Chapter 23
Danielle
I’m startled awake by a loud ringing that has me nearly falling out of bed. I groan and roll over, reaching out for Miller to realize that he isn’t here. I sit up a little as the ringing continues and look over at the glowing alarm clock that sits on his bedside table. Crap, its 2.05 in the morning. Where the hell is he?
I reach over for my phone to silence it when I see Tank’s name flash up on the caller ID. An odd feeling settles over me as I hit answer and bring the phone up to my ear. “Hello?” I croak through my sleepy haze.
“Babe, hey, it’s Tank,” he shouts over the sound of what must be a bar or club.
“Uh, yeah,” I hesitate. “What’s up?”
“I’m sorry to ask, but do you mind coming out to get your boy? I just found him at a bar and he doesn’t look too good.”
“What?” I ask sitting up in bed. “What do you mean you found him?”
“He bailed early on. I figured he went home to you, but apparently, he wanted to drink alone in a bar.”
“Oh ok,” I say a little confused as to why Miller would bail on his team, especially tonight of all nights, I mean, he is supposed to be celebrating. “Where is he? I’ll come now,” I say, throwing the blankets off while I run around the room to find a pair of jeans and my bra.
Tank gives me the details of where to find them as I rush down the stairs and grab the keys to Miller’s truck.
“Hey,” he says, pulling my attention back to the conversation. “Could you hurry? He looks off, like there is something on his mind. Something bad, I’ve never seen him like this,” he warns.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not sure,” he says. “But you’ll see when you get here.”
I rush out the door and throw myself up into his truck and kick the engine over. I speed off down the road and follow the directions Tank gave me. Twenty minutes later, I pull up to an old worn out bar, far away from the college population. A place where you would go only to be alone.
I hop out of the truck and make my way up to the door, swinging it open to find Sophie and Tank sitting at a table just inside the door. Sophie jumps up immediately and makes her way to me, pulling me in for a tight hug. “Hey,” she says. “Thanks for coming.”
“No problem,” I say pulling back and glancing around the bar. “Where is he?” I ask in concern.
Tank comes over to joins us and motions with a nod of his head over to a dark corner of the bar. I follow his gaze and find Miller sitting alone, slumped over the bar while he nurses a glass of hard liquor. “You just left him there alone?” I ask a little outraged.
“We tried,” Tank says. “He doesn’t want the company.”
I ignore Tanks comments and take a step in Miller's direction only to be stopped by a hand at my elbow. I glance back at Tank who gives me a sympathetic cringe. “Just be careful, he seems angry.”
I give him a nod and he releases my elbow. As I make my way over to Miller, I notice his body gently shaking and I realize he is sobbing. Rage storms through me at Tank and Sophie for leaving him alone while he must be going through some kind of turmoil.
Seeing him like this tears my heart in two and makes me want to do whatever it is I can to take his pain away. I rush the rest of the way over to him and gently place my hand on his shoulder. His body stiffens under my touch but he doesn’t look up.
“I told you to fuck off,” he snarls, tightening his grip on his glass.
I step closer to him so he can feel my body along his. “It’s me,” I say quietly, afraid to use my full voice in fears of it breaking.
“Dani?” he asks, finally turning to look at me. I gasp when I get a good look at his face, the red-rimmed and bloodshot eyes with his wet cheeks combined with the complete look of a haunted man has me struggling to pull in a full breath. “Dani,” he repeats, getting up from his stool and pulling me roughly into his body and wrapping his arms around me like I’m his only lifeline. He buries his face in the crook of my neck and weeps.
I hold him tighter, giving him every ounce of my strength. He wobbles slightly on his feet and I gently push him back so he sits back on his stool. “What is it?” I murmur into his ear.
I feel his chest rise and fall in a deep breath as he pulls back to look me in the eye. He searches my face and I have no idea what it is he is trying to find but whatever it is, apparently is there. He lets out a deep sigh as I place both my hands on the sides of his face and lean into him. “Mia was walking home from the store this afternoon. She was hit… By an out of control, drunk driver. S-she was killed on impact,” he whispers as he struggles to get the words out.
“Fuck,” I gasp, feeling my eyes immediately fill with tears. A sob ribs itself from my body and I crush myself against Miller. Holy Shit. I know I never met her but she was the one person Miller loved more than anything in this world, he would talk about her constantly and I can’t imagine for even a second the world of hurt he must be going through right now.
“Let me take you home,” I beg, knowing being here in a rundown bar is not what he needs right now. I’ve never had anybody close to me pass away before, let alone someone as close as an only sibling, so I honestly have no idea what to do and hope I’m doing the right thing for him now. I guess all I can really do is just be here for him. Be his rock when he needs it.
He doesn’t answer but allows me to tug on his hand and bring him to his feet. He grabs his drink from the counter and throws back what is left. I loop his arm over my shoulder and struggle to help him out as he leans nearly his full weight on me. Tank rushes in and slides his arms around Miller and takes his weight, allowing me to be saved from being crushed.
Tank helps Miller up into his Truck while I pull myself up into the driver’s seat. “Why don’t you guys get in, I’ll give you a ride home.”
“Sure,” he says, motioning for Sophie to hop in the back. He helps her up before climbing in behind her. “Just take us to your place. You’re going to need me to get him upstairs. He’s a big fucker, you know,” he says, trying to make light of the situation. If only he knew. “We’ll walk home from your place.”
“Thanks,” I say, giving him a tight smile.
“Is everything ok?” Sophie asks, leaning forward in the seat and placing a hand on my shoulder.
I take a deep breath and kick over the engine. “No. It’s not,” I tell them honestly. “I’m sure Miller will talk to you when he is ready,” I tell them both, unsure if Miller would be happy with me sharing his heartache. I glance over to Miller to find him on the verge of passing out but I have a feeling sleep is going to be hard for him to find tonight.
I pull out of my spot and reach over to him with my free hand, taking his hand in mine and lacing our fingers. He gives me a sad, tortured smile and gives my hand a gentle squeeze.
We drive home in a pained silence and arrive back at our doorstep 20 minutes later. True to his word, Tank helps me get Miller upstairs. “Thank you,” I tell him. “I’ll call you guys in the morning,” he gives me a curt nod and makes his way back down the stairs.
I lead Miller into the bathroom and begin stripping him off while I hear Sophie and Tank let themselves out the front door and hear the distinct sound of the door being locked. I mentally send Tank another ‘thanks’ knowing that is just one less thing I have to worry about tonight.
Miller leans up against the vanity as I lean into the shower and wait for the water to warm up. I pull off my own clothes and pull Miller into the shower behind me, he wobbles slightly but manages to get himself in the shower.
I focus solely on getting him cleaned up, scrubbing the foul scent of dirty cigarettes and alcohol from the bar off his body. I reach up and wash his hair and watch as he closes his eyes to allow me to rinse it out. Once he is cleaned, I press my body up against his and wrap my arms around him.
I feel him harden against my stomach and hear him inhale deeply. I raise my head from his chest and press my lips to his. “I need you,” he says with a sharp edge to his voice and I realize that this is something more animalistic. This isn’t going to be sweet and soft, he isn’t going to make love to me. He is going to fuck me and it is going to be fast and hard. Animalistic.
“Ok,” I nod, looking up into his eyes so he understands completely. “Anything you need.”
He groans into my hair and flips me around so my back is to his chest. His fingers wrap around my hip and he yanks me back into him, crushing my ass against his erection. He places his free hand on my back and bends me over. I throw my hands up against the wall just in time to catch myself as he slams into me.
Just as expected he pounds into me, over and over again to the point of pain. His fingers dig into the flesh of my hip and I know for sure that will leave a bruise, but I can’t find it in myself to care. He needs this and I will do anything to help take some of that pain away.
His free hand snakes around the front of my body and pinches down on my clit, sending me into an overwhelming wave of pleasure that has my orgasm sneaking up on me in surprise. I scream out as he pumps hard into me one more time and stills inside me as he finds his own release.
He takes a deep breath as he slips out of me and releases his grip on my hip. He turns me back around and pulls me back to him and I notice a bit of tension has left his body. “Come on baby, let’s go to bed,” I say turning off the taps and stepping out of the shower, dragging him along. I grab a towel and quickly dry us both off then lead him to our bed.
I skip the whole dressing thing deciding that would be way too hard and help slide him into bed. I rush into the hallway and to his study, grabbing the trash can from under the desk and emptying the few papers from the bottom. I come back to our room and place the bin down beside the bed, ready and waiting for if he needs to throw up.
I then rush downstairs and fill up a large glass of water and take it back up to him. He looks at it with longing but doesn’t have the energy or desire to actually ask for it. I take the water over to him and help him sit back up. He takes the glass shakily from my hands and skulls the whole thing. I look over at my side of the bed and figure I should probably fill his glass up again, just in case. I rush back downstairs and refill the glass then come back up and place it down on his bedside table next to a few aspirin pills for when he wakes up.
I climb into bed next to him and open myself up for him. Whatever he needs is his. He rolls over to me and pulls me into his arms. “Thank you,” he whispers.
“It’s ok,” I tell him. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could take your pain away.”
“I know,” he sighs. “Me too.”
He falls into a tortured sleep with his head resting heavily on my shoulder, causing it to cramp up but I don’t dare move him. Instead, I wrap my arms more firmly around him as he jumps and frets in his sleep all the while calling out for Mia to come back to him.
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I wake a few hours later, get myself dressed and pack a few bags for myself and Miller. I’m riffling around in the kitchen putting something together for his breakfast when I hear him approaching from behind. His arms circle my waist as he pulls me back against him.
“Sorry about last night,” he murmurs in my ear.
I turn around in his hold and look up into his bloodshot eyes. “It’s ok. Your home now and that’s all that matters.”
He doesn’t reply but holds me closer and lets out a deep breath. When he finally releases me, he takes a look around the kitchen and notices breakfast there waiting for him. He cringes down at it then looks back to me with regret. “Thanks, babe, but I don’t think I can handle food for a few hours.”
“Yeah, I wasn’t sure,” I smirk. “but it's fine, I can eat it,” I say opening the cutlery drawer to pull out a knife and fork.
I pick up the plate and make my way into the lounge room and sit down on the couch with my legs crossed while I balance the plate on my thighs. Miller comes and joins me on the couch while I eat, sitting beside me in silence, lost in his thoughts. I’m no mind reader but I’m pretty certain where his thoughts have led him this morning.
I finish my breakfast and lean forward to place the empty plate on the coffee table. As I come back, Miller grabs me and lifts me up onto his lap. I loop my arms around his neck and give him a soft kiss. “I think you should give Tank a call. He’s worried about you,” I explain.
“Yeah, I’ll do that this morning,” he says, dropping his face into my shoulder. He takes a deep breath then murmurs. “Will you come home with me? I know it’s not the best circumstances to meet my family, or what’s left of it,” he scoffs. “But I can’t do this without you.”
I pull him tighter against me. “I’ve already packed our bags. There’s no place I’d rather be than by your side,” I whisper. “I figured I could take care of the funeral arrangements if that’s ok with you and your mum, it’s just one less thing you guys have to worry about.”
“You don’t have to do that,” he says.
I take his face in my hands and make sure he truly hears me. “Organizing a funeral is hard enough on its own, let alone doing it for your baby girl or little sister. Your mum is already going through enough pain. I just want to do anything I can to make this a little easier for her… For you.”
“I don’t want to burden you with this but at the same time I would do anything to make this better for mum and take away what little pain I can,” he says, conflicted.
“It’s ok,” I tell him as I look deeply into his eyes, hoping he can see just how serious I am about this. “Let me handle this.”
He takes another deep breath and searches my eyes then gives me a slow, pained nod. He raises his hand to hold my cheek. “You let me know if it gets too much and I’ll take over,” he says.
“Promise.”
He holds me for a little longer when I decide it’s finally time. “Come on,” I tell him. “Your Mum is all alone at home and she needs you more than ever. Why don’t you go and call Tank and I’ll load up your truck so we can get going.”
He gives me another nod and raises us both up off the couch and places me down lightly on my feet. He walks to the front door and spots our bags, grabbing them both in one hand while digging in his pocket for his phone. I watch him out the window as he loads up the truck for me and presses buttons on his phone as he searches for Tanks number. I desperately want to be with him but I know he needs his space.
I grab my handbag off the counter and do a once around the house making sure all the windows and doors are locked then head back down to the kitchen and wash up my dishes from breakfast. Once I’m finished and ready to go. I take a seat in the lounge room and flick on ESPN while I wait for Miller to finish his phone call. The screen lights up with the highlights from the Dragons game last night with the commentator stating that it was one of Miller’s best games then jokes how it would have been one of the best days of his life so far and that he would be up for a huge night of celebrations after a win like that.
I hear Miller scoff from behind me. “If only they knew, right?” he says, scowling at the screen then turns his gaze to me. “You ready?” he asks.
“Yeah, let’s go,” I say, picking up the remote and turning it off.
I follow Miller out the door and take the keys from him. “What are you doing?” he asks attempting to take the keys back.
“After how much you drank last night, I can assure you that you are still way over the limit and considering the circumstances, there is no way I’m letting you get behind the wheel,” I tell him, hoping I’m not crossing too many lines with him this morning, knowing he is going to have to break at some point. But still, there’s no way he is driving today.
He gives in and drops his hand. “Yeah, you’re right,” he sighs and continues over to his Truck. He opens the driver’s side for me and helps me climb up into his truck, even in his worst moments I can’t fault him, he is still a gentleman.
We get on the road, driving a few hours back to his hometown. He points out the frozen lake he first learned to skate on, the very one where he fell in love with hockey and recognized his potential as a player. We continue driving to the next town over, the one they moved to when he was 10, the one that held an actual ice rink with a hockey team for him to join. He continues pointing out different places that hold special meaning to him, like his school and friends’ houses, Hell, he even shows me the little diner where he got his first kiss from some chick called Megan.
Five minutes later he directs me around residential streets before telling me to stop before a small, beautiful, cottage style house. “This is it,” he says, glancing at his childhood home.
He hops out of the truck and grabs the bags from the backseat. He meets me around the front and takes my hand. We walk down the small pathway together and I notice his eyes roaming over the house, probably remembering all the memories he has had here with Mia.
We make it up to the front door and he takes a deep breath before knocking on the door.
The door is opened moments later by a small woman who I can tell immediately is Miller's mum. She gasps the moment she sees him and falls into his arms. He drops the bags and catches her with ease and she begins to sob into his chest. He holds her tight and somehow ushers her back inside their home. He leads her to the lounge room and I follow on behind, bringing in our bags and leaving them by the front door.
I make my way deeper into their home and search out the kitchen. After taking two wrong turns, I finally find it and grab his mum a glass of water, then head back to the lounge room to find her trying her hardest to pull herself together.
I hand her the glass of water as she finishes wiping her tears. “I’m so sorry you had to see that dear, I’m Juliette,” she says taking a sip of water to help calm herself.
“It’s more than ok. I understand. I’m Dani.”
She flashes me a beautiful smile that I instantly know she passed on to Miller and gets to her feet with Miller joining her. “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” she says, stepping forward and taking me in her arms. “I’ve heard wonderful things about you.”
“Thank you,” I say. “I’m so sorry for your loss,” I tell her.
She holds me a little tighter then pulls back to study my face. She lets out a pained sigh. “I bet you and Mia would have been amazing friends,” she tells me.
“I would like to think so too. I regret that I never got the chance to meet her, but from what I’ve heard she was an absolute force to be reckoned with.”
Juliette giggles at that and gives me a thoughtful smile. “That she was.”