Ally…

I couldn’t hold back the tempest anymore. I broke down, choking on sobs, hauling in a tortured breath and letting out a pitiful wail that I muffled against the shoulder of his suit jacket. I hadn’t called him; I had simply forgotten to. It was my grandmother, and it had just been her and I for so long, I had completely forgotten that I had anyone else that I could lean on. Still, somehow he’d known, and now he was here.

I jumped when a light touch that wasn’t him fell on my waist and I looked over to Dawnie, her expression weak and trembling, like mine, around her glasses. I opened my arm on that side and dragged her against me, too, and the three of us stood there together while two of us cried. Damien was amazing and held us both up. Giving us strength in a continual stream that neither of us could seem to hold onto. Standing in the face of our onslaught of heartache and withstanding it all. Remaining cool and level headed in the face of our grief until we were both simply all cried out and numb for the time being.

Damien let me go slowly, his hands drifting from my back, trailing along my shoulders, to cup my face, his thumbs smoothing through my devastated tears, his eyes, for once, warm instead of cold. The compassion and support I needed radiated from them as he searched my face.

“What do you need?” he asked softly and I sniffed, wiping my nose ungracefully with the back of my hand and looking around the room.

“They said I needed to pick up her things. That they need the room for somebody else. That I had to take it all down if I wanted to keep it,” I said helplessly.

“Dawnie, can you fold her grandmother’s clothes and box them up?”

“Might not be pretty, but I can get the job done. Just lead me to it,” my best friend said grimly. Damien guided her to the bureau that held my grandmother’s things and lightly put her hands on the empty box on its surface.

“Do what you can,” he told her. “I’m going to help Ally with the walls.”

“Okay,” she said and began feeling her way around the drawers, getting the lay of the land.

He drifted back over to me and kissed my forehead in that way that always made me swoon. I closed my eyes and he let his lips linger on my skin, murmuring, “I’m here now, just tell me what you need.”

I sniffed, faltering, more of the endless tears springing to my eyes. I just couldn’t seem to completely shut off the tap. I got a grip, and when I could trust myself to speak, I said, “You, I think. I just need you.”

“Right here, Bright Eyes. I’m not going anywhere. What else?”

“Um, I need to take all these down. I’m trying not to rip them. I want to keep them. I don’t know what for yet, I just…” I scrunched down, curling in on myself and he held me through another round of tears, murmuring, but not telling me not to cry. No, he told me the exact opposite.

“Just let it out; let it all out.”

It only took an hour, maybe an hour and fifteen minutes, for the three of us to pack up my grandmother’s life in here. That was even more depressing to think about, but honestly, I was too numb to speak, or to really feel anything at all. I just wanted to go home.

Damien drove us to the Point Side. It’d only taken one trip for the three of us to get everything of my grandmother’s to the car. I’d asked about the money he’d paid. I mean, he’d paid for a whole year for my grandmother to be there, but he just shook his head and said, “I’ll make arrangements for it to go to another patient. It was already spent with no intention of a refund. Let it help someone else in Sylvia’s name.”

“Big ups for that one,” Dawnie said, before ducking with my help and sliding into the back seat of Damien’s Mercedes. I tried to let her take the front seat, but she wouldn’t hear of it.

She helped me and Damien carry the boxes to my apartment and sighed, handing hers off to him and holding her arms open and out in my general direction. I hugged her tightly, and we both got weepy again. She sniffed and said, “I’ll tell Mr. Comey and my parents.”

“Thank you,” I said, relieved of that burden, at least.

“I suppose you should go,” I said, turning to Damien, as Dawnie went up the hallway, hand trailing along the wall, cane tapping in front of her.

“I’m not leaving you like this.”

“But your car…”

“Is parked and insured.”

“Look, I’ll be okay. At least take it home.”

“Come with me.” He searched my face and I turned, looking at my pitiful space. It was the first time he’d ever been in it and I liked it. It was cozy somehow. Made me feel less alone.

He shut my front door and started flipping locks and chains. I shook my head and he silenced what I was about to say with a hard look.

“Not tonight, Bright Eyes,” he said, and took off his jacket, hanging it off the back of the chair at my sewing table.

“Go wash your face and get ready for bed. I want you to use everything that is your favorite. Understand me?”

“My favorite pajamas are in the top of the laundry basket,” I said.

“They have one more wear in them. Go get them.” His tone brooked no argument. I did what he said, moving through the small space and into the bathroom where I stared at my makeup-streaked face in the mirror. I washed it and felt detached while I did it. Like I wasn’t really there. I was just going through the motions with nothing, nothing at all left to feel.

I changed and went back out and found Damien tucked against the metal rails of my day bed. He held the blankets up for me to get in and I did, mutely, the twin bed nowhere near big enough for the both of us, but he made it work, mostly by virtue of draping me across his chest, hauling one leg over both of his.

I cuddled into his warmth, snug against the side of his body, and closed my eyes. He kissed the top of my head and smoothed a hand over my skin where it was exposed by my short sleep-shorts and cami, and I melted even further. The exhaustion swept over me and I don’t remember anything after that.

* * *

I startled awake; I don’t know how long it was later. I stirred and tried to figure out what was different and realized there was someone carefully moving around in the dark of my apartment. I sat up abruptly, and Damien shushed me, sitting down on the edge of the bed. I put my hand to my chest and willed my heart back in it.

“I need to run home, get cleaned up for work. I already called Millie. Unfortunately, the prosecutor’s office won’t give me time off for your grandmother. Only if she was my own. Plus, I have court in the Neely case today.”

“Okay,” I said, huffing out a miserable breath and sliding back down into my warm nest of blankets.

“Pack a bag for a few days and come stay with me…” he urged and I swallowed hard and thought about it.

“There’s a bunch of stuff I have to do in a packet,” I said.

“What packet?” he asked.

“In my tote, from yesterday.”

He went over to it on the floor, by the chair where his briefcase sat, and looked inside. He slid the fat nine-by-twelve envelope from the funeral home out of it and said, “I’m a lawyer. Let me look over this and we’ll do it together, tonight.”

“Okay,” I said, softly.

“I’ll pick you up here. I’ll call you and let you know what time.”

“Okay.”

He came over and kissed me, and my heart gave a pitiful, aching throb in my chest. He stood up reluctantly and murmured, “Go back to sleep.”

He turned the lock in the doorknob and left and I sighed, getting up and padding over to flip the rest into place before scurrying across the cold, cracked linoleum back to the area rug with my bed on it. No heated floors here, I thought to myself.

I fell back asleep in no time. The next time I woke up, was to the melody of Damien’s ringtone. It took me a minute to find my phone. I picked it up on the third ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey Bright Eyes, how you holding up?”

“I just woke up,” I said blearily and he sighed.

“I’ll be there in just a few minutes, can you be ready?”

“What time is it?”

“After seven,” he said softly.

“At night?” I pushed myself up, muscles protesting.

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god, I don’t ever remember sleeping so long in my life!”

“Ten minutes, Ally. Open the door for me.”

“Yes, sir,” I said sheepishly, in response to his cold blue command, ringing even through the phone line.

I got off the phone and quickly went to the bathroom. That done, and feeling a little lighter, I opened drawers and rummaged quickly through them looking for things to pack. I straightened and looked around and sighed.

This wasn’t home… this was just the place where I lived. I hadn’t had a home since my grandmother went into that place. I felt tears mist my eyes and sat heavily on the edge of my lumpy mattress for a minute. I struggled to pull it together and managed, but just barely.

A knock fell at my door and I rushed to it calling, “That wasn’t ten minutes!” I opened it to Dawnie standing there.

“Are you okay?” she demanded by way of greeting. “I came down here like three times today and you wouldn’t answer the door.”

“Yeah, I was sleeping, I guess.”

“You guess?” She pushed past me and I let her, sighing.

“I was out cold; I didn’t hear you knocking.”

“That’s weird for you.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

It was her turn to sigh, “No, I am. What was that about ten minutes? Lover boy on his way to come get you?” She felt her way to my sewing table and made a face when her foot nudged one of the boxes and she nearly tripped.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Dawnie. I don’t have any place else to put them. The bed was occupied.”

“So is the chair, apparently,” she said dryly, but she was smiling.

“Yeah, it is, and I need to pack.”

“Ah, ten minutes… so lover boy is coming to get you.”

“Please don’t be disappointed,” I said miserably.

“I like him, actually. He’s hard to get a read on, even for me. I just wish that I could be with my best friend right now who’s hurting.”

“I know,” I said softly, moving around the room quickly, finding clothes and getting dressed. I threw other clothes into one of my totes.

A light knock fell at the door and we fell silent. I went over to it and checked the hall this time, and sure enough, it was Damien. I let him in quickly and he pulled me to him, covering my mouth with his in a swift but sweet kiss.

“Hey, Romeo,” Dawnie said glumly, and he turned.

“Hey,” he greeted back. “How are you doing?”

“Wishing you weren’t taking my bestie away just yet.”

“What are you doing tonight?”

“Thought I was hanging with her.”

“Well, you’re welcome to come, too, for a few hours. I can send you back here in a cab later tonight.”

“Really?” she asked, perking up.

“Really.”

“Can I go get some things?”

“Sure, hurry up. I drove the Escalade.”

I cringed. “Was your car okay?”

“Just fine,” he said. “I just haven’t driven the Escalade in a minute.”

“Wow, I’m impressed. You left an expensive car out there overnight, and no one took it or stripped it?” Dawnie asked.

“Probably thought it was someone’s that they shouldn’t be messing with,” he answered. “They were right.”

“Escalade isn’t quite so flashy, so it’s probably in more danger,” I remarked.

“True.”

“Right, I’m gone. Back in a flash.” Dawnie said, and her cane unfolded with its rattling snap.

“While she’s gone,” he said, when a moment or two had passed, “I don’t want to upset anyone further, but I got in touch with the funeral home. There are some things we will need to go over.”

“Okay,” I said, morosely. I didn’t want to go over anything. I didn’t want any of this to be real.

He gripped my elbow and gave it a light squeeze, and said, “Do you want me to just take care of it for you?”

I rolled my lips and thought, Yes; out loud I said, “No, I need to do it. I just…”

“I know you don’t want to, Bright Eyes.” He pulled me against his chest and sighed, a heavy thing that told me just how much he wished he could take the pain away. I swallowed hard and cuddled into him, letting go only when he did.

“Let’s get your stuff together; I want you to stay with me for the next few days. What do you want to bring?”

I sighed and said, “I wish we could bring the sewing machine.”

He eyed the table and asked, “Is it all one piece?”

I laughed, “No, it lifts out.”

“Okay, then bring it.”

“You’re serious,” I said, wide-eyed.

“Dining room table will have to do, but why not? You’re going to have to have something to do.”

“No, really. It’s okay,” I said but he wouldn’t hear anything of it. He helped me pack my sewing machine and extra bits and bobbins up in its case. By the time Dawnie had returned, he had already been out to his Escalade with it and was about to take the rest of my things. It honestly felt unnervingly like I was moving out. Not unnerving because I felt like I was moving out, that wasn’t right. More of, it was unnerving how much I ached for that to be precisely what I was doing.

I didn’t want to be alone, and I knew that I wasn’t, that I had Dawnie and that Damien and I were solid, but I don’t know, everything was tossed in the air and still falling for me, and I didn’t know where things were going to land. It was awful and confusing, and I felt like I was being pulled and pushed and I just needed something to grab onto to pull myself up.

“Okay, that’s it,” Damien said, returning from a second trip out to his car. “Got your keys?” he asked me, and I nodded and held them up. We went out into the hallway and I locked my door behind us. He took my hand, twining his fingers between mine and I blinked, realization coming a bit late to the party.

“I thought you were coming from work,” I said, frowning.

“What’s that, now?” Dawnie asked me.

“He’s wearing jeans and a tee shirt.”

“So? Oh, wait. Never mind.” She turned in the general direction of Damien and said, “Yeah!” like she was agreeing with a much stronger point than what I was trying to make. Damien’s lips twitched in amusement and I laughed lightly.

“I went home and changed first, is that a crime?”

Then brought the Escalade and practically half moved me out of my apartment. I kept mum about it for now, though. I didn’t want to upset Dawnie. Still, it was something to think about and I needed to talk to him. I mean, really talk to him. I didn’t want to do anything for the wrong reasons when it came to our relationship. Gran’s death rocked me. I felt like I was going to second-guess everything and that I should. You know? I didn’t have my guiding star anymore. I was on my own.

We took the stairs silently, and I was glad he didn’t try to make me take the elevator. We came out the stairwell and drifted up the hall and I frowned slightly when I realized that it should be dark, but there was light coming through the front windows to the building’s little vestibule. I mean, it wasn’t big enough to be considered a lobby and I couldn’t think of another word for it.

My mouth dropped open when we rounded the corner in front of the glass doors with chicken wire in them. My grandmother’s garden, the converted fountain, was aglow with hundreds of white candles. I let Damien hold the door for me as I stepped out into the Point Side’s courtyard.

“Hey Ally,” I turned to see Julio, one of the Point Side kids like me, step on the end of his skateboard. It popped up and he grabbed it by the wheel’s base and came over.

“Hi,” I murmured.

“Real sorry to hear about Ms. Sylvia.”

“Thanks.”

“Hey, you that prosecutor, right?” he asked, jerking his chin up at Damien.

Damien cleared his throat. “That’s right.”

“He with you?” he asked me.

“Yeah,” I said softly. “He’s with me. He paid for my grandma’s stay in that place.”

Julio nodded and said, “That’s what’s up.” He looked around to make sure no one else was out here with us, and said, “You might wanna bounce. Not everybody around here is gonna be so understanding; you know what I’m sayin’?”

“Read you loud and clear, man. Just give my girl a minute. K?”

Julio nodded and said, “Y’all should keep better company. I worry about you girls.”

Dawnie snorted, “Right, thanks for the pro-tip, Julio. Now stop actin’ like you all hard.” You could hear the eyeroll in Dawnie’s voice. Julio’s lips peeled back from his teeth, and he made a derisive noise, almost a hiss, at her.

I mouthed an apology to him and Dawnie jerked on my arm, crying “Don’t apologize to him!” What had she heard? Jesus! It was creepy how she did that.

“Man, you just pissed I hurt your feelings. All one of ‘em, you stupid bitch!”

I closed my eyes and asked for strength, but Damien was there, right in front of Julio, looking up at him. The lanky skater sneered down at my boyfriend and my heart was in my throat.

“One, apologize to the lady,” Damien said, his voice a creeping cold I had only heard once or twice before and hoped would never be directed at me. Even Dawnie shivered, despite the warmth coming from the tiny flickering mass of candles.

Julio looked like he was going to be tough for a minute, but something in Damien’s eyes made him back down, but only halfway. “Man, whatever, you all better get the fuck up out of here before shit gets real.”

“Damien, let it go…” I begged softly and he did, but he only backed down halfway, too. His posture relaxed marginally, but he didn’t budge; he made Julio go around him. I felt the tension in my own body ease when Julio slammed through the Point Side’s front doors and disappeared around the corner opposite of the direction we had come from.

“Come on; we’d better go,” Damien said, and I nodded.

“Yah think?” Dawnie asked, and let me go. I reached into my pocket for my phone.

“Go, I want to take a couple of pictures.”

Damien nodded and went to collect Dawnie and guide her to the car. “Come on, let’s get you squared away, Trouble.”

“Peachy,” she said, but let him guide her around the fountain-turned-memorial to his waiting SUV at the curb.

I got my pictures and a little clip of video and trotted after my two favorite people left in this world. He started the Escalade as I shut the door. It was quiet out here. I was pretty sure Julio was just grandstanding, but when it came to the people of the Point Side, you never could tell. I turned my head to stare as long as possible at the beautiful flickering memorial to my grandmother and felt tears wet my cheeks.

I knew she was a special lady here, but I don’t think I realized just how many other people she touched, you know?