Bekah
I sat back and reclined my seat. I grabbed the file out of my carry on and tried to forget the goodbye I just exchanged with my Dad. The past few days had been different. He acted almost, normal. Pleases, thank yous, no more disgusted looks. He reminded me of all the things he was before we left Florida. We played chess and Scrabble. We talked about his work and he seemed impressed with the opportunity I had waiting for me back in New Jersey. He didn’t argue about me not staying for Thanksgiving, he seemed alright with it. Sad, but alright. He even gave me a quick hug, peck on the cheek, and a see you at Christmastime as I was walking to Dex’s truck. Yeah, the red Ford he fucked Kathy in.
Dex was quiet when he dropped me at the airport. He gave me a hug and told me to be good to myself. He was taking my advice and going back to spend time with his family for the holidays while he recovered.
I grabbed the copies I had made of the floor plans and looked through all of them. I had done several drawings, different ideas. I planned to submit them when I was home. I shoved it back in the bag and grabbed the file Dex had given me on Zandor.
God, how could I have been so stupid to buy in to the shit he was dishing out? I looked through the pictures of him at fundraisers and Casino openings. He always had a date on his arm. They would be smiling at him with the same stupid smile I’m sure I wore when I let down my defenses.
What bothered me the most was that I honestly believed he felt something for me. He certainly played the part well, really well. God, I was stupid! I shoved the file away and sat back.
I must have fallen asleep because I woke to shaking and rattling. The plane bounced as it hit the runway three times. I wasn’t the only one nervous in the plane, several people cried out and I just closed my eyes and held onto the armrests.
When we finally came to a stop, cheering erupted from the seats around me. I didn’t want to cheer; I wanted to cry. That was seriously one of the scariest moments of my life. I was out of my seat and at the door when it opened. I walked quickly off of the bridge connection to the airport and honestly didn’t feel my heart slow down until I was almost through the security gates.
I held my hand over my heart as I tried to compose myself as I walked toward the baggage carousel wishing I hadn’t checked my suitcase. I looked up, and he was standing there. I had to look around to see if this was real or if maybe the plane had crashed and this was one of those white light moments.
When he walked up and bent down and held my chin up to look at him I knew it was real because every part of my body warmed.
“Welcome home, Kitten.” His voice was a little hoarse and it hit me right below my belly.
I tried to step back and he must have anticipated that I would try to step away because his hand left my face and linked his fingers through mine and held my lower back with his other hand.
“What has you so out of sorts?” He was looking into my eyes with those sandy brown cinnamon-flecked eyes that actually looked concerned.
I cleared my throat. “Rough landing.”
“Better now?” His lip curled slightly up and he looked at my lips.
“What’re you doing here?”
“Picking up my Lady friend.”
“How did you know when I would be in?”
“I have my ways.”
God, he made me mad, but when his hands were on me I couldn’t think straight.
“Please let go of me.”
“You wanna say it like you mean it?”
I looked down and quickly up at his eyes, making certain I didn’t stare at his full perfect lips for too long.
I let out a breath and he smirked. “Please let go of me.”
“No kiss for your man first?”
“We aren’t…”
“There’s your bag.”
He let go of my back and pulled me toward the carousel.
He grabbed my bag and took the other from my arm. He was pulling me behind him as we headed for the exit. He stopped abruptly and looked back at me.
“No coat?”
“No.”
He set my bags down and shrugged out of his leather jacket and held it up. “Arms in, Kitten.”
“I’m fine.”
He took one of my arms and shoved it in a sleeve.
“Can you do the rest?”
I put my arm in and he grabbed the zipper and bit his lower lip as he slowly, zipped me up, “Mmm.”
I stepped back and he grabbed for my hand and I took another very painful step away.
He looked at me as if he were trying to figure out what he was going to do next.
He swung my bag over his shoulder and then swiftly grabbed me and kissed me. I didn’t wanna kiss him back I really didn’t, but he just tasted. So. Good.
Before I knew it my elbows were resting on his shoulders and my hands were twisted in his hair. My mouth fell opened and his tongue slowly licked mine tasting every part of it. His taste, his smell, his touch, captured me, tortured and pleased me.
I heard people clapping and pulled back, he was smiling as he waved and winked at the audience gathered to witness this very public display.
“Welcome home, Kitten.”
He set me on my feet and straightened my jacket, or his jacket…whatever, and then cupped my chin in his hand and very softly kissed my forehead.
“Let’s get you out of the cold.”
He held out his hand and I rolled my eyes and took it.
“There you go.”
I didn’t reply, I was angry…at myself.
I saw my car shining under the lamppost, and I looked at him.
“Yeah, I’m surprised I still have fingers. It’s real cold outside. But a bet’s a bet.”
“You cleaned my car?”
He opened the passenger side door and smiled. “No Kitten, the little elves came on down from the North Pole and did it.”
Before I could reply, he had shut the door and was opening the trunk.
I looked around and was shocked. Yes it was clean, I mean really clean but he had also replaced the floor mats and had seat covers put over the two front seats.
He slid in and smiled.
“You like?”
“Hello Kitty?”
“Say it again but slower, and use that sexy little southern drawl you have.” He was watching me take it all in. “You don’t like Hello Kitty?”
“It was thoughtful.” I pulled my seat belt on.
“That’s my lady, nice and polite response. Just so you know, I fucking love Hello Kitty now.”
“You do, do you?”
“Yeah, she’s my second favorite kind of kitty.”
I didn’t even bother asking who the first was. I felt good, his lips, damn him. I sat back and he drove with a smile on his face, beautiful smile.
“Zandor, we’re going in the wrong direction.”
“Maybe I’m taking you away, to lock you up so you’ll never pull that shit on me again. Maybe I’m driving farther away because you haven’t fulfilled your promise.”
“My promise?”
“Yeah, your promise. I froze my ass off because a bet’s a bet. Your jaw may be a little sore in the morning Kitten, but a promise is a promise.”
“I didn’t promise!”
“You implied you’d submit to the request.”
“Oh did I?”
“Yes, right after you fingered yourself in the hospital bathroom and licked your pussy juice from your finger.”
“Zandor!”
“Yell it again, Kitten.”
He was such a smug … God, he was more beautiful now than I remembered.
“Please take me home.” I couldn’t be strong around him.
“Not yet.”
“You can’t keep me.”
“I can certainly try.”
He was impossible, absolutely impossible.
“I’m a strong person, Zandor. I just walked away from a man who told me he wanted forever with me. I somehow managed to take care of a man who meant the world to me, then I felt I destroyed him because of my actions and deserved…” He reached over and held my hand, “To be treated the way I was by him. I left on good terms, but those terms were my own.”
“I’m very proud of you.”
He wasn’t being sarcastic, his voice was soft and when he glanced at me as he stroked my hand he looked nothing but sincere.
“Zandor, you have to take me home. You have to let me be.”
He didn’t say a word and he didn’t stop holding my hand. He held it a little tighter, “I won’t keep you long.”
There was nothing more I could say to him. I wasn’t angry at him. I was angry at myself and even more so because I wasn’t sure it was because I knew I was being played and truly enjoying the illusion so much my guard was let down. Or if it was because I may possibly see myself happy with him—for a long time.
He pulled up in front of a large white house. It had a wraparound porch and a three car attached garage. The amount of land surrounding it was larger than the neighbor’s. It was beautiful.
“What do you think of this place?”
“It’s very nice.”
“Nice, modest, a middle-class family home, right?”
“Yes, I don’t understand.”
“This was the home my family lived in when my father retired from the military as a non-commissioned officer. Your aware of what that means, right?”
“Of course I am.”
He turned away from me and pulled back off the street. I watched him as he looked in the rear view mirror at the house. He didn’t say a word and neither did I. He was focused and maybe a bit irritated. We drove to another neighborhood. Not nearly as nice as the one we had just left.
He pulled in front of a small cape-style home on a very small lot with a one-car garage.
“What do you think of this place?” He didn’t look at it with the same amount of pride as he had the last home.
“It’s nice.”
He huffed. “It’s alright. This is the home we moved into when the legal bills were mounting up and my family could no longer afford to live in a home my father had busted his ass to afford for his wife and children. He had one child in Iraq, one in his second year of college, I was a senior in high school, and Xavier was a sophomore. My brother Jase was in love with Dad’s commanding officer’s daughter. They got pregnant, and her father forbid Jase to be part of the child’s life and in turn made life hell for his own child. She died giving birth to my niece, Bella. For seven years my father and mother worked their asses off to fight with everything they could for that little girl to know Jase and the rest of us. We moved in here and less than a year later Dad died, helping with search and rescue during the hurricane. My family’s tattoo shop was once a restaurant that my parents worked at side by side, tirelessly every day to provide a home for us and money so they could fight like hell for Little Bell.”
Without thinking, I grabbed his hand. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, shit happens every day. Your dad graduated West Point, correct?”
“Yes.”
“He was an officer. Not an enlisted man who clawed his way up the ranks, right?”
I looked at him for a moment too long.
“I got nothing against it. My Momma walked away from a controlling family who disowned her for marrying my father. Momma’s family had more money than I could have ever imagined in my life. My parents were too proud to ask for help even when times got rough. Your Mom married a man who is wealthy correct?”
I nodded.
“That’s part of your issue with my family having money?”
I didn’t answer, I just looked down at our hands.
“Your Dad make you feel like shit about men with money?”
I wouldn’t fight with him, partially because he was right.
“Your Mom didn’t leave him because of money, that’s not how love works. She left him because she wasn’t feeling respected, cared for, and treasured by a man who promised to do just that. He failed her, and you, Bekah.” He took a deep breath and rolled his neck stretching like he did when he was stressed. “I would never judge you based on anything in your past or your present. I told you everything about me that could possibly deter you from granting me access to you. I fought for you, Bekah. I’ve done some real crazy shit to make sure I have access to you. Do you know why?”
I shook my head no, because I was so confused and conflicted. “I didn’t mean to make you feel…”
“You’ve tormented me for five days now. Giving me nothing to hold onto, yet I’m still here.”
“I need to be strong for myself. I need that control back in my life.”
“You need to know that I can’t stop what I feel for you, you’ve gotten inside me so deep.”
“Only because you’ve never been told no,” I whispered.
“You aren’t telling me no, Bekah.”
“I’m trying.”
“You need to stop trying. I’m not going anywhere. Look at me, Kitten.” He lifted my chin. “Il mio dolce gattino, sei il mio tesoro, entra nella mia vita.”
“What does that mean?”
His lips were inches from mine, centimeters. I was burning up. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes. I lifted my chin to accept his kiss.
He released my chin and I opened my eyes. “You already know what it means, because you feel the same.”
And that was it. He pulled onto the street and dropped my hand.
I watched the smug look cross his face and it pissed me off.
“I’m not a toy!”
“Never said or treated you as if you were.” he was calm, cool, and collected now.
I reached down and grabbed the file Dex had given me and threw it on his lap. “I’m not even your type! I’m not a size two fucking …”
“Ladies don’t say FUCK!”
He pulled over and slammed the car into park and grabbed the file and opened it. He laughed when he saw the pictures. “Do any of these mean a damn thing to you, Bekah?”
“They mean you’re playing with me! They mean your slumming it. They mean…”
He grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled me to his mouth and kissed me. Lips smacking, tongues fighting, and teeth mashing. I was pulling his hair and he was so angry he was shaking. He pulled away and growled at me and then threw the car in drive and peeled out down the road. The car was fishtailing and seemingly out of control. He handled it just like he handles me.
As he pulled down my road he looked over at me. “If I wanted any one of them I could have them! I fucking just want you, you stubborn little…God damn it you make me so fucking angry!”
He pulled into the driveway and slammed on the brakes, skidding to a stop perfectly into my parking spot.
He took several deep breaths and looked over at me and released my seat belt. “Get out now.”
He opened his door and popped the trunk. I watched him grab my bags. “Go!”
I jumped and walked quickly to the door. He stood next to me holding the keys and his hands were shaking he was so pissed.
He held open the door and I walked in. He followed me up the stairs and opened the door.
When we walked in, Tiffany and Drew were making out on the couch. Zandor laughed condescendingly and walked past them into my room.
Tiffany looked up and smiled wearily. “Welcome back.” I had no idea what she was doing and she could tell I was confused. “Long story. We’ll chat later?”
I nodded my head and walked into my room and found Zandor pacing.
I shut the door behind me and I looked at him.
He opened his mouth several times to speak and nothing came out but angry laughs each time.
Finally, when he had worn a pattern into my carpet he stopped and glared at my nightstand.
He stormed over and opened Cullen manor and grabbed poor Edward. Then he looked at my bed and grabbed Henry and shoved Edward into Henry’s case.
“Put them back.” I tried to sound fierce but it didn’t work.
“One last thing and then I need to leave before I spank that ass and fuck you raw!”
“Zandor, they’ll hear you,” I whispered.
“I don’t give a fuck! You should know that the thought has crossed my mind more than once to take you away from here, and keep you all to myself! So no one else can hurt you and so I don’t have to lay awake at night wondering who is or wants to be fucking MY lady! Apparently that’s illegal! You have me so fucked up right now I’m stealing your fucking vibrator so you can’t get off unless it’s with me. There is so much more I wanna tell you, so many ways I want to please you, make you purr into my neck and a thousand more ways I wanna make you cum. So once you decide your worth it, let me know, because I have no fucking clue what more I could possibly do to make you get how fucking deep my feelings are. So you and your wet little pussy can go snuggle up in bed together and think about what it is you’re missing when I walk out that door. Because let me tell you something, I’m fucking worth it!”
He threw keys on my bed. “These are my keys, you’ll be driving this until I get your car back to you. Your fucking tires are bald!”
He didn’t go quietly either. He slammed every door he went through and then I heard tires squeal all the way down the road.
I stood in the window watching the falling snow over the skid marks he left down my road, knowing no amount of snow or time would ever cover or remove the scar he could leave on my heart.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood there but I know it was a long time. I unzipped the coat and took it off and laid it on my bed. I shut the drawer to Cullen manor, I had no more reason to visit it anymore.
Tiff walked in with a big glass of water.
“You wanna talk?” she asked as she handed it to me.
“What’s up with you and Drew?”
“He just left.We decided to try to work things out.” Her eyes widened and she whispered, “Sober.”
“Xavier?”
“It was fun, really, really fun but he’s not in the same place I am.”
“Where is that?”
“I think the same place you are, ready to allow myself more.”
“Did you give him my keys?”
“Well let’s just say I didn’t stop him when I answered the door and he barged in and took them.”
“He would consume me.”
“I see that.”
“I don’t even know what to do now.”
“Yes, you do, you just have to be ready.”
Neither of us said a word. Tiff gave me a hug.
“Wanna sleep in my room?”
“How are the sheets?” I smiled.
“Give me a couple minutes to change them.”
“Okay.”
She started walking out and stopped and turned around.
“Did he really steal your vibrator?”
“Yeah, and my car.”
“That’s love girl.” She said as she walked out. “Truest form.”
~
Tiff and I lay in bed talking about all our boy issues. I didn’t like that he fucked around on her and she pointed out that she did worse. He got a blowjob from his ex and she banged boots with Xavier for nearly a week.
“It’s not my life, Tiff, you do what you need to.” I yawned.
“You’re such a good friend, better than I am ‘cause I’m gonna tell you exactly what to do regardless of whose life it is. Take time to breathe, but not too much time. I think he’s the one for you. More importantly he thinks that. He’s half mad over you. He all but screamed he loved you while he pillaged your drawers for your vibrator. That’s fucked up on so many levels but hot as hell.”
“Yeah I suppose.” I rolled to my back and starred at the ceiling.
“Drew’s not staying over?”
“No, not for a while…I’m on a diet.” I looked to her and started to laugh.
“Then we do it together.”
“Stupid boys!”
“He says things in Italian to me,” I whispered.
“Like what?”
“I don’t know usually I’m so entranced with the sound the words make in his mouth that I don’t remember. Frustrating!”
“Ask him!”
“I do and he won’t tell me.” I smiled.
“I bet he’s telling you all the nasty ways he wants to fuck you.” Tiffany giggled.
“No, it’s so soft and caring it feels like those words are just wrapping around me and holding me. And then he freaks out and goes all Jersey boy on me.”
“Well hell, don’t sound so upset, sounds like you get the best of both worlds then.”
We both lay quietly for a while and she fell asleep. She was definitely a bed hog and I was sick of getting hit in the face so I snuck out of her room and went to mine.
I lay down and looked over at the leather jacket beside me. I picked it up and looked at the tag, Dolce and Gabbana, of course. I smelled it and it smelled like heaven, Zandor Steel, and leather. I looked at my phone and he hadn’t texted.
-Please tell me you made it home all right…B
-Yeah…Z
-Good…B
-Night…Z
-Night…B
I lay down and turned on my music. Royal by Lorde was playing. He really wasn’t that materialistic right? I looked over at the coat and laughed at myself and then cried. Yeah girl do that, because right now I was overwhelmed and needed a good cry.
I sent my Dad a text telling him I was home and his reply? Goodnight kiddo.