CHLOE WAS LEFT standing there when without a word Nik got into the front seat of the car beside the driver. She blew out a breath and for once in her life wished someone would tell her what to do or at least what to think.
A reel of the terrible scene still played in her head. She had only witnessed it and she felt shaken and physically sick; she couldn’t begin to imagine what Nik was feeling and she had the distinct impression he wouldn’t be telling her any time soon.
She gave her head a tiny shake and slid into the back seat. In the front Nik was speaking to the driver, issuing instructions, she assumed, but she didn’t know for sure because it was literally all Greek to her.
Apart from that, they drove in absolute stony silence. A couple of times Chloe cleared her throat to ask how long it would take to reach their destination or for that matter where they were heading but chickened out at the last moment. So silence reigned until about maybe ten minutes into the journey when Nik suddenly spoke in Greek once again.
The driver responded in the same language and pulled onto the side of the road. The car had barely stopped when Nik flung himself out, and, leaving the door open, he strode off into the scrub at the side of the deserted road up an incline, immediately disappearing from view as he went down the other side.
So what did she do now?
Did she sit here and wait, or did she follow him...? She caught the eyes of the driver in the rear-view mirror, and his expression was sympathetic but he just shrugged.
‘I think I’ll stretch my legs,’ she said, not sure he understood her or if he’d try and prevent her from leaving the car.
He didn’t.
Grateful her shoes only had moderate heels, she stumbled her way across the steep slope of the rough ground, waking up tiny little things in the undergrowth as she picked out a path between the rocks, following roughly—she hoped—the route she had seen Nik take. The linen trousers she wore were of a loose style that ended mid-calf, protecting most of her legs from the razor-sharp ends of the long tough grass that poked through the rocks. But her calves already ached; the incline was steeper than it looked.
She had lost track of time today but the sun overhead was still high in the sky that was a uniform blue. It was very hot and she became uncomfortably aware of rivulets of sweat trickling down her back. Pausing to rest, she turned her head to make sure that she had not lost sight of the car.
Getting lost really would add the finishing touch to this day. Nik had seemed to vanish from view after only moments, so either he was astonishingly fit or she had somehow gone off course and attacked the slope at a wider angle.
Probably both, she decided, pausing again, this time just below the top of the incline. She ran her tongue over her lips; they felt dry and she was thirsty. Without the crunch of her footsteps, she could make out a distant whooshing sound above the softer constant buzzing of the bees that smothered the sweet-smelling wild thyme that filled the air with a deep sweet fragrance.
She closed her eyes and inhaled.
What are you doing? she asked herself wearily. So you find him—what then? Does he strike you as a man who needs a shoulder to cry on? Like a wounded animal, he’d gone away to lick his wounds; he clearly wanted privacy and she was going to crash it. It had seemed like a good idea at the time—but why exactly?
She puffed out a gusty sigh. This was starting to feel like a very bad idea, but, torn between turning back and pushing on, she hesitated only momentarily before tackling the last few feet of slope.
As she crowned the hill her efforts were rewarded by a view that made her catch her breath. In contrast to the steep slope she had just climbed, the other side was a very gentle incline, the vegetation spare where it grew out of the sandy ground, but she barely noticed as her eyes went to the horseshoe curve of a bay ringed by rocks. Alternating stripes of pebbles and silvery sand ran down to the water. Beyond the gentle waves that frothed white as they broke on the beach, the blue of the sea deepened, interspersed with iridescent swirling areas of deep green and dark turquoise before it met the sky.
The view was so unexpected and so soul-soothingly beautiful that for a long moment all she did was stare, but the moment of spiritual peace shattered into a million shards as her eyes reached the figure standing at the farthest point of the beach before the rocks rose up out of the water.
Nik stood, his tall, remote figure a dark silhouette against the backdrop of bright blue. The strength of the empathetic sympathy that swelled in her chest took her by surprise, and, without pausing to examine it or the need to be with him right now, she began to jog towards him, the downward journey on the smooth, gentle slope far less taxing than the climb up it.
Once she reached the sand she slowed until finally pausing to remove her shoes. Swinging them from the fingers of one hand, she continued slowing as she picked her way across the bands of smooth stones that were sandwiched between the wider bands of powdery sand.
The closer she got to the water, the more she felt the breeze, warm but very welcome as it lifted the damp strands of hair from her neck. She stopped a few feet away from Nik, suddenly unsure what to do next, which seemed to suggest she’d ever known. The thought that she actually knew what she was doing or had any sort of plan when it came to Nik tugged her lips into an ironic, self-mocking smile.
Blind instinct had got her this far and if she had any sense, Chloe reflected, it would take her straight back the way she had come.
She never had had much sense.
‘It’s very beautiful.’
He didn’t react to her comment, so she assumed he already knew she was there. She took a few more steps towards him, in the shade cast by the rocks, which meant it was pleasantly cooler underfoot. But not as cool as standing ankle deep in the water, which Nik was doing in his beautiful handmade leather shoes, although he seemed utterly oblivious.
‘Don’t worry; I’m not going to ask you if you’re all right.’
‘Are you moving on to you probably deserve it?’ he tossed back, thinking grimly that if so, she was right. Digging his hands deep into the pockets of his tailored trousers, he stared sightlessly in front of him, eyes narrowed at the horizon, trying to remember what it felt like not to carry this constant weight of guilt around with him.
He swivelled around, his short hair catching the breeze as a sudden spurt of stronger wind made it stick up in sexy tufts.
As their eyes connected it struck Chloe with the force of a blow that his expression was exactly the same as the first time she had seen him, dark and tortured. The sight made her heart squeeze in her chest.
The expression he caught on her face stung his pride into painful life, but he didn’t want her concern, genuine or otherwise. He didn’t deserve concern, and certainly not from her... Hell, life had been easier when she had been filed in his memory banks under the heading of a typical shallow, narcissistic socialite. He had used her once to distract himself from his past and he was doing the same thing now; why didn’t she seem able to recognise a lost cause when she saw one?
‘No, I don’t think you deserved it.’ Chloe’s first thought had been that she was seeing an ex-lover he’d done the dirty on seeking revenge, and to her shame she had been prepared to be the cheering squad, but the impression had only lasted for seconds as it had almost immediately become obvious that she was seeing something much more complicated.
An expression she couldn’t interpret flickered across his face. ‘Well, I do.’ He flung the words at her like a challenge.
‘You must have done something really bad, then,’ she said calmly.
A sense of deep self-loathing rushed through him with the force of a forest fire. His chest heaving, he heard a roar inside his skull before the feelings he’d kept locked inside for years finally exploded out. ‘I killed a man—my best friend.’
* * *
‘I’m sorry.’
His head came up with a snap.
‘Sorry!’ he echoed as he began to walk out of the water towards her with slow deliberate steps. Confession was supposed to be good for the soul but he didn’t feel good or cleansed; he felt furious with himself for losing control, especially in front of the last person he wanted to see...see what?
The question brought him to a halt when he was six inches away from her, so close that she had actually closed her eyes to shut out the awe-inspiring image he presented.
She could feel the heat of his body through the narrow gap between them but it was nothing compared to the anger and frustration that the air was practically coloured with that rippled off him in almost tangible waves.
He dragged a frustrated hand roughly across his forehead, but as he scanned her face for a clue to what she was thinking his own expression was cloaked. ‘Did you hear what I just said?’
‘You said that you killed your best friend. I have no idea what actually happened but, as they put people in jail for murder and you are not there, I’m assuming—’
He interrupted her, speaking through clenched teeth. ‘He is dead.’ His shoulders sagged as the anger drained away leaving a desolate hollowness inside his chest. ‘I am here.’
The emptiness in his flat delivery brought an ache to her throat. Watching him through her lashes, Chloe struggled to hide the dangerous rise of emotions that made her chest tight.
‘I know, Nik, I’m not deaf or blind.’
The hand he was dragging back and forth through his hair stilled at the mild reproof. He shot her a look and wondered for the tenth time in as many seconds why, if he was going to have some sort of meltdown, he had to do it in front of this woman who did not seem to have any concept of personal boundaries.
‘I am not one of your charity projects!’ he snarled, the very idea offending his masculine pride deeply.
Taken aback by the outraged charge, she just blinked.
‘Has it ever occurred to you that people who put so much of themselves into worthwhile causes are compensating for something that is missing in their own lives?’
Anger at this outrageous statement replaced her bewilderment. Face flushed, she compressed her lips and arched a brow. ‘Let me guess what you think is missing in my life—a man,’ she drawled. ‘Why do all men assume that they are essential for a woman’s happiness and fulfilment? If there is anything missing in my life I’ll get myself a dog. They’re far more reliable.’
Eyelids half lowered so that all she could see was a glitter of dark brown, he let the silence that developed between them stretch out taut before breaking it with a thoughtful, ‘I obviously touched a nerve there.’
He’d managed to change the subject from his own trauma, she realised, which she was assuming had been his intention all along. ‘Your friend is dead and I’m sorry. You might feel responsible, you might be responsible in some way, I have no idea, but I do know for definite that you didn’t kill anyone.’
‘How can you possibly know that?’ he jeered. ‘You don’t know me.’
She found herself wondering if anyone did. Did he push the world away or was it just her? ‘Who was that woman?’ she asked quietly.
He turned to look at the sea again. ‘Her name is Helena and she was engaged to Charlie, my best friend.’
‘Do you mind if I sit down?’ Without waiting for him to respond, she brushed a piece of silvered driftwood to one side with a foot, set down her shoes and sat down on the sand, stretching her long legs in front of her, crossing them at the ankle.
Nik turned as she was leaning back on her hands, just as the breeze lifted her hair, blowing it across her face before it settled in a fine silky mesh down her back except for a few errant strands that stuck to her face. Wrinkling her nose, she pursed her lips and huffed them away.
There was something about her beauty that could touch him in a way he hadn’t known he was capable of even at a time like this. He made an effort to resurrect a scowl but gave up on the attempt, deciding instead to sit down beside her.
‘Charlie was a cameraman, the best there was. People often forget when they see some correspondent standing there in the middle of a gun battle that there’s a man behind the camera too, taking the same risks without the same recognition. We’d worked together for two years in the sort of environment where...well, let’s just say that you get to see the best and worst of people.’
Chloe glanced sideways at his face...and wondered what he was seeing as he stared out to sea. For a while there was nothing but the hissing sound of the waves breaking a few feet away, and she had the impression he had forgotten she was there.
When he finally spoke his deep, strong voice held a rusty crack.
‘He met Helena through me. Her family are part of the London Greek expat community too, but like us they have relatives who still live here on the island. When I was a kid staying with my grandparents I used to hang around with her brothers. That was one of them with her back at the airport—Andreos. Helena used to tag along with us,’ he recalled. ‘A nice kid.’
And the nice kid had grown up to be a beautiful young woman with everything to live for, except now she didn’t want to live.
‘She and Charlie hit it off straight away. I was surprised as they were total opposites. Charlie was an extrovert and she was thoughtful, quiet and...’ He swallowed hard, the muscles in his brown throat working.
It really hurt her to see him struggle. ‘So it was a whirlwind romance?’
‘Actually more of a slow burner,’ Nik recalled. ‘They had an on-off thing that lasted eighteen months or so, the sort of thing that often fizzles out. But then something changed... I don’t know what it was, but they got engaged.’
She watched as he silently wrestled with the emotions inside him. Finally, she prompted softly, ‘You were surprised.’
He turned his head, his dark eyes glittering with self-contempt as he contradicted her. ‘I was irritated. We were a team and Charlie had announced that he was quitting and moving to a safe job where there was no risk of being kidnapped or shot.
‘It was me who persuaded him to take that one last assignment together. I was convinced that he’d realise that he couldn’t survive without the adrenaline rush, that he’d resent Helena if he gave up a life he loved for her. Oh, I was a really caring friend.’ Nik squeezed his eyes closed, still seeing Charlie’s dead eyes, his nostrils flaring at the remembered metallic iron scent of blood. ‘So it did turn out to be his last assignment after all, and he was only there because of me.’
Chloe swallowed the lump in her throat and turned her head to hide the tears that filled her eyes before picking up a handful of sand and letting the silver particles slide through her fingers, watching them vanish into the billions of identical grains. Risking a look at him through her lashes, she saw his expression was completely remote as though he’d retreated to another place entirely.
She didn’t attempt to react to his words until she had full control of her emotions again. Nik didn’t want her tears or her sympathy; he’d made that obvious. The only thing he wanted from her was her body, which rather begged the question as to why she was getting involved with his problems, seeing as it was the one thing she couldn’t give him.
‘What happened was a tragedy.’ She winced at the triteness of her comment. ‘But how exactly is it your fault?’
He vented a hard laugh and looked at her incredulously. ‘Have you listened to a word I said?’ He still didn’t know why he’d said those words—any of them.
He was already regretting it.
He was a private man living in a world where people were tripping over themselves to expose their innermost thoughts and feelings, mostly for public scrutiny. You couldn’t turn on a television or a computer, or open a newspaper, without finding some celebrity revealing all, but the idea of turning your personal tragedies and failings into entertainment for the masses made his blood run cold.
Getting to his feet, he brushed the sand off his clothes and stood there looking down at her. ‘Tatiana will be wondering what has happened to us.’
Chloe uncrossed her legs and raised herself gracefully to her feet. ‘Do you think you’re honouring your friend in some way by beating yourself up for being alive? The way you talk about him, it doesn’t make it sound as though your friend Charlie would have approved.’
‘Helena might disagree.’
‘Come on, you’re an intelligent man—it doesn’t take a professional to see that the poor woman needs help. She’s attacking you because she wants someone to blame.’ She shook her head in disbelief as he turned and walked away. ‘Nik!’ Cursing softly under her breath, she picked up her shoes from the sand and ran after him. ‘Fine,’ she said, falling breathlessly into step beside him. ‘Deal with it by ignoring the problem. That always works, doesn’t it? It’s very adult of you!’ How the hell could you help a man who was too stubborn to admit he needed it?
He stopped and swung around to face her, feeling a twisting feeling in his chest as he looked down into her angry face. ‘I did not invite you into my head, so stay out!’
‘Or what?’ she charged, pitying the woman who one day actually wanted to reach him, whose heart ached to help him.
He reached out and cupped a hand around the back of her head, drawing her up onto her toes until their lips were a whisper apart. ‘Or this.’
Her gasp of shock was lost in the warmth of his mouth as it came crashing down hard on hers. He kissed her like a man starving for the taste, kissed her as though he’d drain her. One big hand slid down the curve of her back, coming to rest on the smooth curve of her bottom, dragging her up against the grinding hardness of his erection. His free hand moved to the back of her head to hold her face up to his as the kiss continued on and on until her head was spinning.
Her body arched against him as her shoes fell from her nerveless fingers. Mouths still sealed, they took a few staggering steps together as the ferocity of their desire intensified. Chloe’s knees were on the point of buckling when without warning he suddenly let her go.
She slid down to the sand and sat there, arms wrapped around herself as she looked up at him, her big eyes wide and shocked. Bleeding control from every nerve ending, Nik’s hands clenched by his sides... He wanted to shed the pain, lose himself inside her—but he knew he would be using her in exactly the same way he’d used other women...using sex to gain a few moments’ oblivion.
Why couldn’t he bring himself to use Chloe?
* * *
‘That’s my way of dealing with it, agape mou,’ he told her harshly, staring at the pouting line of her lips, which were still swollen from his kisses. ‘So if you’re feeling sorry for me and fancy a bit of pity sex...?’
Even as she winced at the deliberate crudity of his suggestion, shameful excitement clenched low in her belly.
‘It was just a thought,’ he drawled.
She watched him stalk away, wondering how anyone managed to look rock-hard, tough and vulnerable all at the same time, but then he was a man of massive contradictions. Her energy levels felt as though they’d moved into negative territory as she began to slowly slog her way through the sand after him. It wasn’t until the car came into view with Nik standing beside it looking impatient that she realised what the tight feeling in her chest was—fear. She had never felt more scared in her life, which was saying something.
She couldn’t be in love with Nik. She lifted her chin in defiance at the idea... She refused to be in love with him.
As she approached he opened the back door for her.
She tipped her head in acknowledgment and murmured sarcastically, ‘What a gentleman,’ before slamming the door behind her just in case he thought he was going to ride in the back with her.