HEELEY
I force the forceps inside the wound, the tension of his muscles press back against me, and Chains jolts with the pain, but he doesn’t make a sound. Only his face contorts in the agony as his hands ball into fists. I try not to think about all the things that could go wrong at this moment.
The fact that if I push the bullet further in, and it hits the femoral, I could cause it to rupture and then he could bleed out in a matter of moments.
No, I don’t want to think of that right now.
Right now, all I want is to get this fucking bullet out.
As I dig in deeper, the rush of actually feeling my instrument inside human flesh is igniting a fire inside of me, and I concentrate even harder as I feel the tap I’ve been waiting for. I hesitate for a moment, but I think it’s what I’m looking for, so I move the forceps the right way to maneuver the bullet out of his body.
Chains is taking this like a fucking champ, and even though he’s starting to squirm a little now, I’m almost done as I slide the bullet out from his body. It leaves with a slight squelching sound as a small flow of blood pushes out with it, and I quickly place some gauze over the wound. Chains lets out a heavy sigh, and Lift bursts out into a round of applause making everyone close by turn around and look at me.
“Well done, Heeley. You didn’t need me at all. I’m actually impressed,” Bex tells me, and I look up to her as I place the bullet into the same container as Surge’s, the ding resounding through the room as the bullet lands in the silver bowl.
Pride filters through me as my chest swells with excitement.
“I knew you could do it.” A deep voice makes my knees weak, sending a shudder right through me as I slowly turn around to see Torque standing back watching me. His eyes looking heavy with the burden of the world on his shoulders. “You did fuckin’ amazing.”
A slow smile creeps up on my face, but Chains lets out a small groan making me turn back to face him. “Fuck, that hurt,” he grunts out making Bex laugh.
“God, you’re such a wimp. Here, have some drugs, and I’ll make sure everything’s okay, and then I’ll stitch you right up.” Bex throws a bottle of pills at Chains, and he smiles at her with a nod.
“Thanks, Bex, give me all the drugs,” Chains says, and it’s the first nice thing he’s said to her.
“Don’t thank me, thank Heeley.”
He looks at me and nods. “Thanks, foxy,” he calls out.
I raise my brow that he’s calling me that too, and let out a chuckle.
Torque turns to me and smiles. “Some of my men have grazes that need sutures. Think you can handle that? If she’s not needed here anymore, of course, Bex?”
Bex nods and smiles. “Sure thing, Pres. I have to suture up Chains, then I can move onto Lift, and the main casualties are done. I think Heeley can manage some sutures. She knows the basics, all she has to do is follow what she’s learned, and if she needs help, she can ask me.”
“Thanks, Bex. I really appreciate it,” I state.
Torque grabs me and my kit then leads me off. I notice his bicep is bleeding, and it sends an ache into my chest as I look down to his arm.
He follows my line of sight and shakes his head. “I’m fine, just a scratch. You can look at me last. I have others that need your help. Okay?”
Nodding, I weakly smile and walk with him to the other side of the clubhouse where he leads me to Scratch. I guess he’s known by that name because of the scar that runs through his eyebrow. He’s sexy as hell, though, and he has a couple of blood patches on his legs and arms. I’m guessing they’re just grazes from the size of the blood patches.
I tend to him, only one of his wounds needed sutures, the others can heal with butterfly stitches. The bullets merely nicked his flesh. He’s lucky.
The next to be seen was Ace. He was much the same. Two wounds in his leg that needed butterfly stitches. He’s such a nice guy, and his man bun is still totally drool-worthy.
Trax was next and was his typical self. Having met him twice now, he knows how to keep me on my toes. But he had one bullet wound that was a little deeper and needed some irrigation, but the bullet wasn’t in his flesh. Which was good. It just nicked him too.
These boys are lucky.
Sensei was the weirdest one of them all. He had no injuries, but he watched me the entire time I tended to the other brothers. I didn’t feel like it was because he was watching to make sure I was doing things right, I felt like it was more because he was trying to make sure I was okay. I felt more of a protection vibe from him.
It was actually kind of nice. I really like him. Even though he looks strange and talks kind of odd.
I like his uniqueness.
After I had tended to everyone and Bex was finishing up with Lift, the last one to be looked at is Torque. He made sure I looked at all his injured brothers before I even thought about taking a look at his arm.
But now, everyone’s done, and Bex is cleaning up all the freaking blood everywhere as I sit down on a couch next to Torque quietly on our own, and I’m finally able to check out his arm.
I place my kit down and open it up pulling some new gloves on. I’m going to be out in a flash at this rate. I look back to Torque to see him pulling off his cut, and then his shirt, and I open my eyes wide as his stomach with those abs come into view. Then my stomach clenches as I see his arm, riddled with a line of blood which is still dripping from his bicep. He sits back down, and I shake my head while everyone goes about their business around us.
I take a deep breath as I look at the wound trying to ascertain whether there’s a bullet in there or not. It’s deep, but I think, by the position of the bullet graze, that maybe it skimmed his bicep and went straight past.
He lets out a small exhale, and I feel the silence between us growing into an awkward tension as I try to figure out how I want to play this.
Do I want to talk to him about what the hell happened?
If I do, does that mean I’m accepting to know everything about the club?
Does it mean I’m willing to be with him knowing that this is going to be something that happens?
He reaches out placing his hand on my knee, making me look up at him. “Talk to me, foxy.”
I slump into the seat and look up into his eyes, his are heavy with concern. “I… I don’t even know where to begin, Torque.”
He grimaces as I look at his wound and decide to keep busy getting the irrigation liquid and rinsing out the wound. He jolts with the pain of my movements, but I keep going.
“Look… we left things pretty much up in the air. And now this has happened… I just don’t know what or how to think.”
He winces again as I wipe away the residual blood to begin his sutures. He lets out a heavy sigh. “I know we were gonna let you have some time to think, and now you’ve been thrown into the deep end. You’ve seen the worst of the worst, Heeley. It’s not always like this. It’s just… at the moment, the situation with the Andrettis is volatile. I didn’t fuckin’ see this coming.”
I let out a scoff as I grab the thread and needle driver, then continue with suturing him up. He doesn’t flinch, even though I’m threading a needle into his skin without local anesthetic.
These bikers are bred tough.
“The thing is, though. Is this only the beginning with the Andrettis? What’s going to happen on your end now? Are you going to want payback when you’re all fighting fit again? Is this going to escalate? Are more people going to be put in danger?”
He lets out a small chuckle. “That’s a lot of questions.”
I glance at him with a frown. “And they’re all valid, Torque. This life, this war you have… if you keep going the way you are, it’s only going to end with all of you dead. I don’t know if I can be around for that. I don’t know if I want to be a part of that,” the last sentence comes out barely a whisper.
He slumps his body as I finish up the last suture, and he drops his arm turning to face me. I pull off my gloves throwing them to my first-aid kit, and he immediately takes my hands in his. “Heeley, I know this life is dangerous. I know what you’ve seen here today is a shock for you. I get that—”
“Speaking of shocks. Who’s Zoey?” I burst out not knowing what was going to come out of my mouth.
The fear in his eyes tells me she was, or is, someone huge in his life. He looks away from me, and a sinking feeling rolls through my stomach. His jaw wracks from side to side. “Who told you about her?”
As my muscles tense, my brows pull together. “Neala. She told me she used to calm you.”
He runs his hand through his hair and stands up grabbing my hand and pulls me with him. I open my eyes wide at him. “Torque… Torque… Rylan!” He stops, looks at me and I gulp. “Where are we going?”
He takes off again dragging me with him. “To my room. We need to talk in private, not in a room full of brothers.”
My feet can hardly keep up with his long-as-fuck strides as he pulls me through the clubroom, down a hall to his bedroom on the left. He pushes open the door, and it slams against the wall. He walks us in, then grabs the door and slams it behind me. He turns letting me go and begins to pace the floor as I take a look around the room as he continues on like he’s losing his shit. And I honestly don’t know why.
“Rylan, talk to me.” I step forward, he glances at me and stops his pacing, running his hand over the back of his neck. His neck muscles tense so much a vein sticks up on the side, and I wonder if he’s angry or upset.
I can’t tell anymore.
“Zoey’s my wife,” he spits out.
The air is knocked from my lungs as I stumble on the spot. I open my eyes wide at the harshness of the blow. My stomach turns on itself, and I slump over trying to gather my thoughts as he steps up to me grabbing my shoulders. But I shrug out of his grip and begin to pace.
“It’s not what you think, Heeley.”
Tears prick in my eyes, and I shake my head as bile rises in my throat. “You… you’re married?”
“Technically.”
I sink further into myself.
My body shaking at his deception.
“But, before you go off thinking what you’re thinking, I have to tell you everything.”
I scoff and turn away from him trying to hide my tears. “I’m not sure I want to know, Torque.”
He steps up to me, his hand gently grabbing my elbow, and I shudder at his touch. “Heeley… Zoey, she died… six years ago.”
My stomach catapults through the floor and straight into the bowels of hell as I spin around to face him. My eyes are so wide that the tears which were threatening to fall are now not able to be held back, and they cascade down my face. “Your w-wife d-died?” I murmur, and he nods, his eyes now glistening too.
I let out a half-moan half-sob as my hand rushes to my mouth to try and hold in my emotions. I’m feeling everything right now. Grief for him, sadness, but also undeniable anger and hurt that he didn’t think I would want to know this massive fact.
Why the fuck didn’t he tell me this before, and what else is he hiding?
“That’s not all,” he murmurs as if to read my mind.
My muscles tense, and I look into his eyes as his face contorts in obvious pain. “When she died...” his eyes glaze over, “… she was eight months pregnant with my son.”
My skin riddles in goosebumps as a cold sweat invades my entire being. My body sinks, feeling like the world is caving in on me. I let out a gasp as I bend over grabbing my knees in an attempt to pant for air.
He was married.
With a baby on the way.
And they both died.
Holy!
Fucking!
Shit!
He steps up beside me, his hand gently places on the small of my back to try and soothe me, but I can’t seem to catch my breath. Shaking my head, I feel sick. My stomach’s churning at such a high rate of knots, I don’t know if I can hold it together.
Knowing he had a life, a happy life, and it was ripped away from him kills me. He’s supposed to be a father, a husband, and right now he’s living the life of a widower.
I don’t know how to handle this. Everything hurts too much.
I have this overwhelming sorrow for the man I care about, and yet at the same time, I have anger that I feel is misplaced because he didn’t tell me. What am I supposed to think? Should I be attentive to his needs? Should I be angry? I don’t know what to fucking think.
My mind is this crazy mess of emotions which are all swirling around making me feel, in some ways, that I’m losing my damn mind.
I want to take him in my arms, tell him everything is going to be okay, comfort him in the best of ways, but at the same time I kind of feel betrayed. Should I? I have no idea.
“H… Heeley?” His voice cracks like he’s unsure of what else to say.
I stand up looking at him as my body tenses. His eyes look into mine, and for a moment we stare at each other, his full of loss and pain, mine full of sadness and some kind of anger.
He reaches out grabbing my hand, and I let him as his face contorts, and he shakes his head. “Heeley, I need you to know—”
“Was it Andretti?” I blurt out interrupting him.
His eyebrow raises, and he slumps his body slightly. He shakes his head and exhales. “No.” I relax, but only marginally as he softly pulls me over to the bed, and we sit on the edge taking the tension down a notch as he sits next to me. His thigh sliding next to mine giving me the type of comfort I actually need right now. He looks down to the floor but threads his fingers with mine holding my hand.
“My father, Guinness… at the time, he was the President of the club, and I was just a patched member. Zoey was my Old Lady, and things with the Andrettis were at an all-time crazy. Dad was dealing with Enzo’s father, Stefano. But Dad and Stefano were even worse than Enzo and I are. A deal was trying to be brokered, and Dad sent me and the guys to go and check it out. He didn’t want to be there to threaten the agreement.” He lets out a small chuckle. “Dad could be a hot-head.”
I smile and tighten my hand in his, continuing to listen.
“So, anyway, while I was busy dealing with the fuckin’ Italian Mafia, Zoey was here with Dad. She was like a daughter to him. He loved her and looked after her. She was, after all, gonna give him his first grandson…” He squeezes his eyes shut and then reopens them. “I mean, we were young, but we were in love. We got married at eighteen, she was pregnant at twenty…” he trails off, and I look up at him with a weak smile. He turns to me and finally looks me in the eyes. “Zoey was only three weeks away from her due date, and while I was out, she started having pains. So Dad took her straight to the hospital while my Mom tried to get in contact with me. By the time I got outta the dealings with the Andrettis, my cell was blowing up.”
My body tightens, and I shake my head. “There was a problem with the baby?”
He shakes his head. “No. On the way to the hospital, a drunk driver ran a red light. Slammed straight into Dad’s car. It rolled four times.”
I let out a gasp, my free hand shooting straight to my mouth in shock as I try to hold back my tears.
“I lost my dad, my wife, and my unborn son all to one drunk fuckin’ driver.” His face hardens as he looks at me, and I can’t control my tears as they freefall down my cheeks.
My bottom lip trembles as my body begins to shake knowing what he’s been through, mixed with the trauma I’ve been a part of today. Everything is starting to be a little too much.
“Jesus, Rylan… I don’t even know what to say.”
He nods and looks away from me down at the floor. “There’s nothing you can say.”
Taking a deep breath, I look at him. I can see the way he’s hurting over this. I mean why wouldn’t he be. He lost the three most important people in his life in one stupid instant. But that unsettles me. It makes me feel like maybe it answers some questions that needed solving.
“Torque, are you still in love with her?” I blurt out.
His head snaps up to look at me, curiosity etched in his features. “What?”
I let his hand go and stand up needing some distance from him. “Zoey… do you still love her?”
His face falls, and he studies me intently. “A part of me will always love her, Heeley. It’s not like we broke up, or she left me…” he pauses, “… she died. I can’t just turn that off.”
Nodding, I chew on my bottom lip and fold my arms over my chest more to protect myself from falling apart. “So then… if you’re still in love with another woman, why try to start something with me?”
He grimaces and stands up so fast I almost step back from the shock of it as he strides up to me placing his hands on my arms and looks into my eyes. “Heeley. A part of me will always love Zoey. But it’s been six years, and I know she’s never coming back. Holding onto my love for her won’t do me any good. I need to move on. I need to let her go. I know that now, and I believe I can do that with you.”
My stomach churns, and a wave of nausea hits me. I stumble slightly as I shake off the adrenaline coursing through me, and he holds onto me firmer looking in my eyes assessing me. I take a step back from him giving us a little distance as his eyes droop watching me break away from him.
“Torque… Rylan… I just… this is so much… so, so much. You came swooping into my life and have swept me up in this world of anarchy and madness. All I’ve known since you came into it, is Italian Mafia men hunting down women, street fights, shootouts… which I still have no idea what happened here today, and me being thrown into the medical deep end… and you keeping huge life-changing secrets from me. I mean, it’s carnage and chaos, and I can’t wrap my head around any of it.”
He nods letting out a heavy sigh. “It’s too much… I’m too much.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement, and he and I both know it’s the truth. A truth neither of us wanted, but a truth nonetheless.
Sniffing back, I nod, and he turns away from me, his hand running through his hair in frustration as I tighten my arms around myself even further for my own comfort.
He heads off pacing the room, his feet thumping the carpet heavily. “So where does this leave us?”
Shaking my head, I slump my body. “I think you know.”
He turns back to face me, that sad look back on his face as he shakes his head and winces. “We could have had a good thing, you and me. But you’re probably safer without me.” His words, they rip through me even though I knew they were coming.
Hell, I’m the one doing this really.
Wiping a stray tear from my face, I sniff and let out a heavy breath. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be the woman you wanted.”
He smiles and steps up to me, his hand moves to my cheek caressing it with a little more force as he sweeps back into my hair. I melt into his arms as he stares into my eyes. “You’re still the woman I want, Heeley. That hasn’t changed,” he confides then pulls me forward planting a hard kiss on my lips.
My body reacts before I have time to think, and my arms wrap around his neck, my fingers threading through his hair holding him to me. Our tongues collide and we kiss—tongues, teeth, everything crashing in a frenzied, passionate, all-engrossing kiss—like it’s the first time. The chemistry is sizzling through the air as his body presses against mine completely. I feel all of him, including his freshly-formed hard cock that’s pressing into my lower stomach. It makes me moan into his mouth as his hand in my hair tightens harder, and I mold into him completely losing myself in him. The kiss is hungry. Needy. Desperate.
His hand snakes down to my ass, his fingers tightening on my flesh and pressing my hips closer to him, so I’m rubbing against his erection.
This is getting heated and fast, and if we don’t cool it down, I’m going to end up taking my clothes off. So regrettably, I slow the kiss, and he follows my lead. His hand detaching from my ass, sliding to my waist and gripping on as the kiss slows to a stop.
He pulls back and looks into my eyes, our foreheads touching as we pant breathlessly and look into each other’s eyes.
His concerned stare tells me everything.
He knows, just like I do.
It changed nothing.
I slowly detach from him, my breathing trying to come back to normal, and I straighten out my top as I look to him one final time. “Goodbye, Rylan.”
He merely nods but doesn’t say anything in return as I spin heading for his door. I open it, hesitate, but don’t turn back as I walk out, my heart feeling heavy as I close the door with a click.
The sudden unmistakable sound of something smashing in the room, followed by a deep, heavy grunt startles me, but I need to follow through.
I’ve made my decision.
I have to stick to it.
This life—it’s too much.
It’s too high risk.
I need simple… right?
Taking a shaky breath, I walk back out into the clubroom, and Neala is by my side almost instantly. I smile weakly as she approaches.
“You look sad. Are you okay?”
Shrugging, I swallow hard. “Honestly, I have no idea.”
Neala wraps her arm around my shoulders and pulls me to her. “I know this would have been an eye-opener for you today. But trust me, these guys are tough, and they look out for their own. I know all this was scary for you, but don’t worry, Torque will always look after you. He cares about you too damn much to let anything happen to you.”
My stomach sinks, and I wince as she watches me. I don’t know if I should tell her or not. But I figure I should probably just get the hell out of here.
First, though, I need to thank Bex.
“Hey, do you know where Bex is?”
She nods with a smile. “Yeah, just over there, with Chains. Giving him a lecture probably.”
I raise my brow. “So, are they like… a thing?”
Neala bursts out laughing. “As in a couple? Oh God no. Don’t ever say that to them. Both of them would probably stab you. Chains and Rebecca Kline are brother and sister.”
I let out a puff of air which blows my hair back. “Wait… what?”
She nods. “I mean, not like blood brother and sister, but Bex’s parents took Chains in as a foster child when he was like ten or something like that. So yeah, they’re family. They consider themselves siblings. They fight like brother and sister that’s for damned sure.”
“Huh… would never have guessed. I thought she was a scorned ex-lover.”
Neala chuckles. “Ha! I would love to see you tell her that.”
Shaking my head, I purse my lips. “I think I better not. Thanks, Neala.”
She smiles. “Call me Lala, everyone else does.”
Nodding, I give her a brief smile and then take off toward Bex and Chains. As I approach, I hear them generally chatting in a witty banter until Bex notices me and smiles wide.
“Heeley… just the woman I wanted to see. Sit. I have a proposition for you.”
I nod and take a seat between her and Chains.
“You did great work today. I checked over everyone you worked on besides Torque, and I love your skillset. It does need a little improvement, but for your first attempt, and with the right mentoring, I think I could have you working wonderfully.”
Raising my brow, I wonder if I caught that right. “Umm… wait, you could have me working wonderfully?”
She nods. “Yes. I’d like you to come in under me and do some training at the hospital. I’ll take you in and teach you the ropes. You can shadow me. Of course, it won’t be hands-on, but it will be a foot in the door before med school. What do you think?”
Opening my eyes as wide as my mouth, I gasp. “Shit! Are you kidding me?”
She laughs. “Nope. Not kidding. Deadly serious. But I won’t have you messing about. I want full commitment.”
Nodding, I smile. “Yes, of course. Full commitment is what you’ll have for sure.”
She smiles and pulls out a business card and hands it to me. “Here’s my card. Call me tomorrow when we’re all a little more focused, and we’ll arrange a start date and time.”
“Wow! Thank you, Bex.”
She nods. “And from now on, I’ll be Doctor Kline. Have to be professional. You understand, Heeley.”
I nod. “Yes, Doctor Kline.”
She smiles, and I take the card from her and stand up. “Thank you, I’ll call tomorrow.”
“Talk soon. Good work today.”
Smiling, I turn and head over to my first-aid kit and start to pack it away feeling a mixture of emotions. I’m elated that I’ve been given a great opportunity to work with Bex, but equally devastated that things with Torque are officially off the cards.
My smile falls, and I finish packing up my bag as I turn, taking in the clubhouse. I doubt I’ll ever be here again. I take a deep breath looking at all the men and women here. Yanking the strap over my shoulder, I spin and head for the door, not taking a second look as I head out to my car. The feeling of dread washes over me as tears well in my eyes at the loss of something that could have been so good, but the ever-present dangers are just too real.
So I have to leave.
It’s the right thing to do.
Especially now my career is heading in the right direction.
This is the right choice, Heeley.
I have to just keep telling myself that.