Chapter Eleven
Elizabeth leaned against the wall in the hospital locker room and listened to Will’s voice mail again. She’d picked her phone up with the intention of deleting it, just like she’d meant to delete it the last five times she’d played it. Instead, she listened to his voice, cursing her weakness.
“Hi, Elizabeth. I dare you to pick up the phone and call me back.”
Her finger hovered over delete but instead brought up her contacts list and hit Megan’s number. Megan answered on the fourth ring. In the background, she could hear female voices and laughter. “I can’t talk right now,” Megan said. “We’re going to watch the boys’ soccer team practice.” More laughter, and then Megan added, “Some of us are going to watch the girls’ soccer team.”
“Sounds like you’re making friends.” Which was all she’d wanted for Megan, so it was ridiculous that she felt a momentary pang of hurt that Megan didn’t need her.
“I am. Gotta run. Love you,” Megan said.
“Love you, too,” Elizabeth answered, but Megan had already hung up.
She sighed and put her phone back in her locker. She slung her stethoscope around her neck and swung the locker door shut with a clang.
An amused masculine voice behind her made her jump. “What did that locker door ever do to you?” Will asked.
She spun around. “What are you doing in here?” Her pulse raced at his nearness.
“I stopped at the nurses’ station. They pointed me this way. When’s your shift over?”
“Eight o’clock,” she said, too flustered by his presence not to answer.
“I’ll be in the coffee shop in the lobby.”
“What makes you think I’ll come?” she asked with false bravado. It was supposed to come out arch and teasing, to move them back to the safety of light flirtation. Instead, she just sounded defensive.
“This,” he said. He pulled her against his body and kissed her. It was a light, firm kiss almost as quickly ended as begun, but her head was still spinning when he released her. “I’ll wait, but not forever,” he said.
When he left the room, she sat down on the wooden bench and pressed her hand to her heart. It was racing as though she had heart palpitations. It took a few moments of deep breathing for her to center herself enough to return to the floor.
When Cindy, who was at the nurses’ station, asked her if she was feeling all right because she looked pale, she gave her a brilliant smile. “Never better,” she said. “Bring on the chaos.”
She was in the midst of plucking shards of glass from a sensitive part of a patient’s anatomy when she’d come to the decision. She was going to meet Will for coffee and tell him that she was leaving. She’d be gone for at least a month on an epic road trip adventure. Nothing but the open road and freedom.
She gripped her tweezers tighter. “Ouch!” her patient yelped.
“Sorry,” she said. She’d dug a little too hard on that last one. “Almost done.”
Just like her and Will. She took a deep breath and steadied her suddenly shaky hands.
* * *
Will nursed his second cup of coffee, feeling like an idiot. She wasn’t going to come. He’d put himself out there and she’d decided he wasn’t worth more than a piece of ass. This was the part where he was supposed to feel better because he’d at least tried for a change. He took a swallow of his cold coffee and grimaced. He wasn’t feeling better.
A voice sounded from above him. “I think they leave their coffee on the burner too long,” Elizabeth said. She gave him a transparent smile, but the happy happy joy joy routine wasn’t tricking him anymore. She wasn’t any more unaffected by their separation than he was.
She’d changed out of her scrubs and into jeans and, in deference to the new chill in the air, a sweater. In the past week, the last remnants of summer had faded.
“You want to go somewhere else? We could go to my place,” he offered, even though he knew she wouldn’t take him up on it. And he didn’t know who he was fooling, not himself, because if they went back to his place, talking wouldn’t be happening for a while. It’d been too long since he’d been inside her.
She glanced around the coffee shop, at the other patrons that lingered, sipping coffee and eating muffins. “Let’s go,” she said, to his surprise.
They took his truck, leaving her car in the hospital lot. Ostensibly because parking in his neighborhood was a bitch, but deep down he knew he’d insisted because he wanted her to stay at his side. They were both quiet on the ride over, which was new. But he didn’t want to joke or tease or say something to lighten the mood. This wasn’t the quiet of two people with nothing to say, but the quiet of things yet to be spoken.
He looked over at her. She gave him a half smile before resting her hand on his thigh. She might as well have placed it right on his cock for his body’s reaction. He gripped his hands tighter on the wheel and focused on making it home in one piece.
* * *
When she walked into the coffee shop, it was only to say that she’d enjoyed their time together but it was over now. Unfortunately, her traitorous body hadn’t signed on to that plan. The moment she’d set eyes on him all she could think about was touching, and tasting, and feeling. Of flexing muscles and burning green eyes as he drove himself inside her. Just one more time, her body cried out.
When he wedged his truck into a spot in front of his building, she’d jumped out before he’d even turned the engine off. He fumbled for his keys at the front door and she couldn’t resist grabbing his butt.
“You’re not making this any easier,” he said with a mock growl, and opened the door.
“It’s your fault for having a cute butt,” she said, following him into the entryway.
“That’s it,” he said, and scooped her up, making her squeal, and slung her over his shoulder in the classic fireman’s carry.
“You better not drop me on my head,” she said as he took the stairs at a fast pace. He didn’t even seem winded and she might be thin, but she was no lightweight, not at her height.
“So little faith,” he said in an even voice. “I can carry another person wearing full gear that weighs more than you. You’re not the only one who saves lives.” He managed to get his apartment door unlocked and opened without even jiggling her. He kicked it shut behind him and, instead of putting her down, carried her straight to his bedroom.
He unslung her and dropped her on the bed. “Get naked,” he ordered in a voice that turned her insides to liquid.
She wriggled out of her jeans and underwear, wrenched off her sweater, and unclipped and tossed her bra faster than if they’d been dipped in acid. He stripped without finesse, but it was still the most erotic thing she’d ever seen, especially when he pulled a condom from his nightstand and rolled it over his hard cock. She lightly stroked herself and her fingers came away slick with moisture.
“I want you inside me,” she said.
He covered her with his body and she nuzzled his neck. When she felt the head of his cock press against her entrance, she spread her legs wider to welcome him, wanting him with a need that was almost frantic. He slid in with a few shallow strokes that had her needing more.
He pulled out and she almost cried except that he quickly flipped her on her front. An arm under her stomach guided her to her knees. He entered her from behind, drawing a startled gasp. He was so deep inside her, his throbbing cock pulsing against her walls. He moved, slamming into her, and a guttural moan erupted from her throat. Again and again he pounded, so deep and thick, his cock rubbing against her clit on every stroke until she thought she couldn’t take any more.
And then he leaned forward, draping himself over her while continuing to thrust. One hand snaked around her body and his fingers found her clit. He rubbed it in a rhythm that matched his pounding cock.
She spiraled higher and higher to teeter on the precipice. She was a being of pure sensation, the only reality the weight and heat of his body and pleasure-pain of his relentless penetration, and the clever fingers rubbing her engorged clit. Until her body tensed, muscles locking, her vagina clamping down on his cock as she orgasmed. She felt him follow, his body tensing, and then he groaned.
They collapsed together on the bed. He rolled onto his back, pulling her with him so she nestled into his body. “No, don’t fall asleep,” he said.
“Mmph,” she replied, wanting to drift away, warm in his arms and, for the moment, happy. She didn’t want reality.
He kissed her temple. “We need to talk.”
It pierced her safe bubble. Nothing good came from those words. She opened her eyes, tried to pull away, but he kept her anchored tight. “I’m trying to understand why you won’t return any of my calls. Why you don’t want to let me in?”
Her first instinct was to deny and just brush it off. She opened her mouth, but the words died. She turned her head away from eyes that saw too much.
“I get it. You’re scared,” he said in a gentle voice. “You lost your parents. That sucks.” He ran a hand through his hair. “That more than sucks. I can’t even imagine—I don’t even want to think about losing my parents. And obviously it’s left a mark. You were scared to lose anyone else. You made Megan your whole life because that was safe. Not only did you lose your parents, but you lost everything. Your friends, boyfriend, the future you thought you were going to have. And now Megan’s gone too.”
She sat up. “Megan’s going because I want her to. I want her to have a future.”
He propped himself up on an elbow. “The future you missed out on?”
“My life is fine.” She snatched her sweater from off the floor and pulled it over her head. Fished her jeans from the end of the bed and wriggled back into them.
Will seemed unconcerned with his nudity, not bothering to put his clothes back on. “Except for the part when you’re so afraid of losing anyone else that you’re running away from something real,” he said. “We’re good together and we could be great.” His voice held a conviction that felt like an icepick to her heart, the pain was immediate. She didn’t want to hurt him. Why couldn’t he just accept that she wasn’t relationship material?
In desperation, she lashed out. “You have some ego. Maybe I just don’t want to be with you.”
“I don’t believe that.” His voice remained calm and steady.
“No, because you’re so full of yourself you can’t conceive of someone not wanting you.”
“You want me. I think we just proved that.”
She fumbled for her shoes, but couldn’t answer him. What could she say? He was right. She did want him. And she wished to God she didn’t. Her vision was growing blurry and she blinked, trying to clear it. Lately, it was as though every tear she hadn’t cried had just been backed up waiting to fall. If she started crying again, it could be years before she stopped. She had no time for that sort of self-indulgent bullshit.
She blinked again and turned to face him with a smile. “You’re a fantastic guy. Any woman would be lucky to have you.”
“What if I just want you?”
“I have to go.” She ran to the door with her shoes in her hand. She didn’t look back. She was too weak to face the damage she’d done. She just wanted to keep running. If she ran fast enough and far enough, nothing would ever hurt her again.
* * *
Will had done it. He’d told her how he felt and she’d taken off like the hounds of hell were on her heels. He’d always imagined that when he told a woman he cared about her after they had mind-blowing sex that more mind-blowing sex would occur. Not that she’d be horrified.
He trudged to the shower to clean himself up and rubbed his chest against the ache he felt. “Fuck you, Brian, and your terrible advice,” he said out loud.
Trying was overrated.