Carla laid breathless and spent in the cradle of Joel’s strong arm. Contentment like she’d never known in her entire life swept through her and a stray thought struck her that this was where she was supposed to be. She batted it away sleepily, but it persisted.
She struggled to keep her thoughts blank, to just enjoy the satiated warmth that flowed through her like melted honey, but doubts and worries sprang up like weeds in her mind. She turned, curled even tighter against Joel’s side, and let out a breath of contentment despite her troubled thoughts. He wrapped his arm around her, his hand settling at her waist.
His presence held the worst at bay, but still her doubts kept coming. All the ways she’d messed up. All the times she’d failed. Her last confrontation rose like a ghost, haunting her, filling her with fear of what was to come. This deal was going to be her last chance. To make enough money to keep her house, her car. To get away from Maurice and his lasciviousness. Now, she didn’t know what to do, where she was left after the dust settled. That was if they didn’t get caught by Maurice or the cops before said dust even had a chance to.
Suddenly, the stress and pressure of the last few days, weeks, hell, the whole last few years boiled up to the surface and as hard as she squeezed her eyes shut, she couldn’t stem the few drops of tears that escaped and rolled down her cheek.
Joel stiffened next to her, noticing her dismay, and pulled her in even tighter as he rested his head against hers.
“Hey, baby, what the matter? Was I…Did I do something wrong? Tell me I didn’t hurt you,” his voice was pained and sounded as if his very soul depended on her answer. She hastened to confirm that he hadn’t. In fact, the complete opposite.
“No, no, Joel. Not at all. You didn’t hurt me. You could never hurt me,” and even as she said the words, she could feel the truth of them settle deep inside her. Because it really was true, he would go out of his way to keep her safe and unharmed. “It’s just…I can’t help but think that this is all my fault,” she finally ripped out the words.
“What’s your fault?”
“This. All of it!” She rearranged herself so she could tilt her head up to look at him. “Everything that’s happened with the shipment, Maurice, the cops. And now you have to sell it at a loss, and that means I’m not going to make what I can to keep my house and what if I can’t find another job? What if I have to keep working for Maurice–”
“No!” he said, and she glanced up in surprise at the vehemence of his tone. “Whatever ends up happening, whatever we end up making from this, I’ll make sure you’re taken care of.” His silver eyes melted into a deep, hypnotic gray, capturing her gaze and refusing to let her go, even as his voice mellowed a little, “You’ll never have to go back to work for that bastard. Not ever. I promise you that.”
“But if it hadn’t been for me, you wouldn’t even be in this mess,” she said, another single tear adding to the track down her cheek, already wet.
“This mess?” he said softly, sliding one hand under her chin and raising her face to meet his once more. “This is not a mess. This is life. Shit happens. Things get fucked up. We’ll deal with it like we always do. Remember what I made you say the last time you tried to take the blame for something?” She tried to look away but he wouldn’t let her. Finally, she gave in with a sigh, nodding her head slightly.
“It’s not my fault,” Carla said slowly, casting her mind back to that awful day, the day when Maurice had cornered her and first told her that the police were involved, “Shit just got fucked up. And now, we’ll deal with it.” She paused again, looking up until her blue eyed gaze collided with his, “Together.”
“Together,” he repeated roughly. The air between them filled with tension once more as the silence stretched on. Just as Joel opened his mouth to say something, a clamor from downstairs interrupted them. He sat up with a sigh.
“That must be Hot Wheels and the guys. I should go meet them, find out how everything went with the plan.” He stared at her for another long moment before dropping a quick, hard kiss on her lips.
“I’m…I’m just going to stay up here for a minute. I’ll be down soon,” Carla said, still shaky, her eyes still wet with tears.
“You’ve got a little bit of it, but then we need to get moving again. We can’t stay still too long, not with the police and that bastard boss of yours tailing us at every turn,” Joel said, his words slightly muffled as he drew his t-shirt over his head and pulled on his jeans. Lastly, he grabbed his leather jacket, slipping it on, and just like that, he morphed from sweet, demanding lover to tough biker. She loved that about him, how complex he was, how she was always learning something new about him.
“Come down whenever you’re ready,” he said, and gave her one final kiss before leaving the room and shutting the door behind him.
Carla laid back on the bed with a deep breath as her emotions swirled, violent and confused, and she had to wonder, if only to herself, if she would ever be ready.
*
“Basically, it’s a straight shot from here to the Mesa Verde turnoff,” Sparkplug said, his finger tracing a line along the large map that was spread out on the kitchen table in front of them. Tucker and Viper and Hot Wheels all stood at different sides, staring at the map. Viper pointed at the mountainous road that it turned into after that.
“What about that? That looks like shitty riding to me. If we’re caught out on one of those switchbacks, there won’t be any place for us to hide, or ride away. We’ll be like sitting ducks.”
“That’s assuming anyone will be still be looking for us,” Sparkplug argued, his shoulder-length tousled brown hair moving as he shook his head. “We’ve crossed state lines. I haven’t heard anything from any of my lookouts, and I’m assuming you haven’t heard from any of yours?” he directed the question at Joel, who answered distractedly.
“What? Uh, yeah. Right. No word from anybody about any tails or any cops. Nothing.”
“Good. See?” Sparkplug looked at Viper smugly and Hot Wheels rolled her eyes.
“I still think we should plan for the worst. Just in case.” She looked around the table, her jade green eyes lingering on Sparkplug a moment longer than everybody else before speaking again, “Well, any suggestions?”
“The truck is hidden right?” Joel asked.
“Yeah, boss. It’s empty, in the depot like you told me,” Viper answered quickly.
“Okay, good. So we’ve got our two coyotes. The weed is split up between them? Into two equal parts?”
“Three, actually,” Tucker said, joining the conversation for the first time, “the third part will ride with you. It’s all ready, just needs to be packed on your bike.”
“Perfect,” Joel nodded at Tucker, “so here is the plan. If it looks like trouble, we split up. Every go in different direction, we can lose them here, here, and here,” Joel pointed down at various spots on the map where the road split into multiple paths. “Carla and I will take the third part of the shipment. If it goes south, we meet back here and hatch another plan. Hot Wheels, Tucker, you’ll each take one of the coyotes and Sparkplug and Viper will ride cover.”
“A coyote? Like the animal?” Carla’s voice broke in just as he finished speaking and his heartbeat tripped over itself as he glanced up and took in her still flushed cheeks, kiss-swollen lips, and tousled haired. She looked like a woman who had just been thoroughly fucked and his body responded instantly even though it had only been twenty minutes since he’d left her up in the bedroom.
“No,” he finally said roughly, “A coyote is what we call a car that’s used to smuggle, usually it’s people, but in this case it’s…”
“Weed,” Carla interrupted with a small smile for the rest of the group, “got it.”
“Yeah. And we’re just about ready to go,” Hot Wheels said, a suspicious grin hanging on her lips as she looked from Carla to Joel, and back again. Joel hitched his shoulders impatiently as she continued, “Once you guys have the rest of the shipment packed on your bike, we’ll be all set to head out. You have your guy ready?” That last she directed at Sparkplug and he turned to her with a simmering look.
“Yeah, like I said. It’s all ready. The contact is waiting at the meet point.” There was something underlying his words, but Joel didn’t have the time, or the desire, to decode it. He would worry about what was going on between Hot Wheels and Sparkplug after the deal was made. They had bigger things on their plate at the moment.
With a single word he sent them all on their various tasks, the last before they would set out, and he felt a jittery relief at the thought of finally getting this shipment out of their hands. It seemed like, from the very beginning, nothing had gone as he’d expected, all the way back to the thing that had surprised him most, Carla.
He reached out a hand in her direction, ignoring Viper’s smug smirk and led her outside to where his bike and the package they would ride with were sitting near the side of the safe house.
“So, we deliver this to Sparkplug’s contact and then…” Carla trailed off as Joel picked up one of the small, plastic wrapped bricks, and Carla picked up another.
“And then?” Joel repeated, prompting her on, looking up to see her uncomfortable shrug.
“Well, and then what? What happens next?” she asked softly. He knew she wasn’t just talking about the weed, or their business arrangement and he cursed inwardly. Because he didn’t know the answers himself. It had been so simple at first, he’d told himself. He’d made the terms of their relationship clear. But even he hadn’t been able to keep them straight.
And where does that leave them now? Somewhere between lust and something more, something stronger and sweeter than he’d ever thought he’d taste, something he never thought he deserved. But that five year old boy still huddled in the back of his mind, alone. Unloved. Abandoned to a cruel life that she would never understand, but maybe, just maybe, could help to heal.
Joel pushed the thoughts away violently, narrowing his focus to the task ahead.
“Let’s just get through today,” he said, his voice rough, his silver eyes saying everything he couldn’t, “After that…Well, after that then we’ll figure out where this leaves us, Sugar.”
Carla nodded solemnly, hope sparking in her bright blue eyes and his lips tipped up a little as well, in wonder and awe and not a little fear. Because that same hope was now running through him. And there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.
“Come on, bluebird, hop on. We’ve got a long ride ahead of us and I want to get rid of this supply before dark.”
He slid onto the back of the motorcycle as Hot Wheels got behind the wheel of one car and Tucker and Viper the other. Sparkplug was the only other one on a bike. Joel shuddered in pleasure as Carla climbed on behind him and slipped her arms gracefully around his waist. With a sharp whistle, the engines all roared to life and they pulled out of the driveway one by one onto the highway that would lead them up into the foothills of the Utah mountain range and, to what Joel hoped fervently, an end to this whole mess once and for all.