Lark
Why do Monday mornings suck so bad?
Even as a self-proclaimed workaholic, I’ve always found myself dragging ass at the start of each week. My usual level of loathing is even worse than usual thanks to Rowen and his magical words. He’s been busy whipping up a brand-new fairytale for me to fall helplessly in love with, effectively distracting me from reality and piles of paperwork. Regardless of his enchanting persuasion, indecision still swims within the irresistible urge to surrender everything to him.
Can I really trust him?
When Rowen confessed how long he’s gone without sex, I almost choked on my tongue in disbelief.
How is that possible?
He’s so sexy and handsome. Successful and driven. Plus, he has a way with words that should have a hoard of hussies falling over themselves to get him. It’s very possible Rowen has exceeded all the expectations I created once upon a time. He’s far superior to any guy I dreamed up—the real Mr. Right ready to sweep me off my feet. I just have to let him.
We’ve been texting nonstop since he left my apartment yesterday morning and my cheeks hurt from grinning so much. Our banter makes me giggle and swoon, which is another cause for concern. I didn’t think this giddy girl existed within me anymore but with each message, another chunk of my resistance dissolves.
His last words were so sweet, I can’t help re-reading them as the zero productivity continues.
Rowen: Is it too early for you to move in with me? Waking up alone blows. Plus, watching you sleep in a huge bonus. Even if you snore. How am I going to last a week without seeing you?
My chest aches at the reminder of his extended absence. Already missing him this much should scare me, but Rowen has made it very clear how much he cares for me. I’m terrified of getting too attached but he easily calms my fears by being overly affectionate. I love it. A lot.
I’m finding myself effortlessly swaying toward Rowen as he continues to prove me wrong. My jaded complex about men has held me back but he’s given me no reason to hesitate. I’m tired of being closed-off and alone, this frosty attitude is exhausting. Rowen is confirming unconditional love is possible, which is what I’ve been frantically searching for. So, what the hell is my problem? Why can’t I just let go and take the plunge?
I wish this didn’t have to be a debate but a lump lodges in my throat as I recall years of emotional anguish. If only time can rewind so we could go back. Rowen’s reassurance then would have meant everything to me. Now I’m a scorned woman with a crippled perspective toward relationships. In spite of all that, he’s still managing to soften my jagged edges as he seeps through my tough exterior. Rowen could really be the one to fix it after all.
As I’m busy battling my conflicting thoughts, Willow walks by and I call out to her. When she steps into my office, a pleased smirk is already lifting her lips. “Hello to you too. Ready to thank me for getting involved?”
I snort. She’s so full of it. “Whatever. You’re ridiculous.” I’ll never admit she was right for forcing my hand but her sneaky move ended up helping. “Speaking of Rowen—”
She cuts me off while sitting down across from my desk. “Who’s talking about him? I just wanted a little appreciation for all my hard work.” Willow laughs and the pure joy lighting her up is infectious.
My smile spreads wider. “Listen here, there is a reason I wanted to chat. Stop interrupting me with your nonsense. Just hear me out, okay?” She rolls her eyes but motions for me to continue. “Do you believe in soul mates? Like destiny and fate?”
A cackle bursts out of her. I should have known better than to ask. Willow starts flapping her chaps before I can tell her to forget it. “Have you met me? And my fiancé? Lark, you’re the one being ridiculous. I believe Xander and I defied the odds stacked against us but I give credit to something beyond our control too. Not only were we separated and suffering, but we had to keep fighting for our happily ever after.”
Willow ditches the goofy attitude and gets more serious as her stare lasers into me. “I still think about the moment Xander showed up at my house. I couldn’t believe it. I’d described the neighborhood a few times during random conversations and maybe mentioned my address, but there was no way I expected him to come find me. How is that possible? When I asked him, Xander told me he just knew—like this crazy gut-feeling deep inside. He had to find me and there was a driving need pushing him. It didn’t hurt that he gave the truck driver my general location based off memory but it’s more than that. You know? There is a greater power at work and I absolutely believe that.” Her soft voice is bursting with a sense of wonder and trust that captivates me. I want to believe so badly.
We sit together in silence while I determine what to divulge. Obviously there’s a reason I asked and she’s not going to walk out of here without knowing why. I fidget and fuss with my hair to keep occupied while Willow continues to patiently wait me out. Finally I blow out a heavy exhale and decide to go for it. Desperation to get this weight off my shoulders practically forces the words from my mouth.
“I think Rowen is the one,” gets blurted far too loudly for the small space we’re in. And after taking a much needed breath to calm the eff down I add, “I mean, I really like him. He’s so perfect, all the time. How can he be so amazing and single? I don’t get it. And why me? I’m such a basket case. I’ve sworn off finding a guy to settle down with and then Rowen stomps back into my life. I think it’s time to try again.” My lungs are burning from oxygen deprivation as my eyes cloud over with unshed tears.
Shit, this can’t happen at work.
Willow reaches forward and grabs my hand, giving it a quick squeeze before releasing. Her comfort makes me want to cry for a totally different reason.
Why am I such a train wreck?
She interrupts my mini-meltdown with some sound advice. “Want to know what I think?” I’m nodding manically before she finishes the question. “I’m not about to sing but sometimes you have to just let it go by trusting in destiny. Let blind faith lead the way and take a chance. There will always be crap to get over because life isn’t meant to be simple. Finding true love is worth it.”
I haven’t told Willow enough about my disastrous dating history for her to understand why that isn’t so easy for me. She’s right though. If I want the ultimate reward, there will be a decent amount of risk. Rowen is different than any dumbass from my past and I need to get over the assumption he’s going to leave me. It’s time to trust again.
After swallowing the lump of emotion in my throat, I’m ready to respond. “Thank you, Willow. I needed to hear all that. You’re a really good friend. And I’m sorry about all this,” I wave a hand around my face, “craziness. Maybe I’m coming down with something.” I attempt to keep my tone light but nerves are skittering up my back. I’m going to give Rowen a chance but it still scares the hell out of me.
Willow chuckles while raising a questioning brow. “The only thing you’re sick with is L-O-V-E.” Apparently she feels the need to spell it out.
I scoff to hide my truth. “Let’s not go too far. Who knows if he even really likes me.” I’m lying through my teeth but she doesn’t know that. Rowen has made it clear that he wants everything to do with me.
Now it’s Willow’s turn to huff. “Okay, Lark. You’re the queen of being guarded and you’d never ask me about soul mates if Rowen wasn’t interested. You’re so full of bologna.” Her typical sass is back with an added smirk.
My skin is getting itchy with her attention locked on me so I change the subject. “Enough about me, Future Mrs. Dixon. Anything new with wedding plans?” We talked about her upcoming nuptials in great depth a few days ago but this is a foolproof way to get Willow off my case.
“Not really. I talked to Wren yesterday and she promised to be here. Rodeo season or not. She can’t come to the bachelorette party but that’s expected. You’re coming though, right? It’s only a few of us but you’re my only other bridesmaid so you better show up.” She switches topics without batting a perfect eyelash.
Willow’s question has my face heating as I recall Rowen asking me something related to that night as well. Of course she notices. “Why are you blushing, Lark? You better not be planning to have a stripper show up.” She holds up her palms, as if that will stop me from inviting naked men to her house. “Xander will be there and I’m not interested in getting a lap dance. Please tell me you followed my carefully laid out, strict instructions.”
“Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence. Bridezilla much?” I lift a snarky brow her way. “Rowen asked me to be his date. That’s it. Satisfied?” My bridezilla comment goes right over her head since she’s focusing on the mushy part.
Go figure.
Willow starts bouncing in the chair while clapping her hands like a child with a sugar-high. “Oh my gosh, you two are totally going to do it!”
“Seriously, Willow? Do it? You can’t even say sex?”
“Quit being—”
She stops mid-sentence as Cindy, the director around here, pokes her head into my office. Her beautiful gray eyes seek out my friend. “Hey Willow. Sorry to barge in but there is a parent here to see you.” Then she disappears from sight. That’s how our boss works, fast and efficient.
Willow stands and starts walking out but pauses before reaching the door. She glances back over her shoulder and says, “Don’t think I missed that bridezilla dig. We’ll talk about that later.” She winks, wiggles her fingers at me, and strolls away.
I’m still shaking my head at her goofy antics when my phone chimes next to me. A quick glance at the screen has my pulse accelerating as the buzz in my stomach.
Rowen: Sweetheart?
I scroll up to discover there are a few missed messages from earlier.
Rowen: We just landed and I’m already counting the minutes until we leave again.
Rowen: How many cups of coffee so far?
Rowen: I’m going to assume it’s a busy morning at work and you’re not dodging me on purpose. I miss you, Vix.
How did I not see these?
Instant guilt and worry attack my renewed determination as the familiar destruction comes barging in.
Will he forget about me now?
Does he think I’m too busy for him?
I chop down those shitty thoughts before they take root. Rowen is different and I won’t ruin this by letting the real crazy get ahold of me. I can’t stop my hands from trembling but my response gets sent regardless.
Me: I’m glad you arrived safely. Sorry it took a bit to respond. I didn’t hear my phone. Willow was in here.
Of course he responds instantly—crushing any lingering doubt.
Rowen: There’s my girl. Thought you ran off on me and I’d have to chase you all over again.
Seriously, this man is what dreams are made from. Not sure I’ll ever tell him that but . . .
Me: Still here, Casper. I’m not planning on ditching you anytime soon.
I’m giving in. The pounding in my soul won’t stop until I try. Rowen would be the only one, the perfect match for me. He’d be the end, my prince in the castle. If I let the walls crumble and obliterate my defense shields, he can be all mine. I’ll be completely exposed and vulnerable—no more hiding and running away scared. I’m about to dive in, cannonball splash style, with my entire body.
Am I ready for that?
Hell yes.