“Do you know you have a constellation of freckles right here?”

Jazz leaned up on her elbows and laughed at where Gray had his head. It wasn’t surprising. He had his head between her legs about half of the time.

She was a very lucky girl. A very lucky, newly engaged girl.

She glanced at the diamond ring on her finger. Tiny diamonds formed an X shape with an O of black diamonds, signifying the typical XO phrase. But to Gray, they’d represented sticks and a drum. He’d apologized for buying it off the shelf and not getting it custom-made, which boggled her mind. She’d never seen anything more lovely.

Dragging her attention from her ring, she focused on the sensation of his fingers tracing over the sensitive skin of her inner thigh. “Where?”

“Right here.” His hand crept higher, creating a path for his lips to follow. “They’re everywhere. I could spend a lifetime searching for them with my tongue.”

“Pretty sure you’ve already found most of them, especially in that particular area.” She sifted his hair through her fingers and sighed, dropping back against the mussed sheets. “It’s official. I’ve had more sex in the past two weeks than in the whole of my entire life.”

He nipped her lower belly. “Is that a complaint?”

“No. That’s a yay me.” She tugged on his hair until he got the memo and crawled up her body to settle on top of her, his cock heavy between her legs. “Not that I’ve done a complete study or anything, but I’ve decided engaged sex is way better than regular sex. Although that was pretty fucking amazeballs too.”

“You seem to be overlooking all the ways my native skills in this area are probably influencing your opinion.” He tilted her jaw upward and kissed the corner of her mouth. “How you could after all of the evidence I’ve presented, I don’t know, but…”

“Dude, your evidence is against my thigh. It’s way too hard to overlook.”

His laughter as he buried his face in her hair made her laugh too, just from sheer joy. If she’d ever been this happy, she didn’t remember it.

Her entire life had been building up to this moment. She was engaged to the man she loved. She was in a successful band with people she cared about and they were coming up with some kickass new material. And she had a terrific best friend who would make her into an aunt-by-proxy next summer. How could she ask for anything more?

“I want to show you something.”

“I’ve already seen it from a variety of angles. Pretty sure we’re on a BFF basis by now.”

“Forget BFF. I’m thinking your name’s tattooed there in invisible ink.” He grinned and pinched her nipple before rolling away to tug a notepad out of the nightstand drawer.

“Invisible’s not nearly good enough. I think your cock would look good with a nice big J.” She turned onto her side. “Whatcha doin’?”

“Remember that song ‘Finally’ that I mentioned at the band meeting?”

She sat up, tugging the sheet with her. “Yeah.”

“I wanted you to see it before I show the rest of the band. It’s not complete but—”

“Gimme.” She held out her hand.

He gave her the pad and sat back, propping his arm on his updrawn leg. Naked as the day he was born and casual as could be about it.

So she dropped her sheet. Hell, she could be casually nude too. At least she could work on it.

She glanced down at the words he’d scrawled, more conscious of her more than generous boobs flying free than what she was reading. At first. Then the lyrics snagged her attention and she forgot all about what he might be thinking about her curves.

A dream came true, finally

The moment you said you loved me too

And up until I take my last breath

I’ll cherish what is mine, finally

Goose bumps popped out over her arms. The song was so beautiful and poignant. She should’ve been dancing around the room but instead she trembled, as if the sudden wind shaking the windows blew cold air straight into her bones.

“Change that line,” she said, pointing.

He propped his chin on her shoulder. “Which one?”

“The one about your last breath. Change it.”

“Jazz,” he said, chuckling. “It’s just a saying.”

“I’m serious. The rest of it is perfect, but take that line out. Look, we can even say—”

His cell went off and he went still at her side before moving away. “Sorry. I have to take this.”

He grabbed his phone and went into the bathroom. The sound of the door closing echoed, making her push aside the pad and draw her knees up to her chest. She was breathing too fast—had been even before the phone call—but now she would’ve sworn a panic attack was coming on. It had been years. The last time was shortly after Brent had attacked her. Before then she hadn’t had one since her foster care days. But man, when they came back, they always knocked her flat on her ass.

She focused on her breathing, counting off her breaths like she did with the beat when she was playing the drums. Mostly, it was instinctual now. She didn’t have to verbalize the numbers, she just naturally knew when to hit her marks. Her breathing was different. Every time she faltered and paid too much attention to what was being said on the other side of that closed door, her chest tightened and her lungs cramped.

When he returned, she’d almost gotten it under control. Her palms were still clammy and she couldn’t quite meet his gaze, but she wasn’t shaking anymore.

Until he spoke.

“I have to go out for a while.”

She glanced at the bedside clock. “It’s not even seven a.m.”

They’d barely slept all night, just dozing in between rounds of Gray playing the guitar and making love. It was their last night in the cabin and their first as an engaged couple, so who needed sleep?

But now that he was pulling on his jeans and digging through his still unpacked suitcase for a shirt, her exhaustion hit her like a wave. She wanted nothing more than to burrow under the covers with him and hide from the advancing day. Sunlight trickled into the room around the curtains they’d pulled, and that scared her almost as much as who had called and where he was going.

Within these four walls, they were safe. Outside, anything could happen.

“I know, baby. I won’t be long.”

Once his usage of the word baby had pleased her so much. Now it felt like a way to delay the inevitable.

“We have a meeting with Lila at ten,” she said, hating the plea she heard in her voice. But it couldn’t be helped.

And he wouldn’t be stopped. She just knew it. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t try.

“I know. I’ll be back by then.” He tugged on his shirt and leaned across the bed to kiss her. “I’ll be quick, I promise.”

She threaded her fingers through his hair and cupped his cheek with her other hand. It took every shred of will she possessed not to cling and beg. “It’s our first full day being engaged. Can’t it wait until after the show tonight, whatever it is?”

“I’m sorry, it can’t. But this is a good thing. This is setting the groundwork for our future.” The smile he gave her almost convinced her.

But not quite.

“You won’t tell me where you’re going,” she said, not bothering to make it a question. She already knew the answer.

He drew back, his smile fading. “Just trust me, okay? I’ll be back soon.” He picked up his wallet and gestured toward the tangled sheets. “Get some sleep, all right? You look tired.”

She nearly laughed. Tired didn’t come close to describing how worn out she felt all of a sudden. And she wasn’t even certain why.

“I love you,” he said, hesitating in the doorway before closing the door behind him.

It was only after he’d gone that she realized he’d been waiting for her to say it back.

After a while, she rose and went into the bathroom to dig through her makeup case. She took a couple of Benadryl to help her sleep and followed them with a glass of water, nearly crushing the paper cup in her hand as it started to shake again.

Something was off. She didn’t know what, but it was more than Gray keeping a questionable appointment. She wanted nothing more than to chase after him and insist she go too. They were a team, and that meant he shouldn’t do the big things alone.

Unless this was a small, usual thing. Like meeting with his drug dealer and getting a celebratory line or two to tide him over.

She tossed out her cup and went back into the bedroom. Though she had no desire to sleep, she curled up in the messy bedding and tugged his pillow to her face. His scent comforted her enough to close her eyes.

When she opened them again, muted sunlight slanted across the bedroom and someone was pounding on the door. Not someone. Nick.

“Hey lovebirds, we got a show to do. Rise and shine.”

She rubbed her eyes and reached out for Gray. It had already become a habit for her to touch him when she awakened. But no one slept beside her and the sheets were cool.

Dread combed icy fingers through her belly as she scrambled to her knees. She glanced around the room, getting her bearings. The cabin. Gray leaving. God, she must’ve slept the whole day away. It took her a moment or two to realize his suitcase was in the same place he’d left it on the floor that morning, the contents still spilling out. His wallet and cell phone weren’t on the nightstand.

God, he hadn’t come back.

She grabbed the sheet and stumbled to her feet a second before Nick pushed open the door. “Where is he?” she demanded, despite knowing he didn’t have an answer.

How could he? From his question, he’d obviously believed Gray had been in the bedroom with her.

“He’s not here?” Nick didn’t appear to notice she was naked, which gave her enough time to wrap the sheet around herself toga-style. “Where did he go?”

“I don’t know.” She rubbed her hand under her nose and rushed to the nightstand to grab her own phone.

It only took her a moment to discover her only missed calls were from Harper, who was wondering when she’d get her catering truck back—luckily, she didn’t have a job today—and why Jazz had been under the mistaken impression that she wanted a kitten. Actually, two kittens, since Jazz had foisted them onto Harper last night before hurrying back to the cabin with Gray.

“He hasn’t called me. Oh God, what time is it?” Jazz answered her own question by glancing at her phone. Past three in the afternoon. Fuck. She’d slept through the meeting with Lila. “I missed the meeting. We missed it.”

“Lila rescheduled until tomorrow. She had something come up.”

“But rehearsal—”

“Simon bagged on rehearsal today. Something about a scratchy throat. He probably can’t feel his legs after partying too hard last night and needed to sleep it off for a few more hours.”

Nick’s voice sounded too cheerful, as if he grasped that she was on the verge of losing it so he didn’t want to say anything to push her over the edge. Too fucking late.

“He said he’d be back hours ago and he’s not here. He didn’t call me. Did he call you?”

“Uh, no. Why would he?”

“I don’t know, okay? I don’t know.” She sat on the edge of the bed and sent off a quick text to Gray, trying not to panic. She wasn’t surprised when he didn’t reply. She’d known he wouldn’t.

Goddammit, she’d known this was going to happen. Even without fully grasping what this was, she’d felt it coming this morning even before he’d gotten the call that had taken him away from her.

“I didn’t say I love you back,” she said dully, staring at her silent phone. “He said it to me and I didn’t say anything back because I was pissed he wouldn’t tell me where he was going.” Eyes painfully dry, she lifted her head. “He went to score, didn’t he?”

Nick pushed a hand through his hair. “I don’t know.”

“You didn’t find out he was using the other night from Snake,” she said slowly, taking in the way his body stiffened degree-by-degree. “You’ve known for a while.”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes, it matters. Yes, it fucking matters!” She hurled her phone. It smacked against the wall and dropped to the floor. “You said we were friends, that you cared about me.”

“Christ, you’re naked and wearing his ring, but I’m still standing here with you. Doesn’t that fucking prove that I do?” he gritted out, pacing to the window.

She glanced down at her engagement ring and something inside her shattered, just broke in two. The sound that came out of her wasn’t human. She clutched her stomach and bent over, scarcely aware of Nick kneeling at her side to stroke her back.

“Jazz. Listen to me. Get dressed and we’ll figure this out.”

She shook her head, eyes so full she couldn’t see through the wall of tears. “No, no, no.”

She hurt so deeply that she couldn’t identify where all the pain was coming from. It seemed to originate both inside and outside of her body, as if hammers were pounding nails into her skin. Into soft tissue. Breathing was almost impossible over the lump in her throat. And her stomach. God. She felt violently sick, on the verge of throwing up everything she hadn’t eaten all day. Just retching until she purged all of the agony taking up space inside her.

“Dammit, you’re not going to break down on me. Do you hear me? Fuck it all, he’s fine. He better be, because I intend to fucking kill him myself for this stunt.”

Nick dragged her into his lap. All she could do was press her face into his shoulder and cling to his neck for everything she was worth.

“Y-you don’t understand. He promised me. He never lied, never. Something’s wrong. I feel it. Oh God, I’m going to be sick.” She tried to shift off his lap but got tangled in the sheet and fell on the rug, landing hard on her ass. Even that pain barely registered over all of the rest. “They could hurt him.” She stared blearily up at Nick. His helplessness poured over her, and she still couldn’t find it in herself to get it together. “He could be hurt, and I didn’t even tell him I love him.”

“They have no reason to hurt him. He gave them the money he owed—” Nick broke off, his gaze dropping to her hand and back up to her face. “Get dressed, Jazz,” he said, his statement nearly inaudible.

For a moment, she didn’t know why she couldn’t hear him clearly. Then she realized she was crying again, even more loudly than before.

“Listen to me. I have someone I can call. She…knows people who might know the ones that Gray knows.” He gripped her chin, holding on as she tried to shove him away. “Give me time to do some checking around.”

“It’s been hours.” She crossed her arms over her chest, holding the tangled sheet in place. “What if he took too much? He could’ve overdosed.”

“No. I don’t think that’s it.” Nick crouched beside her, his fingers still tensed on her face. “But until he shows up or I talk to Ricki, we can’t let anyone else know what’s going on. We have a show tonight.”

She stared at him, her mouth dropping open. “You think I give a flying fuck about the show?”

“You better, because if he doesn’t appear, you’re going to be playing rhythm guitar for him.”

She didn’t speak. Her tears trickled to a halt. “You’ve lost your frigging mind.”

He chuckled, the sound forced and unnatural. “Yeah. I think you’re right.”

“Do you understand what this means? He’s been gone eight hours when he said he’d be right back. I can’t think of—”

“Let me break this down for you. If we don’t do the show, Lila and Deak will get wise to what’s going on. And that will spell plenty of trouble for your guy.”

She dropped her head into her hands. “I haven’t played guitar in years.”

“Stop bullshitting me. You were playing it the other night just fine.”

“I was tinkering with it for a new song! Not playing for real. It’s not my fucking instrument anymore. I can’t get up in front of all those people and pretend I’m him. I can’t fill his shoes.” She rubbed her streaming eyes and pressed a hand to her still-queasy stomach. “I can’t do it. Especially when I don’t know if—”

“You listen to me, Jasmine, and you listen good. I’m not your Romeo, sweetheart, and I don’t give a shit if you cry your pretty little eyes out before and after that concert. But you will get up there and you will play your ass off, like I know you can.” Nick’s eyes glittered as he loomed over her. “If I have to carry you onstage and put the guitar in your goddamned hands myself, I will.”

Her chin wobbled as she swiped away her tears. “You wouldn’t.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

Shocked into silence, she stared at the floor.

“Get up.”

Her lack of response made him grunt. “Want me to dress you as if you’re a little girl? Because I will. I’ve seen everything you have under that sheet and I guarantee I won’t mind seeing it again.”

Affronted, she hauled her sheet in tighter around her. She was trembling and nauseous and bleary-eyed and didn’t give a crap what Nick expected her to do. Not until she knew Gray was okay.

God, he had to be okay. There was simply no other choice.

When she didn’t move, Nick held out his hand. “C’mon. You’re better than this. What would he think if he saw you this way?”

“He’d want to protect me.” That only made her chin quiver harder.

“Yeah. But he’s the one who needs protecting now. You and I are what’s keeping him in this band. And when he comes back, he’ll want his spot back. Won’t he?” he asked quietly.

“Yes.” She glanced up at Nick and fought to catch her breath. Another sob was building in her chest, and God, she was so tired of crying. “He’s going to come back, isn’t he?”

“He has to.” He crouched before her again. “He has everything in the world going for him.”

She shut her eyes at the renewed fists of pain pummeling her stomach. Only sheer will kept her from bolting into the bathroom to throw up.

“He told me he was going to propose to you.” When she only shuddered, he gripped her hands, holding them tight. “The guy fucking adores you. I saw it all over him yesterday.”

Sniffling, she nodded.

“Help me get through the show tonight, all right? I’ll get someone to cover the drums and you and I will make it so no one notices he’s gone.”

“I don’t know if I can do it.”

“Look at me.”

She shook her head. “I can’t. You’re disappointed in me for falling apart, and I don’t blame you. But you don’t understand what he is to me. If he’s not there—” She couldn’t finish.

“Look at me.”

Eyes streaming, she looked. And found more compassion than she’d ever expected staring back at her.

“We’ll get through tonight together,” he said gently, rubbing her knuckles. “I’ll help you, and you’ll help me. Just like you did during those shows last year—” He broke off at her gasp and swore. “Christ, not like that. You’re an engaged woman now. I don’t fucking poach.”

The corner of her mouth lifted. Saying nothing, she turned her hand over and lightly gripped his fingers before nudging him back so she could get to her feet. “Make your calls,” she said in a voice that shook. It couldn’t be helped. At least she was talking without crying. “I’ll get dressed and be right out.”

“Okay.” He walked to the doorway and picked up her phone. He swiped his thumb over it before handing it back to her. “Still works.”

She glanced at her background picture, a photo from years ago of her and Gray in San Francisco. They’d made so many plans last night in between rounds of making love.

Ones she refused to give up on without a fucking fight. But first she had to know exactly what she was dealing with. Turning her back on reality wouldn’t work anymore, not if she wanted to save the man she loved.

“Tell me how long you’ve known.”

“Known what?”

She set her jaw and met Nick’s gaze. “You know what. Tell me how long you’ve known he’s using.”

His hesitation didn’t last long. “Since last spring. The day after that clusterfuck threesome, he dropped a baggie in the studio. I called him on his shit and he said he was holding it for a friend.”

“And you believed him.”

“No, I didn’t fucking believe him. But what was I supposed to do about it? The night before, you called out his goddamn name while I was inside you. I didn’t want to be part of it anymore.”

Shame heated her already scalding cheeks. “So you washed your hands of it.”

“Maybe I did. It wasn’t my problem. I warned him what he was risking, but fuck, Jazz, I’d just told him he could have you, that I wouldn’t interfere. Everyone thinks I’m a bastard anyway, so why not play my part?”

“Because you’re not a bastard. A bastard wouldn’t have just sat with me while I cried. You wouldn’t care if we saved a spot for him. You’d be hoping like hell he got thrown out.”

“Yeah, so maybe I like the guy now, all right? Maybe I get it finally, that what’s between the two of you had nothing to do with me. And so I’m not going to fucking cry in my milk and wish for him to get what he deserves. Because maybe he really does deserve you, more than I ever did.”

She walked over to him and cupped his face. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“Yeah.” He gripped her hands for a second before letting go and stepping back. “Get dressed so we can practice.” Without waiting for her to reply, he pulled the door shut behind him.

She still hadn’t moved when she heard his voice on the phone.

“Ricki, I need your help.”