Emerald

“Emerald,” Micaden whispers against my skin. His lips trail down my stomach while his hands push my knees apart, and he settles between my legs. “Wake up, baby.”

With my eyes closed, I lace my fingers in his hair, not wanting to face the world yet. “It’s early.” The birds chirp loudly in the background through the open window that Micaden always keeps open, so the fresh air will create adorable, as he calls them, goose bumps on my body, and then he can spend hours devoting his time to them.

“Wake up, baby.”

A hard push comes from behind, and my eyes snap open again when something presses against my mouth, although I don’t register what it is. But a hand presses and I take it, only to inhale deeply as the oxygen travels through my system. Then I understand I have an oxygen mask on me, and I can see, albeit blurrily.

Kaden clicks his fingers in front of my face while he still holds me, and I nod at him, but then I see another figure cutting the rope that is still attached to my foot with a knife, yet it takes a long time under water.

This feels so surreal I’m sure I’m dreaming. Or maybe that’s what happens in the afterlife? They show you what could have happened, and then you see the light to go to heaven?

I’ve had enough of hell already.

By the blond hair, I realize it’s Micaden, and finally the weight falls away from my foot, and when Kaden gives him a thumbs-up, Micaden’s finger wraps around mine, but I don’t see him following us.

In fact, he’s struggling with the knot himself. The rope is so long he must have tangled his foot in it too.

Micaden raises his head toward us, and I would gasp if I weren’t in the water, because he’s not wearing a mask, and Kaden doesn’t either. Micaden points upward, but I struggle, my feet and hands flying in different directions while keeping a tight hold on his hand, but slowly he lets go, his fingers slipping through mine as Kaden takes me up, up, up, and all I see is Micaden falling farther and farther away from me.

In this life or the next… some love stories are just not meant to be.

Micaden

There are many versions of the mermaid fairytale around the world, but the most prominent for me was always the one written by Hans Christian Andersen.

In his version, the mermaid loves the prince so much she begs the witch to give her an opportunity to be with him. She gives her tongue and voice in exchange, but the witch also warns her if the prince doesn’t fall in love with her and marries someone else… she’ll die of a broken heart.

The prince falls in love with another woman, and her sisters give away their hair in order to get a special knife from the witch for her so she can kill the prince. Only then she can survive, but the death has to come at her hands.

They wait for her as she goes there, and she wants to do it, but she can’t.

Instead, she kills herself, because she prefers him to be happy with whoever he wants, rather than to live in this world knowing he no longer exists. The mermaid sacrificed herself for the man she loved, giving him unconditional love.

And today, the tables have turned.

Because I saved my mermaid, and she no longer has to live with sacrifices.

I made them all tonight.

The water finally becomes unbearable, and I close my eyes and open my mouth, welcoming the death I can’t avoid.

I’ve been running away from death’s arms for a long time, but she’s finally caught me. And it’s a magnificent ending, for what a way to die.

Saving the woman I love while the ocean takes me deeper and deeper in its arms, the ocean that always used to be my home.

Now it has become my graveyard.

And oddly enough, all I want to do in this moment is smile for the last time.

Emerald

I cough up water, my lungs burning from inhaling so much fresh air after being deprived of it, and I open my mouth to speak, only to cough again. “It’s okay, Emerald. Deep breaths,” someone soothes me. I don’t even know who he is, but then I lurch to the edge of the boat, screaming, “Micaden.”

“Emerald, no.” Kaden wraps his hands around me, and even though it feels like I can’t control my body, I try to move again, but he holds me tight in his arms, between his legs, pressing me to his chest where we sit on the floor and sobs shake my body. “Please, Kaden. Save him.”

“I can’t,” he says, pressing his lips to my head, and tears slide down my cheeks, because he saved me today, and now he’s dead.

“He’s the best diver. He’ll survive. You need to call for help,” I rasp, wiping away tears and turning around while looking at all seven men surrounding me. “You need to do something. He’s alive. Why are you standing here?” Hysterically, I hit Kaden’s arms when he tries to hug me again, but I’m having none of that, scooting back and demanding, “Do something, Kaden. You always have a way.”

“I don’t have one this time.”

“No!” I shout and clamber to the edge of the boat, wanting to jump again, and I don’t care if I die with him.

How could he have done this to me? Why didn’t he take me with him? How could have he left me here without him with this agony in my chest that will never go away?

“Micaden,” I whisper, but then strong arms wrap around me again. I take comfort in Kaden’s hold while the pain I’ve been blocking away for so long comes crashing back at me, and I faint, finding solace from the anguish burning in my chest.

But then I’ll have to get used to it, because it won’t ever let me go.

Just like the memories.