Maggie walked through the gardens at the lodge, her refuge during troubled times. The one place she’d ever found true peace. It was cold outside but the brisk air felt good against her skin. It numbed her body. But not her mind.

How could Ben have left without saying good-bye?

How could you have accused him of only sleeping with you to get budget cuts approved?

The stupid voice in her head spoke with annoying accuracy.

She’d been right here, in this garden, when she’d concocted the stupid idea that Ben was only using her. If anything, her past had taught her that Ben Sumner wasn’t capable of using people. He loved his friends, he loved his family. He was loyal.

“Uggh,” Maggie moaned out loud.

Maggie knew his assessment of her was true. Now that she’d calmed down and taken a good look at herself and the way she’d acted toward him. As much as she didn’t want to, she had to admit, she was a screwed-up mess. She may love Ben, but it didn’t mean she could sustain that love. Eventually Maggie would have screwed up any long-term relationship anyway. Better Ben left now.

If that were true then why did her heart hurt so much? What was she supposed to do now?

A loud meow under her feet caught Maggie’s attention. She glanced down as she felt Lucky’s body push against her leg.

Maggie scooped up the cat, brushing her hand against his back. “Hey big guy. Where have you been?”

He answered with a long meow. Maggie laughed, having no doubt he was answering in his own cat language. He meowed several more times and Maggie couldn’t help but think he was trying to tell her something.

“I know,” Maggie sighed as she sat on her favorite bench. She studied the brass plate that Shawn had attached a few weeks after John’s death.

To my first love.

My only love.

My forever love.

Maggie chuckled at the words to John Sumner’s love song. He’d written the lyrics for Valerie years ago, trying to be like Jon Bon Jovi.

Valerie said their only similarity was their name.

Any time Valerie was upset with him, John would sing his song, horribly off key. If that didn’t work, he’d deliver a handful of wildflowers, her favorite.

Valerie had repeated the sentiment at John’s funeral. His casket had been sprayed with wildflowers of every kind and color. Valerie said she wished she would have told him every day that he was her forever love.

Maggie knew for a fact Valerie had told him every day, most days more than once. More importantly, she knew Valerie had shown John her love every day.

Lucky meowed again, nudging her hand.

Maggie stroked the cat’s head and laughed. “Okay, Lucky, I hear you. Show him.”

She pulled her phone from her back pocket. Before she could chicken out, she dialed Ben’s phone. It went straight to voicemail. Maggie’s heart hammered against her chest but she knew it was time. The tone beeped.

“Oh, uh, hey Ben, it’s Maggie. I, um, just found out you’ve left for Seattle. I’m sorry that I didn’t get a chance to talk to you before you left, but I understand why you didn’t want to talk to me. I mean, I don’t even want to talk to myself right now.” She laughed nervously. “I’m sorry, I’m rambling.”

Maggie drew in a deep breath to calm her nerves.

Lucky mewled.

Maggie nodded at that cat before she could stop herself. “Okay, here’s the thing, Ben. I love you. I think I always have but I just didn’t know what it felt like or how to deal with it, you know? I mean, you were right, I’m a mess and I have a lot of stuff to work through, but I want to do it. For you. For me, really. I guess for both of us”

She steadied her breath, willing herself to go on.

“Your mom told me to make peace with my past and the rest would fall into place. I’m going to work on my past, try to sort my shit out with my dad, like you said, because I do want a future. With you. I know you have a life in Seattle and I’m not asking you to leave. Oh, what the hell am I talking about, I’m totally asking you to leave. Come back, Ben. Take a chance on me.”

A long beep interrupted her message.

“Your message has been saved. Press five to send or zero to delete.”

Maggie pulled the phone away from her face and stared at the keypad. Did she want to be this vulnerable? Beg him to stay? Ask him to love her when she truly didn’t know if she loved herself?

Lucky nudged her hand.

Without thinking she pushed the number and ended the call.

Lucky hissed.

“I know big guy. Sorry.” Maggie rubbed his back as she sank back in the bench. She’d never been anyone’s forever love, never wanted to be, until now. And now it was too late.