The shocking news that Beth was his and that he knew nothing about her had been the mental equivalent of going over the edge of the cliffs at Porthkara. Layla’s unique brand of chemistry had seemed the easy answer. Suddenly it was too much. It was time to ‘fess up. She ought to know the truth about why he’d come to Cornwall in a tailspin.
The idea of Beth and Fran suffering, and of Layla trapped in crossfire if some shark journalist found out and tried to exploit the information, filled him with dread. The idea of a random paparazzo patching together a few pictures and labeling any of them his next scandal set him on edge. He’d been in a media-free dream world because no one who cared to make some cash from photographing him knew he was there, but away from Porthkara that had the potential to change.
At the bottom of the cliff path he weighed up the choices. Force Layla to trek all along the beach, past the ongoing party. Or brave the shortcut.
He had so much to explain. He plodded on, putting one foot in front of the other, bracing himself as they climbed the steps cut into the rocks leading up the side of the cliff.
‘So, these photos you’re doing in Paris. What are they for exactly? The film?’ She threw questions over her shoulder at him.
His gut clenched. ‘Publicity. Promotion. It’s part of the job,’ he answered, anxious to find the right moment to mention Beth. ‘Acting is my whole world. It’s all I ever wanted to do. It’s what I live and breathe. Except for a long time, the edges between my real life and my professional life got blurred. I wasn’t bothered by that because nobody – me included – cared what was true and what wasn’t.’ He stared at the back of her head and followed her upwards. ‘Now I hate how it’s chaotic. I have media training. I have a publicist. And my image is a total mess. Take that stupid spinster list.’
‘The ultimate bad boy’s bad idea?’
‘Precisely. Rebooting my so-called image came up in conversation at a pre-shoot dinner in Paris with executive producers. A list of the world’s sexiest married men had been published in a gossip magazine.’ He gave a cynical snort. ‘Alex, of course, was on it, along with several megastars. The headshots had captions from the guys’ wives. Maggie said she wouldn’t put Alex at the top of any Hot list because he was hopeless at reuniting his unpaired socks and there was nothing sexy about a man who can’t keep his socks in line.’
‘Too true.’
‘Whilst Alex was on the Hot list, yours truly featured on the list of Nots.’
Layla’s laughter sang out up ahead.
‘The non-existent “spinster list” had the execs rocking with hilarity on their Louis XIVth dining chairs. There’s a serious subtext. I need to clean up my act. If the public don’t like me in this movie, I’ll be replaced.’
His notions about tying the knot with Toni had been part of his short-lived move to clean up his act. That, and seeing Alex so happy with Maggie, he’d started to believe that if they could get it right then so could he.
As they reached the first bend in the path his stomach heaved. Carried on the summer wind, he caught the sound of the waves breaking on the sand far below.
‘So, if you did have a list who would be on it?’ Infuriatingly nonchalant, she tossed the question at him.
‘I don’t know. What’s with all the questions?’
She laughed. Barefoot, she scurried on, hurrying off like a super-agile mountain goat.
He pushed the fingers of both hands into his hair frenetically. Frantic about the cliff rising upwards into the darkness, he turned around and paced back and forth on the spot like a caged animal. Perplexed, because he had something important to tell her, he willed himself to man up and climb the path. He couldn’t back out, let her go on alone, the moon had disappeared behind a wall of cloud, anything might happen.
‘For what it’s worth you’d make an awesome Hollywood wife. We nailed it tonight. I’d pick the time we’ve spent together over hanging with any celebrity I’ve ever met.’ He called out into the black velvet night seeking out the shadowy movements of her body.
Either she didn’t hear him or she chose to ignore what he’d said. ‘What you need is someone media savvy – who stands out, transforms you in the eyes of the press and catapults you onto the Hot lists, hopefully in at least equal place with Alex, or better still a notch or two higher,’ she said.
‘Not much to ask.’
He pulled his phone out of his trouser pocket and lit the screen using it as a torch light to find his way. He caught her up at the next bend. She turned to him and he captured her face in his screen light.
‘While we’re in Paris I’m going to make it my mission to identify your perfect woman. I’ll let you know who I come up with.’
‘That’s not cool.’ He gritted his teeth against his feelings. It didn’t work. Thrown by her ridiculous suggestion he snapped back, ‘I’m fine thanks.’
He searched her face for a reaction. He didn’t get one because she turned away from him and pressed on. ‘Calm down. It was banter. I didn’t mean anything by it. Are you coming?’
If he was brutally honest, she was like nobody he’d met before. She didn’t stand to gain anything from being seen with him, and she wanted nothing apart from a good time, fun, living in the moment. He stopped, immovable. Looking into the distance he saw the village lights and an overriding feeling of sadness struck him; he wished he hadn’t come to Porthkara, hadn’t snuck into Maggie’s house like a burglar in the night, hadn’t stayed waiting for the bruise to heal on his face. Layla had triggered a need to lay himself bare. She made him feel things he’d rather ignore and want to say things that were easier left buried.
He lagged behind, the distance opening up between them as they climbed.
‘It’s not far now. Just a couple more bends up ahead and we’re almost there.’ Her voice was growing fainter the further ahead she got, and her voice sounded breathless and infernally sexy. She’d no idea of the effect she had on him, how much feeling she’d stirred up.
Angry at himself for how afraid he felt – of everything, not just the height of the cliff – every bone in his body seized up. Forcing one foot in front of the other he caught her up again. Waiting for him, unaware of his tense fragility, she took his hand. Neither of them breathed a word. He swayed like a clump of long sea grass moving in the wind and his heartbeat raced. She squeezed his fingers tight.
‘You okay?’ she whispered.
He gathered his nerve. Nodding slowly, he stared down at his feet unable to raise his head and look her in the face.
‘Talk to me. Tell me something. Anything at all.’ The tension coming from Nick was toxic. She’d hoped that in the dark, without being able to visualize the cliff clearly, she’d blast him with small talk and distract him into taking the shortcut he’d been avoiding. Her tactic had worked up to a point but now he was rooted to the spot. She felt terrible. She’d been tired and lazy and couldn’t face the long way home with the added unwelcome likelihood of running into Joe again. But being stranded with Nick halfway up the cliff side in the pitch dark was ten times worse.
‘I have a child.’ His voice was hoarse and monotone. ‘A girl. A daughter.’
She suppressed her reaction. Emotions, a fusion of surprise and confusion, wedged in her throat. In a split second she said flippantly, ‘I was thinking more along the lines of a knock-knock joke to jolly things along. Not a bombshell.’
‘It’s no joke. It’s the truth. I’m the father of child. She’s eleven years old. And I didn’t know anything about her until a couple of weeks ago. Her name’s Be … Be …’ He stumbled over the name like he was fluffing a line. ‘Beth.’
‘The girl on your phone?’
‘She’s my daughter.’ He repeated it as if he didn’t quite believe it.
‘You didn’t know?’ Layla was so stunned she felt like she was trying to translate a foreign language.
‘No. And she didn’t know about me. And actually, it was better that way, because now that we do know she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.’
‘When did you find out? Have you met her?’
‘No, I haven’t met her because when I tried she refused to see me.’
‘Oh Nick, I’m so sorry. But how can anyone do that? Just turn around after eleven years and announce that you have a child together?’
Her heart hammered. It made sense. The girl in the picture looked like him. She ached to hug him, but uncertainty jabbed at her. She couldn’t begin to imagine how he must be feeling. Half-truths, sudden subject changes, difficult silences – they’d been an all too familiar feature in her own childhood. Since Nick had been spending time out from his real life with her she’d started to believe that she could be free of all that. And now he’d told her this secret. What was she supposed to do with that?
‘I know, right? I’ve done so much thinking since I got her mother’s email.’
‘You found out in an email? Crikey.’
‘The truth is I was shattered. But I’m done analysing the ifs and buts and whys. The way she broke the news to me doesn’t matter.’
‘Eleven years of silence though. That’s tough to take.’
‘It doesn’t sound great. I know. But she didn’t storm back into my life and dump it on me without hesitation. She did it with good reason, there wasn’t time for soul searching, and I’m dealing with it the best I can.’
‘By hiding from it?’ she said gently.
‘I’m waiting for more news. I’ve said too much. I wanted you to know the truth. The reason I rocked up in Porthkara. That’s all.’ His voice robotic, his face all grim hard lines in the darkness, he held up the palm of his hand in a gesture that told her more clearly than words that he wanted to shut the subject down. ‘I don’t want you to feel that I’m involving you in my problem.’
She didn’t want to pry. Inhaling sharply through her nose, she locked her teeth together, afraid to say the wrong thing. She exhaled sharply. ‘Look. It’s probably none of my business. But you’ve been hanging out with me, we’ve had a laugh, the last few days have been a blast. And all along it turns out you haven’t just been hiding your face, you’ve been hiding a secret.’ She pinched her forefinger and thumb together leaving a gap of air to indicate a small amount. ‘It’s kind of hard not to feel a little bit involved.’
Nick sank down onto a wide sandy step shored up with a wooden rung. ‘You’re absolutely right,’ he admitted. ‘I’ve been hiding from it.’ Layla sat too, careful to leave a space between them on the step.
‘The real question is what are you going to do about it?’
He closed his eyes and circled the tips of his forefingers on his eyelids deep in thought. After a long pause, he looked up. ‘I don’t actually know. Doing something means consequences. I tried to see her once. I failed. For now, I’m leaving well alone.’
‘You know the farm at the top of the cliff? They used to keep a donkey. Billy.’
‘Where’s this going?’
‘Listen. In summer he grazed the meadow in front of the house. And once a year for the village fair Billy gave donkey rides on the beach. Anyway, my point is he was a funny donkey. Obstinate in the extreme. So for every ride he gave he got a sugar lump.’
‘I take it this is an analogy where I’m Billy?’
‘No. It’s me. I’m the donkey. When you got here I was like Billy, I wouldn’t move forward. You changed that.’
‘I’m cubed sugar?’
She laughed. ‘Consequences can be good as well as bad you know. Think of the positives.’
‘What are they exactly?’
‘The birthday parties for a start!’ She paused, weighing up his dilemma. ‘And if you have a child, then Alex and Maggie have a niece and Phoebe and Horatio have a cousin. How great is that?’
Nick snorted.
‘And Cassandra’s been a grandma for over a decade. That’s going to be about as popular as a wet Saturday in August.’
‘Well if the photos Maggie’s posted on just about every available social media site of your mother with the twins are anything to go by, I’m willing to bet she’ll be thrilled to have another readymade grandchild to spoil.’
A sudden gust sent her hair flying across her eyes. He placed his hands either side of her face. His palms warmed her cheeks and he softly kissed her lips. Smoothing back her wild hair he curved it all into a long swathe, and his fingers massaged her nape as he pushed it off the back of her neck so that it all fell across one shoulder.
‘If only it were that easy,’ he said huskily.
A frisson from the touch of his fingers rippled through her body. Unable to resist she leaned into him and let him wrap her in his arms. Resting her head on his chest, she listened to the pounding beat of his heart. Still, quiet, they stayed that way.
‘We’d better go,’ she whispered, although not really inclined to move. For a while longer they sat staring out into the darkness at the black sea, watching the lights of a far-off ship inch across the horizon. Eventually his silence made her uneasy. ‘We can’t sit here like this forever.’
She stood up, but Nick didn’t budge. Frozen on the step he started to tremble uncontrollably.
‘I don’t think I can go any further. My knees have turned to jelly.’
Her heart sank. ‘Come on Nick,’ she coaxed, remaining calm. ‘We’re nearly at the top. Don’t freak out on me. You’ve got this.’ She took hold of both his hands and drew him unsteadily to his feet. ‘I know this path like the back of my hand. It’ll be okay. I promise.’ She positioned herself on the outside of the path and linked her arm through his, edging him forward. ‘It’s perfectly safe. The only awkward bit is the corner up ahead and it’s securely fenced off. Once we get past that it’s easy. To be honest, in the dark you can’t really tell how far down it is.’ That was the wrong thing to say because she felt him shudder like an engine that had just failed. ‘Don’t look down,’ she said when he didn’t speak. ‘Look up, look straight ahead. And don’t forget to breathe.’ Slowly she half-shuffled half-led him towards the top of the cliff.
‘It’s the fear.’ He flattened his back against the rock face.
She intertwined her fingers with his tightly and held his hand firmly. ‘You can do it. You can’t give up now.’
‘I’m not a hundred per cent sure I’ll make it.’
‘You haven’t got a choice. Besides, there can’t be many things in life that anyone is ever a hundred per cent sure about.’
He let out a cynical snort. ‘We sound like we’re rehearsing lines from a script.’
‘I hate to break it to you Nick, but this isn’t a film set. No one’s going to shout “cut” and swap you for the stuntman.’
‘That’s not helping.’
‘Well, there’s no way on this earth I’m calling out the rescue helicopter to airlift a hyperventilating celebrity from the cliff path. Apart from anything else it’ll kill your action man image. And I can’t have that. Not on my watch. Imagine the headline in the Porthkara Parish Magazine. No, on second thoughts, don’t!’ He gave a muffled laugh. ‘You’ve come this far. You can make it the rest of the way.’ She gave him a nudge in an attempt to diffuse the tension. ‘I mean I wouldn’t recommend doing this on a stormy night in January, but tonight we really truly aren’t in any danger.’
Straightening his spine with resolve, he moved slowly forward. ‘You know what? I think I can actually do this.’
‘Course you can. All you needed was breathing space.’
In a sudden burst of energy, he strode on grittily. ‘Come along. Keep up.’ He shouted over his shoulder like a bossy tour guide implying she was the one who required chivvying.
Phew. She sighed with relief, happy to see him round the difficult corner and reach the final stretch.
‘The cheek of it!’ she yelled after him, overjoyed that he’d made it to top of the cliff.
‘Stop dilly-dallying. We’ve got a flight to catch.’