Chapter Eleven
Jake felt his troubles drift away as his plane left the ground. Lily was here beside him, on a trip he’d wanted to take her on since the moment he met her. He wasn’t about to let her spend the holidays alone, and he didn’t want his grandmother to have to do the same, either. He was managing to make both the women in his life happy at once. He knew better than to think it would happen often. Still, it made him feel like the cat that swallowed the canary.
“Most people get anxious at take-off. Did you take something?” Lily asked.
“Nope, this is all you.” He reached across the plush chairs and squeezed her hand. It amazed him how much closer he felt to her now than he had three months ago. Giving her the space to find her way to him had been a gamble, but she was coming around. Once he got her all the way, she’d never leave. A rush of excitement thrummed through him, and he tried to bring himself back down to earth.
She didn’t love him, and she probably never would. But she was growing to like him, and that was enough for now. That, coupled with the fiery passion sizzling between them, would be enough, more than most people ever got.
Lily still held all the cards though. He hated not having the upper hand. He wanted to explain to her about Dee, even her ridiculous notions about Susanna, but he didn’t want to set a precedent where he’d have to defend himself every time she saw him with another woman. His mother had spent her life trying to justify herself to his father and never could. Lily would have to learn to trust him or deal with her own insecurities. Maybe once she agreed to marry him, he might explain. Once.
He didn’t want to think about anything negative. They were on holiday, after all, and that included a break from worrying about their future.
He cleared his throat. “Have you been to Hawaii?”
She shook her head. “Dad preferred the Caribbean.”
“It’s amazing. A few short hours in the air and it’s like being in another world.”
“Have you always gone there?”
His shoulders tensed when he thought of the first time he’d arrived in the islands. “Only since my mother died.”
Lily’s brows knit together. “Where did your grandmother live before?”
“She hasn’t left the islands in about thirty years. It was my mother who left.” He shifted in his seat, knowing he’d never get comfortable while talking about this, but realizing that if he didn’t tell Lily, his grandmother would. “My mother was very young when she met my father. He was a fisherman who didn’t care that she was seventeen. But then he never cared about much beyond himself.
“When they found out she was pregnant, he spirited her away to Alaska. No one in her family heard from her again. They didn’t even know about me until I came to tell them their daughter was dead.
“I was angry and wanted some kind of retribution for how they’d abandoned her, how they’d never come to save us. But they didn’t know. They’d looked for her, but the trail stopped dead in Alaska. He couldn’t keep a job long-term, so they moved a lot. Alaska for crab and cod, Washington for salmon and sturgeon, halibut and tuna in Oregon. When I started school, we settled in the city, and he’d be gone for stretches. She could have left him then. I don’t understand why she never did.”
He waited for the pity, for the more probing questions he’d have to refuse to answer, but they never came. Lily merely squeezed his hand, rubbing her thumb over his.
“Your grandmother must have been comforted to see you, even though it was a shock.”
“I don’t know if it was at first. I look an awful lot like the man who took her daughter. But she welcomed me from the beginning, even when I was resentful and hostile. It didn’t take long for me to warm to her though. She looks like my mother, and when we first met, I took comfort in that.”
“It sounds like the two of you have quite a bond now. I hope I won’t be interfering with your time together. I don’t want to intrude.”
“You couldn’t. She’s been expecting you.”
“Why would she do that?”
“Because I told her I’d met the woman I was going to marry. She’s been after me to bring you to her ever since. Though when I said you were finally coming, she did have a talk with me about the propriety of maintaining separate bedrooms while under her roof. If it wasn’t so funny, it would have been mortifying.”
Lily’s eyes widened. “We can’t share a room. Even at the penthouse you’ve never—”
“Calm down, angel. If I only wanted you in my bed, you’d have been there by now. I have too much respect for you to put you in a situation like that.” Not that he hadn’t come damned close to losing control once or twice.
“I don’t know if I believe you.”
“With the way you behave, I should be the one who needs protecting.”
She pulled her hand from his to whack him in the chest. Thanks to the smile on her face, he had to grin back.
He took her hand again, resting it on his thigh. “I’m glad you decided to come, Lily. I’ve spent so much time with you lately, I don’t know what I’d do without you to talk to. I’d always want you around, except I think about you naked every two minutes, and I’d accomplish nothing all day, and you’d never have a moment’s peace.”
Lily chuckled and leaned back in her seat, as relaxed as he’d seen her in months. His chest swelled with pride that he’d been the one to relieve some of her tension. If only she’d let him take it all away.
…
First class had always been good enough before, but Lily could get used to flying on a private jet. The privacy and quiet took all the stress out of traveling during the holiday season. As they stepped off the plane, the humid air wrapped around her like a hug, and the sun shone on her face.
The warmth relaxed her completely, and her last vestiges of doubt about whether she should have come evaporated. She saw him reaching for her hand as they walked from the tarmac toward a waiting car. Before, she would have either ignored the gesture or hidden her hands behind her back. He’d been a dream on the plane and had taken her to paradise, so she slipped her fingers against his.
The whole trip she’d been thinking of what life would be like if she’d never known him, or if he wasn’t so determined to have her. The problems her father had would still have wreaked havoc on her life, but the aftermath would have been much messier.
Her home would have been sold to strangers, her degree forgotten, everything she managed to salvage would have been sold while she found a job that had no possibility of supporting her. Because of Jake and his kindness, she’d been allowed to grieve in the only home she’d ever known, finished her master’s, gained marketable job skills, and found a friend. A real one.
He was honest with what he wanted, and so was she. Still, he’d built up her confidence, given her a chance to learn the business her father had created, and helped her find an enthusiasm that lived within. It made her happy not to have to share him with other women for a while, his grandmother notwithstanding. It would give him a chance to see a life without his string of mistresses, because Lily found herself on the verge of loving him, nearly agreeing to his proposal. She was almost to the point of wishing he would have some epiphany and decide he didn’t need the other women, just her. But she knew it was far more likely that being together now would be the bittersweet end she needed to move on. Hopefully to a university across the country where she wouldn’t have to be constantly reminded of his amorous exploits.
As she slid into the waiting red convertible, it was hard to believe the man starting the car wasn’t as perfect as he seemed. She took a deep breath, pulling the spiced scent of tropical blooms into her lungs and letting go of the worry. Reality would be there when they got back home, like the cold wind of winter.
The sun was low in the sky as they left the airport, painting everything with a golden glow. Lily loved the feel of the breeze through her hair as Jake maneuvered the car out of the relative normalcy of the airport area into the unknown of what seemed to be a winding road through a jungle.
In a few minutes, they were high above it all, able to look out at the ocean and down on the colorful vegetation embracing the island. He made a few more turns and then pulled into a secluded area with a view of everything. Lily took it all in, from the tall palm trees swaying in the breeze to the turquoise blue of the Pacific gently kissing the caramel-colored sand of the beach and the flowers sparkling like jewels on the lush plants.
She turned to ask Jake what his grandmother’s house was like but found him staring at her intently. She tilted her head in question, which only made him smile.
“I need a favor, and I’m not used to asking for them. Usually, people owe me a favor and I collect, not the other way around.”
“Within reason, I think it’s safe to say I probably owe you one.” Or seventeen. But since he wasn’t counting, she wasn’t about to get out a tally sheet.
He let out a deep breath and released his chokehold on the steering wheel. “My grandmother isn’t as healthy as she seems. She’ll put on a brave face while we’re here and then take weeks to recover. I have a nurse who lives with her full-time to monitor her diabetes and her heart.” His lips twisted in a wistful grin. “I still find it hard to believe there is anything wrong with having a heart that’s too big. But anyway, this could very well be her last Christmas. I hope not, but I am realistic about her condition.”
Lily reached her hand to his arm and rested it there. Jake took her hand in his, brought it to his lips, and kissed it in a gesture so tender it made her insides melt. He held her hand tightly between them and looked right at her, his gaze intense in a different way than she was accustomed to.
“I will marry you, Lily Harris, the moment you are ready. I know you’re not there yet, but I want you to let her believe the wedding is imminent.”
She tried to pull her hand away, but he held it firmly. “Jake, lying to her is not a good idea.”
“It’s not a lie. We’re inevitable. I know if you don’t do this and we lose her before we’re married, you’ll wish you had. She worries about me. The same pictures you’ve seen, she has, too. She’s not as keen on believing the stories, but I know she wants more for me than that garbage.”
“She wouldn’t want you to lie to her.”
“What if I extended our agreement? You can stay on at Tolliver-Harris and stay at home as long as you need. I’ll forget the New Year’s timeline. You do this for me, and we’ll do everything else at your pace.” His eyes were filled with a curious, profound longing, as if he were pleading for more than he was asking.
“I appreciate all you’ve done, but I’m ready for the game to be over. I won’t deny that we’re attracted to one another, but I won’t live your life.”
“Because you’ll never trust me. And it’s all I want.” Raw hurt glittered in his eyes.
She gave a shrug, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. “Because I deserve more than being someone’s socially acceptable trophy wife.” It tugged at her that it was Jake who’d taught her that lesson, perhaps a bit too well for his own good.
“I agree, but that has nothing to do with what I am asking.” He pulled out a black box from his pocket and opened it. A vintage art-deco filigree engagement ring blinked up at her. The detail of the delicate setting made her want to take a closer look, but she didn’t dare. “The ring was hers. She gave it to me to give to you, only when I told your father, he wasn’t so keen on the idea. If you don’t like the ring, you can pick out your own, any one you want when we do get married. But I am asking you to wear this ring here. I would love for her not to worry about me anymore.”
Lily rubbed her face, wishing there were an easy solution to this. “What am I supposed to do? Lie to a dying woman to give her peace? You have me up against a wall here.”
A devilish look lightened his dark gaze. “I’ve never had you up against a wall, but I think I’d like to.”
The sensual image flashed in her mind, and her body warmed at the thought. “Would you stop?”
“Why, does it scare you to know exactly what I want from you?” He gave her body a raking gaze. “Are you still afraid of me, Lily?”
She shook her head. “I never really was.”
“When I first told you that I wanted to marry you, you claimed you hated me. Did you mean it?”
The opportunity to free herself from him was right there, tied up with a golden bow. If he’d stayed the enigmatic stranger, she would have been able to lie and end things once and for all. But he was her friend now, and even if he had his own agenda, he’d been the only one who’d been there for her when she’d needed one.
“I hated how helpless I was at that moment, and that I’d let myself get there. It wasn’t you I hated really, but that you never would have allowed yourself to be in such a position. It felt as if I were trapped and drowning at the same time. You tried to save me, and when I refused, you taught me how to save myself. For that, I’ll always be grateful.”
“So you’ll do it?” His eyes held a laughter she wished he’d release.
She nodded, watching as he took her hand and slid the ring on her finger. “If she is in perfect health, I may have to confess the entire ruse. Just so you know.”
“Now you have me up against a wall. I’d like to have her healthy and you wearing the ring.” He kissed her hand again and then released it. “Do you like it? It’s so refined and classic I thought it suited you.”
She looked down at the ring, realizing she could stare at it for hours. Everything suddenly felt very real. They were overlooking the ocean in the middle of a tropical paradise, and the man she was in love with had just put a beautiful ring on her hand. If only the happy ending came with this fairy tale. She knew she could have the impression of a marriage with Jake, but it would never go deeper than the facade. He had no intention of loving anyone, or ending his collection of new lovers. Two reasons why she couldn’t possibly give in.
Jake brushed his thumb over her cheek, and the dampness of a tear cooled against her skin. “I always thought you’d cry when we got engaged.”
“We’re not.” She sat up straight and squared her shoulders. “This is for your grandmother.”
“It doesn’t have to be.” His husky whisper wove around her, but she wouldn’t let herself be caught in the snare.
“I’m not interested, thank you.” Her words were heavy with sarcasm.
“Liar. You think about it constantly.”
She turned to him to object, but the words never left her mouth, because his lips were there first. Her body responded on instinct, wanting to open for him, to taste him. Somewhere deep inside, she found what was left of her backbone and used it to put her hands firmly against his chest and push.
“We’re not doing this again. You get me worked up to the point where I’m willing to be with you, and then you reject me and run to one of your girlfriends. Did you pack one of them along?”
“With all I’ve given you, I’d think you’d be over petty jealousy.” He started the car and revved the engine. “It’s an emotion you don’t wear well, angel. I suggest you get rid of it.”
“I’m not jealous. That would mean I was in love with you, and I know better than that.”
“Yes, we both know better, don’t we?” He put the car in reverse so forcefully she was jerked forward in her seat, holding the armrest as he made his way back onto the winding road.
“What will you do when we get home and I leave?” she asked over the roar of the road. “I’ve kept my end of the deal. I know the business better than I ever thought I would, so I’m free to go.”
“You’ll never be free of me, Lily.”
Coldness washed over his features, the familiar countenance of a man in control of the world slipping over him. Her heart tore a little when he sealed himself off like this. It would break completely when she had to leave him.
…
Opponents, not allies. Lily hated that a single conversation could turn how she and Jake reacted to one another around. Some people worried about walking on eggshells, but she and Jake lived with bare feet on broken glass.
She followed him past the grassy drive where they’d parked to the entry of the house hidden beneath the graceful bamboo. Being here was like walking through a kaleidoscope, with purple bell-shaped flowers on one side and pale blooms that looked like stars on the other. Tiny yellow birds fluttered about a bush with red blossoms as big as dinner plates.
An elderly woman pulled open the door, her pale face brightening as she reached for Jake. She was nothing like what Lily had been envisioning. Jake talked of his background as being so poor and such a struggle that she’d never imagined his family would have had any other life.
As soon as she saw the woman, Lily knew the opulence of the house was intrinsic to her and not something Jake had provided once he’d become successful. There was nothing about her that was oppressed or ill-used. She looked like the grand dames of the charity set Lily had been so used to, the kind of woman her own grandmothers would have been had they lived long enough for her to have known them.
The glassy dark gaze turned from Jake to Lily as a wide smile caused her wrinkles to deepen. “My goodness, Lilianna. You are even more beautiful than Jakob claimed. I’m glad you could join us this year, though I wish it were for a better reason. The first holiday season after a loss is always hard. At least you’re still with family.”
Lily blushed and twisted the ring on her finger. Maybe for the few days she was here, she’d let this woman be her family. It certainly felt like the right thing to do.
Jake’s arm snaked around her shoulders. “Angel, meet my grandmother, Thalia. She seems to have adopted you already.”
“Of course I have. I’ve been waiting for far too long for someone to bring you to your senses.”
“Nana, let’s not pressure Lily to do the impossible.”
Thalia waved her thin hand through the air as she walked deeper into the house. “There’s a ring on her finger, so I think she is quite capable of what many thought unattainable.”
Under any other circumstances, Lily might have laughed at the compliment. But it only served to remind her how Dee Gibson would likely give her closet of designer shoes to be standing on the polished concrete floor next to Jake.
They followed Thalia past the entry to where the house opened up and became a windowed showcase of all the island had to offer. Lily wandered past the comfortable Balinese furnishings to stare at the view of the ocean below. A path seemed to start at one end of thick vegetation and end at the horseshoe beach. As tired as she was after a day of traveling, she wanted to explore, to surround herself with the tropical elegance around her until she couldn’t think about all she’d lost, and what she was about to.
“Lilianna.” The frail fingers on her arm turned her attention back to the other occupants of the room, which seemed to have increased by a tall beauty while she’d been enthralled with the scenery. “This is my nurse, Mikayla. She stays here with me to keep Jakob from worrying.”
Lily put on a smile as she was forced to watch the beauty embrace Jake, squeezing him with more than familial comfort. Lily’s blood iced in her veins. She’d been looking forward to not sharing him for a while.
Thalia linked her arm with Lily, waiting for Mikayla to let go of Jake and turn to them. “Lilianna and Jakob are getting married, soon I hope. Isn’t she stunning? And she’s never been to the island. Jakob will be quite busy making sure she loves it here. That way, I know they’ll visit often.”
“Of course they will.” Mikayla passed her discerning gaze over Lily, making her feel as if she were up for auction and found overpriced. “Jake, why don’t I catch you up on how things are going here while Lily settles in?”
Lily blinked at the dismissal, looking to Jake, who seemed to agree that she should be sent to her room and kept out of the way for his reunion with who was probably yet another lover. A minute ago, she’d been glad she came, but now she wondered why she’d bothered when nothing would ever change.
Thalia showed her to a cozy bedroom with another amazing view of the tropical foliage and a bed covered with oversize pillows. It looked so lush and inviting, she nearly dove in, wanting to cover herself and hide away.
“I can’t tell you how happy I am to have you here.” Thalia took both Lily’s hands in her own. “You’re all Jakob ever talks about, and I can tell from meeting you how much you’ve changed his life. After all he’s been through, he deserves the kind of happiness only finding love can bring.” She squeezed her hands and then released them. “Once you’ve settled in, I’d like for us to sit down and have a chat. I know Jakob wants you to himself, but we’ll carve out some time.”
Lily held her smile until Thalia left her alone, and then regret washed over her. Through the window, she could see Jake and Mikayla laughing on the corner of the lanai, her hand on his arm. Her heart ached as she thought of how rarely Jake laughed with her. And when he did, they usually wound up fighting anyway.
She stepped back and sat on the bed, hating how jealousy consumed her. She couldn’t live like this; she’d surely go mad. She wanted to run, but pride had her wondering if it might not feel better to take him from one of his mistresses for once, rather than fading into the background the way she had for the others.
“Are you tired, angel?” Jake came into the room, rolling her bag behind him.
She didn’t reply, still toying with what her next move would be.
“What do you think of my grandmother?”
“She is definitely your greatest asset.” Lily turned one knee on the bed so she faced Jake.
“For now.” He joined her on the bed, his leg brushing hers.
“Did you get what you needed from Mikayla?”
His eyes narrowed. “It wasn’t the best news, but it’s what I expected. Do you want a detailed report?”
She shook her head, hating to think of what he might say.
“Good, because there is something I need to do.”
She expected him to get up, but instead, he leaned forward and surprised her with a chaste kiss. He pulled back with a smile, but she wasn’t ready to lose his attention yet. Placing her hands on either side of his face, she pulled him to her. She tasted his lips, smiling as he opened for her and slipped his hands around her waist. She leaned into the kiss, deepening it as she drifted her hands down his body to rest her palms over his racing heart.
“There you are, Jake.”
They broke apart to see Mikayla standing in the open door. Lily kept her hands where they were, not wanting to cower the way she had when Dee had broken in on them.
“Do you want me to take your bags to the bungalow?” Mikayla asked as if she hadn’t just interrupted.
“I’ll take care of anything he needs, thanks,” Lily said, plastering on her best debutante smile.
“Okay. Jake, if you need anything else, you just let me know.” The woman wiggled her fingers in a wave before she finally left.
“If you weren’t so damned sexy when you’re jealous, I might tell you to knock it off.” He tried to kiss her again, but Lily stood up and crossed the room to close the door.
“You don’t stay in the house?”
He shook his head. “I designed a bungalow a few years back. Want to see it?”
“Did you build it so you’d have more privacy? You have a woman everywhere you go, don’t you?”
The cold veneer washed over him once more, and he sighed. “You should write books instead of reading them. You have an amazing imagination. I’m not going to be rude to Mikayla just to make you happy. I trust her with my grandmother, and I don’t do that lightly.”
“You talked me into coming and into wearing your ring so your grandmother and I could have a better Christmas. If I catch you with Mikayla, I’ll tell Thalia everything. Absolutely everything. Won’t she be proud of you then?”
Jake stood and walked past her, not even pausing as he walked through the door and out of the house.