Courtney
Wife.
I’m still shocked when I think about the fact that I’m a wife now.
I stare down at my princess cut diamond ring. I’d been surprised when he proposed to me over Thanksgiving break. And further undone that Mom gave her blessing. But what really blew my mind was that he didn’t wait. When Monday rolled around, he dragged me to the courthouse and gave me his last name.
So I gave him my heart.
“You’re stalling,” I tell him playfully when his palm slips under my shirt.
“I’m just saying hi to the chipmunks.” He pushes up the material and his lips find my skin near my belly button.
“They’re napping,” I tease. “But they’re getting bigger by the day. They’re going to need a room soon. Mom and Keith said they’d come over and help us paint once we get the room ready.”
He sits up and nods, his brows furled together. “I just hate saying goodbye.”
“You’re not saying goodbye,” I assure him. “You’re just organizing her things and making room for the babies. If you’re not ready we can always do your old room—”
“I’m ready.” He rolls out of the bed and pads out of the room barefoot.
“Like right now?” I laugh and Harvey Benjamin perks up from his perch on the recliner.
“No time like the present,” Rome hollers.
I ease out of bed and motion for HB. “Come on, kid. Let’s go help your daddy.”
I’ve spent the past hour going through her desk drawers while Rome tackles the closet. When he grows quiet, I cast a glance over my shoulder. He sits on the edge of the bed with Raven’s journal in his hands.
“What is it?” I ask cautiously, knowing full well there are horrible things about him that he’s been reading.
“I found this under her mattress. She documented all of it. Just about every damn time that motherfucker would rough me up.” He turns a page. “This is hard to read and yet I can’t fucking look away.”
I stand and make my way over to him. Once I sit, I wrap an arm around him. “Let’s do it together, okay?”
He nods and we begin reading.
He’s beautiful. I can’t believe I’m crushing on him. But he says he can help—that he’ll even help for free. I’m going back tomorrow to discuss it in more detail.
I remember reading this several months ago. I’m anxious to learn more—to discover what sort of secrets it is that she wanted Rome to find based on her poem that directed him here.
Who would’ve thought that Whitney’s dad would be the one to help me? He’s so nice. When I asked him about what happens to kids in abusive situations, he didn’t sugarcoat things. They get sent to other family members or foster homes if their parents are deemed unfit. Since we only have one parent and no other family, Rome and I could be looking at being taken apart from each other. I’m scared to be away from my brother. I told Mr. McConnell this. He was concerned for Rome but especially me. Some of the things he’d asked about were horrifying and embarrassing. Of course my father doesn’t touch me. Ew. The problem with my father is that he beats on my brother. One day I’m afraid he’ll kill him. Mr. McConnell says we’ll come up with a plan. He didn’t tell me his hourly rate. I’m afraid to ask. We’re going to meet again next week to discuss.
Rome turns the page and his hand shakes. I can’t tell if he’s upset or furious or what. The next entry is a week later.
Wow. $300 an hour! I can’t afford a lawyer. I’d nearly given up, but then Dad beat his fists on Rome’s back so many times my brother passed out. All because he didn’t like the seasoning Rome used in the meal he cooked for us. Why can’t Dad just be proud of him? Rome is smart and wants to do right by our family. It breaks my heart. The only thing I can do is try and keep Dad happy. I smile and laugh like Mom used to do to calm him. It always seems to work. I’ve even taken to pouring his drinks for him once he gets home. He doesn’t know it, but I add water to his glass to dilute the alcohol. I’m sure he’ll be angry if he ever finds out, but I don’t care. He’s not as violently drunk when I pour his drinks.
Rome turns the page and it fast forwards a few weeks.
All was well for a while, but then Dad got sick. His liver is shutting down. The drinking is bad on his liver and yet he still does it. Dad is pissed about the hospital bills. Those three days were like heaven, just Rome and me at the house. It was quiet and for once my brother was able to relax. But now Dad’s back home and being the monster we all know so well. When I kindly reminded him that he shouldn’t drink, he started screaming at me. I’ve never been so scared of my father. Rome threw a chair at him. Dad, despite being weak from his hospitalization, leveled my brother with one powerful punch to the jaw. I’ve picked up some extra shifts at the diner. I’m going to go see Mr. McConnell again.
“I’m so sorry,” I breathe and lean my head against Rome.
His voice is husky. “I’ll never be like him. I swear it.”
“You’re not a monster,” I agree.
He lets out a heavy sigh and turns the page.
Mr. McConnell held me while I cried. Promised that everything would be okay. He even said he’d take the case pro bono and to put my money away. I’ve never been so happy in my life.
The next entry takes place a couple weeks later.
Rome and I celebrated our 17th birthday alone. It was the best birthday ever. Dad got wasted after work at the bar and went home with some woman. I’d called Pete who owns the bar to check on him. Once I realized he wasn’t coming home, I drove my brother to our favorite burger place and treated him to anything he wanted. Rome drew me a raven. I told him I wanted it as a tattoo. My brother laughed at me and told me I wasn’t allowed to get a tattoo. In another year, we can break free from Dad. Our lives will be much easier. We just have to last until then.
Rome turns the page and something wet hits the page. When I realize he’s crying, my pregnancy emotions overtake me, and I burst into tears. Neither of us speak as we continue reading.
I HATE DAD! Why does he have to keep hurting my brother? I was sneaky and took some pictures of Rome while he slept. So many bruises. When I sent them to Mr. McConnell, as evidence, he called me right away and asked me to come see him.
The next entry has me gasping and Rome fisting his hand.
He kissed me. Jackson McConnell kissed me. I’ve never been kissed before. I was taken by surprise, and slightly horrified, until he chuckled against my lips. “You’re beautiful, Raven. I couldn’t go another minute without tasting you.” My heart has been hammering away ever since. He’s been working hard building a case against Dad. Jackson, as he has begged I call him, says he will put my dad away for the way he’s hurt my brother.
“He fucking kissed her. I’m going to kill him,” Rome threatens. “That sick asshole.”
He turns the page.
Today, on the way to Jackson’s office for the third time this week, I ran into Whitney. She stared at me with her mouth open. I could tell she knew. The kiss wasn’t just once. It was the first of many. I don’t know how she knew, but she did. When she called me a whore under her breath, it took everything in me not to cry. But I don’t cry. Not in front of them. I gave her a polite smile and then went into her dad’s office. We did more than kiss. I’ve been floating on a cloud ever since.
“What the fuck did they do?” Rome roars so loud it causes me to jump.
“I don’t know. Turn the page.”
I think I’m falling in love with him. It’s wrong because he has a wife, but when he’s kissing me, it doesn’t feel wrong. When he touches me, I forget my name.
We read several more pages where she talks about how wonderful he is and how he tells her he’s going to leave his wife for her. Rome is so enraged, I think he’ll burst a blood vessel.
We had sex. It was nothing like I imagined. It hurt. Then, his phone rang. He shooed me out of his office. God, my chest feels as though it’s been cracked open. I’m supposed to be helping Rome and all I can think about is how much Jackson has hurt me.
“She lied,” I choke out, my own chest feeling as though it’s cracked open. “She told me she was a virgin.” A tear rolls down my cheek. “She told me she’d never been intimate with anyone. Why did she lie, Rome?”
He leans over and kisses my wet cheek. “You lied too. Sometimes it’s easier being someone you’re not.”
He’s sorry. When he called me this afternoon at the diner, I’d been shocked. I drove to his office after my shift and he apologized for hours. This time, the sex didn’t hurt. I felt loved. Does he love me too?
The next entry takes place a few months later.
When I asked Jackson how the progress was going on the case, he blew up. Yelled at me in his office for being an impatient brat. I felt like I’d been hollowed out. Instead of letting him break me, I offered to pay. In another six months, Rome and I will be graduated. We’ll be adults and can leave Dad. What am I even doing with Jackson? Is he playing me? I got my answer when he bent me over his desk and apologized once more until I was screaming his name in pleasure. He stroked my back and told me we already have an agreement. Does this make me a prostitute?
Rome flips the page and the journal skips nearly six months.
We’re over. After nearly a year of fucking me, he can just let me go as if I mean nothing. The kids at school have their stupid unimportant problems. Meanwhile, Rome and I deal with shit nobody should have to deal with. He’s still getting his ass kicked every other day and I’ve been having an affair with an older married man. When I demanded to know what was happening with the case for the hundredth time, he told me he was bored of me. Laughed and told me I was gullible white trash. That he fucked me because he could. I’m devastated, but mostly I’m furious. If it weren’t for the fact that Rome and I will be eighteen in another month, I’d do something about Jackson and what he’s done to me.
“I don’t think I can read this anymore,” Rome snarls. “Not without wanting to murder that man.”
I clutch his hand and kiss the raven on his throat. “I’m right here. We’ll do this together. Her story needs to be told.”
He slightly nods in agreement.
He’s sorry. Imagine that. Always sorry when he wants a booty call. He’ll be sorry all right. This time, when I went to his office and let him fuck me, I left my heart at home. I can think better when it’s not in the way.
“What do you think that means?” I ask.
“I don’t know.”
This guy. His threats are disgusting. Not only has he not lifted a finger in trying to put my dad away for child abuse, he’s threatened to represent my father for free. Jackson claims I seduced him. What is wrong with him? He told me he’d deny us ever having a sexual relationship. That nobody believes the creepy kid. They believe the successful, married attorney. People like Raven and Rome Murray don’t have a voice, according to Jackson. I showed him my voice when I yelled, “Fuck you.” He made sure to have his security escort me from the premises. I heard his stupid threats, but I’m not afraid of him.
“That sick bastard,” I huff. “He did the same thing to me.”
Rome lets out a ragged sigh. “I can’t believe this shit.”
This year’s birthday sucked. Dad was an asshole and couldn’t even be nice during dinner. Rome cooked Mom’s lasagna. I thought it was even better than I remember hers being. Dad said it tasted like “almonds or some shit.” He’s losing his mind. It was cheesy and garlicky and perfect. I think he must be having problems with his liver again, though, because I ended up taking care of him as he puked the rest of the night. At least he didn’t drink.
Rome snaps the book shut. “I can’t read this anymore.”
I pluck it from his grip. “We have to.”