CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
SERAPHINA
I couldn't pinpoint what woke me that night. Rather than the nightmares that normally sought me out, I was deep in a dreamless sleep. But then something forced my eyes open, a feeling of loss overtaking me that had no reason or explanation.
Climbing out of bed, I went in search of Anthony, a whisper of thought inside my mind that told me I had to find him, that for the first time in the week we'd spent together, he needed me as badly as I'd needed him.
Quickly wrapping a robe around my body, I padded barefoot out into the halls, eventually making my way into the kitchen to find that a door was left open leading to the exterior courtyard.
My brows drew together and I chewed on my lip wondering if I should go outside. I was pulled forward despite my hesitation. When I finally stopped moving, I found myself outside a gate that, until now, had always remained locked.
I knew Anthony told me never to go past the gate, but my curiosity got the better of me, my heart reaching out to something that was beyond the barrier, aching to be saved.
Vacillating between the rules repeating in my head, and the instinctive knowledge that something was terribly wrong - that Anthony was in some way wounded - I pressed my hand to the wood gate, bit down on my lip, and pushed it open.
Beyond the gate, there was a long stretch of white sand. It didn't make sense that a beach would exist this high up on the cliffs, but that mystery wasn't what kept my attention. It was the man standing in the distance, his body illuminated by moonlight, his loose black pants flowing around his legs where they were caught in the wind of a storm brewing on the horizon.
Standing tall, he faced out towards the water, one hand tucked in his pocket while the other held an object I couldn't quite see. His head was angled down, the blanket of sorrow I hadn't seen around him for the past week once again weighing on his shoulders. But even with that weight, he was still the strongest man I'd known. Maybe not physically, but in every way that mattered.
He appeared like a sentinel staring out at the approaching storm, like the last bit of shelter and protection from the chaos that swirled around me could be found in his arms alone.
Taking a few steps forward, my toes sunk down into the cold sand. I paused, unsure of whether I should move forward, afraid that he'd reject me if I invaded this private and personal space.
That fear is what helped me decide to return to the house, but before I could walk out of view, he turned and saw me.
His face was too shadowed for me to see his reaction, and when I thought he'd march over to demand I go inside, he pulled his hand from his pocket and held it out to me instead.
Hesitation caught my step, but rather than giving in to fear, I propelled myself forward on the thought that Anthony had been good enough to save me. The least I could do was save him in return.
Once I was within arm's reach, I took his hand. Not able to force a smile against the lingering sorrow, I hugged him instead. Wrapping an arm around me, he rested his chin on my head.
"You're not supposed to be out here, Mi Bella." His voice was tired and soft.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what woke me, but I felt like I needed to come out here. I knew I had to find you."
Hands moving to grip my shoulders, he pushed me away just far enough to look at my face. "You knew I was upset?"
I shrugged. "I knew something was wrong. And you weren't in bed, so..."
The corners of his lips pulled up into a weary smile. "You have no idea what that means to me. With everything you're going through, you're worried about me."
Teasing him with the hope of pulling him from the clammy grip of true sorrow, I joked, "I'm healing because of you. I can't keep doing that if you're down for the count."
True laughter burst from his lips, his smile magnificent in the moonlight. "No, I guess you can't, can you?" As if in afterthought, he said, "A Master is no good to anyone if he's broken."
"What is this place?" I asked, looking down for the first time to see the jagged rocks below. On a moonless night, it would be pitch black down there, like it was at the cliff where I almost jumped to my death.
"We're in my own personal Hell," he confessed on a sigh. "A place I haven't come to since the day I believed I'd lost everything."
He turned to look down at the ocean, his arm extending as he dropped the rose down into the crashing waves. "You weren't the first woman I found on a cliff intending to jump." His pain stricken eyes found mine. "You were just the first I saved."
Taking my hand, he led me behind him as he walked away from the cliff and further down the beach. He ignored the rain that fell softly, ignored the rumble of thunder in distant skies. Once we were at a far enough distance that the cliff was no longer in view, Anthony sat on the cool, wet sand and pulled me down onto his lap. His hand slid up my body, tugged on my robe until it fell loose and cupped my breast possessively, his thumb teasing my nipple into a tight point.
"Several years ago," he said on a soft voice woven through with regret, "I had a courtesan named Elise. She was young when I procured her, happy, I'd assumed, given the life she'd lived before I found her. But, what I didn't know was that she had also lived a lonely life. Her father took care of her financially, her mother wasn't more than a trophy wife, and both tended to ignore her to manage their own superficial concerns. She was raised by nannies and hired caregivers for the most part. Because of that, I think Elise never learned to fully trust relationships, to never truly believe that a person would be there until the end."
His hand slid from one breast to the other, teasing it just as he had the first.
"When I stole Elise from her life, she broke easily, which is what most courtesans do. Rarely, do we take one that has any strength of will, any hardships they'd suffered that thickened their skin."
My voice a bare whisper tinged with humor, I asked, "And yet, you took me?"
He smiled, the expression not reaching his sad eyes. "Insanity does have its benefits."
I looked up at him, our mouths a teasing inch from each other, the warmth of our breath mingling into a temptation of ecstasy. "You think I'm insane?"
"No, Sera, when I found you, I was the insane one between us."
He grew quiet, his eyes shifting so that he was looking out towards the approaching storm. Rain continued to trickle down, becoming mist across our bodies. His dark hair was damp, water dripping off the silky tips to run along the shadows of his face.
"As easily as Elise was broken and stripped of her personality, she was rebuilt. Or at least, I thought so. Unfortunately, I was spellbound by the arrogance of youth, by the surety that I could never fail in my position as a Master."
Not returning his gaze to me, he admitted, "After a few years, and as I still trained other courtesans while keeping Elise as my own, she became pregnant with my son."
Surprise rounded my eyes, a memory of the swell of my own belly rushing in to remind me of my own child - a child I'd given life, but had never given love.
In the week I'd spent on his island, I never saw a raven haired boy with amber eyes and a wicked grin running around. The sense that Anthony had lost something as precious as I had flooded me.
"Thrilled by the idea of being a father, of raising a son as my father had raised me, I failed to see that the pregnancy terrified her. Whereas Elise could accept the circumstances of her life, could make herself believe she was happy even if it weren't true, her instinct as a mother made her doubt the life I'd given her."
His jaw ticked, another drop of water slipping free of the strands of hair that were wet against his cheek. "I left for business one morning, too busy to listen to her when she came to talk to me. When she persisted, I'd chastised her for daring to believe she was more important than the duties I had within the Society. Because that is what it ultimately boiled down to. My loyalty was to the lifestyle more so than the woman I had every duty to protect."
Not sure I wanted to know the answer, I gathered my courage to ask anyway. "What happened?"
"I failed to see that Elise had regained the loneliness of her youth, that my lack of attention to her was as painful as what she'd lived with as a child. She was terrified of what the future held for both herself and the baby growing inside her."
Releasing my breast, he slid his hand down my abdomen, his fingertips tickling my skin. Stopping just short of a part of my body that would make me squirm to be touched, he spoke again.
"I came home that afternoon with a new woman to train. And after locking her into a room where she could tire herself out by screaming, I was approached by a member of my staff. I asked where Elise had gone for the day and I was told she'd spent it on the beach by the cliffs, the beach I'd created for her."
His eyes closed and I couldn't tell if the drops of water dripping down his cheeks were rain or tears.
"By the time I found her, she was standing on the edge of the cliff, her hands cradling her belly, and an expression on her face that told me I'd arrived too late. I ran as fast as I could, but the sand slowed me down.” He winced. “The sand I’d bought for her was the very thing that kept me from saving her life. I never reached her in time."
He didn't need to explain the details, I knew what Elise had done, and I also knew why Anthony had appeared so full of determination to yank me from that cliff on the night he saw me.
"It has taken me until now to understand that the guilt I carry wasn't for failing to save her. It's from not caring that she had died, but more that she had taken my child with her."
My heart shattered in my chest, fractured into slivers that tinkled like broken glass. Reaching up, I cupped his cheek with my hand, my thumb chasing the drops of water that slid along his skin. "I know the feeling."
His shoulders shook once with silent laughter void of humor. "Do you ever wish you could have your son back?"
I'd given that question a lot of thought through the years, thought that always led me back to the same conclusion. "I'm not worthy of him. I would give anything to know he's safe - that he's happy - but I'm too fucked up to take care of another life. I can barely take care of my own. I've made too many bad decisions. Too many mistakes."
Turning his head, he pressed a kiss to the palm of my hand. "It's not the mistakes that define you, Sera. It's what you do to ensure they're never made again."
"Couldn't you apply that same logic to yourself?"
His eyes met mine, a fierceness returning to them as the storm in the distance grew closer. Without answering the question, he shook his head and said, "I have something I need to tell you."
A heavy breath poured from his lungs. "I spoke with Aiden today. He's found and plans to kill the men who held you. He asked me what you would like done with them."
Anger erupted inside me, the flames so hot they scorched away all fear I'd once had of those bastards. Maybe it was the emotional releases I'd suffered through the past week, or maybe it was a resurgence of the woman I promised myself I would be in the hours and days I was trapped in that pit they called my grave.
"I'm happy with whatever, as long as they're no longer breathing.” Giving it some thought, I asked, “Am I allowed to be there? I think I want to witness what's done to them."
Anthony stilled, his gaze studying my face, surprise a tight line across his features. "Are you sure that's what you want?"
"I want them to see my face when the end comes. I want them to know that for as many times as I threatened them, and for as many times as they laughed at those threats, I was the one laughing in the end."
His hand slipped lower, his fingertip finding and circling a part of me that had me squirming over his lap. Pressing his mouth to my ear, he whispered, "Is there violence inside of you, Sera?"
My answer was spoken on a sensual moan. "Yes."
"Is it a violence strong enough to chase away my nightmares?"
I nodded my head, my mouth opening on another moan full of exquisite, seductive promise.
Seduction was in his grin. "Show me."
So, I did. Pushing him down so that I was the one on top, I showed him every part of me that mattered. My hips moved over his body as he plunged deep inside me. And when I wrapped my hand over his throat as he often did to me, pure fire flashed behind his eyes. Bearing his teeth at me, he gripped his hands over my hips and delivered his own form of sensual pain as I delivered mine.
While the rain strengthened and the skies cracked open with rolling thunder, I released every last bit of fear I had left inside until we were both so sated and wet, that he had to carry me back home to tuck me into the warmth of our bed.
. . .
The next morning was busy. Anthony made arrangements for us to fly back to the States, and for us to travel from the airport to the property where I had been held for longer than I realized.
Although seeing Aiden was one of the last things I wanted to do, it was necessary, and as he'd promised Anthony, he waited on the outskirts of the large farm where my previous owners lived.
The entire ride over, indecision had rolled in my gut. I feared I would chicken out, feared that by simply seeing the scene of the nightmare I'd lived, it would kick me back into the clutches of terror. But when we arrived, when I looked out over the field I remembered running across, barefoot and naked, vengeance sunk its claws in me so deeply that all I could think about was finally ending the lives of two men who had tortured and killed so many others.
"Anthony," Aiden said with an incline of his head. Turning to me, he grinned. "And Kitten. It's good to see you again. I hope you've given your claws a good sharpening in preparation for tonight."
I wanted to scrape my claws across his pretty face, but I refrained. This evening wasn't about Aiden's particular cruelties. It was about two men who hadn't just threatened death on women, but had delivered it as well.
"Fuck off," I finally answered, pulling grins from both Anthony and Aiden's faces.
Aiden laughed and brought his hands together. "Excellent. This evening is already showing promise. And here I thought I'd be bored by a scared little mouse too frightened to face her tormentors."
I had to hand it to Aiden. He had the unique ability to reach in to a person and expertly fondle every button they had. He enjoyed showing you that he could see right through you and touch any part you wanted to keep hidden.
"Continue taunting my courtesan, Aiden, and I'll knock your ass to the ground and finish what I started in your office."
Aiden's grin widened into an amused smile. "Spoken like a true Master. It's good to see you've returned."
Judging by the bored look on his face, Anthony wasn't as amused.
"While this reunion has been fun, we have work to be done." Aiden strode across the field leading us in the direction of the main farm, not bothering to look back at us as he detailed what they'd found before we arrived.
As I walked through that field, the buildings a shadow on the distant horizon, I wasn't concerned with the details of what Aiden had found. The only thing that concerned me was seeing to it that the disgusting acts those men had committed would finally come to an end.
Every so often, fear would trickle down my spine, but I focused on Anthony's presence instead, knowing without doubt that if a moment occurred where I fell victim to that fear and hesitated in any way, it would be Anthony's violence that would strip the lives of the men who should never have been given the right to own me.