The ringing of Logan’s cell phone woke them both the following morning.

They’d spent the night in each other’s arms, making love on and off as though their lives depended on it. They were mostly silent, the words between them hushed and urgent. They hadn’t discussed their confessions further, letting the subject go and focusing on each other.

Beth slapped around, trying to find the source of the ringing. She grabbed a handful of what felt like khaki and threw it onto Logan’s chest. It landed with a thud and he let out a muffled oof, a chuckle escaping his lips.

“Good morning to you, too,” he said. After another second, he answered his phone and it blessedly stopped ringing.

“Hi Mama.” The words were almost crooned, his accent turning on like the flip of a switch.

It took Beth a second to notice that she’d barely detected his accent their entire trip. He used to have a drawl, noticeable and entirely too sexy for his own good. Since they’d hit the road, besides one or two times, she hadn’t heard it.

It was an interesting tidbit and she held it close, wondering why. Now that she was awake, she laid her head on her arm and watched him talk to his mother, their conversation flowing easily.

He told her about the stops they’d made in the last week or so, ending on the canyon. He didn’t mention their experience at Echo Canyon, though what would he say about it if he had? He asked how she was and listened, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

His love for his mother was something she admired about him. He’d told her a little bit about how he’d wanted to step up and be the man of the house after his father had been kicked out. He talked about his mother with reverence, like he was equal parts terrified of her and in awe.

The hand not holding the phone absently rubbed circles on her thigh under the blanket, but he otherwise paid her no mind, spending the time talking to his mother.

Not wanting to intrude, she rolled over and grabbed her own clothes, getting dressed quickly, and leaving the tent. She zipped the door closed, opting to give him some privacy.

Come to think of it, she could use a moment to herself, as well. Last night, she’d promised herself that it would be their last night together and she was going to stick to that.

When he finished talking to his mother, she was going to tell him it was time for her to go. He could drive Tucker’s car back if he wanted more time on the road on his own. If he didn’t, he could fly and she’d drive the car back. Either way, that had been it for them.

A lump the size of her fist lodged in her throat and tears gathered at the corners of her eyes, scalding as they fell down her cheeks. Annoyed with herself, she swiped angrily at them and cleared her throat, hoping to make the entire situation disappear. She held a hand to her forehead when it didn’t pass as easily as she wanted it to, and she stared hard at the rising sun.

It took nearly a minute of meditative breathing before she could look away and know she wasn’t going to break down. This was what would be best for them both. She knew that and now, after last night, he knew it too.

The moment she’d told him about the hysterectomy, he’d stopped asking questions.

Yes, it was that permanent. When she said she couldn’t have kids, it wasn’t something she said just because she’d never gotten pregnant before. It was part of who she was and something she’d done on purpose.

There was no getting around that.

She tinkered around the campsite for a few minutes, cleaning things up and putting them away if she didn’t think they were going to be used before they left. While she worked, she unwrapped a protein bar and called it breakfast. It tasted like nothing, her tongue not willing to enjoy anything but the taste of Logan Hallowell.

She suspected things might be like that for a while. The world might lose its color while she tried to get back on her feet.

She ate anyway, knowing she needed the calories to keep going. She planned to go for a run before grabbing a shower. After that, one of them would be taking the car and leaving and the other would be heading to the airport.

“There you are,” Logan said, coming around the corner as she made a trip to the trash can. He looked sexy as sin, his blond hair disheveled and wearing nothing more than a smile and his khaki shorts. They were low enough on his hips that she could tell he had nothing underneath and it was work to look away. His muscle definition was coming back quickly and she guessed it had been hiding just underneath the surface. His prosthetic stuck out from the left leg of his shorts, a thick metal rod with a shoe attached to the bottom.

“Here I am,” she said, her heart clenching when their eyes met.

There was an excitement in his gaze she hadn’t anticipated. She’d thought after the night they’d had, he would be on the same page with her. Calling it quits seemed the wisest choice.

“What?” she asked warily, still noting the look he was sending her.

“Mama wants us to come to New Orleans.”

“Us?”

He took the few steps to her and put his hands on her shoulders.

“You and me, Sugar. We’re not too far. Could probably make it in a day or two.”

Beth shook her head. “I don’t know,” she began.

“Just a few more days,” he said, his voice cajoling as he smiled from behind his thickening beard. “Then we can head back.”

We wouldn’t be heading anywhere, she thought. She’d let him drop her at the airport in New Orleans, and he could visit his mother.

* * *

Things had not gone how she’d planned at all. Instead of giving her space, Logan had only gotten closer. He’d taken the lead with driving, leaving the Grand Canyon behind and their bittersweet moments with it.

They spent two long days in the car together but the night in between they splurged on a nice hotel room in Texas. Despite what she knew was a bad idea, the spent the entire time naked and intertwined.

They stayed away from difficult talking points, her health and his leg among them, as well as the future. Instead, they exchanged books, giving each other a chance to see what they liked to read. They worked out in the hotel again, Beth enjoying their morning partner workouts more than she did her regular ones.

Logan was starting to hold his own, as well, trusting himself and what his body could do even more. That morning in the hotel, he’d done his first barbell squat, trusting his leg to lift him and using muscles he’d been ignoring.

Beth let him drive both days without complaint, happy for him to exert his competence behind the wheel. Nearly two full days later, they drove into New Orleans, and her eyes widened as he drove expertly through the city.

“Your mom lives in New Orleans, New Orleans? I thought you meant she lived near here,” Beth said, watching the city as it began lighting up for the evening while they drove through.

“We lived in Luling when I was a kid,” he explained. “After I moved out and then Katrina hit, Mama wanted to be in the city. She always liked it here. She fits right in.”

“What does that mean?” Beth asked, curious.

“She’s got a bit of an eccentric streak to her,” he hedged. “She likes the history and magic of the city.”

“And voodoo?” Beth prompted, remembering some of the Williams brothers’ comments regarding Logan’s mother.

He scoffed. “She’s not into voodoo. She’s a culturist.” The word sounded made up to Beth and she called him on it.

“She just appreciates all the cultures that come together to make New Orleans what it is, that’s all. She likes to be French and Southern at the same time. She likes her Caribbean roots, even if she didn’t come by them naturally.” His drawl was noticeable again.

Beth raised a brow. “Does she fall in and out of her accent like you do, or is hers more permanent?”

He shot her a glance as he turned off the main road and onto a quieter side street.

“I talked myself out of the accent the farther away from home I got,” he explained. “I just mimicked Owen for a long time, trying to get rid of it.”

It seemed the wrong time to tell him that she thought the accent was sexy. She was sure he already knew, but with one foot out the door, admitting aloud to him seemed like playing with fire.

The pulled up to a small little bungalow, tucked into a neighborhood just off the busy road. The houses in the neighborhood looked similar, small and well-kept. No yard to speak of, but there were plenty of hanging plants and decorations outside to make it clear that Logan’s mom liked to make things her own.

“Home sweet home,” he said quietly as he put the car in park and took the keys out of the ignition. He didn’t get out though, just sat with her as she looked nervously up at the house.

She suddenly got the overwhelming feeling that she shouldn’t have made this part of the trip with him. Meeting his mother, seeing his home, it was all too personal, especially when she knew they were headed nowhere.

“No pressure, Sugar,” he murmured as the light on the porch flicked on and the screen door screeched open. “Just stopping in to say hi and then we’ll be on our way.”

Then she’d be on her way, she wanted to correct but didn’t. Instead, she just nodded as a woman, nearly as tall as Logan’s six-foot-two height, strode out onto the porch.

“Is that you, baby?” she called excitedly. “Come on in!”

She was waving them in madly and Beth could see the white of Logan’s teeth in the dark as he smiled happily.

At the beginning of the trip she’d told herself she’d do whatever it took to get that smile back on his face again, to make sure he was happy. If taking him to see his mother was the last thing on that list, then she’d go through with it, for no other reason than to see him so happy one last time.

They got out of the car and Logan met her at the front, pressing her up the stairs in front of him with his hand on the small of her back. Logan’s mother waited for them on the porch, hands clasped at her chest, tendrils of white hair falling from an intricate fabric hair wrap. She was dressed in a caftan dress, and between that and the hair wrap looked decidedly like the culturist Logan had said she was. Her skin was as pale as milk, making her green eyes, just like Logan’s, stand out brightly.

“You both look wonderful!” she exclaimed, grabbing Beth by the cheeks and kissing her soundly. She did the same to Logan, her eyes lingering on his. “Oh,” she murmured. “You do look wonderful, baby.”

It should have sounded ridiculous to hear a woman call her grown son baby, but it didn’t. When she whispered it so reverently, it sounded almost like a prayer. The emotion in her voice made Beth’s eyes prickle and she looked away, hoping it would pass quickly.

“You must be Beth,” Logan’s mother said, coming back to take Beth’s hands in her own. They were warm and soft, like her own mother’s hands used to feel. “I’m Ellie.”

Beth smiled her hello. “Nice to meet you.”

“Come in.” She gestured with one hand, the other still firmly holding onto Beth’s. “Come tell me all about your trip.”

It was then that Logan threw a wink over his shoulder at her as he entered the bungalow.

“Oh, Mama. I can’t wait to tell you everything.”

* * *

He, however, did not tell his mother everything. Thank God, Beth thought as she laid under a handmade quilt in Ellie’s guest room, remembering her nerves that he was going to say something inappropriate.

Usually she was the one that could laugh those types of situations off or brazen them out.

When Logan skimmed over the details of her initial visit to the Williams’s house in Connecticut, she knew he wasn’t going to be airing their dirty laundry.

He made their trip sound more adventurous than it had really been. He went into detail about their stops at Notre Dame and their numerous camping stops. He did speak fondly of their time at the Grand Canyon but gave no real details.

To Ellie’s credit, she didn’t ask. She just sat there, feeding them cookies and homemade bread with jam, smiling and nodding as Logan spoke. Beth let him, not interjecting at all and listening to his interpretation of their trip.

Even the glossed-over version sounded fun and as she laid in bed thinking about it, she would treasure those weeks for the rest of her life. She should have never come here to his mother’s, the realization solidifying the fact the moment she sat down and Ellie looked at them like they were a happy couple, which they were not.

There was a soft tapping sound and Beth lifted her head as her door opened a few inches. Logan snuck in silently, closing the door behind him without a sound.

“And just what do you think you’re doing?” she whispered. “Your mother made it pretty clear we couldn’t share a room.”

It seemed a lot like closing the barn door after the horses already got out, since she and Logan had been sharing a bed for weeks, but it was Ellie’s house and Beth respected her too much to break the rules.

Logan didn’t look concerned, she noted. He was in a pair of gym shorts and nothing else, the smile on his lips sly.

“She’s a heavy sleeper,” he replied. “She’s been out for about half an hour already.”

“And why aren’t you sleeping?” Beth asked, sliding an arm behind her head to prop it up.

“Lonely,” he said, a blatantly false pout to his lower lip. “Cold. Cold and lonely.”

“Oversexed,” she accused with a laugh. “Your mother put us in separate rooms for a reason.”

He shrugged. “She’ll survive.” He stalked the bed, like a panther scenting its quarry. “I might not.”

She shot him a look. “A bit dramatic?”

His hands walked up the bed first, followed by his body until he hovered over her.

“We do drama well,” he said. “And what’s so bad about a man telling a woman that he wants her so badly he might die. I’m so desperate for you, Sugar.”

It sounded sincere and when their eyes met, she saw a familiar emotion there. It was the one they’d shared their night at the Grand Canyon. Something between earnest love and tenderness, a little bit of resignation thrown in for good measure. He was bringing them back to bantering, somewhere they both felt comfortable, but she could tell that he knew they were on unsteady ground.

He had to know this was the end just as much as she did.

Tomorrow, she decided. Tomorrow would be the day.

For tonight, she let Logan strip her clothes off and watched with rapt attention when he shucked his own. His leg got put aside, barely a blip on either of their radars.

Their mouths met, slowly at first while they explored each other, the light on the nightstand illuminating the room. They kissed and touched, their hands and fingers whispering over sensitive skin.

He took her lead when she pushed him off, wanting him on his back. She catalogued his every feature as she sat astride his naked body. Her heat warmed him, and he surged underneath her, grasping her hips, but letting her take her time. He didn’t rush her or urge her to do what he wanted.

He gave her the freedom to explore and she took her sweet time. She ran her fingers through the sandy chest hair that covered his chest and pebbled nipples; his arms—the soft skin that covered hard muscles all leading down to long fingers that gripped her waist; his trim waist and the light blond hair that lead her lower as she moved herself to see everything.

When she took him in her body, their eyes were locked. As she rocked back and forth, her hands propped on his chest, he held her up, supporting her, but still mostly watching and enjoying.

When she shifted her position, taking him deeper, and began rhythmically shifting up and down, he moved with her, his hands gripping her tighter as she raced to the finish line.

He was right there with her, his eyes locked onto hers. He was feral, the tendons in his neck standing out with his effort to lie still and let her pleasure herself with his body. He was letting her use him, and the knowledge—that realization—almost crushed her.

Logan sat up then, taking her in his arms as he continued to thrust upward. His lips took hers, distracting her from what she’d seen just a moment ago, and he brought her to a completely new place. One where they were in the same place at the same time, enjoying each other.

That broke her and she muffled her release into his shoulder, still trying to keep some semblance of quiet in Ellie’s house. He wasn’t far behind her, squeezing her close to him as he panted on her breasts, his tongue darting out to give her nipple a tickle.

She giggled and pushed him away. “Stop,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around her chest, looking down at him. He was a different person than he’d been a few weeks ago, the change astounding. She affectionately rubbed his cheek with her hand. “You’re so amazing,” she told him honestly. “I’m so proud of you.”

Her words sent a ripple through him and his body physically shivered.

“Thanks,” he said, bringing her in for a kiss. “I wouldn’t be here without you, Sugar.”

She looked around the room. “I wouldn’t be here without you. Having sex in your mother’s house,” she said pointedly.

“It’s been a while since I’ve had to sneak around like this. There was that one time you offered to take me back to Charlie’s.”

She had indeed once invited him to go back to her father’s condo after a particularly steamy make-out session. They’d ended up at Owen’s instead.

“We didn’t actually go to Charlie’s,” she pointed out, pulling the covers around herself and nestling into his embrace. “You shouldn’t stay in here too long.”

“I won’t,” he promised as he laid down with her and she closed her eyes. “I just want to feel you in my arms, Sugar.”

One last time, she thought. One last time.

* * *

He was gone when she woke the next morning, naked and warm in a ray of the early morning light. She stretched luxuriously and dragged herself out of bed, feeling the need to clear her head. She donned her running clothes and sneakers, then headed down the stairs.

Without any distractions, she went out, making note of her route so she wouldn’t get lost. Downtown New Orleans wasn’t bustling just yet. The tourist areas were empty, people cleaning up from the night before and getting ready for another raucous night. An area that seemed to hold more businesses than bars was busier, but still nothing like New York or Boston on a weekday morning.

She jogged through parks where some people were already setting up stations to sell their wares, art or jewelry in some booths while others touted fortunes or palm reading. The smell of beignets and hickory coffee made her stomach growl, and she nearly stopped, but carried on, enjoying the early morning laughter that came from inside the shop.

More than an hour later, she made it back only to find Ellie drinking coffee on the front porch, her delicately lined face pointed up at the sky, eyes closed. Not wanting to intrude, Beth waited quietly at the bottom of the stairs, shaking out the quivering muscles in her legs and catching her breath.

“Oh, come up, dear,” Ellis said a moment later with a laugh. “Sometimes I just like to feel the sun on my face. See what kind of day it thinks I’m going to have.”

“The sun?” Beth asked as she climbed the stairs and took a seat next to Ellie.

“Oh yes!” The woman laughed. “Try it,” she encouraged. “Just let the sun warm you and see what it says.”

She felt a bit silly for doing it, but Beth complied, lifting her face to the sun and letting the morning’s warmth soak into her pores. It felt nice, but it didn’t tell her anything she hadn’t already thought of on her long run. She hadn’t changed any in the last twelve hours, was still the same person she’d been last night.

She smiled companionably at Ellie.

“No?” Ellie asked with a small shake of her head. “Keep trying, dear. You’ll hear it eventually.”

Beth nodded, mostly to be polite, then noticed Tucker’s car wasn’t out front anymore.

“Where did Logan go?” she asked.

“I sent him to the farmer’s market to buy me fresh flowers and produce. He’s got a good eye in the kitchen. I expect he’ll bring something delicious for dinner tonight.” Beth had no words to respond, not knowing that Logan had a good eye in the kitchen. In fact, she didn’t have a clue what that might even mean.

“Thank you for bringing my son to me.” Beth’s startled confusion must have shown on her face. “Tucker called and told me that it was your suggestion. That even though he wasn’t happy about it, Logan listened to you when you told him he needed to get out of the house. It was more than he listened to any of the rest of us, at the very least, so thank you. We all owe you that much.”

She wanted to deny it because she didn’t want anyone to owe her anything. Part of her reasoning for talking Logan into the trip had been selfish, too, and that made her feel like a fraud.

“He’s so much better than he was just a few weeks ago. There’s hope in him now, and that was a piece of himself I think he’d lost,” Ellie continued. “I love my boy; he’s the heart of this family whether he’s here or not, and I just ached when he wouldn’t let me in.”

“Logan’s got a strong character,” Beth said, trying to sound noncommittal. “He would have found his way eventually.”

“At what cost?” His mother asked, her voice sharp. “He could have spent years wandering in the dark recesses of his mind, fumbling around, looking for the light in his life.” Beth cringed at the hopeful look Ellie was sending her. “You showed him what it was like to live again, Beth, and it was no small feat, I’m sure. I’ll forever be grateful.”

Beth shrugged off the compliments as best she could, changing the subject to things that were far more mundane. Ellie told her about Logan’s high-school career and even took out an old photo album, showing her his prom pictures and his graduation portraits. It was a deeper look into his past than he’d shown her, not just stories but pictures to go along with them. She could see what he might have looked like when he met Owen at their naval training camp. She could see the boy, wanting so much to be the man his mother needed in the house.

When she closed the book, she sent a grateful smile to Ellie. “Thank you.”

“It’s my pleasure. I know Logan cares a great deal for you, and I expect I’ll be seeing a lot more of you.”

Beth shook her head, the automatic denial so deeply ingrained she couldn’t hide it.

“We both have busy lives,” Beth said feebly. “I’m not sure where that will take us.”

“As long as you go together.” Ellie smiled and patted her hand. Then she stood and gathered her long-empty mug and the photo album. She looked pleased when she sent Beth a sly wink. “I expect before too long, if you continue like you did last night, I’ll have grandchildren visiting me soon.”

Beth’s breath stalled in her lungs and she froze.

“Oh, don’t worry. I didn’t really expect Logan to stay in his room all night. Nothing to be embarrassed about. Logan will make a wonderful father,” she assured Beth, confidence infusing her every word. “He’s always wanted to be a father, but has been waiting for the right woman to make him one.” She winked at Beth again. “I think he’s found just the woman he wants to make a mother.”

Beth heard the slap of the screen door as it closed behind Ellie, but her body was numb.

Logan wanted nothing more than to be a father. She couldn’t let herself forget that. She was not his future, no matter how much she loved him or wanted to be more for him.

She was an impossibility.

* * *

With a few punches on her phone, Beth had a car coming to pick her up and a flight booked. She barely even knew where the flight was going; as long as it took her in the general direction, she’d get where she needed to go.

She stuffed her clothes in her bags, thankful she’d taken all her luggage out of the car to reorganize it. There was a good possibility she’d get out of New Orleans without running into Logan again.

Goodbyes weren’t her thing. They were so formal and so permanent. The good ones were no more than ‘a see you later’, but a goodbye was a different animal altogether. A goodbye meant heartache and tears. She knew because she’d done it before.

She remembered her mother calling her into her bedroom, after they’d brought her home and into hospice care. She’d been so frail, lying in her bed like a skeleton, skin and bones, barely able to move.

She’d spoken, words that had stayed with Beth her entire life, but at the time they’d skimmed along the surface and hadn’t penetrated. It was awfully hard to hear someone who was dying and leaving you behind tell you that it was going to be okay.

It wasn’t okay, not then when her mother had died, and certainly not since.

She finally zipped the last bag and attached them all together expertly, as she’d done it a thousand times in her life. She hurried through the bungalow, ready to make her escape. Ellie was nowhere to be seen, and she hurried out the door, thankful that the car she’d called was there waiting for her at the curb. A young woman got out and opened the trunk, ready to assist with Beth’s luggage.

She hurriedly put the bags in the trunk, but when she closed it and found Logan standing there staring at her, she knew she’d missed her shot at a clean getaway. He was holding two paper bags, one of them overstuffed with produce. The look on his face screamed betrayal because he knew exactly what she was doing.

To him, she was doing what she always did. Running.

But she’d told him her truth and this time her escape wasn’t out of fear that he couldn’t accept her for who she was. This time, it was because she had finally told him, and it was time for her to let him go. He should get the chance to live the life he wanted, be the father he wanted to be.

“Going somewhere?” he asked, his voice deadly quiet.

She pasted a smile on her face. If he noticed the small quaver of her lip, he didn’t let on. He looked furious, as she knew he would if he caught her leaving. It was why she’d hoped to make a clean getaway.

“I got a call from Lexi this morning,” she lied. “Jenna’s got something going on this week, and they thought it would be nice if I came.”

His eyes narrowed as he scrutinized her. “You’re lying.”

She shook her head but kept her distance, her hands flexing as she resisted the urge to reach for him.

“It’s just time for me to go now, Doc. You’ve got your feet under you again; we’ve seen the Grand Canyon and had an epic road trip along the way.” Was that her voice shaking? “You can spend some time here with your mom, without me in your hair, and try to decide what you want to do next. Where your next adventure will take you.”

His lips pursed and the paper bag crinkled as his grip on it tightened.

“So, that’s it? We’re doing this again?” She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. “Just a word to the wise, this isn’t what friends do,” he told her, his voice haltingly stilted. “Friends don’t run out on each other when the other isn’t looking. You promised me you wouldn’t do this to me again.”

It was for his own good this time, and that made it completely different. She wasn’t running from him or the life he wanted with her. She was running so that he could have that life with someone else.

Because she couldn’t give it to him. And no matter what she told herself, it kept becoming clearer that what he wanted for his future was something she couldn’t provide.

“Like you said, we never really were friends, were we?”

The words barely came out of her mouth, nothing more than a choked whisper, but they hit their mark.

Logan’s spine stiffened and he went pale as she pulled that rug out from underneath him. She hadn’t meant to get so close to him, so close that they were dependent on each other. She’d been trying to show him that he could stand on his own, that he was strong.

Clearly, her planning skills versus execution needed work.

With one last sad, lingering half-smile, she slid into the car and tapped the seat, hoping the driver would get the picture.

Beth looked away, not daring to watch as Logan glared at her while she made her final exit from his life.

“To the airport?” the driver said, her voice sympathetic.

Beth nodded. “Please.”

She then took out her phone and dialed the only person she could think to call.

“Do I even want to know?” Lex said by way of greeting.

“Probably not,” Beth confirmed. “Are you guys busy?”

There was a contemplative silence on her sister’s end of the line, for a second.

“I can check with Andy, but I have time. What do you need?”

“I’m not sure,” she admitted. “Just, you guys for now.”

“You tell me where and when, Bethy, and we’ll be there.”

She did, detailing her flight times for Lex while trying to keep herself in check. This was not the time or place to break down. She needed to get through her flight and into the arms of her family before she finally let go.

* * *

Her flight took her to Providence, which was close enough to home to get there if she’d wanted to, but far enough away that she didn’t have to. When she stepped out of the terminal, Andy and Lex were standing there, waiting for her, steadfast and supportive.

Smart woman that she was, Andy had found an out-of-season beach hotel, less than an hour from the airport that they’d stayed at as children. Not only did pulling into the parking lot remind her of better days, but it made her feel closer to her family.

She needed the memories to bolster her up, or else she might not be able to stand on her own.

Letting Logan go had been the hardest thing she’d ever done. It had also been the bravest and the most selfless, even if he couldn’t see it yet.

Andy checked them into their room while Lex led Beth out to the beach. The April air was warm, but the beach was nearly empty, save a few runners and their dogs.

It was peaceful, unlike the hot summer days they’d visited decades before when there had been hordes of people along the shore.

Lex spread out a blanket and they both sat. After a wordless minute, an arm slung around Beth’s shoulder and she was pulled into her sister’s embrace.

For two women that had gotten into a literal fistfight a year before, they’d become much closer. A year ago, Beth wouldn’t have imagined finding refuge in her sister Alexa’s arms but now, she knew that no matter how stupid she was, her family would be there for her.

The shame of not doing the same for them all these years hit her like a kick to the chest. She’d spent so many years running from her family and the memory of her mother that lingered with them. She’d avoided their calls and visiting home, because it was too painful for her, never contemplating how they might feel. She owed them all an apology.

It may not come at that moment, but it was on her to-do list. When she was feeling less like burying her head in the sand for an eternity, she’d tell them all.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Lex asked.

“You don’t have to,” Andy put in as she joined them, her arm around Beth’s back as they supported her. “We’ll be here when you’re ready.”

“I love him,” Beth said with no preamble. It wasn’t a hard admission to make; she knew it down to her bones that Logan Hallowell was the only man for her. But somehow, she wasn’t the woman for him.

“No shit,” Lex said sarcastically.

“Alex,” Andy scolded, pulling Beth in tighter.

“Well, come on,” Lex complained. “She loves him. He loves her. What the hell am I missing?”

“If I tell you, you’re just going to say I told you so,” Beth said. “Because you did. You both did. And now I can’t go back and undo it and it makes everything I want in life impossible.” She was working herself up to tears, her eyes burning as they built and wobbled on her eyelashes. “I thought it was better than having everyone watch me die like Mom did, but now I can’t have Logan, and it’s my own damn fault. Should I have to choose between dying and love?”

“Whoa!” Lex held her hands up in a T shape. “Hold up. What the hell are we talking about here? What does Mom have to do with this?”

“Mom has to do with everything when it comes to Beth,” Andy said knowingly. “Does this have to do with the decision you made to have a hysterectomy?”

Beth nodded pitifully.

“I told you so,” Lex said. “I told you that was stupid and premature.”

“That doesn’t help,” Andy told her twin. “Shut it.”

“You were right,” Beth whispered, resting her forehead on her bent knees. “You were right about everything.”

After a few seconds, Alex broke the quiet. “I’m wrong about a lot of things, Bethy. I was wrong when I gave you a hard time about grieving for Mom. I knew it hit you the hardest, and I think, in some ways, it made me feel guilty for not being sadder. Like it was a competition or something.”

“Because everything is a competition with you two,” Andy interjected. “Can we talk about the punching match last year?”

Beth shook her head. “Seeing Mom waste away to nothing and then just be gone…it broke me. I stopped believing in anything after that. If she could get taken away, then everything else could too.”

She felt Lex’s grip on her tighten. “Life is fragile, Beth. We all should know that by now. Between Mom getting sick and what happened to Andy, life changes in an instant. It doesn’t mean we get to run from it or pretend it isn’t happening.”

Which is what she’d been doing, was the implication. And her sister wasn’t wrong. She had been running, unwilling to settle in Freehope with her family as if that might stop the inevitable from catching up with her. As if developing ovarian cancer like her mom might not happen if she ran far enough. Like, if she didn’t fall in love or have kids, no one would get hurt if it did happen.

“So, what happened?” Andy asked gently. “Last I heard, you guys were tuning out the rest of the world and living life like you were the last two people on earth.”

Beth took a cleansing breath and told her sisters all about her and Logan’s trip. She told them about their near miss in Indiana, when they didn’t have sex but learned the finer points of intimacy. She told them about their conversation in Chicago, and then confessed to the real reason she jumped ship and quit her job. They talked for a long time about their experiences as women, and the harassment they faced and how they handled it.

She talked about their workouts together, remembering the bond she and Logan created in trusting each other with their insecurities, and pushing through them.

When she told them about yelling out into the canyon, they both reacted physically, and it made Beth feel better for taking the moment so personally. Andy covered her heart with a hand, and Alex squeezed Beth’s knee as she recounted their moments there, their confessions.

As it was in real life, it was all downhill from there anyway.

“I sat with Logan’s mom out on her front porch for a while and it was nice. Then she started making these comments about how she couldn’t wait for us to give her grandchildren…”

“Oh,” Alex murmured.

“Yikes,” Andy agreed.

“She went on and on about how Logan has always wanted to be a father and raise kids. I get that. He had a shitty dad and he wants to have his own kids so he can do it right. That’s exactly what he told me but to have his mom say it…” She shrugged. “I don’t know. All of a sudden, it just hit me, that I was leading this cart down a dead-end path.”

“You know,” Andy said gently. “There are other ways to have kids than just the old-fashioned way. Plenty of people hire surrogates or adopt. It’s not like there aren’t other options out there for women who can’t bear children, Beth.”

Beth nodded but looked at her sisters pitifully. “I don’t think Logan wants that. I don’t think he’s interested in building a family that way, at least from what he’s said.”

“Are you telling me that you confessed to not being able to have children and that stupid oaf told you he only wanted kids if his woman could pop them out like Tic Tacs?” Alex ground out through her teeth.

A laugh that felt like it was pulled out of her, dropped out of Beth’s mouth. “No. It wasn’t like that. But it just became clear by not discussing it; there was no point.”

“Did you even ask him?” Andy asked.

Beth shook her head.

“You guys love each other,” Andy pointed out.

“But he wants more,” Beth argued. “And he deserves more. Hell, look at me. I’m a mess anyway, he’s better off.”

“So you made Logan go on a road trip with you, because he was a mess. But now that it’s done, and he’s better, you’re a mess.” Alex shook her head. “It just can’t end like this. You guys were made for each other. Why don’t you just call him and ask if he’d be willing to have kids another way? Hell, I’ll have your babies if you need me to. Lord knows, I’m not doing anything else.” She straightened up quickly. “But I’m not banging him. We’d have do it the scientific way.”

Beth and Andy both laughed. The dark mood her tale brought out lingered, but lifted considerably as they let the subject go and spoke about other things.

In fact, they stayed there together for two whole days, rebuilding their connection as sisters. Beth finally realized how much she’d missed by avoiding Freehope for so long, but was still thankful for her time away.

She wasn’t sure she was ready to go back home just yet. While she might want to settle there in the long run, she just couldn’t picture building a home for herself alone.

“You can have Andy’s old apartment. Spencer hasn’t rented it out and it’s just sitting there empty,” Alex told her over a glass of wine on their last night.

They still sat on the deserted beach, enjoying the weather, that got warmer by the day, and the solitude.

“Thanks, Lex,” Beth said, clinking glasses with her sister. “For everything.”

“It’s kind of growing on me,” Alex admitted. “The Lexi thing.”

“Really?” Andy asked with a laugh. “Wasn’t it you that said if anyone else called you Lexi at the bar, you’d put bleach in their beer?”

“Those are people at the bar,” she explained. “I’m talking about my sister.”

Beth felt a warmth spread through her chest. They hadn’t felt like sisters in a long time. Sibling rivals maybe, but not real sisters. The difference between the two was astounding.

“I love you guys, you know,” Beth whispered. “I know I’m a screwup and make everything harder—”

“Beth,” Andy interrupted.

“No, no. Go on,” Alex laughed.

“It’s been hard,” Beth admitted. “And I’ve been a jerk, but I love you guys and I’m sorry. I’ll try not to do it again.”

“That was a little glossy,” Alex complained. “But I guess we’ve gone into enough details the last few days to last us at least a few years. I’ll see your apology and call with my own. I’m sorry too, for not being sensitive enough to see how deeply you were hurting and standing beside you, instead of standing behind you and pushing. I feel like I pushed you right out the door, and I’ve blamed myself for you being gone for a long time.”

“I felt like I was so busy with Jenna being so little, that I didn’t see how much you needed us,” Andy admitted. “I always felt like I let the family fall apart after Mom died, and I could never put it back together.”

“To hot messes,” Alex lifted her glass in toast. “Each and every one of us.”