The BFF
I took the first boat leaving Marie-Galante back to Guadeloupe. I arrived without any dramas and, luckily, a different crew and set of passengers were aboard the boat. It was still early when I got to the hotel but it was already beginning to buzz with activity. The staff were flitting around but as most of the guests were from our wedding party, it wasn’t surprising that most of them were still in their rooms.
There were two people having breakfast in the open-air restaurant and one other person sitting and looking at the menu. Anya. Why she was looking at a menu I had no idea. It was the weekend and Anya never ate at the weekend.
‘Anya, hi,’ I said fidgeting from one foot to the next.
‘Magenta, hello.’ She didn’t look up from the menu.
‘Joining us for breakfast, miss?’ asked a bubbly-sounding waitress nodding to the chair opposite Anya’s.
‘Um, thank you,’ I said and tentatively sat at Anya’s table.
‘It vos a lovely day yesterday,’ said Anya not looking at me. ‘You all looked so beautiful. You made a great job of your Mother’s vedding dress?’
I smiled even though Anya wouldn’t see; she hadn’t looked up.
‘She looked amazing,’ she went on, trailing a finger down the breakfast menu.
‘Thank you, Anya. So did you. Well, as usual, I suppose. Really glamorous. You were the only one who didn’t seem to be bothered by the heat.’
‘You’d think the sun vould thaw me out vouldn’t you?’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘Come off it, Madge.’ She pulled the menu from her face. ‘I know vot you think about me. You think I’m cold and heartless.’
‘I never said that.’ I’d raised my voice. The waitress bounced over and asked what we’d like to order. Anya grabbed her wrist.
‘Some of that cinnamon toast and any conserves you have.’ Anya’s eyes never left mine. The waitress turned to me.
‘Just coffee, please,’ I said.
What seemed like half an hour passed by before either Anya or I uttered another word. For two people who would normally talk non-stop when they were in each other’s company, the silence was painful. The waitress placed a pot of coffee between us on the table.
‘Shall I pour?’ I asked. Anya nodded.
I did so with a nervous hand, trying to summon up the right words. I put the coffee pot down and looked up at her.
‘Anya, I’m sorry. I’m really, just so incredibly sorry. I-I don’t know where to start. When you told me about the … the baby, I had a bit of a meltdown. It was a lot to take in.’
‘Vot do you mean? You act as if I am the only person in the vorld who ever had an abortion.’
I looked over my shoulder at the neighbouring tables. ‘No, I know you’re not the only person,’ I said. ‘I just didn’t expect to hear you say it.’
‘Vye, Madge? I told you, there’s no room in my life for a baby. You know, you vere the only person I could tell that to and I didn’t think for one minute you’d react like that.’
‘I shouldn’t have done, I know.’ I put my head down. ‘It just caught me unawares. It just sounded so … I was worried you might regret it.’ I looked up at her. ‘People become pregnant by accident, sometimes and sometimes they want to keep it.’
‘I’d said, Madge. I didn’t.’
‘I know you didn’t.’ I’d raised my voice. I checked myself and continued. ‘But I did.’
‘You vonted me to keep the baby?’ She looked puzzled.
‘No, well yes but I didn’t mean you, I meant me.’
‘You vonted my baby?’
‘That’s not what I mean. I mean I was pregnant, Anya. I had a miscarriage. It happened not long before you told me you were having an abortion.’
Anya sat up straight, eyes not moving from mine. For a moment she was speechless, her lips in a tight line. Finally, she reached across the table and took my hand. She shook her head, hand over her mouth.
Just then her toast arrived. The waitress placed it in front of her and worked around our hands across the table so that she could place the butter and various jams.
‘Madge, vye didn’t you tell me?’ she said as soon as the waitress had gone.
‘I don’t know, I really don’t. Up until that evening, the evening you told me about … the time never seemed to be right. I’d planned to tell you that night. I would have done except … except –’
‘Except I marched into your house and declared myself a killer of babies.’
I laughed, not a proper laugh. Just a nervous one, more of an expression of relief for having told my best friend the reason I treated her so badly, finally having admitted it to myself.
‘I get it, Madge. You vere hurting. You must still be hurting. Is that vye Anthony is not here? The miscarriage made you grow apart?’
‘I always admired your powers of deduction.’ I laughed. A real one this time. ‘I really needed you when Anthony and I began to drift. That’s what happened to us after that. I thought one day we’d drift back together again but the complete opposite happened. I’ve been a complete bitch to you and I’ve messed everything up between me and Anthony.’
‘Look, Madge, I completely understand about us but listen, you and Anthony? You can’t take all the blame for a break-up. It takes two, right? And vot a break-up. I thought only dynamite could part the two of you.’
‘Evidently not. All it took was one little embryo and a very full bladder.’
‘Vot?’
‘It’s a long story. But you, how have you been? I see you have a new dog.’
‘Me? A dog?’ Anya grew paler than normal until a moment of realization spread across her face. ‘Oh you mean that photo, the one outside the café. Ignore that. I’d only just sat at that table to say hello ven I heard the cameras. It vosn’t my dog or my bag. Michael Kors? Magenta! Please.’ She was genuinely hurt by the suggestion. ‘And anyvay, vot about that scene you made at that bar I saw you at? Are you seriously friends vith those Stepford Vitches? I thought ve hated vimin like that.’
‘I know. We do. But I was lonely.’
‘Lonely or desperate? It’s a good thing I’m back in your life. Who knows vere you’d end up.’
We laughed for ages, talking and catching up on the wasted weeks of what was ordinarily an amazing and valued friendship. I wasn’t aware of time going by. Anya and I had lots to catch up on.
‘Fancy a walk on the beach?’ I asked her. ‘My flight isn’t until much later.’
‘Mine is tomorrow,’ said Anya. ‘Let’s go.’
It wasn’t until a few metres from the hotel that I remembered I’d seen Anya eating toast.
‘Did you forget yourself, Anya? You were eating breakfast. Must be the heat making you do crazy things.’ I linked her arm.
‘No it’s the baby. I’m eating for a human as vell as an anorexic model.’
I stopped in my tracks.
‘Whoa, wait a minute. Baby? But I thought …’
‘You thought wrong,’ she said, meeting my gaze. ‘I decided to keep it.’
‘But … really?’ I gasped. ‘I’m really, really happy for you. I mean I’m assuming that you’re happy about it, too?’
She nodded. ‘Hard to believe isn’t it? But I really am … now.’
‘I’m confused, though,’ I said. ‘You were drinking cocktails yesterday.’
‘Non-alcoholic ones, yes.’ Anya suddenly looked sheepish. ‘I hope because I’m keeping it, that it’ll be okay. You know? Since you lost yours and everything.’
I threw my arms around Anya to show her how happy I was for her.
‘I hear it’ll change your life,’ I said to her. ‘You and Henry will be so happy.’
‘Oh that,’ she said. ‘Vell, I took your advice and talked to Henry about the baby.’
‘Was he the one who talked you into keeping it?’
‘No, he was all for the abortion.’ Anya continued to walk along the beach. I caught her up.
‘But he had a change of heart?’ I asked.
‘Not really,’ said Anya. ‘Seems Henry was more convinced than I vos that he didn’t vont to parent a child. Vell not for the fifth time and not at his age, apparently. Honestly, you’d think I vos trying to trap him the vay he vos going on. In the end I’d had enough. I told him to fuck off and I’d do it on my own.’
‘What?’ I pulled her to a stop. ‘But your career, Anya. Aren’t you worried?’
‘I’ll still have my career, for as long as I’m vonted anyvay. Ve all know a model’s career can be as short-lived as the next new face that comes along. Soon no one vill be booking me, no matter how much I starve myself. And I can’t exactly starve myself now, can I?’
‘No. No, you can’t.’
We carried on walking for ages, holding hands most of the time and saying very little. It went without saying that we’d both missed the other and that if Henry wasn’t going to be there for Anya, I certainly would.
I sensed a deep feeling of joy having Anya back in my life. It was so easy to turn things around with her. She was as desperate to have her BFF back as I was.
In a while we headed back to the hotel. At the restaurant I noticed Amber and her family having breakfast. Tallulah rushed towards me, the front of her dress covered in crumbs, and she had a milk moustache. She ran into my legs forcing me to swing her upwards.
‘Uncle Anthony is here.’ She grinned and gave me a sticky, milk kiss.
‘No, Uncle Anthony couldn’t come to the wedding, darling,’ I said.
She wriggled in my arms and pointed to the restaurant. As she did so, I saw him. Anthony was at a table just inside the restaurant. He was looking straight at me and slowly rose to his feet.
I took Tallulah back to her table.
‘You wait here for me, Tallulah. I’m just going to speak to Uncle Anthony.’ I turned to Anya. ‘Do you mind?’
‘You don’t need to ask. Go for it.’
Anya sat with Amber and her family and I could feel all of their eyes boring into my back as I walked over to Anthony. He’d begun to walk towards me, too. We stopped, awkwardly, in front of each other.
‘Can we talk?’ he said.
I nodded. He followed me to my hotel room.