Chapter Nine

Hope

“Numb is normal,” he tells me.

“Maybe, but for how long? I didn’t feel anything. Pain, heartache, exhaustion. Nothing. Then one day, when I was starving, with no food left, no money, and my stomach in cramps, I felt. I felt what it was to be truly hungry.”

“You had no money? Your parents didn’t leave you anything?” His voice is curious, not like he’s taking mental notes of everything I’m saying and judging me. He genuinely wants to know what happened, and I’ve been holding it in for so long. It’s nice to talk to someone, even if I can’t tell him everything.

“They did, and I spent what there was.”

“How did you get food then?”

“I robbed a convenience store.”

“Hope…”

“I know, you’re a cop and what I’m telling you is admitting to a crime. But I need you to understand. I’m not a good person. I did things I can’t take back. Not just this, but other things. Ones I won’t speak of.”

“You were starving and desperate. Those two things would make you do something you normally wouldn’t.”

“So that explains one time, what about everything else I’ve done? There is still so much you don’t know. You can’t make excuses for my entire life. You can’t stand here and justify every wrong I’ve committed.”

“I don’t need to know everything. Only what you’re willing to tell me.”

I scoff. “So you can haul me off to jail?”

He holds out his hands. “Do you see cuffs? Do I look like I’m ready to arrest you?”

“You can’t ignore what I’ve told you. You should take me in and file charges.”

“I won’t.”

“Then you’re as guilty as I am, and I can’t stand here and let you into this life I lead.”

“I already forgot what you said. My memory isn’t the best.” He offers a sad smile.

I cast my gaze down to my feet. “Whatever you need to tell yourself.”

“Do you have money now?”

“My parents didn’t let me have all the money upon their death. It was split in half. Half, I got when they passed. The other half, I got when I hit the age of thirty. So, yes, I’m fine. My parents were doctors. They were well off. The house is paid for. The other house as well.” Shit. Why did I mention the second house? Fuck it. If he dug, he’d find it. He doesn’t need to know I still steal and that even though I am thirty now, I haven’t touched that money. The high from stealing is too great to let go of. I’m an addict but of a different sort than alcoholics or those hooked on drugs. We all are chasing something, sure. A high, to feel nothing. In the end, all addicts have one thing in common—they crave their next fix.

“Then why the fake identity?”

I shrug. “Why not? Didn’t you ever want to live another life? One where no one knew you and you could escape?”

“No, but I grew up knowing I wanted to be just like my father. It would be a dishonor to his memory if I pretended to be someone I wasn’t.”

I walk toward him and notice how his eyes are drawn to my hips. When I am directly before him, I place my hand on his chest. He reaches up to hold my palm there. Our eyes meet. “This is why it wouldn’t work between us. We’re not the same. Not even close. You uphold the law, and I’ve been on the wrong side of it. We lead two different lives.”

“What if I wanted to lead my life with you?”

“You’ve only known me for a few days. It’s lust you’re feeling—nothing more. I’m not the kind of girl you settle down with or bring home and show off.”

“I already have. I brought you to my town and staked my claim over you in front of anyone who was nearby. I’ve never brought a woman around there. Not on a date.”

“You’re a good man, Rowe Falk. This can’t continue, though. Nothing good will come from it. You should go. It’s a long drive back.”

He shakes his head. “I’m not leaving. Let me stay the night. Just one night.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. One night will make me want him even more. One more night with him and I could lose my heart, and I’ve never lost it to anyone. The man standing before me is everything that’s good in the world. He is out there every day fighting for his community—defending them against people like me. When it boils down to it, I’m a thief and nothing more. I’m the scum on the side of the streets he patrols.

“No,” I whisper. “I can’t.”

“I’m not leaving, Hope. This is where I want to be.”

I open my eyes, unable to hide the emotion which I’m sure is visible in them. “And what happens after that? When you go back home? Where does that leave me?” Why am I entertaining this? I know why. Because I’ve been on my own for so long, it’s nice to have someone warm and caring who wants to be with me. Not Ashlyn, not Riele—Hope. And not because it’s an obligation like I’m some charity case.

“You can come with me. Stay with me.”

I laugh sadly. “There’s no way that will work.”

“We’ll do it together. I’ll be there for anything you need.”

I slowly pull my hand from his grasp and take a few steps back, no longer able to keep the tears at bay. “There is no us,” I cry. “We’re not together.”

He walks toward me and, with every step he takes, I retreat. We continue to do this until the back of my legs hit the recliner and I fall back onto it. Rowe drops to the ground before me and braces his hands on either armrest, caging me in.

“I’m not ready to let you go, Hope. Stop fighting me.”

Shaking my head, I close my eyes again. I can’t bear to look at him. Then he grips the back of my neck and pulls me into a heated kiss. I try to resist the temptation to melt into him, but it’s futile. Right now, when he’s over me, the world ceases to exist. It’s only us and his lips on mine. My body reacts to his like a magnet.

While his lips work my mouth, his hands descend on the front of my jeans to undo them. Never breaking our kiss, he nudges me to lift my ass so he can slide my jeans and panties down my legs. When I’m bare from the waist below, he leans back to look me over.

“You’re stunning,” he murmurs.

He reaches forward, lightly brushing the backs of his fingers down my hip to my toes, then moves them up the inside of my leg. Once he reaches my center, he lightly traces his finger over my clit then down to dip inside of me. I moan low when he curls his finger forward, stroking me just right. Pushing myself into his hand, he inserts another finger and begins to slowly fuck me with them. With his free hand, he caresses my breast through my shirt and bra, teasing me, amping up my desire. My fingers grip the armrests hard, and my legs tense as he builds me toward orgasm faster than anyone ever has.

I lift my shirt from my body and unclasp my bra, dragging it down my arms and tossing it to the floor. I want his hands and mouth on my skin; nothing between us. His lips kiss a path from my collarbone to my nipple. I cry out as he gently drags his teeth over my taut peak. Rowe pulls back to shed his clothing. When he’s on his feet in front of me, his jeans and boxer briefs on the floor, I reach forward and grip his dick in my hand. God, he’s impressive. Muscular thighs and a thick, long cock. I stroke him up and down a few times, collecting the precum from the tip with my thumb and rubbing it over the head. Then I slide toward him and capture him in my mouth. Strong hands immediately go to the back of my head as I work him over. Every time I withdraw, he thrusts back in. There’s something very sensual about him fucking my mouth. Every movement, every glide of my tongue on the underside of him, is causing the fire in my veins to blaze hotter. My nails rake the underside of his balls. He shivers and tries to nudge me away. I shake my head with him still in my mouth.

“Darlin’, you have to let me go, or I’m going to end this before I’ve had a chance to be back in that beautiful pussy of yours.”

He takes my hands in his, lifting me up, pulling me from what I was enjoying. With our eyes locked, he switches our positions and sits, bringing me with him. My legs straddle his waist; my hands find his shoulders to hold me in place, his dick trapped between our bodies. I’m slick against him, rubbing myself up and down.

“I need to be inside you,” he murmurs with his lips pressed to my neck. “Do you have a condom?”

“We don’t need one. I’m on the pill. I want to feel everything. Every slide of you, every delicious inch. I want you to drive me higher than I’ve ever been.”

I’ve never slept with anyone without a condom. Ever. But Rowe is different. He knows some of my bad and still wants me. Though, there’s a small voice in my head warning me that this could all be for show. That after he fucks me, he’s going to arrest me. It’s his way of getting close to me so I’ll let my guard down and confess more.

He doesn’t know which store I robbed or the date, but he could easily press me for a confession. At this moment, however, I want him. I don’t want to think about the bullshit I live with every day: the people I’ve stolen from, the money I’ve made. I want to feel that high from something other than stealing. Even if he arrests me when we’re done, it will be worth it for this moment in time with him.

He pulls back to look me in the eyes. “Are you sure?” I nod. “You slay me, darlin’.”

Fisting his dick, he holds it up so I can lower myself onto him. I take my time sliding down, enjoying the pleasure of having him inside me with nothing between us. It’s better than I could have imagined. So hot, so wet, and we fit perfectly. When I’m fully seated on him, I take a moment to absorb everything. My fingers thread through the hair on the top of his head to draw his lips up toward me. The kiss starts off slow, like we’re both savoring each sweep of our tongues. But it quickly escalates, and we devour one another.

His hands find my hips and I grind onto him, but I need more. I need it faster—harder. Lifting my body, I go as far as I can without him leaving me, then slam back down. I repeat this over and over, until my body is slick with sweat and my breath is coming in fast pants.

“You have to come, darlin’. I can’t hold off much longer,” he rasps. I’m so close, but need more to push me over the edge. I reach down and start rubbing my clit in quick strokes. Within seconds, I’m flying over the edge, my body trembling as my climax takes hold.

Rowe’s fingers dig in to my hips, moving me how he wants. Faster, rougher, then he grips me hard and calls out my name—my real name—as he comes.