Dirty English

A FEW HOURS later, I felt sober. Mostly. Maybe the puking had helped.

I tried to go to bed, but I couldn’t sleep, so I got up and took a hot shower. Water dripped down as I palmed my cock, thinking about Elizabeth under me, her soft skin against mine.

I got out and dressed in a pair of silver gym shorts and padded out to the balcony.

My eyes went to her darkened flat. Of course, she was asleep. Right? It was three in the morning.

I didn’t care.

I took a running leap and jumped the distance, sticking the landing with a soft thud. Her glass door was unlocked—I had to get on her about that. But for now, I slid it open quietly and eased inside, peering around until my eyes got used to the darkness.

I came to a halt as the glare of headlights from the carpark hit me in the face.

What the hell was I doing?

I’d just waltzed in uninvited. She’d be angry if she woke up and saw me here. Right?

What if someone was with her?

Fuck! Fury rushed at me and I scrubbed my hair, my eyes devouring her form underneath the covers. Just one single form.

She rolled over, a soft sigh escaping as she settled back into her pillows.

Things—life—had been tough for me since Mum had passed, but I’d done the best job I could, trying to be the person she’d have wanted me to be. Living with my dad had shaped me into the guy I was now. Tough. Hard. But underneath, I’ve longed for the deep love between two people that Mum had always told me was out there.

I paced around her room.

But Elizabeth didn’t want those things, so why was I sneaking into her bedroom like some lad with a woody?

Say goodbye?

Maybe.

I sighed.

I had to if I wanted to keep my sanity. I had a fight to think about and she was a big distraction.

But …

Could I let her go forever?

Could I pass her in class and smile when I saw her with Blake?

Could I watch them fall in love someday?

Could I run into her years later at a park and see her playing with a toddler that wasn’t mine?

I was too proud to beg and too angry to think straight. Hell, maybe I was still sloshed.

God, I needed to breathe.

I exhaled.

I had to tell her goodbye.

Yeah. After all, what other choice did I have?

SUNDAY I WOKE up depressed about seeing Declan out drinking.

Was he just like all the rest?

I cranked up Pink on my phone, plugged it into the speakers, and spent the rest of my day tinkering around with my sheet metal.

Later that evening, I tried calling my mom again. I’d been trying to reach her since she’d left here last Saturday. Today she actually picked up, and after a brief conversation, she admitted they hadn’t sold the story and were on their way back to Petal.

Thank God.

I let out a huge sigh of relief. At least there was that working in my favor.

Dax called and asked to meet me to take a peek at my Lit notes for an upcoming test, so I headed to the student center.

I arrived and found him sitting in the back at a booth, looking as sexy as ever in a black band shirt featuring the Beastie Boys. I plopped down across from him and handed over my notebook. Seeing him reminded me so much of Declan that my heart ached. “You could have asked to see Declan’s notes, so why don’t you tell me exactly why you called me.”

He cleared his throat and settled in over the table with his hands folded, a serious expression on his face. He let out a deep breath. “I don’t know what kind of jacked-up thing you and my brother are doing to each other, but he’s bloody well gutted … and he has a huge fight on Halloween with some albino freak. Not good. If you still want him—and I know you do—then you better get it sorted and let him know. If you cock this up and ruin his fight, it’s all on you, love.”

“Tell me how you really feel,” I murmured.

He smirked. “That’s the fuck-all truth of the matter.”

I sat back in the booth, worry and fear settling in my gut. Halloween was two days away. I licked my lips. “You really think he might have trouble with this one? Because of me?”

Dax sent me a hard look. “I don’t know. I’m sick of both of you. Maybe if you’d two figure your shit out, he’d be fine.”

“Don’t manipulate me, Dax. We have issues to work through. Plus, I don’t like violence, and I can’t condone it,” I snapped. But even as the words came out of me, part of me yearned to see Declan use his body again. My mind flashed back to the night he’d hit Colby. While I’d been terrified at first, afterwards, I’d been in awe of his power and agility. And his alpha instincts made me hot as hell. I sighed.

Dax shrugged.

Fine. I changed gears. “What about Lorna? He was with her last night, and he didn’t seem to be pining for me when she was hanging all over him.”

“He isn’t with her, but he’s a fool ’cause I’d be shagging that in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t wait for you, but he is.”

My face must have telegraphed my feelings on that because he held his hands up. “Don’t get angry. One day he is going to pick someone else. He is my brother after all.” He exhaled. “So get over your past and get over the fighting and go after your goddamn man.”

I toyed with the scars on my wrists, avoiding his eyes. The standoff between Declan and me wasn’t really because of his fighting. Maybe it had been part of the reason at first, but mostly it was still me being afraid to take that final step and admit my feelings.