“One step is all it takes to leave everything behind. Your career, your children and your husband.” These thoughts made her squeeze her eyes shut for a brief second, as if she was looking in instead of out. She had a soft touch. She was a goodness that didn’t come and go, but remained when the going got tough. How she knew, she wasn’t sure of, she just knew it really wasn’t supposed to be her fault—or maybe it was her fault for saying all those things. He deserved to hear them. He had it coming for a long time. All she had done was trash out a few issues with him that she had on her mind and, moodily, she slipped into the nearest chair beside her.
Driftwood Hospital in Chicago was one of the busiest hospitals in the city and it didn’t seem new to Johanna but she didn’t seem to notice all the people moving up and down. She wasn’t here to tend to people and their needs. This was personal. The elevator down the hallway dinged and Johanna didn’t as much as blink. Her eyes still fixed on it as if her life depended on it—and it did. Brandon was in danger. It was a matter of life and death and one step forward could change everything. She silently wished he were dead after the argument they had. That was his problem, but wishing for his death wasn’t enough to land him here—or was it? If he survived then she was back to square one, nothing would change. It would only get worse for her. But if he died…
“Oh goodness,” she whispered to herself as she shivered at the thoughts that ran through her mind. Nonetheless, his death would be her ticket to freedom. She would never really be free, though, she would have his blood on her conscience. All she had to do was take a step towards it. As she cautiously got up and took a bold step towards the elevator, it all came back to her; memories they shared together. He was a horrible father, an inappropriate husband, and a terrible man, but it wasn’t always like that.
Brandon had not only shown his irresponsible side to her, he had also let the children have a share. That was what pained her the most. He should have at least done well with his children. There were only a few good memories she could think of and as she decided to try and focus on only the good memories, the bad ones seemed to overshadow them. She remembered the one occasion when Martino had been ill and his school called her at the hospital because they couldn’t reach Brandon. He hadn’t been answering his cell phone and they needed someone to come pick Martino up. She had to take some work hours off as usual and rushed down to Fountain High School, which was several miles away from where she worked. The only reason he was in that school was because it was closer to the house and one of the best schools in the area that she could afford. To her disappointment, she met him at home with his friends watching a match, and when she confronted him about it, he said he hadn’t heard his cell phone ring. Maybe he didn’t hear it ring, but he was the one who hadn’t repaired the home phone for the past three weeks. He never took anything seriously for even a moment. Johanna had given Brandon a look of disappointment, which he was never to forget, but it didn’t curb his behavior in any way.
Not long after the drama occurred in front of Martino, another argument took place. There were several but Johanna remembered one all too well as she took slow, trance-like steps closer to the elevator. It was when Nicola had a parent-teacher night. Brandon had promised to show up to the meeting since she was unable to take the off that evening. She remembered how glad she had been that he was trying to be responsible, but when she got home that night from a busy day at the hospital and saw Nicola in an awfully quiet state just pressing her cell phone, she knew something was wrong.
When she had asked her oldest daughter what the problem was, she gave her a short reply, “Dad never showed up mom, I was so embarrassed.” She gave her a deep hug, trying to soothe away the pain of neglect her daughter must have felt. She didn’t make any excuses for him that night. She simply told Nicola to go to bed after dinner. Johanna waited up for Brandon that night and then he showed up very late.
As if that was not enough, he had been drinking heavily and was quite drunk. She asked where he was and why he didn’t show up to the meeting and just as she expected, he rudely replied to her that his daughter was smart and he didn’t need a teacher to make him sit down and tell him all he already knew about her. Therefore, he had a night out with the guys, since there would always be meetings like that to attend again. Johanna smiled painfully. The guys, as he liked to call his so-called friends, seemed to be a bigger priority than their family. She was furious and burst into tears as she watched him slither up the stairs to his bedroom in a drunken movement. She just fell to the floor and cried her eyes out.
She had enough. She was tired of always trying to make things right. She was tired of having to do everything by herself without his help. He was never available. She stood in front of the elevator and waited without pressing the button.
Martino, who was on the chair Johanna had gotten up from, was crying his poor eyes out, as he sought refuge in Nicola’s arms. He was only eight years old, but he understood perfectly that his dad was in danger. He thought about his father who was dying. He wasn’t the best father, but that didn’t stop him from loving his dad, even if he was cold and didn’t show any affection towards them. He watched his mom take slow steps towards the elevator and he wept for her. He pitied her for trying to always keep her family safe. She worked hard just for them to survive.
He looked at Challis who held her teddy bear she named Snuggles, tightly to her chest. She was only four and couldn’t really understand what was going on in the household. But she knew something was wrong. He was amazed at how her tears wet Snuggles head and she assured him all would be well, like she understood everything that was going on. Challis, in her own world, couldn’t understand but she had seen her mommy and daddy argue. She also knew mommy was upset, probably because of daddy since she was crying but she didn’t say a word about it. She turned to look at her mom who was about to go into the elevator to find out about daddy. “It’s going to be alright,” she said again. This time looking to her mom as she squeezed Snuggles tighter to her chest. He was her best friend.
Nicola tried to help her mom as she was in pain, but there was nothing much she could do as Martino was holding tightly onto her. “Go check on mom, Challis. Ask her if she’s alright.” Nicola said lightly to Challis who was busy playing with her teddy. Dried tears lined her cute face, as she asked her Snuggles what he would like for lunch. She wasn’t listening to her sister and Nicola just let her be.
Johanna absent-mindedly stepped into the elevator, which chimed open as a nurse who had been called back to duty pressed the button. She remembered the incident that had led to her Brandon’s present state. It was the last straw and she had enough. She told herself this many times but this time around she meant it. She was tired of being in a one-sided relationship. “If this is all marriage is about, then I’d rather be single,” she told herself. She angrily threw her clothes into a suitcase. She had already packed light suitcases for the kids as well. As she threw her things into the suitcase she vowed that it was all over. She was done with his cheating ass. She always suspected he was cheating on her, but now that she got the confirmation it sort of dawned on her. She heard the sitting room door open downstairs and knew that he had arrived. Challis, who was in the sitting room with Martino, held her bear and tugged at Martino’s sleeves in fear as she saw anger clearly written on her dad’s face. She whispered to him, “I think daddy is angry with mommy again. They might get into a big fight.” Martino didn’t say anything in response to what she observed. He just grabbed his cell phone and sent a text message to Nicola who was supposed to be on her way back home to know what she was getting herself into.
“Just giving you heads up, Dad is home and seems very angry with mom. You need to hurry home.”
They watched their father climb the stairs rapidly. Johanna felt him come into the room, but she didn’t as much as cast a knowing glance at him as she tried to squeeze the overfilled case.
“And where do you think you are going with all these suitcases,” Brandon said distastefully gesturing at the bags.
He took a step forward and dragged her away from the bag she was forcefully trying to close. Without thinking, she slapped him hard, straight across the face and his face grew red. Brandon felt the slap filled with pain, disappointment, and disgust. He was shaken by the slap, as it was not expected.
“Don’t make me hit you back, Johanna,” he said as he held down her hands, seeing she wanted to slap him a second time.
With emotions flowing through her, she stopped short and chuckled. She snatched her hands from him and turned away from her suitcase. She took a bold step towards him to close up the distance between them.
“Go ahead. Go right ahead. You think after all these years of taking a mental beating from you; a physical one would be unexpected? I dare you to do that,” she replied boldly for the first time.
Brandon out of surprise took a step backwards and clenched his teeth.
“I’m done with your crazy ass, woman. I think I am going to take my kids away from you for a few days. You need time to reflect on what it is you are going through.”
“You won’t dare Brandon John Baxter. You know what? If anyone has to leave this house, then it would be you. Get out of my house.” She slammed the door shut when she noticed he was about to grab two of the suitcases she already packed for the kids. For effect, she continued, “You can go live with that whore you have been cheating on me with except she doesn’t want your lying ass around either.”
Brandon paused and straightened up. Dropping the boxes he grabbed his car keys which he had carelessly tossed on the dressing table and took a long dirty look at Johanna who didn’t back down. He opened the door and she let him. As he rushed down the stairs in a hurry, he cursed under his breath and as he opened the door to the entrance, he met Nicola.
“Daddy? Is everything is all right,” she asked, as she saw the worried expression on his face almost forgetting Martino had sent her a text earlier.
“It’s nothing, dear. I will be gone for a few days, so you have to take good care of your mom and siblings for me. You are a big girl and it is your responsibility to look after them while I’m away,” he said, as he gave her a hug, walked to his car and drove off roughly. Nicola watched him leave, speechless and unsure of how to cope with this situation. She rushed into the room to see her mom with packed suitcases sitting on the bed, her head in her hands.
As the doors to the elevators were about to slam shut, someone put his hand out and stopped it.
“Mrs. Baxter. Mrs. Baxter?” he repeated when he didn’t get a response from her. He led her out of the elevator and just then Challis, who had to decide to follow her mom tugged at her trousers.
“Mommy, where are you going? Can I come with you?” she asked, but Johanna couldn’t even decipher her words. She just looked at the man whom she recognized as Brandon’s doctor. She was lost in thoughts.
“Mr. Brandon just came out of surgery. He is going to be just fine, he suffered a few broken ribs and a severe concussion to the head and as a result, he does not recall who he is or who anyone else is. He might have permanent amnesia and will need all of your support. Do you hear me, Johanna? Your husband is alive but he will need you,” the doctor said.
Tears of sadness, guilt and relief flooded Johanna, as she came to her senses on hearing her husband had survived. She held Challis by her hand as the doctor followed behind her. They walked towards where Nicola and Martino were. They also heard the good news since they had gotten up the moment they saw the doctor approach their mom.
“Can we see him now? We need to see him,” Martino asked in an excited tone.
“I think it would be better if your mom saw him first. Okay, tough guy?” The doctor joked, trying to lighten the mood. In his years of experience of handling patients, he could see something was wrong and it was not the accident. It wasn’t his business to pry into family matters.
Johanna left with the doctor to see Brandon in the room assigned to him. As she opened the door, she paused for a brief moment and took a deep breath. She tried to prepare herself for what she was about to see. She opened the door and moved towards the bed in shock. The man lying on the bed was heavily bandaged. It didn’t seem like her husband. The bandage on his head and on his left side had a little blood on it even though from her years of experience, she could see that it had just been freshly changed. The blood still managed to stain the bandage slightly. She wouldn’t even wish her worst enemy to be in this situation. Dominic Lesak, Johanna’s best friend, also a nurse, was the one looking after him. She watched him as he propped the pillows under Brandon’s head a little higher and in a more comfortable position. She had known Dominic most of her adult life. They had met in school and immediately clicked. He loved her, and she knew it. He had never made her feel in need or helpless once he was around her. He knew all about her too, and about her troubled marriage, but he never said anything negative to her about her marriage. She knew he wished her all the happiness in the world, but that was it. He was only a friend and she didn’t see him as more than one.
Dominic raised his head up to see Johanna in pain.
“It’s going to be okay Jojo. He will recover, but he does not remember who he is, who anyone else. So take it easy. I will be outside with the kids explaining things. Okay? If you need anything please let me know.” He said in a loving voice. He gave her the nickname Jojo. It was kind of their thing.
Johanna nodded slightly and gave Dominic a friendly hug and he left the room.
She was left alone with Brandon in the room and she took in the sight of him once again. She moved closer to his bed and heard him snore slightly. She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen him sleep so soundly. She felt a rush of pain and guilt flooding her for a moment. She placed her hand on his and turned when she felt him grab her hand with his other hand in a weak movement. She saw his lips move and she bent towards him in order to hear him better.
“Where am I? Who are you? What am I doing here?” he asked weakly as he tried to move his head.
“It’s a relief you are awake now. I’ll call your nurse. You’ll be okay,” she said as tears fell from her eyes. She quickly turned as the tears blinded her. She ran out of the room as if trying to hide the tears from him. She bumped into Dominic in the hallway.
“What’s the matter? Are you alright?”
“He’s awake. But he really can’t remember anything,” she said.
“I’m sorry, dear. You have to be strong for your kids. Please be strong and remember I’m here if you need to talk.”
She left him in the hallway and moved to her kids. She gathered them around her and gave them a big, bear hug.
“Listen, I know you guys know Dad and I have not seen eye to eye, but when it comes to you guys we both love you equally. Now, dad is not in good shape. He does not remember anything about himself or us, which means we need to be extra patient with him and help him remember us, okay? And we can only do that as a family. Will you help me to do that?” she asked, as she scanned the faces of her three wonderful children.
“Pinky promise,” Nicola said, taking charge. Martino and Challis also chorused, “Pinky promise,” and they locked their last fingers in and hugged again.
“A second chance, with a second husband,” she thought to herself.