The Past

Crickets chirped their relentless tune as Harper tiptoed up to the pond.  The crescent moon hung high overhead, reflecting its dim light off the rippling water where dragonflies skimmed bravely across the surface.

Blue lay comfortably on a pallet he’d spread out across the ground, just next to a small campfire he’d built for the slight chill in the air on this early spring night.  His legs crossed at the ankles and his arms cushioned the back of his head while he stargazed and waited for her to arrive.  He’d thoughtfully remembered some not-so-obvious essentials, she noticed, eyeing a small, metal pail that burned citronella wax to keep the few, newly hatched mosquitoes at bay. He’d certainly come prepared.

“Hey, you,” she said quietly, announcing her arrival.  She kicked her sneakers off and knelt down onto the blanket as he sat up to greet her.

She could just make out the smile that spread across his face, thanks to the flickering light of the fire and her eyes having adjusted to the soft moon glow on her walk to get there. 

“Hey, Sunshine.”  He raised up to kneel on his knees and pulled her in, bestowing hungry kisses over her mouth and trailing along her jawline.  His hands worked their way into her hair and around her waist, pulling her in closer to him.

“Blue,” she murmured, grabbing hold of his shirt, “slow down!  I just got here.”  The shy smile she wore could be heard in her voice.  She said this, though, because it was what respectable girls did when boys tried – they said no.  And her father had raised a respectable girl …

This was their way, her and Blue.  He would try some slick move, she’d say no, and then he’d ease off and try something else a little less forward.  It was an intricate dance, a precarious line they walked, and they did it well.

Tonight, though …

Things were different tonight for many reasons.  Tonight, she had something to prove, if only to herself.  Tonight, she wanted to see what it could be like to say yes.

“Sorry,” he said, dropping his hands but not sounding the least bit sorry at all.  It was more of that ‘old-enough-to-know-better-but-still-too-young-to-care’ sort of thing, rather. 

He took her hands in his and pulled her down to sit next to him on the blanket.  They sat side-by-side, overlooking the softly rippling water.  It was March, so even though the days were warm and sunny, the nights still got chilly once the land at their feet let go of the last remnants of heat it held over from the sun.  Blue wrapped an arm around her and pulled her in close to his side.

“I missed you, you know,” he said, looking sideways to see her reaction.  “I always wonder what you’re doing out there at that school of yours.”

She laughed under her breath, her thoughts going to the fight she had just had hours earlier with her father about the very same thing.  “School is just school.  I don’t care about that right now.  What have you been doing here while I’ve been gone?”

He shrugged, but she knew he’d had it hard since his father died.  He was already practically running the farm now, and he still had a few months left of his last year of high school to finish.  It was strange when she thought about him still being in high school, even if he had turned 18 the summer before the school year started.  He was so grown and responsible, and he hadn’t been a scrawny, gangly thing like his peers since probably his Freshman year.

These farm boys were just a different breed of men.  She’d never seen him give his mom a single bit of trouble for having to step into his father’s shoes, but then, his father had been preparing him for this all his life, hadn’t he?

“Things run like clockwork around here.  You know how it is.”  He nudged her playfully from the side.

She looked back at him, seeing his hooded eyelids.  “You’re tired, aren’t you?” she asked, already knowing the answer.  She knew he had to get up every morning before the crack of dawn to start the day’s chores.

He looked at her for a moment before answering.  “I’ll sleep next week when we go back to school,” he said, deadpan.

It was her turn to nudge him.  “You can’t very well not sleep for an entire week.  You’d be no good to me at all by day two!”

He laughed and his arm around her pulled her closer into him.  “Maybe not, but I’m pretty sure I can squeeze a nap in tomorrow if I need to.  I can lose a little sleep for you.”

She wasn’t sure whether to warm to such a sweet endearment or if it broke her heart.  He didn’t know yet that this would be their last week together, but she did, and she was doing her best to pretend otherwise.  Not even for his sake, but for her own.  She didn’t want things to be this way, but … here they were.

She turned into him, looking up into his eyes, and she took him in for a moment.  He must have sensed her deep emotions, and he brought his opposite hand up to brush her cheek.

“Everything okay, Sunshine?”  His voice was quiet and soothing.

She wanted to tell him no, that nothing was okay.  That all she wished for was to stop time right now at this very moment so she’d never have to leave, and he’d never have to hate her for what she would have to do.  But there was no other way.  It wasn’t like they could run away together and start a new life, away from her family, away from all their responsibilities.

He had a life here, a farm to run, a family to support still, even at his young, childless age.  Not just with a sense of duty, but with a sense of pride and identity because that was just the kind of man he was.

So instead, she let herself have this one last week to pretend she could have everything she wanted.  Her lips parted, she took in a breath of him, and she let the words tumble out in a whisper.  “I love you.”

She saw it the very moment the fire lit behind his eyes.  He let the words sink in before his own lips parted in a smile that could’ve powered the entire State of Texas.

“Harper,” he began, but he never finished the thought because his lips fell over hers and didn’t leave them until they both had given each other every bit of themselves that they had to give that night.

He held her with tenderness and took care to make her comfortable.  He gave her all the patience she needed, taking his time and savoring each moment, making sure every touch and every kiss was exactly what she wanted, when she wanted it.  When she shivered with cold, he wrapped her up into him and enveloped her with his warmth.  And when she was ready, she let go and let him in, giving herself wholly and lovingly as he gave himself to her, as the cool, night air danced across their burning skin. 

She’d never felt so loved and cherished as Blue made her feel anytime they were together, but tonight she felt him so much more.  It was beautiful and breathtaking, watching his eyes drink her in like she was the one true center of his entire universe.  Everything about him felt right, and it broke her heart at the same time it made it full and whole.  The floodgates to all the passion and desire she felt for him, that they felt for each other, were burst wide open, and they raced through them together, hand-in-hand.

They met secretly every single night that week, growing closer than they’d ever been to anyone, either before or since.  They held nothing back, and everything was freely given and eagerly taken.  It was pure and perfect, and he never dreamed it would be all they’d ever have when he let her go quietly in the night on that very last day, back to her real life.