Caraleigh

 

I lay in bed that night and can’t get my thoughts off my son. He’s having such a rough time since his father’s death. Graham had ignored some symptoms he was having and ended up with Stage Four colon cancer. Major surgery had left him with a colostomy bag, but the damage was done. The cancer had metastasized and within two months, he was gone. I can only do so much for him, be so much to him. He needs more, he needs a man to show him the way. Sure, my brother is around and involved, but not the way Luca needs. Unless Chandler decides to move closer, his involvement will now be limited. He needs someone full time, someone who can help him grow and develop into the kind of man I pray he will become. If only I could find that kind of man, I can’t help but think. Lord knows Graham didn’t help when it comes to the way I view men. He became so cold, distant and neglectful and ignored me in every way a man can towards the end of our relationship. He never noticed if I was in the same room as him, he chose to ignore me more than talk to me. He was such a good dad though, too bad that didn’t extend to me, are my last thoughts as I drift off to sleep.

I wake the next morning with a very excited little boy jumping on my bed. “I getsta go to a new school today Momma, hurry up and wakes up sleepyhead.” I love his musings and the way he says certain words. He is the only joy I have left in my life, my failure as a wife still weighs on me deeply. I am determined to be the best mother to my little boy.

“Alright, alright, I’m up already,” I say to him as I sit up in the bed and pull him into my lap for some cuddle time.

“Momma, no cuddles we havesta get ready,” he says in his little boy excitement.

“Your clothes are laying in the living room on the couch, go get dressed while Momma does.” He runs off in excitement. He loves making new friends, too bad I don’t. I have friends, ones who will be here to visit soon, but making new ones isn’t my cup of tea. I like my circle of friends, meeting new people always terrifies me, never knowing who you can trust.

After getting clothes on I go into the bathroom to brush my hair and teeth, looking into the mirror I can see how tired I look. My looks definitely tell the tale of what life has been like for me lately. Taking my eyes from the mirror, I pull my long hair into a ponytail and call it good enough. Not like I have anyone to impress these days anyhow. Coming out of my dark thoughts, I know I need to get this day going. I need to feed Luca and get him to brush his teeth, a task that is easier said than done. I decide to make him a big breakfast for his first day at a new school, pancakes and bacon—his favorite. I’d rather be able to give him something healthier, but today is a special occasion. Once he is done I know the tough part of the morning is just beginning.

“You need to brush your teeth now that you’ve eaten a good breakfast.”

“But Momma…”

“Now young man.” I give him my best stern mom look so he knows I’m not playing around with this.

“Okay Momma,” he says to me as he hangs his head in defeat. Why he hates to brush his teeth so much is a mystery to me.

Once teeth are brushed and lunch is packed Luca and I run out the front door in a rush, his fear of being late for his first day is amusing.

“Lily, slow your britches,” I hear coming from my left.

“Nan, we have to hurry or I’m gonna bees late,” I hear a little girl respond. Looking around, I see an older woman with a beautiful little girl that she’s finally caught up to. I smile and chuckle a little, it seems we are both suffering from over-excited children this morning.

The older woman, who the girl called Nan, grabs her hand and turns seeing me standing there smiling at them, with Luca’s hand in mine.

“Good morning,” she says to me.

“Morning, I see we both have excited children this morning,” I say to her.

“My granddaughter loves school. Are you new around here dear?”

“Yes ma’am, we just moved in yesterday and today is Luca’s first day.”

“How exciting, this rambunctious little girl here is Lily.”

“Hello Lily, this is my son Luca...say hello to Lily, Luca.”

“Hi.”

“Hey,” she responds, “wanna comes plays with me after school today?”

“Yes! Can I Mom?”

“Sure you can, buddy, once homework is done if you have any.”

“I can if I dossen’t have any homework after school. If not I can play,” he tells her like she didn’t hear me when I responded to him.

“If you don’t have homework,” I correct him. He scowls at me unimpressed with my interference.

“That’s what I said Momma!” Some days correcting his grammar just isn’t worth the effort. He gets upset and offended, especially if I do it in front of other people.

“You’re right, it has the same meaning.” Man, being an adult and a parent isn’t always fun. I hate adulting!

I walk up to Nan, saying, “I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself, I’m Caraleigh Jensen.”

“You can call me Nan, dear, everyone does except for my son Braxton and his friends. They all call me Mom, all of his friends have since he was a young boy.”

“Well, I better get this guy off to school, it was nice meeting you Nan and Lily. Come on Luca, let’s get you to school.” I turn and wave at Nan who is still standing in the same spot watching me. Once I’m in the car I notice her moving towards her own vehicle. I wonder why she was just standing there staring at me?