CHAPTER 69

 

TARA

 

Our relationship can work.  It has to.  If I leave, Brax dies.  If I leave, I have to say goodbye to Tac forever.

I sigh, kicking around to get comfortable, as I decide I’ve got to be honest with myself: even if death weren’t on the table—I’d miss the big bossy bastard too, so I feel like this is a done deal, the three of us.  I’ve been single two years.  I forgot what being a couple was like.  No, that’s not right: I’ve been married and we were never a couple like this. If I feed my chest food by accident—Brax’s hand is the one reaching in to retrieve it.

Yes.  He eats it too.

Men.

I won’t comment on the fact that I find it kind of hot.  It makes me question my sanity just a little, and I’m not ready to face that.

And instead of letting Tac file down his nails by scratching at his own skin, when I come across a fine-grit sandpaper that Grake uses to clean up engine parts, he lets me have a piece of it and I give Tack a manicure.  It’s cozy.  It’s relationship-y.  It just made sexy-times more fun.

I—we’ve—already got the feelings.  It’s not that I couldn’t face the consequences—for my girls?  I would face the consequences of walking away from these guys: my girls come first, even before the… aliens I’ve come to have feelings for.

But I don’t have to walk away.  I can keep them all.  I just need to figure out how.

I wiggle my toes, then drum them lightly on the bed.  Think!

Little average me, formerly single mom, with an adorable set of twin girls I’m going to have back very soon, now has not one, but two (alien)men.  Only one of them is convinced he’ll go homicidal on the other.  Our relationship can totally work.

My neighbor confided that her boyfriend got jealous when other guys flirted with her.  Perfectly acceptable.  Expected, even.  This is exactly like that, but with the possibility/probability of broken bones and/or death/dead bodies.

This is in the bag, basically.

In a human, if one man declares he won’t be able to stop himself from killing other guys that approach you—instant cause for concern.  Big red flag: he’s unstable.

Here… I’m… accepting of it?

In no way do I feel Brax is an abusive partner.  Controlling?  He wants to be, but ultimately, I’m the one who has the power—I know that now, and he listens to me now the he can hear me—so I’m not even worried about that.

I’m worried about Tac.

This is beyond having to stay vigilant.  His life is in the balance if Brax can’t keep it together.

I kick around again, trying to work it all out.

Tac pats my legs, watching them a moment before he sends me a fond smile I can’t quite read.  “Restless?” he asks, his claws beginning to scritch my scalp.

I sigh and press my head more firmly against his hand.  “It doesn’t bother you?”  I whisper.

He seems to think about it, letting the silence settle for the space of a few breaths.  When he does speak, his voice is reflective.  “I just want you.  I love you, Tara: not what your title or your rank or your race happens to be.  I’m concerned though with how your people will view my… the way I am.  I have been giving much thought into remaining inside indefinitely.  From what you say, this is what will have to be.  Essentially that is what we all do here already: we have no natural sunlight, or airflow, or… anything.  So I believe I am as prepared as possible.”

I blink up at the ceiling.  He’s thinking about our differences, about setting up house on Earth, and I’m worried about his life.  “Okay.  What about… sharing with Brax?  It’s weird.”

He hugs me tight.  “Ah.  I would have been overjoyed to have you to myself.  I’m overjoyed just to be with you at all.”  He taps his nose into the top of my head before making his voice even quieter.  “I just.  Want.  You.  Whatever way I can share time with you, I just want you.”