Chapter 11

Zarina was exhausted—mentally and physically—by the time she finished surgery on the three preppers a few hours later, but as she slowly walked toward the cabin she and Tanner shared, she knew the night wasn’t over. He would almost certainly be waiting for her, and when she walked in, the argument would start up all over again. She had only a vague idea what he’d been upset about, since he hadn’t bothered to tell her before announcing he was sending her home. She didn’t know whether it was the attack on the other camp, or the gun she’d been carrying, or the fact that one of the preppers who’d been injured was a woman. If she knew him, it was a combination of all three.

Fortunately, Zarina had been able to put thoughts of arguing with Tanner out of her mind long enough to deal with her patients. The two men who’d been shot would be on their feet in a matter of days, while the ones who’d been darted with tranquilizers would be up and moving by morning. The girl, on the other hand, was probably going to be flat on her back for at least a month. She’d nearly bled out from a small nick on the right thoracoacromial artery in her shoulder. If it wasn’t for the fact that there were three people in camp with O negative blood, which was compatible with all other blood types, the woman would have died.

Zarina stopped outside the door of the cabin, wondering if maybe she should sleep somewhere else for what was left of the night. While that was tempting, it was also pointless. She and Tanner needed to talk. Before he tried to bundle her up in a sleeping bag and drag her off to the airport.

Opening the door, she stepped inside, then quietly closed it behind her. Tanner was sitting on the floor on the far side of the cabin, his head back against the wall, his eyes closed. The lamp above him cast long shadows across the angular planes of his handsome face, and she wondered if he was asleep.

She was just trying to figure out whether she could climb in bed without waking him up when he opened his eyes.

“Did the girl make it?” he asked.

“Yes. It was close, but she’s out of danger for the moment.”

Tanner sighed. “That’s good.”

Zarina waited for him to say something else, but instead, he closed his eyes and rested his head again. Hoping that meant he was too tired to argue—she knew she certainly was—she crossed the small cabin and sat on the corner of the bed. She would have preferred sitting on the floor next to Tanner, but she wasn’t sure that was a good idea. Being so near him made it difficult to think straight, and she needed a clear head right now.

As much as she’d rather not bring up the subject, it looked like she was going to have to be the one to do it. Taking a deep breath, she opened her mouth to tell him she wouldn’t be leaving in the morning no matter how much he yelled and threatened, but Tanner spoke before she could say anything.

“I’m sorry for berating you about having a gun earlier,” he said without opening his eyes. “And for suggesting you don’t have the same right to fight for the people you care about that I do. And while I’m busy apologizing, I guess I might as well say I’m sorry for being such an ass about constantly trying to send you home to DC.”

Zarina was so surprised by the sudden flurry of apologies that she nearly fell off the bed. She was reaching down to figuratively pick her jaw up off the floor when Tanner opened his eyes and looked at her.

“But in my defense, when I think about the woman I love getting hurt, it makes my head go to some really crazy places.”

Zarina was still processing the fact that Tanner had apologized when his words finally sank in. Her heart suddenly beat out of control, and her stomach began doing all kinds of flips and barrel rolls. She’d never imagined a simple four-letter word could have such an impact on her. She’d always considered herself to be the calm, rational type, but hearing Tanner say he loved her was beyond special. Even more so because it wasn’t what she’d expected him to say when she walked in.

Getting to his feet with all the grace of the big cat whose DNA was mixed with his, Tanner closed the distance between them in two strides and knelt down in front of her. “I know I’ve been stupid, Zarina. Trying to bully you into leaving…” He shook his head. “That’s not how it’s supposed to work when two people love each other. I may be terrified of you getting hurt, but I promise I’m done with trying to send you away.”

He started to say more, but Zarina reached out and placed one finger against his lips, shushing him.

“Apologies accepted,” she said softly as she pulled her finger away. “You had me at I’ve been stupid. What’s with the sudden change of heart, though? I mean, I’m not complaining, but a few hours ago, you were planning to drag me to the airport first thing in the morning.”

He shrugged, still kneeling in front of her, his eyes were level with hers. “Spencer and Peter came out and took over patrolling the perimeter, so I came back here to get some sleep. But I couldn’t bring myself to lay down in the bed, not when your scent was all over it. It reminded me of what we’d been doing before the other camp was attacked, of how much I love you, and of how bad I’ve been at showing that.”

Even though Zarina had already accepted a man as amazing as he was truly did love her, it was still nice hearing him say it out loud. It made her feel all gooey inside.

“Anyway, I’ve been sitting here since then, waiting for you to come back and thinking about how I’ve treated you,” he continued. “It dawned on me that I’m pushing you away exactly like I did my family, and if I don’t stop, I’m going to lose you the same way I lost them.”

He leaned closer, his warm eyes caressing her tenderly as he gently cupped her face. “I guess what I’m trying to say is I know I’ve been a complete asshat, and I’m so incredibly sorry.”

Zarina knew Tanner was being serious and that this was something that had obviously been weighing on him heavily. But still…asshat? It was such a silly word that made no sense to her at all; she couldn’t help laughing. Then again, perhaps it wasn’t the word that made her laugh but relief at the knowledge that somehow, beyond all possible expectations, maybe everything was going to work out after all.

Tanner stared at her, like he didn’t know what to make of her laughter. But then he started chuckling, too. It was the first real, completely uninhibited expression of happiness she’d ever seen from him. It was a beautiful sound that make her heart beat even faster than before. Being this happy was the only thing in the world she cared about.

Still smiling, she leaned forward and kissed him.

Tanner groaned and slid his hand in her hair, urging her closer as his tongue slipped inside her mouth and began to tease hers. A flavor so distinctively his suffused her whole body, making her sigh and yearn for more.

But as Tanner started to give her exactly what she wanted, she found herself pulling away, needing to say something first.

Cupping his jaw, she gazed deeply into his eyes. “I love you so much that sometimes it feels like I can’t get any air into my lungs because there’s no room for anything but you. And I understand why you were worried I was going to get hurt, because I’m constantly worried about you, too. But we can’t wait for life to send us some perfect moment in the future when all the stars line up and everything will be sane and quiet. That moment may never come. All we can do is live for right now and make this moment as perfect as we can.”

Tanner didn’t say anything. Instead, he stared at her with an intensity that might have scared some people. But not her. Because she knew him better than he knew himself and better than she knew anyone else in the world.

He tugged her in for another kiss, the feel of his lips on hers almost making her dizzy with all the emotions that simple touch conveyed. It wasn’t until Tanner broke the kiss and reached down to unlace her boots that Zarina realized he’d nudged her to lie back on the bed. She would have wondered when that had happened if she wasn’t more interested in what came next.

As one, they kicked off their boots and stripped off their socks, sending them flying across the cabin. The bed was small, and it was going to be complicated making love on it, but she wasn’t going to complain as she squirmed out of her coat and tossed it aside.

She reached for the buckle on her belt when a look from Tanner stilled her hands.

“Let me do that,” he whispered in a voice rough with a little growl.

A shiver ran through her at the feral sound. When she had a chance to think about it, she was going to have to figure what it was about this primal version of him that turned her on so much.

She let Tanner undo her belt and the buttons on her jeans, lifting her butt so he could slide them down and off. She shivered as his fingers teasingly traced across her hips and down her bare thighs. A jolt of warmth bloomed in her middle, coalescing between her legs and making another little sound of pleasure escape her lips. She knew without having to look that her panties were wet, and her instincts screamed at her to get the damn things off so they could hurry this up. But another glance from him stopped her cold.

“I’ll take those off, too,” he growled. “When I’m good and ready.”

She peeked down at the sizable bulge in his jeans and gave him a smile. “I don’t know. You look pretty ready to me.”

He gave her a heated look, but he must have agreed with her, because he reached out and hooked his fingers into the hem of her panties, slowly tugging them over her hips and down her legs. Moisture clung to the inside of her thighs, leaving a warm reminder that she’d been waiting for this moment for a long time.

Tanner’s eyes flared bright red, and another growl slipped out of his throat, a little louder this time. Zarina wasn’t sure what had brought out his inner animal until he inhaled sharply, his eyes half closing in pleasure. He must be picking up the scent of her arousal.

Knowing he was fully aware of how turned on she was right then only served to nudge her excitement level a little bit higher. But she was okay with him knowing how hot she was. It meant there would be no games between them. They both knew how much the other was aching for this.

When he opened his eyes fully again, the glow had diminished a bit but not completely, something that pleased her tremendously. For the first time ever, Tanner wasn’t fighting his inner beast. They were both there with her at the same time.

He held out a hand, and she gladly accepted the help as he pulled her up to a kneeling position in the center of the bed. As he slowly unbuttoned her shirt and slid it off her shoulders and down her arms, she could feel the heat of his eyes on her skin as his smoldering gaze raked over her stomach, then traveled up to her bra-covered breasts.

The bra quickly found its way to a corner of the cabin, leaving her completely naked for her fully clothed lover. She expected Tanner to immediately sweep her into his arms for another kiss or at least yank his clothes off. But he did neither. Instead, he knelt at the side of the bed and regarded her with an expression of pure desire and total awe. There was something extremely arousing about being on display like this in front of a man who obviously found her completely captivating.

“You are so incredibly beautiful,” he whispered, and Zarina wasn’t sure if he even realized he’d spoken the words out loud.

She would have thanked him for the compliment, but Tanner yanked his shirt up and over his head so fast, all she saw was a blur, then his arms were around her, pulling her close so her breasts were pressed tight to his powerful chest, making her sigh as her nipples pressed into unyielding muscle. His body was so warm, it was like she was wrapped up in a hunky blanket.

Zarina tilted her head back, eager to feel his mouth on hers again, and was surprised when Tanner trailed a path of kisses along her jaw, then all the way from her right earlobe down to her collarbone. She gasped and buried her fingers in his hair, urging him to keep going. Not that Tanner seemed to need any urging from her. He appeared completely content to ravish her neck until she passed out from the sheer pleasure of it.

Zarina thought for sure she’d melt into a puddle right there on the bed. Just when she couldn’t envision this getting any better, he gently nipped at the skin at the junction of her neck and shoulder with his teeth.

No, not his teeth. His fangs.

He didn’t bite down hard enough to hurt, but she felt it in the most delicious way she could have ever imagined.

Considering Tanner usually treated her as if she were made of glass, she was a little surprised at how aggressive he was. Maybe it had something to do with him opening up to her. Perhaps he felt like he could finally be himself with her. Not that she was complaining. If he wanted to let out a husky growl and nibble on her neck, that worked for her. Actually, it more than worked for her. It drove her insane.

Zarina was so caught up in how good his fangs felt as they grazed her skin, she almost missed his hand sliding down to cup her butt. However, when he pulled her close, she couldn’t miss how hard his erection was beneath his jeans. The rest of his clothes needed to go—now.

She pulled away from him, only realizing after the fact that doing so when a guy with sharp fangs was still busy nibbling on her neck might not be such a great idea. But she avoided injury and managed to get his attention. The raw lust in his gaze was enough to almost keep her from forming coherent thoughts, and she had to really focus.

“Take your jeans off,” she commanded softly.

Even as she said the words, her hands slid down his bare chest and tight abs until they found his belt. She was half afraid he’d insist they do this his way, like he had before. Fortunately, Tanner was of the opinion that foreplay was over, too.

Working together, they got his jeans down, and Zarina laughed a little as he tossed them aside and climbed into bed with her. She blinked at the sight of his extremely hard cock straining at the material of his boxer briefs.

She reached for the waistband of his underwear, eager to free his hard-on from the confining cotton fabric, if for no other reason than so the material wouldn’t tear apart. But on the way there, she decided to take a detour, pausing to caress the outline of his erection, easing herself as much as him.

Zarina smiled at the growl that slipped from his throat as she toyed with him. “Don’t worry. I’ll take these off when I’m good and ready.”

He groaned at the way she tossed his own words back at him but then grinned. “You’re forgetting my nose, which is telling me you’re as ready for this as I am.”

She didn’t argue, knowing there was no way she could deny it. Still, she moved slowly as she inched up and hooked her fingers in the waistband of his briefs, dragging them down until she finally freed his shaft. Like the rest of him, it was strong, beautiful, and perfect, and it took all her efforts to keep her hands off him long enough to get his underwear the rest of the way down.

Once that was done, she eagerly wrapped one hand around him, putting the other on his chest and nudging him back onto the bed. The look he gave her suggested he was thinking about resisting, but he must have realized she already had him firmly in her grasp, and it was obvious she wasn’t letting go. So he settled back and let her have her fun.

Zarina moved her hand up and down his erection, marveling at how he pulsed under her grasp. She especially liked the little bead of essence that formed at the very tip. She smiled as she ran the pad of her thumb over the silky liquid pearl, swirling it around him.

Tanner’s abs and thighs tightened and flexed as she caressed him, and she had to admit she enjoyed watching his rippling muscles as much as she did touching him. But soon enough, her hunger for more made her lean forward and take him into her mouth. She felt as much as heard the low rumble that came from his chest. His sounds of pleasure only grew louder as she took him deeper and swirled her tongue around his most sensitive parts.

Zarina had every intention of continuing exactly what she was doing until Tanner exploded in her mouth, but he had other ideas. Reaching down, he gently but firmly urged her up until she was lying atop his chest with her lips inches from his. She opened her mouth to make a quip about him interrupting her, but Tanner rolled her over and pinned her to the bed with his big body and smoldering gaze. Vivid blue, his eyes were lit from within by a soft red glow.

A woman could lose herself in eyes like those.

“Were you about to say something?” he teased.

She wet her lips with her tongue. “I’m sure I was going to say something witty and insightful, but for some reason, I suddenly can’t remember what it was.”

Tanner grinned, his mouth a mere hairsbreadth from hers, his hard-on pressing urgently against her tummy. “Perhaps we should wait until you remember. It might have been important.”

“No more waiting,” she told him, pulling his head down and kissing him hard on the mouth.

He chuckled, kissing her back, then carefully nudging her legs wide and settling between her thighs. But just as the tip of his cock touched her wetness, a look of concern crossed his face, and he froze.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

Had he picked up a scent or sound that made him think danger was close? Her mind started spinning at a hundred miles an hour as she tried to imagine what it could be. Crap. What if the camp was about to be attacked again?

“I can’t believe I’m bringing this up now, but I just realized, I didn’t even think about birth control,” he said. “Condoms haven’t really been on my list of essentials lately.”

Zarina let out a sigh of relief. No one was attacking the camp. Thank God. “That’s not something we need to worry about,” she told him softly. “I began taking birth control pills as soon as I knew I was coming out here so I wouldn’t have to worry about dragging all that monthly female stuff around with me.”

He looked at her in confusion for a second, but then understanding dawned on his face. “Oh. I hadn’t thought about that.”

She reached up and draped her arms around his shoulders, tugging him close again. “Now we have that out of the way, maybe we can get back to what we were doing.”

He flashed her a sexy grin, then paused. “Wait. What were we doing again?”

She pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I’m pretty sure it had something to do with you sliding into me and giving me multiple orgasms.”

The grin was back, along with the smolder. “Oh yeah. Now I remember.”

She laughed, but the sound was cut off as Tanner slowly slid halfway in with a single thrust. Half sigh, half gasp, she threw back her head and arched off the bed as he pulled out a little, then plunged in again, going even deeper this time. Even though she was wet and ready for him, the feeling of his thick shaft buried inside her took her breath away. The shock waves of pleasure rippling through her as he began to pump made her pant, and it was all she could do to wrap her legs around his hips and hold on tight.

Zarina buried her face in his neck, lost in the sensation of him gliding in and out, feeling the telltale tremors of a strong orgasm building deep inside her. If Tanner kept moving like he was, she was going to explode soon. Even so, she wanted more, wanted him to move faster, thrust harder. She tightened her legs around him, digging her heels into his muscular ass, moving her body under his and urging him on.

But Tanner ignored her unspoken but obvious demands, instead continuing to tease her with his gentle thrusts as he carefully held his body weight off of her. That was when her instincts told her something was off. Even though what they were doing felt amazing, she couldn’t shake the feeling Tanner was holding back.

When she saw his tight jaw and expression of total concentration, she knew she was right. Tanner’s head was a hundred miles away, focused on maintaining complete control of his inner hybrid and not on making love to her.

She reached up and threaded her fingers in his hair, then dragged his face down until he was staring straight into her eyes. His gaze sharpened, and he slowly stopped moving. “What’s wrong? Am I hurting you?”

If it wasn’t for the fact that Zarina had her legs wrapped around him too tightly for him to move, he almost certainly would have pulled out. No way in hell was she letting that happen.

If she hadn’t been sure before, she was now. Tanner had been aggressive and confident when it came to getting her naked, but now that they were making love, his worries about going full hybrid were making him pull away. Well, she wasn’t going to stand for it.

“Don’t you even think about holding back on me,” she said firmly. “Not now. Not after everything we’ve been through together.”

She expected him to deny it, and if he did, she was going to smack him. Surprisingly, he didn’t even try.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered. “Being with you here, like this, has me close to the edge. I don’t think I can stay in control if I don’t focus.”

She cupped his face in her hand. “Then don’t be in control. You think I want our first time to be like this, with half of you not even here? I want you to be in the moment with me right now.”

He shook his head. “It’s not that simple. If I lose it, I could kill you.”

“You’re not going to lose it, and you are not going to kill me. You’re going to let go of all those worries, and you’re going to make love to me for hours. And it’s going to be incredible.”

Tanner shook his head. “I wish it could be that way, but I can’t take the risk.”

She knew he was seconds away from sliding out. If he did that, she couldn’t imagine how this moment was ever going to happen again. The thing that had been forming between them would be gone like it had never even been there.

She couldn’t accept that.

She wouldn’t.

Zarina pulled him down and kissed him so hard, his slightly extended fangs nicked her tongue and drew blood. But she didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was showing Tanner he didn’t have to be held captive by the beast inside him, that they could be together in every way that mattered.

The kiss caught him by surprise, and in that moment of stunned confusion, she took control of the situation, shoving at his shoulder at the same time as she twisted violently beneath him. She normally would never have been able to move a guy his size, but he’d been so careful to keep his full weight off her that she was able to flip him over onto his back. She didn’t waste the advantage, keeping her balance on top of him as she drove him deeper inside her than he’d been before. Then she leaned forward and looked him straight in the eye as she began to ride him exactly the way she’d wanted all along.

“Zarina,” he warned, his voice a soft rasp.

She kept moving, fighting to hold in the moans that threatened to spill out of her. “I’m not going to stop. If you want me to, you’re going to have to physically move me, and I don’t think you’re willing to manhandle me that way.”

He gritted his teeth, his eyes flashing bright red as her body clenched more tightly around his shaft. She took it as a sign he was enjoying what she was doing, even if he refused to admit it.

“Why are you doing this?” he demanded.

His hands settled on her grinding hips, almost as if he was trying to control—and slow—her sensual movements. She ignored them and moved faster, her breath coming now in little gasps as she felt the tremors building up inside her again.

“Because I trust you,” she panted, tingles spreading from her center outward until they covered her whole body. “More than you trust yourself. You, and your hybrid half, would never hurt me. I know that in my soul.”

Tanner might have argued, but Zarina didn’t give him a chance. Switching into high gear, she bounced up and down on him even faster as she felt her orgasm beginning to crest.

That was the breaking point for him. His eyes went completely scarlet, and his upper fangs extended far enough to protrude over his lower lip. His big hands tightened on her hips, not to slow her movements this time, but to yank her down on his cock even harder so he was touching her in places she’d never known existed.

Zarina came not in a cresting wave but in an avalanche of sensations that felt like a fireball exploding inside her. Tanner drew her climax out as far as it would go, making her scream so loud, she was sure it echoed through the camp.

She was wondering if it was possible to pass out from so much pleasure when Tanner suddenly flipped her over onto her back, thrusting into her hard and fast. That was when she realized he hadn’t come with her. From the growls he was letting out, she knew that was about to change.

That was when she saw the most beautiful thing she could have ever imagined. Tanner had fully shifted, his fangs completely extended as he gazed down at her with nothing but lust, love, and adoration. There wasn’t a trace of anger or rage to be seen in his glowing red eyes.

She’d been right about him all along.

Then Tanner’s whole body stiffened as he shoved deep inside her and held himself there. The feeling as he poured his essence inside her was enough to make her orgasm again, but this time, she kept her eyes open. She didn’t want to miss a single moment of his pleasure.

Tanner bucked half a dozen times, drawing his climax out—and hers, too—before he collapsed against her, his face nestled comfortably in the curve of her neck.

Zarina wrapped her arms and legs around him, holding him close. They lay like that for a long time, their heartbeats slowly returning to normal and syncing up with each other’s.

“That was incredible,” she whispered, gliding her hands up and down his powerful back, tracing her fingers over the muscles. “And without making it sound like I told you so, I told you so.”

He chuckled, his fangs teasing her skin. “Yeah, I guess you did.”

She threaded her hand in his hair, urging him up so that she could see his face. He started to look away, like he was ashamed to let her see his hybrid features. She tightened her fingers in his hair, holding him still. She saw nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. Instead, she saw an amazing man she was insanely in love with.

That was when Zarina realized Tanner was never going to need the antiserum she’d created. While he was going to need a lot of work to help his PTSD, after making love with him—and his inner beast—she was sure that at some point, he’d gain complete control of his animal half. It would take time, but it would happen. Which meant she’d never have to have that conversation with him, the one where she described the drug’s possible unpleasant side effects.

Putting those thoughts out of her mind, she pulled Tanner down and kissed him, unconcerned by the presence of his fangs. Neither he nor his hybrid half would ever hurt her.

He hesitated for a moment but then gave in and kissed her. It was like he was finally letting it all go. The doubt, the worry, the fear. He kissed her like a man kissed the woman he loved.

“So, what now?” she whispered when they finally pulled away.

He grinned, displaying his fangs. “Now we make love for hours. And it’s going to be incredible.”

She returned his smile. “Yes, it will.”