Chapter Twenty-Four
Charlotte
Numb, Charlotte let herself into the café. She’d expected to rage and curse the whole way home, but she hadn’t. She’d driven in silence, hardly able to process what had just happened. How could he blame her? He’d called her a distraction. Like the concussion was her fault because they’d been hanging out…among other things.
Well, screw that. It wasn’t her fault. Not even. If he wanted to blame someone, he should blame Tucker. But she’d meant what she’d said—there was no way she could handle watching Luke risk everything.
So, she wouldn’t. In fact, she wouldn’t “distract” him in any way, ever again.
She closed the door behind her, jumping when Evangeline said, “How is he?”
Not ready to face her friend, Charlotte took her time hanging up her coat. “An idiot.”
A man laughed, not meanly, but in understanding, and Charlotte spun around. Kit Morgan was sitting at one of the tables, a coffee mug and an empty plate in front of him. He smiled at Charlotte. “Most SBXers are. A special brand of crazy—that’s what my mother says anyway.”
“Yeah, but I bet you wouldn’t be hell-bent on racing with a concussion,” Charlotte snapped, her anger finally getting the better of her. “You’d take it slow and see how you felt.”
Kit shrugged. “Maybe. But I have less to prove at this stage of my career. Six years ago? I might’ve done something that stupid. There are gold medalists out there who’ve raced a few days after concussions.”
“Then you’re all crazy.” Charlotte crossed the room, heading for the stairs.
“Hey, stay and talk about it,” Evangeline said. “Tell me what happened?”
A lump rose in Charlotte’s throat. She had too much to deal with. “I need to pack.”
Charlotte heard Evangeline murmur something to Kit, then her footsteps followed Charlotte up the stairs. “What is it, really? Is it the concussion, or did something else happen?”
“He told me I was a distraction. Like us hanging out, or maybe just me being there to watch him, made him fall. Which is utter bullshit.”
Charlotte dragged her suitcase out of her closet and started throwing clothes inside without really looking. “None of that matters, though. Evangeline, I know what happens to the brain during a concussion. He might be well enough in a week, but he probably won’t. And if he gets dizzy during a race and falls, he could hurt himself or someone else even more.”
Evangeline put a hand on her hip, a knowing expression on her face. “And you responded by giving him a lecture, am I right?”
Charlotte stopped packing and glared at Evangeline. “Yeah, I gave him a lecture. He deserved it.”
Evangeline winced. “Char, he’s a grown man. A grown man with a concussion who said something stupid he probably didn’t even mean. But it’s his decision to race.”
“And he can make his own decisions. That doesn’t mean I have to stick around and watch.”
“Is that what this is about? Being scared?”
Charlotte went into her bathroom, wishing Evangeline would just leave already. “I don’t want to talk right now.”
Evangeline sighed. “Okay. Hey—I found a person to cover your shift tomorrow, so you can sleep a little later before you go to the airport.”
Charlotte’s heart thumped painfully. Even when she was being a moody brat, her friend had her back. “Thanks. I’m sorry.”
Evangeline appeared at her bathroom door. “Don’t be. Are you going to talk to him later, once he sleeps it off? Or do you think you’re done for good?”
Charlotte slumped against the sink. “I don’t know what I think right now. We were pretty riled up earlier. I’m not sure he wants to see me, to be honest. And I’m not even sure I want to see him.”
Evangeline sighed and shook her head. “He has a concussion. Chances are good he already forgot the conversation.” Evangeline paused, looking shy. “Hey, you didn’t say a word about Kit being here.”
Charlotte managed a smile. This had to be huge for her friend. “I wondered.”
“Apparently, he took Luke’s outburst as an introduction. We’re on a coffee date.” Evangeline hugged Charlotte. “I better get back downstairs. Need anything?”
“No, thanks.”
After Evangeline left, Charlotte sank down on her bed. She wasn’t being unreasonable—at least she didn’t think so. She’d seen football players try to play a week after a concussion, and more than one had puked his guts out during halftime. Maybe it was a guy thing. Whatever it was, she didn’t think she wanted to be a part of it.
Because if she let herself get more attached and he ended up with a skull fracture, or worse, she’d always wonder if he was right, and it was her fault somehow.
Exhausted, Charlotte made a cup of tea and texted her sister to let her know when to pick Charlotte up at the airport. Being home would make everything better.
She couldn’t settle down, though, so she pulled out her MCAT study guide. She hadn’t been as focused on her work since Luke dropped into her life. She could probably call him a distraction, but she’d never let a guy derail her dream, no matter how distracting he’d proven to be.
Right?
Why was she even questioning this?
Sighing, she opened the study guide. The test was in three weeks, so she decided to take a practice test. She hadn’t done that in a while, and having the timer on her phone ticking down would keep her mind on medicine rather than a stubborn snowboarder.
She flipped to one of the tests at the back of the book, sharpened two pencils, put in her earplugs, and set the timer.
Her usual test anxiety reared up as soon as she started. It usually showed up around question ten, but this time it came sooner, almost paralyzing in its intensity. Charlotte forced her pencil to move, to fill in the answer bubbles. A section on reproductive biology came up, and Charlotte swallowed hard, trying not to think about her “biology” lesson with Luke.
She was not going to let him distract her.
All four sections went by in a slog of chewed pencils and tugged hair. By the time she finished, it had been almost six hours. Charlotte’s stomach growled angrily. She’d skipped dinner, and it was after midnight.
She made a quick omelet then settled down to grade her test. At the end of the first pass, she frowned, and decided to double-check that she had the right answer key for this test. It was, so she went through it again, more slowly, her heart sinking as she went.
She’d only scored about 2 percent higher than her last test, even after all that studying.
Distracted studying.
Charlotte covered her mouth, choking back tears. She wasn’t going to pass.
And unlike Luke, she had no one to blame but herself.
Head aching, Charlotte put away her books, threw her omelet into the trash, and went to bed. She never should’ve said yes to that first date with Luke.
“Honey! You’ve gotten so thin.” Mom limped around Charlotte, giving her a once-over. “You need to eat more.”
Charlotte sighed. “Mom, I eat plenty. I’m just getting a lot of exercise at the café is all.”
That and worrying over the MCAT didn’t help. Her appetite hadn’t been so great, but there was no way Charlotte would tell her mother that. Besides, she was one to talk. Mom, while mostly slim, had always carried that little tummy most moms had. That was gone, along with more weight. Her skin hung loose, and there were dark circles under her eyes.
Then there was the limp. Her right leg refused to cooperate with the left, leading Charlotte to wonder if Mom was still having issues with numbness or motor function. She wouldn’t ask, though. Emily would tell Charlotte everything she needed to know.
“Dad will be home soon.” Her little sister parked Charlotte’s roller bag next to the living room sofa. “He had to run in to work for a few hours. Apparently the last go-live didn’t.”
“Uh-oh. Are we sure he’ll be home?” Charlotte asked. Dad had a habit of disappearing into his work when there was a problem to solve.
“Yes, he wouldn’t miss you.” Mom gave Charlotte a kiss on the check. Charlotte noticed the tremor in Mom’s right hand. “Emily, can you check the turkey?”
“It still has another hour.” Emily plopped onto the sofa. “So, how’s Aspen? I hear the guys are hot.”
Charlotte’s stomach churned a little. “Some. There are some grade A douchebags, too.”
“Charlotte Marie!” Mom said. “Language.”
Emily turned a laugh into a cough. “Think I can come visit sometime? It’d be fun to stay in your apartment like I used to when you were at ASU.”
Charlotte tugged at her little sister’s french braid. “I’d like that. Spring break would be a great time.”
“Can I, Mom?” Emily folded her hands, begging. “Please, please, please. I’ll clean my room.”
Mom smiled. “I don’t see why not, but the room better be spotless.”
They sat and chatted, Charlotte telling stories about customers in the café but being careful to skirt any topic that might lead to Luke. The smell of roast turkey hung in the air, along with spices and apple pie. God, she’d missed this.
“Hello?” Dad called. “Anybody here?”
“In here.” Mom waved him in. “Look who’s here.”
“Roo!” Dad pulled Charlotte to her feet and wrapped her up in a big hug. “How’s my girl?”
Tears prickled at Charlotte’s eyes. All the stress from worrying about the test, the hurt from Luke, her homesickness—it crept up behind her and gave her a shake. She pressed her face into Dad’s coat. It smelled like spearmint gum and his cologne.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Dad patted her back. “Was it something I said?”
“No. I just missed you,” she mumbled into his chest. “I miss home.”
“You could always move back,” Dad said. “I can get you an internship if you want.”
“We’d love that,” Mom said.
Charlotte pulled away from her father. She’d gone to Aspen to clear her head after failing the MCAT the last time. To focus on her studies, which was hard to do at home. Unfortunately, it hadn’t been all that successful in Aspen, either. Besides, she wasn’t sure she wanted to be reminded of Luke every time a snowboarder stopped in at the café. “I need to finish the holidays for the Bzdyls. They’re counting on me. After that…we’ll see.”
Her pulse tripped in shock as the words came out. Before, she hadn’t had any intention of coming home until med school, of giving up her independence so soon. The fact that she was even considering it stunned Charlotte.
If she was honest with herself, she should move back home. Mom needed her. So did Emily. Which meant Dad did, too.
“You don’t have to decide tonight.” Dad patted her back, like he had when she was little and crying about falling off her bike. “I’m starving. I say we eat, and make life-changing decisions tomorrow.”
“Good plan.” Mom sniffed the air, then frowned. “Emily, you did check the turkey, didn’t you?”
“Um…”
The turkey hadn’t been too dry. With enough gravy, Charlotte decided, you could eat anything. They exchanged presents after dinner and watched A Christmas Story like it was actually Christmas Day. Contentment stole over Charlotte for the first time in weeks. Going to sleep in her own bed was her new definition of heaven.
In the morning, though, she went to the kitchen and found her mom trying to turn bacon. She was gripping her right wrist with her left hand in an attempt to keep it from shaking. Finally, she threw the spatula in the sink. “Damn, damn, damn.”
Charlotte’s throat constricted. “Mom?”
Mom whirled around, smiling like nothing was wrong. “You’re up early. It’s only seven.”
“I’m usually up at four. This was sleeping in for me.” Charlotte rescued the spatula from the sink and flipped the bacon. “It’s getting worse, isn’t it?”
Mom’s shoulders slumped. “I’m not sure. It could be a bad spell, and it might go away, like last time.”
Or it might not. “Tell me to come home, and I’ll pack up my apartment in Aspen.”
“No.” Mom’s tone was firm. “We’ll be fine. I want you to live your life.”
“I don’t know if Aspen is what I want.” Charlotte poked at the bacon just for something to do. “I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished much.”
“Ah.” Mom’s smile was knowing. “Who is he?”
Charlotte rolled her eyes. “I forgot about your ESP. He’s a stubborn, alpha-male snowboarder who won’t listen to anyone who tells him competing in a race six days after a concussion is a bad idea. I don’t have time for that.”
Mom went to the kitchen table and motioned for Charlotte to follow. Charlotte poured cups of coffee for both of them first, then sat. “You like this boy.” Mom frowned. “Man? Guy? What do we call males your age?”
“Guy will do.” Charlotte stirred her coffee, watching bubbles form on the surface. “I don’t know. I thought I did, but he blamed me for the accident. He said I was a distraction.”
“Well, that was an idiotic thing to say.” Mom shook her head. “I don’t know him, but I imagine he probably realizes that, too.”
“You’d think, but I doubt it.” At this point, Charlotte wasn’t sure she knew Luke. “He doesn’t care if he gets hurt, though. He’s going to strap on that snowboard and fling himself down a mountain.”
“So he’s driven to do something, and you’re worried he’ll get hurt in the process?” Mom chuckled. “Honey, what would you do if I told you I thought you should give up on being a doctor? That you don’t need the stress of your final run at the MCAT?”
Charlotte raised her head and stared at her mother, shocked. “I’d tell you, politely, to go screw yourself.”
Mom pursed her lips. “I’m hoping that’s not exactly what you’d say, but I believe the sentiment is accurate. Now, you think…what’s his name?”
“Luke.”
“You think Luke shouldn’t do something he loves for reasons that were clear to you, but unimportant to him.”
Charlotte snorted. “Think about that a second. If I fail the MCAT, I go to PA school. If he races and falls, he could…”
Mom held up a shaking hand. “What are you really worried about, honey? The fact that he wouldn’t listen to you? Or the fact that you care about him more than you want to, and you can’t bear to see him get hurt?”
A chill ran down Charlotte’s arms. “That’s…no…I don’t…”
Mom arched an eyebrow. “You can’t be afraid of who Luke is, not if you want to be with him. He’s a daredevil, it sounds like. But if you want this, go for it. Don’t let your fear that he’ll hurt himself—or worse—be what stops you.”
Mom has it all wrong. That wasn’t… Charlotte looked down at her hands. Her fingers were trembling. Were her feelings for Luke strong enough to scare her like this? Had she fallen so hard, so fast, that being terrified for him was enough to make her leave?
“I thought so. If you care about someone, you can’t be afraid of who they are.” Mom put her hand over Charlotte’s. Hers was still, and it stopped Charlotte from trembling. “My life is worth living, honey. This illness doesn’t define me. It just is, and I wouldn’t change a thing. I have you girls, and Dad, and a fulfilling career. This illness won’t stop me from enjoying any of that. Luke, I would guess, feels the same way about living his life. He takes risks because he wants something bigger. If you want to be with him, that’s just part of the package.”
Charlotte’s chest felt banded, and she had to struggle for her next breath. God, she’d never thought of it that way. And now, she wouldn’t stay with Luke because she was afraid of losing him, to an injury, to something she couldn’t control. What about all the pressure from the MCAT? Was her fear driving that, as well? Was she failing because she was so scared of losing her mom that she couldn’t think straight when the test rolled around?
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize for.” Mom smiled gently. “Except maybe burning the bacon, but I bear some responsibility for that. If nothing else, I’ve taught you girls to overcook your food.”
Charlotte laughed, feeling lighter. “I still hate the idea of Luke flinging himself down the mountain so soon. And it’s better not to mess around with a guy while I’m trying to pass the MCAT. I need to be free of distractions, so I can focus.”
Just like Luke, in his muddled state, had been trying to say, too.
Not that she’d forgiven him for his crappy delivery. Yet.
“Let Luke be Luke,” Mom said. “You worry about what you want, and that will guide your decision. But, I don’t think Luke and the MCAT are mutually exclusive. You just need to balance them. And if he’s worth your time, he’s probably already realized the same thing about his snowboarding and being with you.”
Charlotte’s smile faded. No matter what she told herself, she did miss Luke. Was there something to what Mom said? Could she have both? More importantly, did Charlotte want to try again?
She had some thinking to do.