Chapter 31

Chanel

The sky outside was actinic blue, a strange shade from the darkening storm on its path over the Rocky Mountains. This year had brought too many of them. I ran my fingers through my hair and snagged a few knots.

In the week since Whitmore had threatened me, I’d spent most of my time working on the base. The painters had already started their work, and moved along at a blistering pace. The replacement furniture had been ordered from suppliers. I’d worked on organizing a date for the new blinds to be installed.

Office chairs, desks, new dining tables, a few paintings here and there, all depicting scenes of battle or triumph. They’d started arriving in drips and drabs. Already, the changes around the base had piqued the interest of the soldiers.

Backs that were once bent or shoulders drooping were straight, now. I’d seen how my father had handled stress, he always carried it across his shoulders and refused to put it down for anyone else to pick up, and that was how these soldiers acted too.

It irritated me a little. Couldn’t they see that they had to blow off some steam? No man or woman could handle this much stress and discipline without breaking.

Ryan was the worst. Every time I caught sight of him, he’d turn a corner and disappear from sight, and his old office had a new owner, now.

I sat down on the edge of my bed and watched the bleak of night creep over the mountains. The window darkened and I bit my lip.

I’d worked this over in my mind a million times, but I had to do it. I had to. I needed to see him again and the only way I could do that would be to go directly to his room. He hadn’t moved out of that yet – I asked Jameson for confirmation.

“This is crazy,” I whispered. “You’re crazy.” But what choice did I have. There was only a week left before he’d be heading out to friggin’ Hawaii where he’d probably meet some exotic older woman who was more understanding or better for him or –

“Stop it,” I grunted. If I planned on doing this, I had to do it now, before I lost my nerve.

I slipped off the end of my bed and checked that I was presentable. Blouse straight, another of my professional pencil skirts, and underneath it? Nothing. Though, the bag Ryan had gathered for me contained a few personal items, I opted to go without.

I needed all the confidence I could muster for this.

I opened the door and entered the hall, walked past the officer’s mess and continued down the corridor. I opted to keep the tiles, though I already decided they’d need to be buffed and cleaned before the end of the revamp.

Thoughts about redecorating and how far I’d come kept me from running back to my bedroom.

I stopped outside Ryan’s quarters and inhaled through my nose. Finally, I raised a fist and knocked once.

“Come.” His voice sent a shiver through me. I hadn’t heard it in a week and it was like hearing it again for the first time.

I let go of the breath I’d held in, then opened the door and stepped over the threshold into his plain room. They hadn’t painted in there yet. I bumped the door shut with my heel, and let my arms hang loose at my sides.

Ryan turned from the window, then froze.

“Hi,” I said.

“Chanel,” he replied, “what are you doing here?”

“I had to see you.”

“You know that’s not a good idea. It’s pointless. We can’t be together. I don’t want you to get hurt.” He forced each of those sentences out and I could tell that they were a product of his mentally bullying himself into saying them.

He wanted this as much as I did.

I reached behind me and turned the lock.

“What are you doing?”

“I don’t care what you say, Ryan. I know that you want me as much as I want you. And I know that you’re going to leave me here.”

“I have to.” He bit the words off.

“I know. I understand.”

“You can’t possibly understand what this is like. You can’t. I won’t condemn – ”

I cut him off by freeing the first button of my blouse.

“Chanel.”

“I know you have to leave and I don’t care. I need you, even if it’s just for one last night, one last time before you push me aside again.”

“I’m not pushing you aside,” he grunted, as if I’d punched him in the gut. “I wouldn’t do that after what happened with Whitmore.”

I didn’t want to think about Whitmore or his empty threats. I wanted Ryan and that was that. If this was the only time I’d feel real love in my life, then I wasn’t about to waste the opportunity to have that one last time.

“Just shut up and make love to me,” I said, and undid the second button.

Ryan worked his jaw, but no sound came out.

“Close the blinds,” I said, heart fluttering. A rejection now would crush me. I’d never put myself out there like this with him or anybody else.

Ryan didn’t move a muscle. Just stared at me.

“Close them.” The third button popped free. “Close them. I’m getting naked either way. If you want people to see, I don’t care anymore.”

He closed the blind, a single tug and they were shut. It was just me and him now. Alone and with a tiny space between us, closer than we’d been in a week. How was it possible to love someone so soon?

I didn’t doubt that I’d fallen for him. It was plain fact. It would’ve been like denying a facet of my personality.

Ryan stared at me. “This isn’t a good idea. You’re going to get hurt.”

“And you’re not? You care that little?” I undid the last of my buttons and parted my blouse, exposing my breasts. My nipples were already puckered for him, ready. I bit my bottom lip and ran my fingertips over them, watching him carefully.

Ryan grunted as if he’d touched me himself. The bulge in the front of his pants became more pronounced, and he shifted it. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I can’t stand the thought of you leaving without having this heat between us one last time. I know you think it will only make things worse, but they can’t get any worse than this. I – I need you, Ryan. Please, just understand that.”

He crossed the room and took both my hands in his, examining them closely as if he could read the future in them, then met my gaze.

My heart went crazy. I couldn’t stand another second of this.

Finally, he leaned in and took my lips with his, claiming my mouth as surely as he’d done before. He probed me, massaged my tongue with his, tasted and grunted at the growing pressure between us.

We broke apart, both gasping for breath.

He unzipped my skirt at the back, then shimmied it over my hips and down my thighs. Ryan’s fingers were sure, but his expression wavered between unkempt desire and concern.

I had to wipe that second emotion clean. I grabbed the front of his pants, unbuttoned them, then tore them down. His dick bounced free, and I sighed. God, it’d been too long. A week was an eon.

I tried lowering myself to the floor in front of him, but he held me upright and shook his head. “No,” Ryan said. “Not this time. I want this to be something else. Something special. For us.”

“Us,” I replied. As if there could ever be an ‘us.’

He stripped off his shirt, removed my blouse, and we both kicked off our shoes. We stood entirely naked in front of each other.

I scanned the slopes and planes of his abs, pecs, his broad shoulders and the defined, muscular arms. He’d always been flawless, but this attraction went past skin deep.

Ryan took my hand again and led me to his single bed in the corner. He helped me into it, brushing a fingertip in long line of pleasure down my spine, then lay down beside me, propped up on one arm.

He traced the contours of my breasts, circled each areola, then slipped down my torso, abdomen, over my mound and between my legs.

I throbbed for him.

Ryan’s dick pressed into my thigh, his finger parting my lips, sliding between them, entering me, then slipping upward, over my clitoris and circling it – a light pressure. All of the little pleasures built up and I jerked beneath his touch. I bucked upward and craned my neck toward his.

I kissed him, open mouthed, then sucked on the sweet spot at the base of his throat.

“Careful,” Ryan said, “you’ll leave a mark.”

I wanted to. It would only last a week, but he’d have something to remember me by when he left. No, don’t think of that.

“You’re so wet, Chanel,” he whispered, and kissed the top of my head.

“And you’re so hard.” I squeezed his dick and worked my palm over it.

He grunted, and pre-cum coursed over the tip. He worked his fingers inside me, and I matched the pace with my strokes.

Ryan’s eyes drifted shut and he leaned in again, nuzzled my cheek with his nose, dousing me in his scent. He brought me closer to the edge, too close, I’d shatter into millions of tiny pieces before he even entered me.

“Please,” I whimpered. “Inside me, please.” I let go of him to show I meant it.

Ryan opened his eyes and smiled at me, hazed over with desire and a hint of satisfaction. At least, the anxiety was gone. He took hold of my hip and rolled me onto my side, then moved in behind me.

Kisses on my neck, arm underneath him, holding me close, keeping me safe. Nothing could feel this good again.

Ryan angled his dick toward my entrance and rested it there.

I wiggled and moaned. “Come on,” I said.

He chuckled, a low throaty laugh – the hairs on the back of my neck stood up – then he entered me slowly, inch by inch, parting my lips, then squeezing inside. Once again, we fit together perfectly.

I cried out, softly.

Ryan kissed my ear lobe and moved inside me, slow, long thrusts that burned my core. I could barely see from the heat, barely breathe. Flames licked me, I wanted to explode already, but he didn’t lessen the intensity.

He was thick inside me, every ridge and vein pronounced, stroking me toward my orgasm. Ryan’s fingers bit into my hips. He buried his face in my neck and kissed, then bit gently.

“Oh God,” I moaned. “Ryan, oh my God.”

His breaths gusted over my neck. “Gonna come,” he grunted, and pounded into me, faster this time, deep as he could go, growing thicker if it were possible.

I gripped the bed spread and scrunched it, tightening around him, my eyes rolling back in my head. My orgasm built and I shuddered against him, releasing all the tension I’d held over his departure, over losing the man I loved.

I had disconnected thoughts, an image of his back as he walked away from me, bag in hand.

Ryan pulsed inside me, releasing everything he had, and holding me tighter still.

Finally, he was spent, and settled back on the pillow.

Tears sprung up, immediately, and I swallowed to banish them. Didn’t work. Maybe this was a bad idea. I couldn’t picture my life without moments like these, and now, I had to let them go.

I sat up on his bed.

“Don’t go yet,” he said, half asleep. “Chanel, please.”

“I have to,” I replied, and slipped off the end of the bed. I ran to where we’d dropped our clothes and dressed as quickly as possible. I didn’t say goodbye. This couldn’t be the last time I saw him, and saying it now would make me sob openly.

Ryan got up too. “Chanel.”

“Don’t. Sleep. I’ll see you another time.” I blinked tears and rushed out before he could stop me.