now Clifford likes to choose what we do — because of his heart, he says — and I don’t always like it.”
“What is it he wants exactly?”
Mavis blushed and whispered something in Gabs’ ear.
“Mmm. You’re right.” Gabs popped another piece of gum in her mouth. “A lot of women wouldn’t do that. There’s more to you than meets the eye, Mavis.”
“But I suppose it’s better than nothing,” Mavis said. “If Clifford and I finished, would I ever have any kind of — physical relationship again?”
“Course you would. There are plenty of blokes out there, Mavis. You’ve got lovely eyes and nice boobs. You underestimate yourself.”
That night, after Mavis had got home, Clifford phoned. She told him about the outing to the safari park, but he didn’t seem particularly interested, merely remarking that they had been “very stupid to let that old woman open the car window.”
“And how’ve you been?” Mavis asked him, biting her tongue.
“Well, I’ve had this pain in my leg, and I’m a bit concerned. I’ve got a friend who knows about these things, and he says it could be something called intermittent claudication. I looked it up, and I’ve got all the symptoms.”
Mavis sighed. It had been a very long day, and all she wanted was a hot bath and her bed. She listened for a few more minutes, and then very gently, almost apologetically, she replaced the receiver.
She was surprised to find that she hardly felt guilty at all.