Chapter Five
Ashton
I can’t get Sadie’s deer-caught-in-the-headlights look out of my head. It’s especially disturbing because I’ve seen it plenty of times in the mirror whenever a girl starts to show signs of getting too serious.
It’s the same damn expression I wear right before I break things off with whoever I happen to be dating at the time.
Now that same look is lingering in Sadie’s eyes, and I don’t like it one bit. She tried to play it off. Tried using the excuse that Mandy would be home soon to get me out of her apartment.
But she’s scared, and it has nothing to do with sucking and swallowing. She feels more than she’s letting on, and I hate how she’s wrestling with herself over this. We’re approaching a fork in the road, but it’s coming up way too fucking fast for my liking, because if I can’t win her over, I’ll have to let her go in order to save our friendship.
I know her as well as I know myself. Sadie has always been part of me, but over time that part of me shifted. Morphed into this ball of longing in my gut I can’t ignore any longer. I’m dying to taste her lips, aching to get inside her body. Not just her body, but her soul.
The realization has been trickling in for what seems like forever, and now it’s crashing over me like an unstoppable wave. I fucking want her.
The annoying redhead my sister befriended on the playground when we were young and innocent.
The fiery girl who infiltrated my heart before I even realized it was happening.
The stunning woman who has me wrapped now.
I pull into my driveway and cut the engine on the bike. The rain has slowed to a drizzle, and tiny drops collect in my hair and on my coat as I head up the pathway to my front door. I stall at the sight of the shadowy form sitting on my front stoop. Corinne is huddling under the awning, staying dry from the rain.
“How long have you been waiting?”
“Not too long.”
Stepping past her, I insert a key into the doorknob. “You should have called,” I say, wincing at my harsh tone as I swing the door open.
She rises to her feet. “I would have if I’d known you’d be in such a shitty mood.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” I switch on a light and gesture for her to come inside.
Corinne follows me into the living room. “I messaged you. Didn’t you get it?”
Shit. I completely forgot. “Uh, yeah, I did. It’s been a busy day.”
She settles a hand on my arm. “Did I do something to piss you off?”
I take in her hunched shoulders and feel my own slump. “You didn’t do anything, Corinne. I just wasn’t expecting you.”
Nibbling on her lower lip, she stares at me with hurt in her brown eyes. “I miss you.”
And I know I’m wearing the expression—the same one Sadie shot my way before I left her apartment twenty minutes ago.
“Look, Corinne, I don’t want to hurt—”
“Don’t,” she interrupts. “Don’t say you don’t want to hurt me. It’s too late for that.”
God, I feel like such an asshole for not seeing it sooner. “I didn’t realize you felt…more. I thought we were just having fun.”
“Just having fun?” Her brown eyes are bright with pain, and the accusation in them spears through me, making me feel like the bastard I am. “I thought we had something…I mean…” Lowering her head, she wipes under her eyes. “What did I do? Just tell me so I can fix it.”
Fucking hell. I hate this part. I hate hurting people, especially someone as sweet and vulnerable as Corinne.
“You didn’t do anything. I’m just not into serious hookups. You already know this.”
She raises her chin and looks me square in the eyes. “I’m in love with you, Ash. How could you not know that?”
Closing my eyes, I drag a hand down my face. I’m not ready for this—for this girl standing before me, saying she loves me as tears drip from her eyes.
I’m a total asshole.
“I’m sorry, Corinne.”
“If you didn’t feel something for me, then why’d you worm your way back into my life after all of these years?”
“I didn’t worm my way into your life.” Taking a deep breath, I temper my tone. “We hooked up at a party. If I’d known you felt this way, I wouldn’t have slept with you again.”
And again and again.
“I thought I meant something to you.” Her mouth is trembling, and I dig deep for an explanation that will make her feel better, but there isn’t one. There’s only the harsh truth.
“We were never serious in high school. I didn’t think this was any different,” I say, silently pleading with her to stop crying. If there’s one thing that rips me apart, it’s a woman’s tears.
“It was serious for me!” Pointing her finger, she stalks toward me. “You broke my fucking heart in high school, you jerk.” She jabs me in the chest, and I retreat a step. “But you were so caught up in yourself to notice, right, Ash?”
I grab her hand before she can do more damage with her finger and its razor sharp nail. “You’re right. I am a jerk. I didn’t realize, Corinne. If I had, I wouldn’t have hooked up with you.”
Her wet eyes pin me to the spot, like prey she’s about to devour in the eye of her pain. “Is there someone else?”
Parting my lips, I will the denial off my tongue, but the lie won’t form. Instead, I shake my head. But it’s too late. Glaring at me, she yanks her hand from mine. I hesitated too long, and now she knows the truth.
There is someone else, only that someone else doesn’t know it yet. What a twisted circle of heartbreak I’ve managed to create here.
“Who is she?” Venom drips from her tone, and something dark flashes in her brown eyes. I revisit my earlier thought that she’s sweet and vulnerable.
Because Corinne sure as fuck doesn’t look like either right now. If she were a cat, she’d have her claws out, her teeth bared as she hisses her warning. Instead of answering her, I cross to the door and open it. Arguing isn’t going to help either of us.
“I think you should go,” I say, trying to soften my tone. But as I ask her to leave my house—to leave my life—I know nothing will soften the blow to her heart.
Shit.
How many times have I ended up in this exact spot? Letting a girl down gently is never easy, but usually they leave more angry than hurt, because I don’t make promises upfront.
So where did I go wrong with Corinne? What did I do to make her think that what we had was more than a fun hookup? For fuck’s sake, we didn’t even see each other every weekend.
There was no dating. No declarations of love. We communicated over a few texts in between the times we fucked, but that was it.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I say, hoping my words will get her to move from her motionless spot in the middle of my fucking living room.
She turns pained eyes on me. Damp eyes full of anger and heartbreak. “Ash…I’m pregnant.”
Time doesn’t just screech to a halt—it slams into a fucking wall. I can’t fucking breathe. A thousand thoughts and what-ifs torpedo through my mind, but it’s nothing but incomprehensible chaos. “I don’t believe you,” I finally say, my own voice strange to my ears.
This isn’t happening.
We were careful.
I’m alway so fucking careful.
She finally moves, her steps renewed with purpose and power as she nears me. I’m still standing by the door like a fool.
“It’s true. Wishing otherwise isn’t going to make it disappear.” She brushes past me and steps onto the front porch. “And before you even think about asking, I’m keeping the baby.”
“I wasn’t asking,” I say, still shell-shocked. How can a person ask questions when their world is spinning out of control around them? Fuck, I can’t even think straight.
“When you’re ready to talk about it, you know where to find me.” She hurries down the pathway toward the street, seemingly unbothered by the rain. If I weren’t frozen to the spot, I’d offer to drive her home.
But I’m doing good to shut the door and plop onto the couch before my legs fail me.