Chapter Sixteen
Claire
I was laying my head on Rogue’s chest, eyes closed and breathing calmed down. I could think, but in all honesty, I didn’t want to.
“Claire?”
I sighed because obviously, Rogue had different ideas.
It would have been fine if we’d just let things go as they were. I’d do my best to make sure it didn’t happen again, but that would just be an awkward thing to ask for when we were still naked and entwined together on my bed.
“Are you pretending to be asleep?” he asked after I didn’t answer for a long time.
“I’m not pretending or anything,” I murmured. “What is it?”
Guilt had already started to settle in for me. I had come home, early at that, with a clear objective. And yet, it was so simply thrown out the window so easily that I felt a bit ashamed of myself. Maybe it was because we’d already been together before, and it was only a day or two ago, so my mind and body still remembered his touch and how good it felt. But I had no self-control around him.
So then, didn’t that mean, no matter what I resolved in the end, this would never stop?
“I just wondered…” Rogue muttered.
I wanted to let out another sigh but held myself back. If you didn’t have anything to say, then you shouldn’t have interrupted.
The atmosphere had been soft and fluffy; I almost thought I would have fallen asleep, no matter how early it was or the fact that I hadn't had dinner yet. But now that he’d broken that bubble, I could feel the tension starting to grow. I wondered if I was the only one feeling it.
I was in his arms and it felt a bit uncomfortable, I squirmed against him, trying to get him to release me. I wasn’t trying that hard, though. At first, he tightened his arms so I couldn’t move, but then loosened them. Only, once he loosened his arms, I stopped trying to get away. I didn’t want to get away.
“We have to stop doing this, you know?” I said after a long pause, breaking the silence between us. “Fucking, sleeping together, however way you want to say it, we shouldn’t be doing this.”
I’d moved away just enough so our bodies weren’t plastered together, and I looked up at Rogue to see he was frowning at me like he didn’t get what I was saying. I tugged the sheets up to cover myself, hugging my chest.
“Rogue, I’m supposed to be looking after you, but you know, this isn’t how I’m supposed to do that. I’m not going to say it felt bad or that I regretted it or anything, but can we stop?”
His lips flattened as he looked at me with the frown on his face deepening further. It was not the kind of thing he was expecting me to say, but what else could I say, anyway? That it would be fine if we continued, anyway? This was already…was it the third time? That we were supposed to go to the hospital and didn’t in the end. This was the second time that happened because we were fucking each other, instead of focusing on what was more important.
“The hospital,” he murmured, his brow clearing as if he’d just remembered.
I sighed and looked at the clock I had on my wall. It was technically only meant for decorative purposes, but I still knew how to read it.
“Sure, we need to go, but we can't go anymore. Just look at the time already.”
He followed my gaze. “Is it late?”
“It is. Even if we got dressed and jumped in my car to go right now, and I violated every traffic law to get us there, somehow in one piece, we wouldn’t be allowed to go see him, no matter what.”
“Damn,” he muttered, then sighed. “And your mom? Will she be sent away?”
“I’m not sure, to be honest. She does spend some nights at the hospital, but it’s not like she stays with him. It’s not safe, with his condition.”
I was going to have to apologize to Mom for this once I saw her. Of course, there was no way I would mention to her that we slept together, but I could just make up some excuse for being late. She wouldn’t mind, though she would feel a bit disappointed.
Unlike me, she’d been looking forward to Rogue being released from prison. I was sure she wanted to see him, but she wouldn’t be the one to make the first move. She knew exactly where I lived, and considering she did leave the hospital sometimes to go home, and the fact that she knew exactly where I lived, not to mention had both our contact information. The reason she hadn't tried to contact Rogue yet was that she was waiting for him to show up at the hospital and meet his dad before his illness progressed much further.
She was so eager for it to happen, and yet here I was putting it off by getting distracted.
“So what?” Rogue said.
I turned my head sharply toward him, ready with a glare and some harsh words, but he spoke before I had the chance to.
“If there’s no more time to go today, then we can just go in the morning. Bright and early, no matter what. I’ve put it off for too long.”
“I’m not going to be your booty call or convenient fuck, Rogue,” I growled setting the record straight about what was going on between us. I didn’t have a clue, but I knew that I didn’t want to be his little booty call.
“Hell no!” he agreed, a little too easily. “Technically, I’m the one living with you, so wouldn’t that make me the booty call?”
I snorted and rolled around, about to get out of the bed.
Did he think I didn’t know how much he didn’t like me? He hadn't exactly been hiding it. Before he went through his rebellious phase, it probably wasn't dislike, but I was sure it grew into that. He’d been against us staying together as much as I was, and now he wanted to not only keep staying with me, but to sleep in my bed, too?
It was pretty obvious to see what changed his mind about the living arrangements.
He could try hunting down all his favorite women from before, I griped in my mind. Or better yet, find someone new and stop messing with me.
I was doing my best not to think too much about it, but he was raising my hopes up, and that would be dangerous for me because it was impossible for many reasons.
Rogue was not my boyfriend. To him, this was all probably just fooling around.
I felt his arms wrap around me and hold me back. He dragged my back against his chest and curled his legs underneath mine, so I had to fold my own as well, spooning me from behind.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I asked, stiffening. “I just said we need to stop doing this, right? So what the hell do you think you’re doing right now, huh?”
He hummed as he nuzzled the back of my neck. “There’s nowhere for us to go until later, right? So there’s no need to leave the bed, is there?”
I didn’t want to, but I was already melting against him. It was too comfortable, feeling a man holding me that way in my bed. I’d never had it happen before, so it was a novelty for me, and I knew I would miss it once he got tired of me, so it was one more thing I needed to guard against before I got addicted to it.
“Rogue…” my voice was a low murmur, trailing off after I said his name because I had no idea where I was planning to go with that idea, anyway.
“We’re not doing anything wrong,” Rogue said. “Or hurting anybody. If you don’t want anyone to know, then it’s not like I’m going to tell anyone. I promise I’ll listen to you, really listen to you, later. But just for tonight, stay here?”
His arms squeezed lightly, and I was reminded of that look in his eyes when I got back home. He had looked all well dressed, and he was standing right in front of the door. Was he planning to go out? Maybe to the hospital? And I stopped him from having to make the decision right then?
I could tell he felt some disappointment about missing the chance, but not nearly as much as I thought he would feel. He was holding me so tightly, but maybe it wasn’t just to keep me close? Maybe it was something he needed?
Could Rogue have chickened out of seeing his dad because he was scared?
The moment that thought entered my mind, it refused to leave it. In the end, I sighed and tugged gently on his arms. Reluctantly, he loosened his hold, and I turned around to bury my face in his chest and wrap my own arms around him. Spooning felt nice, but to me, pressed chest to chest with our legs tangling together was the best position. I had always wondered what it would feel like to sleep in the same bed with someone else and actually be this close. It wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable as I used to think it would be.
“We'll talk tomorrow, you hear me?” I threatened with no heat. “I don’t care if it’s before or after we go to the hospital, or on the trip there, but we are talking, Rogue.”
Rogue just chuckled and held me closer, burying his face in my hair. In short moments, his breathing and heartbeats had calmed down as he fell asleep. I felt drowsy, lying next to him so that I could sleep.
It was way too early and we didn’t even eat dinner. Yet food was the last thing on my mind as I finally drifted to sleep.