I cannot slow down. And I need to slow down for this girl.
But it’s like there’s lightning under my skin. I feel like my eyeballs are gonna pop out, all this blood inside my veins, this singing. Because I watch Amie as she lies beside me, and she’s so beautiful it hurts. The sheen on her skin, her dark hair rippling around her face, the luscious curve of her hip. Like she was that day by the river with the sun on us. I didn’t want to stop looking at her then, and I can’t stop touching her now.
Our hands move, our lips sink together, and it’s like I hear her voice again, saying So maybe it’s different then. And I’m thinking she was right, because this feels different. It feels so full, so intense, so much like something I can’t really control. It’s like I have so much energy inside me, I have to push some of it out into the universe. When it’s just our skin together, I start shaking.
I have been around town, I have done this dance with girls before, but I feel like a beginner again now. We’re both just learning each other’s bodies. Amie touches her hand to my stomach, presses herself against me, kisses my neck, and I can’t even remember my own name.
I see stars. I’ve never seen stars before.
*
We end up having some of her nanna’s mango cup, but we share it. And we have it in bed, not out in the back garden.
Amie sits on the pillows behind me in her tank and undies, her arms draped over my shoulders. She passes me the cool glass, slippery with condensation from the ice-cubes, before running her fingers up and down my back.
I grin at her sideways. ‘You’re a bit in love with my tattoo, aren’t you?’
‘Mm.’ She slides her palm across the thick coils of the snake. ‘And it’s a good excuse to keep touching you.’
She leans forward and settles her cheek against the back of my neck, runs her fingers beneath my arms and onto my chest. Plays with the short hairs there. I’m having a lot of trouble concentrating on the glass. ‘Ah, that tickles. Amie, I’ll spill this…’
‘We’ve only got a few hours,’ she says sternly.
‘Lots we can do in a few hours.’
She rubs her hands lower, across my stomach, and I arch, my eyes flipping shut. Might be wiser if I just put the drink on the nightstand.
I turn in her arms. Cup the back of her head, tease my fingers through her hair. Pull her in, kiss her. Keep on kissing her, until my lips go numb and our breathing gets muddled together.
‘Jesus, I could do this all day’ I say finally, pulling away, gasping.
‘We don’t have all day.’ I think she learnt subtlety off her nanna.
I smile at her, then I go still. ‘Amie, you can have me all day, any day. Any time you want me, or need me. For any reason. Just call for me –’
‘Harris,’ she says softly.
‘I’m here.’ I peck her quickly on the lips, wondering if this is too soon. ‘I mean it. I’m yours. I never had this feeling before, like I’m…’
‘Puzzle pieces,’ she says, stroking my cheek. ‘We fit.’
She gets it, and it makes me glow.
‘Yeah.’ Maybe she can hear the relief in my voice. I can’t make myself disguise it. ‘In here…’ I trace a line across her forehead with my thumb. ‘And here…’ Run the tracing across her lips, down her throat. ‘And…here.’
My hand travels south, until my palm is resting on her breastbone. Her heart beats hard against the gentle pressure and her legs are tangled with mine. The look she gives me takes my breath away.
She touches my hand on her chest, pushes my hand slowly down her body. ‘I think you forgot a place.’
She smiles, and none of my fantasies have come close to this. I wanna give it back to her, some of this joy, cos that’s what it is – pure unadulterated joy. Even as I’m surprised I recognise it, I realise I’ve gotta share it or I’ll explode.
The beauty of it is, that’s something I know how to do. I flip our hands so it’s her own hand underneath, until she’s cupping between her legs with my fingers covering hers. The heat of her radiates through me. I watch her eyes go wide as she figures it out, then I lower my lips to her ear.
‘Show me,’ I whisper. ‘I want to know what you like.’
*
My T-shirt was behind the couch.
Amie opens the door of the house as I’m shoving my arms through my hoodie sleeves. Her face is ruddy but mournful. ‘I miss you already and you haven’t even left yet.’
‘We can meet up –’ She grabs me and kisses me, and my mouth is too preoccupied for talking. I give it a second try. ‘We can meet up tomorrow –’ Nope, still no good. I give it one last go. ‘I’ll call you as soon as I can, yeah?’
‘Whatever the time,’ she says firmly.
‘Whatever the time. Midnight. Four in the morning.’ It’s after four now, I notice. My efforts with my clothes and boots get more urgent.
She grins. ‘Call me when you want to kiss me.’
‘I can’t call you every time I wanna kiss you.’ I stroke her hair, grin back. ‘I’ll be calling you a hundred times a day.’
‘I’d like that,’ she says softly.
‘Me, too.’ I hug her close. ‘God. Only two more days until delivery.’
‘Maybe you should chuck it in.’ Her voice is muffled against my neck. ‘Tell my dad you can’t do it anymore because you’d like to start going out to the movies with me instead.’
I roll my eyes. ‘Oh, he’d love that. “Sorry, sarge, I just found your daughter way more interesting than a bunch of drug dealers”.’ I pull back to watch her laugh. ‘It’d be true. It’d also be suicide. But that’s okay.’
She goggles at me. ‘You think my dad would go you if he found out we were a couple? Come on, give him some credit.’
‘I think your dad is a sensible bloke who understands the insanity of you getting mixed up with a guy like me.’
‘A guy like you?’ She smiles. ‘And what kind of guy is that, Harris?’
I pull a lock of her hair away from her shoulder, lift it to my lips. My voice is husky. ‘Your kinda guy.’ I bury my face, so my mouth is right beside her ear. ‘Your guy, Amie.’
Her earlobe is soft on my lips. When her body shakes, I feel it.
But I have to pull away. ‘Lemme go now, babe. I don’t wanna get you in strife with your family. Tomorrow – I’ll see you again tomorrow.’
‘Tomorrow.’ She nods, clasping my arm. Releasing.
I step out into the afternoon sun, dive back for a quick kiss in the doorway, wrench myself away. If I think about it I won’t do it. I dig for my keys, look back over my shoulder. Amie’s standing barefoot in the doorway, her brown legs stretching down from her cut-offs, black hair splayed over the orange of her shirt.
‘Be careful!’ she calls.
I nod firmly. Press the fingers of one hand to my mouth and cast my arm out, sending my kiss to her. Her scent is still on my skin. I carry it with me to the car. The inside of the Pitbull is hot, but the flush on my face has nothing to do with that.
Driving back to Amblin Court, it’s like I’m so happy that everything pleases me. The bottlebrush in bloom – yep, that’s nice. Pedestrians on the street – hi, how are ya. I drive slow, so I can enjoy it because I can’t remember the last time I felt this mellow. In fact, I don’t know if there ever was a last time. Like everything else that’s happened today, this might be a first.
Nothing disturbs my level of happy, not even the sight of Ando’s Land Cruiser parked on the verge outside the house. I can handle talking to Ando right now. I might even give him a smile. I can do anything today.
I park and walk to the door of the house, hoping Reggie’s around so I can smile at someone who deserves it. When I get in the door, though, I see Snowie sitting on the couch. Reggie’s sitting next to him. And he’s not smiling.
He darts forward against Snowie’s restraining hand. ‘Harris, get out, he’s gonna –’
Ando steps out from behind the door and punches me in the face. After that I don’t see nothing.