When Nathan said “Yes,” at least two people gasped, but I couldn’t be sure whom. Whose question had he answered? Was he crazy about me, or just crazy?

He dragged his hand through his hair, which was really getting too shaggy but he knew I liked to pull on it. He kind of liked it too. There were a lot of things I liked about Nathan, including the warmth of his body pressed against my thigh right then. At that moment his presence grounded me, protected me.

If my head was spinning, I couldn’t imagine how he felt. One night, we lay in the dark with the city alight outside and he revealed a little about his relationship with Benny. The sneer on my stepfath—no, my mother’s husband’s face surprised me, but it surely didn’t faze Nathan.

“I was never good enough, never smart enough, never interesting enough, never whatever enough,” he’d said. I got the feeling he was still bitter and confused about the feelings of guilt and shame that had plagued him since his mother ran off when he was little.

His father had been no help; in fact he made it worse by shipping him off to private school at the age of eleven. I think Nathan had a better relationship with his dad’s driver at the time than did with Benny.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that Nathan’s experiments with punishment were due to some unresolved anger. Yeah, he had Daddy issues. Benny had never been anything but warm and polite to me, but maybe he was just playing nice for my mom.

I poked Nathan’s thigh until he glanced back at me. “It’s okay,” I whispered, wanting to reassure him that I was there for him. As our gazes met, his back straightened at the same time his anger sagged.

With his elbows on his thighs, he leaned forward and clasped his hands together tightly. My own curled into fists in my lap, itching to grip his again and never let go.

“Yes, Zoe and I are seeing each other.”

My heart sputtered and drowned with disappointment. His announcement was so… anticlimactic. Had I really expected him to profess his undying love for me? Well, no. But a girl could still hope, right?

Benny snorted. “Zoe, you should stay away from him. He doesn’t know how to have a real relationship.”

“That’s rich, Dad.”

“Yeah, so are you, and that’s the only way you’ve been able to get women so far.”

My mom’s jaw was becoming unhinged at the vile things her new husband was spewing at Nathan. Benny was lucky I couldn’t see him, because if I had to watch his lips move as they spit out these nasty things, I might leap over there and punch him in the throat. From the lines around Mom’s eyes, she was contemplating it herself. Who was this man?

I wanted to wrap myself around Nathan like a force field, shielding him from his father’s bullshit. And it was bullshit. I hadn’t fallen in love with Nathan for his money.

Wow. I am in love with Nathan.

“Zoe?”

I blinked, startled out of my revelation by my mother’s voice. She had gotten out of the line of fire and drifted to the kitchen island.

“Can I help you make some coffee?” she asked pointedly.

I didn’t want to leave Nathan’s side, didn’t want any distance between our bodies. The imploring look on my mother’s face convinced me that she might need me more than he did right now, however. He squeezed my bare knee, confirming it for me.

“’S’okay. I got this.”

I was less than convinced. However, my mother was banging our cupboards open and shut in her quest, so I left him to it. Please don’t let me down, I prayed silently. Zuzu’s anklets tinkled as she moved around the kitchen.

“I thought you only drank tea now,” I said.

“This is no time for tea.” Thus spoke Zuzu.

Clutching my hands, she whirled me away from the temptation of peripheral vision. “How long?” Her eyes rolled up. “What am I saying, you’ve only known him for two months. Zoe, you’ve only known him for two months!”

“You married Benny after only three months.”

“True, but I put him off for two of those months so he wouldn’t think I was a gold digger. He asked me to marry him on our fifth date.”

I hadn’t known that.

“Do you love him?” she asked me.

“Aren’t you at all concerned? He’s my stepbrother. Like, yuck?”

“Oh please. People are connected on different planes of existence. Blood doesn’t matter.”

“We’re not blood-related, Mom.”

“Then who cares?”

“You don’t?” Mom was always a bit of a free spirit, but I thought she’d at least… Mom me.

She waved her hand. “You’re a grown-up. You know what you’re doing.” Did I? “Look at my baby. You’re a college graduate, living and working in New York… I’m so proud of you!” Tears welled up in her eyes and her grip on my fingers tightened.

“What about Benny?”

“Benny better get his head out of his ass if he knows what’s good for him,” she said darkly. “Is he good in bed?”

I was having trouble keeping up. “Benny?”

“No, Nathan. He looks… strong.” She glanced over at our men.

I wasn’t so blasé that I could control my blushes yet. With my skin, it was possible I’d never be that experienced, unless I started escorting on the side.

“How do you work this thing?” She fiddled with the coffeemaker. “You know, after the monastery we did a Tantric sex retreat, and the things I learned—”

Immediately the patented Nathan Brownlow Halt Hand came up. I’d learned it well. “Stop. Please, for the love of Buddha, stop.”

She smiled gently, her mood calming without the help of tea. Caffeine, however, still didn’t seem like a helpful addition to the situation, so I lured her away from the coffee maker. “Does he love you?”

Thankfully she’d forgotten her earlier question about my loving Nathan. Or she just assumed I did. Regardless, I didn’t know how to respond to this one, either. “Um…”

“Are you sure you and he aren’t just…”

“What?”

“Convenient?” Worry lines bracketed my mother’s eyes. “I know things sometimes just happen when you’re living in close quarters with someone. God knows I’ve read enough books where—”

Halt Hand. “No, that’s not it. We really, uh, like each other.” Didn’t we?

Nathan and Benny stood up and moved to the Den of Iniquity. Oh shit. Did my stepfa—mother’s husband—know about the closet? He probably did. And now my mother would find out, too? Double shit.

Should I follow them or not? By the time I asked myself the question, my mother had already scuttled behind them. After her Tantric sex revelation, would she want to borrow anything? Triple scoop shit sundae with my cherry on top. My heart skipped a beat before I remembered with relief that the wardrobe was blocked by the bed Nathan got me.

Until I rocked up to the doorway and saw it was gone. The Den of Iniquity was now just a… den. “Nathan, what—?”

He met my confused gaze. His frustrated tugging on his hair made it look like he’d been in a wind tunnel, but his green eyes were clear and wide on me. “Yesterday. When you went into work for a while.”

I’d pulled some Saturday time with my mentor brainstorming the safe sex PSA brief. We’d decided our best approach was to go with “safer” sex, since no sex was totally safe.

God, did I know that! Falling into bed with Nathan was easily the most dangerous thing I’d ever done.

All the toys were gone? What did that mean? Disappointment shot through me, followed shortly by alarm that their disappearance meant something more insidious. Did Nathan not want to play with me anymore? Oh my god, did I turn him off of it?

I shook my head. If Nathan could hear my inner voice right now, he’d probably want to slap me—although, apparently all the sexy slapping stuff was gone now. My mother hopped behind me, trying to see inside the room. My “bed” had become a glorified laundry basket, and the room appeared completely innocuous without the Murphy Bed of Merinthophobia.

“So you’re telling me you’ve changed, just like that?” Ben Brownlow had his arms folded over his chest.

“Not just like that. And I prefer to think of it as ‘evolved,’” Nathan said, his panther-like gaze on me before shifting to his father.

“It’s still a mistake.”

“But it’s my mistake to make, as they all have been.” He tugged me to his side, his arm curled around my waist.

I stepped out of his loose hold, feeling cold prickles in my chest. Was he saying that being with me was a mistake? Or was the implied mistake supposed to be mine? Benny nodded at me knowingly. Infuriatingly.

Nathan continued, not noticing I’d moved away. “You’ve never supported me in any way other than financially. Congrats—you did a bang-up job at that, Ben. Believe me, I got a lot more out of your seed money than your actual seed.”

Ouch.

“I see your manners haven’t improved, son.” Ben turned to me. “Zoe, you deserve better than him. I hate to say it about my own flesh and blood, but he’s a power-hungry user. He’ll chew you up and spit you out.”

Genetics at work, I wanted to say. My illusion of Benjamin Brownlow had been ruptured, and I now struggled to reconcile his cruel words with the Birkenstock-wearing middle-aged hipster in front of me.

“I think it’s time we left the kids alone, Benny,” my mother said from the doorway. “I don’t know what you guys are talking about, but hopefully someone will fill me in later.”

I hoped not.

“But clearly we’ve outstayed our welcome—” She was interrupted by both Ben and Nathan’s snorts, which was the only thing they were in sync on. “And well, okay, we’re just going to go.”

With an apologetic smile, she grabbed her husband’s hand and pushed him to the apartment door. Ben’s lips were still curled into an ugly sneer as he bit out a goodbye that sounded more like a warning. Their departure was heralded by the chiming of Zuzu’s anklet bells, like the world’s tiniest cathedral on V-Day.

“Well, that was fun.” Nathan sighed heavily, looking like he wanted to punch something.

“It could have gone better,” I admitted. “Do you think we should have lied?”

“About what?”

Good question. He’d already been lying to himself if he didn’t believe that things like his mother’s abandonment or batshit ex-girlfriends hadn’t affected him. It was unfair of his father to brand him some kind of power-hungry sadist, though, since the only person Nathan had really been punishing was himself.

“Why did you get rid of everything?” I jerked my head in the direction of the den.

“I didn’t think—does it really matter?” He wiped his hands over his face, looking like he’d already had a long-ass day and it was only eleven on a Sunday morning. Something told me we weren’t going to get through the Times today.

It kind of mattered, if it represented his thoughts about a future with me, without me, or some kind of epiphany that he wasn’t sharing.

I gravitated toward him and wrapped my arms around him to hug him tightly. His heart thudded like a nail gun under my ear, and his breathing was harsh in the silence. Smoothing my hands up and down his back eroded some of his adrenaline, though, and soon his breathing was deep and controlled.

“Thanks.” Nathan’s arms tightened around me, and he lifted me off my feet in his embrace.

“F’wha?” I managed to get out.

Lowering me to the floor again, he took my face in his hands and kissed my lips. “For being here, I guess.”

“I love you, Nathan.” I clapped my hand over my mouth, our eyes widening at each other. Shit. That was supposed to be my inner voice.