Chapter 20
“It certainly took you long enough to come into the house.”
Jasmine stopped in her tracks and counted how many steps she had taken before her mother had decided to attack.
Three.
She had only taken three steps into the room.
Apparently, no amount of prayer was going to help her today if this was going to be the opening of this orchestrated fiasco.
“Hello, Mother,” Jasmine said, amazed that her voice didn’t wobble with anger. “I wish you would have waited so I could have introduced you to—”
“I know exactly who he is, Jasmine Jane,” Victoria bit out. Turning around she untied the apron around her waist and folded it neatly.
“Good, so we can skip introductions later,” Jasmine answered, not giving in to the intimidation tactics her mother had perfected years ago. “Do you need help with the arrangement?”
“No, I finished it already.” Gesturing to the lilies that were arranged artfully in a crystal vase as if she were presenting a new car on a gameshow. “However, I could have used your assistance when you were outside acting like trash.”
Aaand, the gloves were off.
“Mother…Victoria…” Jasmine bit her lip at the stutter that left her mouth.
Show. No. Weakness.
Taking a calming breath and starting again, Jasmine smiled serenely as if she didn’t have a care in the world. “Mother, the flowers look beautiful.”
Victoria narrowed her eyes, probably wishing to show a sterner expression, but was stopped by the recent fillers that she had injected into her face.
“Are you not going to explain yourself?” Victoria asked.
Jasmine took a step back and looked at her mother. Really looked at her mother…something that she hadn’t done since she was little, back when she watched her mom apply her makeup before heading to the hospital.
Victoria looked old. Her face didn’t look old and her body was just as fit as it had been twenty years ago, but she still managed to look old. It was as if the weariness of all her years had aged her somehow, but it only showed if you studied her long enough.
This woman, who she had aspired to be for so long, was one of the unhappiest people that she had ever met.
The anger and haughtiness that she shrouded herself in like a cloak simply weighed her down and had turned her into someone that Jasmine didn’t recognize.
“Mom?”
At the change in Jasmine’s tone, Victoria’s eyes and posture softened a fraction.
“Leo makes me happy and I hope that you give him a chance to show you that,” Jasmine said after a short silence.
When her mother didn’t move and looked away to avoid eye contact, Jasmine walked toward her.
“He makes me really happy,” she repeated, her voice steady and full of the love she now admitted she felt for Leo.
She waited, holding her breath waiting to see how her mother would respond, if at all.
“Dinner will be ready in half an hour. Will you tell Crystal that I would like the blue china for dinner, please?”
Jasmine let her eyes drop to the large oriental rug that decorated the floor of their formal dining room, unable to continue her search for even a bit of warmth from the woman who birthed her.
“Of course, Mother.” Jasmine turned to leave the room, feeling the weight of her mother’s disappointment on her shoulders.
“Jasmine…” The word was spoken so softly that Jasmine thought she might have imagined them.
Without speaking, she turned a little with an expectant look on her face only to have her heart ache when Victoria shook her head and clasped her hands in front of her.
“Never mind,” Victoria replied, turning back toward the long dining table to fuss with the flowers she had cut.
Jasmine nodded before continuing toward the door. When she reached the threshold, she stopped in her tracks as if held by some invisible force.
This was not how mothers and daughter behaved toward one another.
This was not the relationship she wanted with her mother.
Instead of walking out of the room to do her mother’s bidding, she instead closed the door and turned around.
Her mother turned around when she heard the door click. “What are you doing?” Victoria asked.
“I’m tired, Mom,” Jasmine started. She hoped that she would be able to keep from crying while she said what needed to be said. “Aren’t you tired too?”
When Jasmine received no response at all, not even the smallest of blinks, she walked forward, unsure what she was going to do until it was actually happening.
Jasmine stood directly in front of her mom and reached out for her hands.
Touching her mom had been something that didn’t happen often. She honestly couldn’t remember the last time she was hugged by the woman in front of her. Running her fingers over the cold hands that she held in her own, Jasmine cherished the small amount of contact that her mother was allowing. For years now, even physical contact with her parents had been filed down to air kisses on the cheek, which offered no real comfort.
Victoria cleared her throat before speaking, “Are you feeling unwell?”
Shaking her head sadly, Jasmine squeezed the hands she was now clutching like a lifeline. “That’s not what I meant and I think you know it. Can I ask you a question?”
When her mother nodded, Jasmine continued, “Did you want kids? No wait, don’t answer that.” Taking a deep breath, she began again, “Mom, I am pretty sure that I love Leo. I know that you think you know what’s best for me but honestly, you don’t know me.”
Jasmine shook her head to keep her mom from talking. “No, don’t interrupt,” she said firmly. “Just let me get this out while I can.”
Victoria nodded as her eyes showed the faintest hint of moisture.
“I love where I live, I love my friends, and I love being a nurse.” Jasmine’s voice cracked as the familiar disappointment that weighed on her from her career choice caused her to swallow hard. “I know that you and Dad wanted me to be a doctor. But, do you know one of the main reasons why I don’t want to follow in your footsteps?”
“No, not even the faintest clue. That is one thing your father and I have never understood,” Victoria answered. “You are so smart, Jasmine Jane. With our connections, you would have so many more lucrative opportunities if you had just followed the path we chose for you. Your brother had those same connections but chose to go another path. We accepted Jameson’s decision but yours is another situation altogether.”
“I never wanted to be a doctor,” Jasmine explained. “That was your dream, your path, not mine. I want to be able to have kids and be home when they need me, or go to their school plays. Hell, I want to take them trick-or-treating and not expect my maid to mother my children.”
“We never—” Victoria argued, only to stop when Jasmine squeezed her hands and interrupted.
“Mom, Janet went to every school assembly from the time I was eight until I graduated. She was the one sitting in the first row watching me when I was in the Christmas plays every year. Not you. Not dad. Janet.”
“Now, that’s being a little ridiculous—”
“Can you name a single time you attended any function that I was a part of? You didn’t even come to my college graduation for Pete’s sake.” Jasmine blew out a breath, not wanting to let anger run roughshod over what she felt needed to be said. “I want to be present for my family. I don’t want to have to work crazy hours and be on call at all hours of the day. I know how hard you work. It’s one of the things that make you such a wonderful doctor but that’s not what I want. I don’t care about the big fancy house or having the newest car in the neighborhood. I want a home filled with hugs and mess and laughter. I want the opposite of what I had growing up.”
“Jasmine Jane, we provided everything you needed as a child.” Victoria sniffed, tilting her nose in the air.
“No, I needed a mom who asked me if I had any crushes, or a mom who took me shopping for my first bra. Those things are what a girl needs growing up. Instead, I made do with Janet, and she was fantastic but it wasn’t her role. It was yours.”
“Don’t be silly.” Victoria wrinkled her brow as much as her recent trip to her doctor would allow.
“It’s not silly. It’s something that bothered me.”
“You never said anything….”
“You’re right. I didn’t say anything. You want to know why? Because I understood how important your work was to you. I get it, Mom. You love your job. I just want something different for myself. It’s not less. I just have different goals.”
“So, I was a bad mother? Is that what you’re saying?” Her mother sounded defensive.
“No, you were the mother that you were. I never wanted for anything, but there is more to it than providing food and shelter. There wasn’t a connection between us and that is something I will always regret. But, don’t you see? We have the opportunity to change. You can’t go back in time and give me hugs or kiss me at night when you tuck me in. That time is lost and I will always look back on it knowing that maybe if I had said something sooner we would be in a different situation than the one we’re in now. I’m giving you the chance to accept who I am today and tomorrow and next year. I like who I am. I like my life.”
Jasmine held her breath. Her stomach was tumbling as she waited for some sign that her mother understood what she was saying.
“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Victoria whispered, looking unsure of herself for the first time that Jasmine could ever remember.
“Just say that you love me and you support me.”
“Of course, I love you. Don’t be ridiculous,” Victoria snapped.
“Then show it, because honestly, I can’t tell if you even like me half the time,” Jasmine rushed out.
“How?” The single word was torn from Victoria as if she was floundering with no idea what to say or do.
Jasmine smiled softly. “Be there for me, that’s all I ask.”
Victoria squeezed Jasmine’s hands where they were still palm to palm. “I’ll try….”
“That’s all I ask.” Before she could say more or change her mind, Jasmine reached forward and pulled her mother into a hug. The action was stiff and uncomfortable, but she couldn’t remember the last time they had such intimate contact.
“Oh, and also give Leo a break okay? He makes me happy,” she whispered into her mother’s shoulder.
Victoria shrugged, the movement lifting Jasmine’s head up and down. “A firefighter? Really, Jasmine?”
Stepping back, Jasmine grinned. “Believe me, it wasn’t what I expected either but we fit.”
“If you say so,” Victoria replied with her lips closed and an expression that looked slightly out of place on her mother’s normally stoic facade.
“Can we go save Leo now? I hate leaving him alone to face dad on his own,” Jasmine admitted.
“I have a feeling that he is doing just fine on his own, Jasmine Jane.” Her mom laughed.
“Oh, and can you please not call me that?” At her mom’s surprised look, Jasmine made a face. “When you say my name like that I always feel like I’m in trouble.”
Victoria nodded slowly before smiling again. This time, the grin taking over her face was more relaxed than the last. “You know when you were little I used to call you JJ.”
Jasmine drew back with a shocked expression on her face. “I don’t remember that.”
“You were maybe five years old when I stopped,” her mother admitted. “Would it bother you if I used that nickname again?”
“There is nothing I would like more, Mom,” Jasmine answered, her eyes filling with tears at the thought. “There is nothing I would like more.”