Chapter Fourteen
Adam waited for the usual rush of adrenaline to fill his bloodstream, but it didn’t come. He’d signed a major client, but all he could think about was Charlie’s words. And Megan’s. And how much he’d wanted to stay with them. He’d rushed through the sixty-minute Skype conference, intending to go back to the arcade, but when he’d texted Megan, they’d already left. I’m doing the best I can. Who knew what would have happened if Adam had said, Sorry, maybe some other time.
He drove through Brockton Point on autopilot, trying to justify to himself his leaving for work. With the bonus he’d get, giving a nice donation to the Palton Academy, the prestigious private school many of the partners’ kids attended just outside of town, would be easy. He had an interview to speak with the dean next week, and once everything was for sure, he’d tell Charlie the great news.
Pulling into the driveway, he hoped that they were home. He’d stopped and picked up pizza and the cinnamon pull-apart bread Charlie loved.
Turning off the car, he grabbed both and got out. Shutting the door with his hip, he glanced at the yard. Megan had done some gardening, and it made it more obvious that Adam needed to get the mower out.
Inside, the house was quiet—he hated it.
“Charlie? Megan? I brought pizza,” he called out as he slipped off his shoes and nudged the door shut.
“Kitchen,” Megan called out. When he came in, she was opening a can of soda. “Want one?”
“Sure. Thanks. Where’s Charlie?”
“His room.”
“Still mad?”
She didn’t answer, and his stomach rolled. His kid was leaving for two weeks. He did not want to be on the outs with him when he left.
Megan came to the table with plates and napkins. He’d set the pizza and dessert in the center.
“You want me to go get him for dinner?”
“I’ll do it.” At least she wasn’t glaring at him—her tone was actually empathetic.
Heart in his stomach, he walked down the hall and stopped outside Charlie’s door. Charlie was on the floor building Legos. He looked up, but his expression was blank.
“I’m sorry, Charlie.”
He shrugged and went back to building.
“I brought pizza and cinnamon buns,” Adam said, stepping into the room.
“Not hungry.”
Adam sighed and leaned against the wall. “I know you’re mad. I am really sorry.”
When Charlie didn’t look up, Adam walked over and sat on the floor with him.
“I’m trying, bud. It’s not always easy, and I’m trying to be really good at my job. I don’t mean for it to take up so much of my time.”
“Why can’t you ever just have a whole day off?”
There were tears in Charlie’s angry voice, and they twisted Adam’s heart. He reached out and put his hand over his son’s and waited until he looked at him.
“When you get back from visiting Mom, I’ll take a few days off, and we’ll do whatever you want. I won’t work. I’ll make sure I book the days tomorrow, and I won’t even answer emails those days.”
Charlie’s eyebrows squeezed together, and his little forehead wrinkled, clearly not sure if he should believe him or not.
“I promise, bud.”
“Megan says you don’t say promise unless you’re sure you can do something.”
Hunching his shoulders, he moved so their faces were close together. “I promise, Charlie.”
Megan knocked on the bedroom door. Adam hadn’t even heard her approach.
“Sorry to interrupt. Billy’s mom texted and wondered if Charlie was free for a sleepover tonight. They’ve been trying to plan one for a bit.”
Mood forgotten, Charlie’s eyes widened, and he looked at Adam. “Can I, Dad? Please? Billy’s family is going away when I’m getting back from California, so we won’t see each other until the end of the summer.”
Saying no would not only add to Charlie’s disappointment, Adam felt like it would make him a hypocrite.
“Sure. If that’s what you want to do. But tomorrow night, you and me and a Minecraft marathon, okay?”
Charlie jumped up and flung his arms around Adam’s neck. “Cool. Thanks, Dad.”
He hugged him hard and whispered in his ear, “I love you.”
Charlie leaned back and put his hands on Adam’s cheeks. “I love you, too.”
“I texted. His mom can pick you up in twenty minutes. Better get your stuff together,” Megan said.
Adam helped him gather his things to stay the night, not completely settled with the idea. He’d hoped to spend time with Charlie this evening, but he couldn’t exactly complain about his son wanting to play with a friend. Taking the time to walk Charlie out to the car when Billy and his mom, Angela, arrived, he introduced himself and stood in the driveway, waving as she pulled away with his boy.
As he walked back toward the house, he thought of calling Dec. Nope. You pissed him off, too. Inside, he was surprised to see Megan had set the table for the two of them. She’d replaced their sodas with beer.
“Hey. I thought you’d head home.”
She froze on her way to the table. “Do you want me to?”
Fuck no. The last thing he wanted was to be alone with himself. More than that, he didn’t want to be without her. Before he could measure his response, he told her the truth. “Not even a little bit.”
She tilted her head. “I’d say if we’re really going to be friends, tonight is a good night to start. You look like you could use one.”
He gave a harsh laugh. “I don’t seem to be great at keeping them.”
She sat down and opened the pizza box. Pulling out a slice, she put it on her plate then pushed the box toward Adam. He sat down and took a couple of slices.
Though they ate in silence, he was grateful she was there, sharing a pizza with him. Still, he wasn’t sure what made him open up, other than the fact that he knew she was willing to listen.
“I closed the client.”
Smiling at him, she wiped her mouth with a napkin, and he did his best not to look at her lips.
“That’s great. Congratulations.”
Swallowing down his bite, along with the nerves bouncing in his chest, he put his pizza down. “What you said, at the arcade, about me not giving Charlie the one thing he wants. Did you mean that?”
As she met his gaze, he saw the sadness there. “He just wants to be with you, Adam. I know your work is important, but you can’t go back. You can’t redo this time, you know? You’re a great dad, and it’s so clear that Charlie is your world. But to a kid, he isn’t thinking big picture about his future and how you’re working toward it for him.”
Adam sighed, picked up his own napkin, wiped his fingers, and then crumpled it. When he was a kid, he was so worried about his next meal, whether the rent was paid, or if his dad would be in a rage, he rarely thought about spending time together. Sure, he’d wished his dad would step up, be more, but his sole focus had been getting by and promising himself he wouldn’t always live with that worry.
“I told him we’d go somewhere or do whatever he wanted when he gets back from being with Reece.”
Her smile was hesitant. “That’s great. Uh, about what I said, you’re here every day. You do your best to tuck him in every night and have dinner with him and hang out on the weekends. I shouldn’t have judged you. I’m sorry.”
“You were mad on his behalf. He’s lucky he has you. You’re his one constant.”
And she’s leaving. He didn’t want to acknowledge how much that bothered him.
“Don’t do that to yourself. Follow through on your promises and be there when you say you will. You’re doing everything else right. He’s a happy, well-adjusted little boy. And he loves his dad. So much. You know that, right?”
He pressed his lips together. Logically, he knew Megan was right. But he knew from experience that constantly letting a kid down only led to them shutting off and turning away. Would Charlie stop believing his promises the way Adam had stopped believing his father?
He startled when Megan’s hand slid over his on the table. “Adam?”
Sensation warred with reason. He turned his hand over, and their fingers linked. “I don’t want him to lose faith in me.”
She squeezed his hand. “He won’t. You’re a good man. A great dad.”
“You really think that?”
She didn’t even have to answer him—he could see it in her eyes. Like Charlie, she never stopped believing in him. Even when he didn’t deserve it. The heat of their palms touching traveled up his arm and curled inside of him.
She pulled at her hand, and he released her. “I should get going.”
Right. Because she was the nanny and his son wasn’t even home. Because she wanted promises in the starlight and Adam wanted a well-organized routine that didn’t include feeling so much. When she was around, he felt like it was all he did. But she deserved…more. Megan’s world was just opening up, and Adam’s was just starting to make sense. She should go. Before he did something that tilted his world so hard it broke its axis. She stood, started to clear her plate.
“Leave it. I’ve got it.”
Looking down, she nodded and put her napkin on the plate.
“I’ll, uh, see you tomorrow. Thanks for the fun at the arcade.” She didn’t look up. Instead, she pushed her chair in and started to walk past him.
Adam did very little in his life without thinking it through. His carefully measured plans were what ensured success. It probably shocked him as much as it did her when his arm shot out, and he encircled her wrist with his hand.
She gave a slight gasp and looked down. When her eyes locked on his, he pushed everything else aside. All he saw was her, and all he could hear was the heavy beat of his heart. He was so fucking tired of working toward something that he wasn’t even entirely sure he wanted. Not in the way he once had. He was trying to give his son everything. Could it be as simple as giving Charlie himself? Adam felt weary from the inside out. Except when he was touching Megan. Then he felt…alive.
“Don’t go.”
She stared at him, her mouth opening a bit, her eyes burning into his like she was trying to see inside of him and figure him out. Adam let his fingers slide down, and he took her hand again as he stood up. Tilting her head back, her expression shifted from surprise to desire. His body moved without permission, as though guided only by need. Cupping her cheek in his hand, his heart gave an erratic beat when she closed her eyes and leaned into it. The scent of vanilla surrounded him like the heat emanating from her body. Adam wanted to drown himself in it. In her. Megan’s soft sigh when she looked at him again snapped something inside of him. Mostly, his restraint.
Sliding his hand to the back of her head, he sank his fingers into her hair, his chest so tight he couldn’t breathe. He didn’t care. Searching her gaze, he found what he always did—what he knew he didn’t deserve—acceptance. She wasn’t just Charlie’s constant. She was his as well.
When her lips opened a bit more and she wet them with her tongue, his stomach tightened. His skin pulsed, and his heart rate doubled. Tension and awareness pumped through him. He forced himself to breathe, to go slow. Instead of kissing her mouth, he leaned in and kissed her neck, inhaling the vanilla-scented sweetness of her skin. The desire to taste her everywhere consumed him. She shivered, and he moved his hand down her back, placing small kisses along the column of her neck. Pulling back, only as much as necessary to find her mouth, he pulled the hand holding hers free and used both of his to push her hair back off her face.
The sound of her broken breaths made him crazy. Every hitch sent a jolt through him. The scent of her and the way her eyes refused to blink as she watched him heightened all of his senses. He blocked out thought and let himself feel. With his thumbs stroking her cheeks, he kissed her, brushing his lips across hers softly, then again, with more pressure.
Megan’s hands were on his waist, her fingers grasping his shirt and digging into his sides. He didn’t think to slow down or back up. All he could think was more. He needed more. He needed her, and he couldn’t pretend—not tonight, not right now—that he didn’t. He might not have her kind of forever in him, but he had this. He had the ability to give them both what had clearly been lying dormant below the surface of their everyday routine. He’d fought it. He’d ignored it. Denied it. Or tried to, but he just didn’t have the strength to do it tonight. Not when every need he’d suppressed was bursting free, shattering the lid he’d kept on so tight. So instead, he gave in to the craving, letting his hands streak over her, reveling in the way she sighed and the feel of her body pressing into his, trying to get closer. Every soft curve of hers fit perfectly against him. His hands grazed up her side, skimming her breasts, and hers slipped under his T-shirt to dance along his bare skin. He groaned into her mouth, letting his tongue tease hers.
Though he wasn’t accustomed to letting go and just allowing his heart—his body—to lead, he couldn’t stop the momentum. More than that, he didn’t want to.
“Adam,” she whispered.
He pulled back and looked into her eyes, using her gaze to steady himself. “Don’t make me stop, please,” he said quietly, knowing he would if she showed even the slightest hesitation. He touched his forehead to hers.
A sexy grin edged the corners of her mouth upward. “I was going to tell you that if you stop, I will hurt you,” she replied.
Laughing, he pressed a kiss to her nose as he began to walk her backward. “Then I’d better not stop.”
As they shuffled through the kitchen, toward the hallway, their mouths brushed repeatedly, soft, then demanding. Every touch was the strike of a match, starting new fires everywhere. His shirt was off by the time they were halfway down the hall. Pure male satisfaction filled his chest when she stopped to study him, running her hands over muscles defined by running and weights. When she licked her lips, making a low humming noise of approval as she stared, he groaned.
“Not fair,” he whispered.
She laughed and whipped her own shirt off her body and dropped it on the floor. “How about now?”
His skin was on fire—blazing out of control. The sight of her stopped his heart. It skipped an entire beat, and he felt the urge to tug her hard against him but didn’t want to stop looking. He slid his fingertips over the satiny swell of her breasts. The pale pink bra she wore made his mouth water, and the thought of taking it off her nearly made him stumble.
“You are stunning. You’re perfect,” he said, knowing his voice was laced with awe. It was what he felt that moment, looking at her, touching her, and seeing her this way.
A slight blush made her cheeks rosy, and Adam found it so endearing he pulled her tight to kiss her.
“You’re blushing.”
She nuzzled her face into his neck, trailing her lips along the underside of his jaw. They’d reached his bedroom.
“Not really used to someone staring at me with quite as much intensity as you were,” she said.
Fingers squeezing her hips, he boosted her onto his bed. She scooted back, and he followed her, coming down beside her so he could take his time and look his fill. He brushed her hair away from her face and kissed her cheek, her lips, and her neck.
“I could spend hours looking at you,” he whispered.
Megan laughed, surprising him but not lessening the seductive spell pulling him under. “You could not. You can’t even sit still for hours.”
Smiling, not used to this playful, anticipatory feeling rushing around inside him, he nipped at her ear with his teeth, enjoying the slight gasp it elicited. When he pulled back, he held her gaze, shifted so he was sitting up more. He picked up his phone, watching her as he held the button to shut it down. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had and clearly, she was every bit as surprised as he was.
“What if it doesn’t turn back on? Have you ever turned it off before?” Her eyes widened and he could see she was trying not to laugh.
“Cute,” he said, resuming his position beside her. His heart beat too fast, but he managed to keep his breath nearly even. He reached for her.
“Hmm. Maybe you’re right. Besides, just looking isn’t enough,” he said, letting his hand glide over her sleek skin to the top of her jeans. His fingers toyed with the button, releasing it.
“You make me crazy,” she whispered.
His hand moved in and down. “Then we’re even.”
She arched up, pushing at his shoulder, and positioned herself on top of him. Sitting astride him, she rested her hands on his bare shoulders and grinned.
“Not even close.”
He laughed and stretched his arms up to lock his hands behind his head. “How do you figure?”
Megan leaned down so her breath whispered against his skin, making him shudder. “Have you dreamed about this? Pictured it? How it would feel?”
His fingers tightened, and he closed his eyes, breathing her in. Had she dreamed of this? Of him? It seemed impossible. Knowing she had made it difficult to swallow. Adam couldn’t make promises to her, but she knew that and was still here, in his arms. She shifted and slid down slightly, kissing the column of his neck, the hollow of his throat, his chest, all the while running hands over his arms like she couldn’t get enough. His jaw clenched, and his nerves fled.
“Have you ever looked at me and wanted me so much you had to leave a room just to steady yourself?”
His eyelids popped open, and he saw she was watching him. Releasing his hands, unable to go without touching her any longer, Adam gripped her waist and easily switched their positions so he was over her.
“I’ve never let myself indulge in that, no.” He would always be honest with her.
She looked up at him with a mixture of longing and vulnerability that gripped him by the throat. “Then we’re not even.”
“We will be from now on.” Because he’d never stop hearing the things she had said. He would never be able to forget the picture of her—face flushed, hair wild, her skin a feast for his mouth and his hands—draped across his bed. When he went back to his regularly scheduled life, he’d hold this in his jaded heart.
She reached out to him, and he kissed her palm, then took her other hand and kissed that one, too. The gentle glow of a pink sky peeked through his bedroom window. He took his time removing both of their clothing, even when she encouraged him to hurry. He couldn’t for fear of missing a single second of what was happening between them. Inside of him. His heart moved in a reverse spiral, spinning and twisting with every breath and murmur. The clawing need to get closer, to claim and to give, became his central focus. His longstanding habit of reining in his emotions, of keeping them in check, was impossible in this moment.
He gripped both of her hands in his, linking their fingers as he looked down at her. The moment felt suspended—like a perfect pocket of time. And when she whispered his name again, he gave her everything.