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Dirty Addiction by Ella Miles (40)

Victoria

It’s three p.m. I need to leave to pick Sailor up from school. But the bills lying on the kitchen table are overwhelming me. Bills for the house. Bills for electricity and water. Bills to cover Amber’s treatment. And that doesn’t even include basic things like food and clothes for me and Sailor.

All I can see are bills. And no way to pay them.

What was I thinking, quitting?

I was thinking I needed to be here for my adorable ten-year-old niece. I was thinking that was what was most important. But it was stupid. My mom could have taken care of her for a couple of weeks. Because I can’t take care of Sailor if I don’t have any money to feed her.

I hear the doorbell ring, but I don’t move from my spot. I can’t deal with any more nosy neighbors coming to figure out what happened to Amber. I have to find a way to fix my problems. I have to find a way to make a lot of money and fast.

The doorbell rings again and then again.

I sigh. It’s probably an annoying kid. I run my hand through my hair. I can feel the tangled knots throughout my head. I haven’t showered in three days. I’ve either been at the hospital with Amber or on the phone, finding a treatment place for her, all while trying to distract Sailor from everything. Basic hygiene hasn’t been high on my list.

The doorbell rings again, and I finally force myself up from the table. I need to get up anyway to go pick up Sailor. I trudge to the door, not wanting to deal with any other humans today other than Sailor.

I open the door and fold my arms over my chest, ready to chew out whatever kid is there.

“Carter?” I ask, like I don’t know it is him standing in my doorway.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, hating that I’m in sweatpants and an old, ratty shirt. Why didn’t I shower today? Or at the very least, run a brush through my hair or apply some makeup?

“I’m here because I missed you,” he says, carefully choosing his words.

“I missed you, too,” I say without thinking, because it’s true. I missed him desperately. I missed the obnoxious way that he held me in bed. I missed the way his arms felt while wrapped around me. I even missed arguing with him about everything.

He grins. “Can we talk?”

My phone buzzes in my pocket. The alarm I set to go get Sailor is going off.

“Actually, I have to go pick up my niece.”

“Mind if I tag along?”

“Sure,” I say, even though I’m not sure at all.

Sailor will ask a million questions about Carter that I’m not ready to answer.

I step outside, closing the door behind me. I lead Carter down to where my car is parked a few feet away.

I climb into the driver’s seat, and Carter climbs in next to me. I start driving while Carter stares at me.

“What?” I ask, assuming he is looking at all my flaws and is about to criticize me.

“You look beautiful.”

I blush. “Stop it. I do not. I look like a mess.”

He tucks a strand of hair, which I’m sure is covered in grease, behind my ear. “You look beautiful because I’ve never seen you stronger.”

I bite my lip. I can’t believe he just said that.

“It’s true. I never realized how driven you were, how powerful you were, until recently. I’m sorry for that.”

I swallow and try to focus on the road. I can’t have him saying things like that to me right now. Our life is far too complicated. He has to pretend he is with Lily, and my life needs me here right now. We are on opposite coasts. Anything between us could never work.

“Stop analyzing this.”

“I’m not.”

He chuckles. “You are because you don’t know how this could work. But you’ve seen my work. You know I’m one of the best fixers in the world. Just one other person might be better.”

I laugh. “I’m not a fixer. I can’t even fix my own problems.”

“I don’t know about that. I think you’ve been doing a fine job so far, but only because you keep putting yourself last instead of first.”

I exhale deeply, trying to stay calm. Trying not to get my hopes up that something magical is about to happen. Because that’s not my life. My life is one problem after the other. My life isn’t easily fixed. My life is a broken mess.

I pull the car over to the curb outside the school to wait for Sailor to come out. Once she gets into the car, then I’ll be safe. Carter won’t do anything with Sailor in the car.

“Victoria.”

One word, and my heart already betrays me. It starts beating for him. Begging me to let him in.

I look at him. His eyes look deep into mine.

“I love you, Victoria. I’ve always loved you. Since the moment I saw you singing Spice Girls in your bedroom and made me join you. To years later when I realized how many times I’d hurt you. To the moment I saw you again after way too long. There has never been another woman. Only you. I love you.”

Everything in my world stops when he says that he loves me. It’s something I’ve secretly wanted since we were kids. Even when he was torturing me, I still wanted him. There was a connection I didn’t understand.

I feel a tear slipping down my cheek. I’m literally crying because this man just told me that he loves me. I’m ridiculous.

“Aren’t you going to say I love you back?” I hear Sailor’s voice from behind me.

I didn’t even hear her get into the car.

I quickly wipe my tear and turn to Sailor. “How was your day, sweetheart?”

She folds her tough arms across her chest. “I want to hear if you love him first. My day sucked. I could use some good news. I could use another uncle.”

I laugh and turn back to Carter. “I love you, too.”

He grins as he leans forward and softly kisses me on the lips.

I compose myself before I start driving back home.

“I’m Carter,” he says, holding out his hand to Sailor.

“Uncle Carter, you mean,” Sailor says, shaking his hand.

I bite my lip to keep from laughing at her sassiness today.

Carter catches my eye. “Definitely Uncle Carter,” he says, giving me a wink.

I roll my eyes at him. She can call him whatever she wants, but we are nowhere near ready to make him a real uncle to Sailor.

“So, I have a proposition for you, Sailor,” Carter says as he turns around in his seat so that he is looking straight at Sailor.

I raise my eyebrow at him, but I’m not sure that he sees me.

“I’m listening,” Sailor says in her sweet voice.

“Your aunt Victoria here has a job in North Carolina. Do you know where that is?”

“Yep! That’s where Uncle Logan lives.”

“That’s right. She has a job that she needs to go back to North Carolina to finish for a couple of weeks.”

I furrow my brows, confused as to what Carter is talking about. I quit my job.

“How would you like to go to North Carolina and live with your uncle Logan, Victoria, and me for a couple of weeks?”

“Carter,” I say sternly, trying to end this conversation without saying too much in front of Sailor.

“What do you think?” Carter asks, ignoring me.

“I think that would be awesome!”

I look in my rearview mirror at Sailor. “Sailor, you don’t need to say yes. It’s not fair to you. You would miss school here and go to a different school there for a couple of weeks until I finished working.”

“I want to go to a different school.”

I frown. “Why do you want to go to a different school?”

“Because there’s this boy—his name is Jack—who picks on me all the time. I hate him.”

I glare over at Carter.

“What? It wasn’t me,” he says.

I give him another evil glare, letting him know that, till the end of time, I will blame him for other boys who treat Sailor badly.

“We can talk to your teacher and make sure that doesn’t happen anymore.”

“No, I need a vacation. I want to go to North Carolina.”

I sigh. “Sailor, you need to understand, this wouldn’t be a vacation. You would still need to go to school.”

“Whatever. It beats being here.”

I exhale deeply, trying to remain calm because my world just got thrown on its head. Apparently, I have a job still. I’m pretty sure I have a boyfriend, whom I can’t really date in public, and I’m moving back to North Carolina. I don’t understand how any of this came to be or why it’s happening. But now isn’t the time for questions.

Carter holds out his hand to me, and I take it. I might not be able to fix everything in my life, but I have Carter. Maybe that’s enough.

“Now, about that date you promised me,” Carter says.

I sigh. “You can take me out when we get back.”

* * *

I said yes to the date just like I said yes to bringing Sailor back to North Carolina with me a few days ago. Now I just have to figure out how to help Amber and I might finally have a chance at fixing my life.

I’ve spent hours getting ready for our date tonight. I shouldn’t have spent five minutes on it since he made it perfectly clear after he showed up at my house in San Francisco that he wouldn’t care what I wore or how I did my hair. But I’m making an effort because I’m not sure how many of these dates we are going to get to go on publicly until we figure out a plan to undo my stupid idea of making Carter Lily’s boyfriend instead of mine.

I take out my red lipstick and apply it to my lips. I take a look in the mirror. I don’t even look like myself. I have so much makeup on. My hair is curled, and I’m wearing a black dress with a few sparkles and heels. Even if anyone recognizes Carter, they won’t recognize me.

I hear a knock on the door, and my heart starts racing. I shouldn’t react this way to a simple knock, but I do when I know who’s behind the door.

I take my time in walking over to the bedroom door—partially because I want to make Carter sweat a little and partially because I have to take time not to topple over in my heels. I open the door while biting my lip.

Carter’s eyes light up like he’s never seen me before. It’s not an expression I’m used to seeing on his face. But it’s definitely a look I would like to get used to.

“What do you think?” I ask, popping my hip out.

His eyes travel up and down my body, but he doesn’t speak.

“Carter?” I ask, grinning because it’s clear from his body that he thinks I look hot.

Sailor pokes her head out from around Carter. “You look hot!”

I laugh. “Thank you, Sailor.” I walk around Carter, who is still standing in my doorway with his tongue hanging out. “You going to be okay staying here with Logan tonight while we go out?”

“As long as he’s not cooking.”

I laugh again. “You’re ordering pizza.”

“Actually, I made your favorite,” Carter says.

I look at him with one eyebrow raised. “You know what her favorite food is?”

“Of course. It’s sushi.”

“Wow, you do know Sailor’s favorite food. But do you really know how to make sushi?” I ask, skeptical.

Carter jogs toward the kitchen. Sailor and I follow. When we enter the kitchen, Carter opens the fridge and pulls out a plate of food.

“No way! You bought that at the store,” I say, not believing that he made the perfectly sculpted rolls.

Logan gets up from the living room and walks over. He takes one off the tray and pops it into his mouth.

“How is it?” I ask.

“Delicious. He definitely made them. I was sitting here, watching him make them.”

I take one, and so does Sailor.

“Oh my God,” Sailor and I say at the same time.

“How did you learn to cook so well?” I ask.

Carter shrugs. “I’m just naturally good at everything.”

I playfully hit him on the arm. “Uh-huh.”

“Come on. We have a date to get to.”

I grin. “That we do.”

I bend down and kiss Sailor on the cheek before hugging her. “Make sure Logan doesn’t get into too much trouble,” I tell her.

She grins. “We are eating sushi and watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians all night.”

I grin. Such a mini Amber already.

Carter’s fingers interlink with mine. I glance down to look at our intertwined hands. I will never get used to that.

Carter leads me outside.

“So, where are we going?” I ask.

Carter stops and reaches his hand up to caress my neck as his lips kiss me. My whole body comes alive as we kiss. His lips are all it takes to make me forget about everything other than him.

The kiss ends all too soon.

I laugh when I see his face.

“What?” he asks.

“You have red lipstick…” I run my thumb across his lip to get rid of the lipstick.

He grabs my hand again and pulls me to a limo.

“A limo? Really? Don’t you think it will make our relationship more obvious instead of trying to get us to blend in?”

The limo driver opens the door for me, and I climb into the shiny black car. I immediately regret saying anything negative about the limo. I’ve never ridden in one, and this thing is beautiful. Leather seats, tons of room, and I can have Carter all to myself instead of him being distracted with driving.

Carter slides in next to me. “Want some champagne?” he asks, his voice sounding nervous.

“I’m not really a champagne person.”

“Me neither, but it’s what you are supposed to drink in a limo.”

Carter moves over to the limo’s built-in bar. His body looks yummy in his dark suit that somehow looks nicer than the ones he wears for work. He quickly comes back with two glasses and a bottle.

The driver begins driving without a word as Carter pours us each a glass of champagne. I should look out the window to see where we are going, but I don’t want to do anything but be here with Carter. We might not get too many other dates like this for a long time, and I’m going to make the most of it.

I hold up my glass to Carter.

He does the same. “To the best night of our lives.”

I grin and clink my glass with his. I take a drink.

Carter rubs my earlobe as he studies me.

“What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking, I’m going to fuck up all my plans for tonight.”

“Maybe you should tell me what your plans are, and then I can tell you if they are crap or not.”

The limo takes a hard turn, and Carter falls into my lap, losing his drink. Our lips are close together as the electricity between us comes alive. One hand caresses my neck while his other hand is gripping my ass.

I grin because I do know one thing that I definitely want right now. “Fuck me.”

Carter’s eyes light up at that. He crawls up my body, kissing every inch of bare skin that he can find as he works his way up to my lips.

“You’re a naughty girl,” he says against my lips.

“A naughty girl who’s yours,” I say. Every fiber in my body aches for him. Every breath I breathe is because I want to consume his breath. Everything inside me draws me closer to him, wanting him like no man I’ve ever known before.

He kisses me, and I know it’s true. I’m his. I don’t want any other man’s lips on me.

And Carter is mine. I don’t know how to tell him, but there is no way I’m going to be okay with watching him and Lily kiss again. They can pretend to date, hold hands even, but I don’t think I can handle anything more than that.

His lips move to my neck, kissing every inch of my skin, while his hand tangles in my hair, undoing all of my hard work.

I groan, loving the combination of rough and soft kisses on my neck and earlobes.

“You have to be quiet,” Carter whispers against my neck before he nibbles on my earlobe.

I feel the excitement grow deep in my belly. A feeling that there is no way of containing.

I bite my lip, trying to keep from screaming, but I can’t. I moan louder than I did the first time when his lips devour my neck again.

I feel his grin against my skin.

“You’re not very good at obeying me, are you?”

I exhale deeply. “You wouldn’t be with me if I were.”

His fingers travel down my neck and over my cleavage before he grabs my breast. I suck in a deep breath.

“You’re right. I want a strong woman who will challenge me on everything.”

His hands grab the top of my dress, and I know what’s coming.

“Don’t you dare,” I pant.

He gives me a wicked grin. And then he rips the dress apart, exposing my black lace bra and panties.

“You’re going to pay for that.”

He sits back on my lap, staring at me. “Oh, I plan on it.”

He grabs my hips, and in one motion, he flips me until I’m straddling his lap. I grab his button-down shirt and rip it apart.

He grins. “I figured you would do that. That’s why I wore one of Logan’s.”

I shake my head as I kiss his hard chest.

He groans, and his thick cock hardens beneath me with every kiss.

“This,” he says, pointing to my bra, which is extra lacy and sexy compared to my other bras, “I don’t want to destroy.”

His mouth pushes the bra down, and his lips take my nipple into his mouth.

I dig my nails into his shoulders, careful not to grip him so tightly that I cause him to bleed like before. But he makes it almost impossible for me not to with the way his tongue expertly glides over my nipple and the way his teeth bite with just the right amount of pressure.

He comes up for air, giving me a second to recover, before he kisses me, pushing his tongue deep inside my mouth.

“You can dig your nails in as hard as you want. You can fight with me or love me. It doesn’t matter. I love all of you.”

I smile. “I don’t understand what happened. I don’t understand how I can love someone I used to hate with everything inside me, but I do.”

He tangles his hand in my hair again and pulls my bare neck to him, kissing me hard. “It’s the sex. I’m way too good at fucking for you not to fall in love with me.”

I bite my lip as warm liquid pools between my legs with every kiss. The sex is amazing, and it’s definitely something I will never get enough of, but it’s not the only reason I love him. It’s his charm. The way he takes care of me. The way I know that how hard he used to fight with me is the same fight I know he’s going to use to protect me. It’s sexy as hell to know that is how badly he wants me.

I grab the waistband of his pants, needing his cock. Now. He’s teased me enough. I need to feel him thrusting and pounding inside me. I need to feel fully and completely his.

I push his pants and underwear down, and his hard cock springs free. Carter pushes my panties down while I search in his pockets for a condom. Instead, I find a box. A box I know I wasn’t meant to find.

He grins when I hold out the box to him. He takes it from me. It takes me a second to understand what he is doing because it’s so crazy that I don’t even think of it as a possibility, but when I realize what he’s doing, I gasp.

He takes my hand in his. “Victoria, I know this is crazy. I know we’ve hated each other most of our lives. I know we have gone on a total of one date and that we are currently on it. I know you have your family problems, and I have Lily to deal with.

“But I don’t care about any of that. I don’t care that everyone else will tell us this is stupid. That we don’t even know each other. We already know more than most people do about each other when they get married. And, what we don’t know, we will learn. I feel like I’ve waited all my life for a woman like you, not even realizing that you were that woman all along.

“Forgive me for being stupid, and marry me?”

I bite my lip to keep myself from spitting out an answer that is rushed and not what I actually want. I’m a planner. I plan everything in my life and then watch as all my plans get thrown out the window when reality hits. I didn’t plan on Carter. Or any of this. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t say yes.

He opens the box, but I can’t look at it. I can’t process anything that is happening. This is too fast. Or maybe it’s not fast enough, considering we’ve known each other all our lives. Whatever it is, my mind is too one track focused for me to think about anything other than needing his cock inside me.

I don’t have time to look for a condom. I’m on the pill, and he’d better be clean, or I’ll kill him later. I grab on to his shoulders as I lower myself onto his cock.

“Fuck me,” I whimper against his lips as I look deep into his eyes, letting him know that what I need right now is him. We can talk marriage later.

I move up and down as his hands grasp on to my hips and ass, moving me harder.

“I love you, Victoria,” he says as he fucks me harder.

I stare into his eyes, trying to remember this moment forever, as he fucks me harder and harder. Because, no matter what our future holds, this is a beautiful, unplanned moment that we can never repeat. We aren’t just fucking. We are changing our future together. No matter if I say yes or no, this moment, right now, will remain with me forever.

“I love you,” I say in a whimper as he brings me close to the brink.

“Come, Victoria.”

I don’t want to come. I want this moment to last forever.

But forevers don’t last. Forevers are not infinite. Forevers are only as long as we pretend that our problems don’t really exist.

“Come, Victoria. Marry me. Be mine forever.”

I dig my nails into his back. I bite my lip. And then I come, pulsing hard around his thick cock, as I let out, “Yes, Carter. Yes.”

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